boycott jamaica?

this was pointed out to me this morning via twitter.

it's the sweatshop argument all over again.

i have enough ties to lgbtq people that i completely understand where they're coming from. similarly, i don't want kids losing fingers in machinery or working 15 hour days before they're even old enough to drive a car.

but for many poor but beautiful places like jamaica, tourism is what drives the economy. resort jobs are "good" jobs. tourism also supports craftspeople and various vendors both in and outside the resorts.

so, if you're going to boycott jamaica, are you also going to provide safe spaces for lgbtq people there? a statement from the government is a nice start, but we all know how lightweight they can be. and the police in places like jamaica don't work like they do here.

a paradigm shift is what's needed, and that shift will only arise through education, empowerment, and doing the work. a boycott is only one sliver of the puzzle. until enough people come out and the numbers are known, not much will change.

have these people spoken to (do they even know of?) any jamaican lgbtq folks--ex patriots or not--who have done or are trying to do this kind of work to keep these people safe? couldn't they provide more clear cut, comprehensive ways to help?

i'd be more eager to hear from folks like staceyann chin about culturally knowledgeable ways to handle this. i don't see any faces of color--or faces, period--on that site. and that pisses me off a bit since we're talking about an island full of black folks.

there's a difference between taking your dollars out of an already bad situation, thereby creating a void that could possibly make the situation worse--as one commenter wisely noted--and actually promoting justice for those folks.

have you even thought that far?

or do you just want to feel like you're doing something?

please don't misunderstand me: i know people are dying over there, and it's awful. i hate to see my people falling for the okey doke around sexuality because it was not our original way. i love dancehall, but i don't wanna hear about somebody wanting to set fire to my little brother because of who he loves.

i want a change as much as these folks do.

however, i would hope that we'd know by now that this sort of neo-colonialist, paternalistic (we're gonna take your allowance!) "action" typically winds up amounting to a pile of bullshit.

steppin to the mic, part 2

so i wrote this back in july.

i think it was based on a lie i told myself to avoid facing a larger truth.

the performance/poetry part is true. that world seems perpetually stuck somewhere between high school and college; a nice piece of nostalgia, but i'm way past love jones now.

i still do not, personally, want to to broadcast my story, but indications point to it being imperative that i find a vehicle to say something, whether i "want" to or not.

in other words, the universe has other plans.

but why should i try to say anything?

i am young (relatively speaking), and have not done much traveling.

i do not have a rags to riches story.

i am not a high-powered career woman.

i am not a mother.

i do not want to be "famous" or put my biz (or my family's) out on front street.

i am not an activist.

still, i'm supposed to speak.

but don't all the "so you wanna be a writer..." books say you need to find your audience, then write to suit said audience? isn't that how i was trained?

i don't know who i'm talking to.

...no. that's a lie, too. truth, girl.

ok, ok.

i suppose i'd be talking to the girls like me who grew up to be women like me: aliens born into a world--and families--that didn't understand how to hold us. women who, despite all sense and sanity, feel driven to challenge, heal, nurture, and defend this shadowy, not-home place because we know we are not new, but modern manifestations of an ancient principle.

but it has to be real.
no contrived, new agey stuff.
no jargon and double speak.
no veiled tkon-isms.
no judgement of when, how or why you've come to the circle.

i'm gonna end this before my little hater starts up.

but it's a start.

micromovements

i have to deal with this word thing.

the creativity battle has to stop.

my conceptions, feelings and patterns around being muted and/or silenced need to be dealt with and reworked.

it's not a matter of finding my voice. it's more about respecting that voice and its power, and using it to fully step into my purpose.

fk.

that's pretty terrifying.

but i can't walk away from this kind of challenge. i'm too proud of my ability to dig up the roots of these things and fix them.

but how do i begin?

blossoming (con't.)

i still hold a lot of fear about being fully myself.

then again, i also tend to forget that sometimes i've already written the answers.

i'll need all of me to get over this hump.

otherwise i'll stay stuck in the same mud i've been in for years.

contradictions

trying not to hate money since i need to draw some to me.

hmm

time to get creative.

#10 - cry when i need to, for as long and as hard as i need to. let go. don't suppress discomfort or pain. be vulnerable with yourself if no one else.

hey,

i know we don't talk very often, but i wanted to try to get in touch.

i used to see you a lot more years ago--during the healing--but not so much lately.

if i ignore you, it's because i don't really know how to talk to you, or i think you'll demand something i can't give. for the most part, i know things were good for you, but there were also some harsh things i'm not always sure how to face. i apologize for my cowardice.

that said, i need you to show me who you were. i know you probably saw a lot of things that i'm kind of tapped into now, but not like i really need to be.

i know you had a much clearer vision of who and what you wanted to be* before the world stepped in with all those "you can't..." and "don't you think you should..." things.

can you help me? can you help me to hear what you heard, see what you saw?

like the conversations with angels. i remember how i used to lie in bed and just...talk. and i was answered. i didn't realize until much later that conversations i thought i'd had with one of my parents were really things i asked the air.

i'm sure you're still around...as silly as i can be and as much as i still like playing with toys when the opportunity arises. but it's the deeper things i'm interested in now; the lessons you have to teach. i'd like to hear all those silly, imaginary thoughts you thought--because now i know you can show me which ones i need to cling to now.

anyway, i just wanted you to know i was thinking about you, and i hope we can talk soon. since the baby-dropping dreams** stopped some time ago, we must have healed our relationship at least somewhat. i hope you'll let me know if there's something you need.

see you soon,

o.


*there was something very, very familiar about the sorceress. even the word "sorceress" was beautiful to me. i felt, somehow, that i could either be like her or that i actually had been in some other existence. my favorite episodes of he-man were always ones where she featured prominently.

**i used to have a recurring dream where my mother had a baby (long after her hysterectomy). someone would invariably pass the baby to me and i would always drop him/her, much to my dismay/horror and berate myself horribly for doing so. later, i was told that the baby was probably me, and that i harbored some negative feelings around "dropping" or otherwise neglecting/harming my inner child.

back to birthing

had visions of butterflies this morning...

i'm also thinking of this entry and how it still holds true.

i'm in the midst of another birthing process, both internally and externally.

i feel good.
and i'm grateful.

iba yeye mi
iba baba mi
iba olodumare olojo oni
iba orisa
iba egungun idile mi
iba egbe mi
iba elders, teachers, mentors, spirit guides

ase o

baby blues

dearest devi,

you would have been about 6 months old now.

i'm very sorry you didn't make it into the world, although i understand why. i still think of you before i bleed every month, especially when i can feel those subtle movements of my ovaries and fallopian tubes.

sometimes i get angry, thinking it's all a waste. other times, i'm grateful because i know that as long as i bleed, there's a possibility you'll return.

i've heard your tiny little voice a few times. you call me "mama" just like i hoped you'd grow up to do. i know your spirit will always be with me, even though we weren't physically connected for very long.

every time i hear a new baby's coming, i think about you and miss you. it hurts that we weren't able to be together.

because baba's not well, i don't know if i'll have another chance to see you or any of your (possible) brothers and sisters. as you might know, we don't get many chances to birth in my family, but i wouldn't want to bring you here knowing you might have to endure the loss of one of your parents.

i hope you know that we would have loved to meet you. i even knew what you'd look like: baba's eyes, a complexion between mine and his. definitely an awesome smile. i liked how you would come in dreams sometimes.

i wanted to birth you in water somewhere beautiful and safe--no weird drugs or doctors in masks hanging around.

i wanted to learn how to wear you like the ancestors did and laugh when your grandma fussed about how you were going to "fall out of that thing".

i wanted to read you all the books i didn't get to see until college while you were in the womb.

i wanted orin orisa to be your lullabies so you'd feel more at home.

i'm not exactly sure why i'm writing this, baby. given everything that's happened since, i've gone back to my usual "maybe i will, maybe i won't" speech when people ask me about whether or not i want/when i'm going to have any babies.

but in the back of my mind, i just laugh a little and think about how this would have been a completely different half-year if you'd been here. sometimes it just hurts and makes me want to cry. i know they don't mean anything by it, though.

i'll always love you and the possibilities you brought with you. you did a lot of healing and brought a lot of gifts, and i'm grateful. we both are.

be a good girl. i know i'll see you again one day.

yours,

mama

here we go again...

more fear-based conspiracy programming.*

i support(ed) obama and still do, within reason. whatever the consequence of his presidency, a mccain/palin one would have only sped things up (can you even comprehend the world if he kicked and that woman was in the chair??!?)

that said, obama could still fk up. it wouldn't break my heart if he did.

i'm also unnerved by the shot of the black boys drilling when they're not doing anything that you wouldn't see at a black frat step show. i'm a lot more worried about the jesus camp kids. white privilege still goes a long way.

even if this film is absolute truth, obama could still have a wake up call. he has time--whatever the consequences--to say "fk the system" and encourage others to do the same.

hell, if i remember correctly, kennedy towed the line for awhile, too. he made a decision to go the way he went; he didn't go in with guns blazing.

i am with the idea that all these financial ups and downs are orchestrated and that a handful of old white dudes are running the show. the military is dangerously overblown, and our economy is a joke mainly because a few people with a lot of money said "screw the public".

but guess what?

there are more of us than them.
people are coming to consciousness.
not everyone forgot history.
and the military ain't what it used to be--at least not in people power.

i'm not saying alex jones is completely wrong--just that information can be disseminated without a bunch of fear-mongering and with far more than a brief nod to constructive, solution-oriented thought.


*full disclosure: i watched about 40 min straight, then skipped to the end. will watch the full film later and come back, if necessary.

compulsion

i'm starting to wonder: why must i write about everything?

whether it's here or in a journal somewhere, everything has to be put into words, expressed.

well, at least these days i don't stop myself...

a woman's intuition

i am grateful to have realized that the tarot is a profound way to view impending issues and/or successes so that prayers and intentions can be focused more efficiently.

it's amazing how these methods have been maligned and ignored--probably in large part because they are so empowering in personal spiritual development.

starting with the holy roman empire and continuing ever since, divination has been stamped out and discouraged in favor of restricting true communication with the divine to a "chosen", impossible-to-emulate few. allowing it to exist in its original form as a means to understand one's destiny in a detailed, holistic way was diametrically opposed to the ultimate goals of imperialism: control and domination.

thankfully, many cultures have been able to retain their divination systems despite these trends. i suppose that since it wasn't supposed to work anyway (despite the obvious wizardry of moses, yeshua, john the baptist and several prophets), many elites decided to "let [the poor/women/commoners] have their [cards, shells, tea leaves]..." allowing mastery of the systems to be passed on except in the most repressive social situations. mystic and gnostic traditions also helped carry the torch.

once the negative programming of simplistic "fortune telling" is overcome, self divination allows patterns and concepts to emerge that are an immense help in navigating life.

just a thought.

...and just to get the taste of that last post outta my mouth

baba peter laying down the knowledge:

no matter where you come from
if you're a blackman, you're an african

don't hate.

i tuned in to nightwolf this evening, and he was talking about the intersections of black folks and native americans in the context of the cherokee freedmen struggle.

i am grateful to him for his truth-telling, including his willingness to acknowledge the pre-colombian contact afrikans had with native americans.

i grew up knowing i had native american ancestry. later, i was able (pushed, really) to connect with it spiritually.

however, i do not know which tribe intersected my family. considering my maternal great-grandmother's ancestry, it was probably the rappahannock.

i also grew up with the implication that even if we could find out about that side of the family, it didn't really matter. they probably wouldn't want to acknowledge us anyway.

the same story over and over again.

interesting how everyone's trying to one-up themselves on the ladder of white supremacy or fight for the scraps from massa's table, forgetting that we all came from africa.

black folks, no matter where we are found, are the most concrete evidence of that.

(i am africa man, original)

it's hurtful that some indians would shun us, considering our shared struggles and history. when we knew who the enemy truly was, we helped each other.

it can be difficult to see how eager folks are to distance themselves from us.

we're not indian enough
we're not spanish enough
we're not white enough
and, now, we're not even african enough.

unbreakable
broken too easily...

the list goes on.

but, in the end?
we survived the whitefolks the best way(s) we knew how. just like you.
we lost many in the struggle. just like you.
and we're still losing them. just like you.

it just so happens that it was that much harder for us to blend in or pass or be accepted as civilized.

for the strength of our genes, we've paid some heavy costs.

regardless, i'm going to hold my head up high, 'cause we don't need any more hate, inferiority complexes, or half assed, fetishistic love.

up, you mighty race...

sri lankan cricket team attacked

again i have to wonder:

what's really going on here?

where are the guns coming from?

is any of this about some ideal of islam--or any ideal at all--or is it more about government corruption, blackmail, and the extortion of poor, desperate people?

my gut reacted to this article the same way it did to mumbai--something's missing. the whole story isn't being told.

it feels like the same old someones are pulling strings...

shout out to rorynyc for the heads up.

random beauty

one of the most beautiful songs i've ever heard as part of the soundtrack of one of my favorite anime series.

if you've seen it, you know how pivotal the scene is in the life of the character...but it's also a beautiful statement on the nature of suffering, life, struggle, the will to overcome death, and rebirth.

"obokuri-eemui" by ikue asazaki

self love # 7

another "in the dark" shot. this time it came out blue/purple...

reminds me of kali, which i like.

given the anger/rebirth theme of my life lately, also quite appropriate.

victim blaming, patriarchal pitfalls, hit dogs, and other foolishness (part 2)

they actually did post my comment, so here it is (forgive any clarity issues...i was pissed):

some of the comments here are frightening. is it fear of seeing your story in hers? if you haven't been in her shoes, you don't know WHAT you would do or WHO you would be. it's obvious that this woman knows no other life and has been severely abused--probably long before the age of 16.

more women than you know have been raped, abused, and molested. please believe it. even if this letter isn't true, this is the voice of thousands.

she needs professional therapy for her AND her daughters, and a ticket to the other side of the country (wherever she's from), away from this "uncle", whoever he is.

i mean no disrespect, but if jesus/the bible keeps y'all from seeing the obvious in this woman's story, then i hope she runs from THAT understanding of god as far & fast as she runs from the "uncle". peace.

i should also note that some more measured responses made their way to the fore later in the day, some blasting earlier comments better than i could.

unfortunately--on fire as i was--i ran out of time and, later, out of steam. so instead of a long, drawn out rant, i'll just do some quick notes:

sample 1
yes, she's sick. because her uncle--whoever the hell he is--has been pimping her out for over half her life. note that it would be a miracle if this woman has a formal education beyond high school.

i don't even have time to deal with the fool who suggested making the "uncle" pay for college.

and how the hell are you going to make blanket judgments about what's "useless" to discuss? this is one of the things i can't stand about the "holier than thou" crew: all that "we're in good w/ jesus!" stuff makes "us vs. them" far too easy--part of the reason christianity was taught to the masses the way it was. how are we supposed to work together for the good of all if we're all too caught up playing scripture jeopardy and rushing to die and collect our "reward"?


sample 2
i saw a lot of "why didn't she just tell someone..."

because rapists threaten to kill you if you tell. it takes years to tell. i understand that it can be difficult for some folks to comprehend the lengths abusers will go to to isolate the target of their abuse.

maybe she was adopted and/or raised in the foster system herself, making her vulnerable to this sort of manipulation. this "uncle" may not have been a biological relative, and we have no idea how much sway he holds over this woman and her family, or how long he's had this power. jumping to jacked up conclusions like she has "no one to blame but herself" are silly at best and dangerous at worst.


sample 3
if you just up and quit your job, would you have a legal, legitimate means to support yourself, or are you leaning on the everlasting arms of the man, pushing paper like most of the rest of us?

if you could support yourself, you're fortunate.
if not, you have no right to judge her.

self pitying? really? no thought to what she and her children need to heal, just "man up."

pardon, your self righteousness is showing...


sample 4
again, this is her job. like it or not. it's reality.

i was grateful for a later comment stating that when someone comes from this sort of lifestyle, many churches can feel more like inquisitions than sanctuaries. they also are not always set up to help people facing real life shit.

initially, she's probably far better off finding the nearest battered women's shelter, rape support group, or community therapy clinic than walking in anybody's church. they'll take care of her spiritually after/while tending to the basics (food, shelter, clothing).

she doesn't need to testify or to be forced through a litany of her "sins"; she needs a way out. now.


sample 5
god/dess helps those who help themselves. there needs to be an understanding of the psychological and physical ramifications of this, first and foremost. this kind of response, on its own, comes off as naive, immature, and out of touch.

all this just goes to show how much work really needs to be done around sexism, patriarchy and other oppressive paradigms, power dynamics and the psychology of abuse.

victim blaming, patriarchal pitfalls, hit dogs, and other foolishness (part 1)

for those of you not familiar with steve harvey, he has a syndicated radio show. every day during the show, there's a segment called strawberry letter 23.

sometimes the letters are humorous, sometimes serious.

today, there was a really serious letter:

letter:
Date: 02/26/2009
Subject: distressed prostitute

Dear steve i am a 40 year old prostitute. i have a 16 year old and an 18 year old. they are both girls. they said that they want to follow in my footsteps but i told them no. the bad thing is that i'm a prostitute because their uncle started pimping me out at 16. and he is my girls father. and i have 4 other children by him that they dont know about. so what do you think that i should do?

understandably, this could be a fake--like any of them could. but the fact remains that this is not a completely unreasonable situation.

i had no issue with steve and shirley's response on air, but i decided that when i got to a computer, i'd check the listener comments to see what people were saying, thinking that folks would offer some interesting support and advice.

i was sadly disappointed.

most of the comments fell within the range of the following comments (identifying info removed, but otherwise unedited):

sample 1

I am aware their uncle could come from their father's side also. However, you stated at 16 he started pimping you out so this has to be your brother except the four other babies they do not know about.....wait you have me confused. They are all by the same man all six of them. So your brother is your pimp, brother, sexual partner, father of your children, children uncle. This can not be real. There is no need to discuss morality, ambition, profession, education, guidance, role model with you. You are just sick, you should have giving those girl up for adoption. The only thing I thought was strange initially was at 40 your eldest was 18 a bit old for a hooker. Then I read about the four others. Wonder where they are, and who raised them?


sample 2

I just want to know where was her parents the whole time this was going on between she and her brother. And although her daughters want to follow in her footsteps, she has no one else to blame except herself, because she is the role model for her children. So if she wanted a better life for them she should have thought about standing up for herself a longtime ago apparently she liked what she was doing too.


sample 3

Good morning Family. First off let me say that this letter is SOO wrong in SOO many ways. I hope and pray that this isn't true. At what point did it kick in that what was happening to you was wrong? Did you say something to another family member, or better yet, where was your MOTHER? I can't believe that you had SIX children and not once did anyone say anything about the father. Was there no one you could have went to and said I need to tell about what's been going on with me. You are now 40 years old and now your daughters are now looking at you like this is what they want to do. If this letter is true, it's time for you to 'man' up, be a woman about yours, stop with the self pitying, kick you old azz 'Uncle' to the curb and see about getting your life back together for the sake of your kids. And you said you have four other children that the other two don't know about? Where are they?? You know what...this foolishness has my pressure up and I'm going to be late for work. I'm going to pray for you. Family, you all have a good day.


sample 4

I am going to try to answer this question as dignified as I possibly can. Ahem! GET OFF YOUR BACK (literally) and GET A DAMN JOB!!! Where is Child Protective Services when you need them? You have a child that gets a spanking from their parents and CPS is ready to take the children. Here we have a woman that is hooking in front of her children, and CPS isn't involved. Lord, what is the world coming too. WHAT CAN YOU DO?!?!?! Is that a real question?!?!?!? Let's think a moment. Gee, what about...STOP HOOKING!!! I am hoping that when you say Uncle, you mean a man that the children call Uncle and not really any blood relation. That's what I am hoping because if that isn't the case, there is only one word to describe it...NASTY!!!! You don't want your children hooking! Why not? You set the stage by doing it in front of them!!! You must have wanted them in this life. I hate it when women act as if they don't have a way out situations like these. Since you are acting like you are dumb as bricks, I will set up the plan. 1. GET OFF YOUR BACK 2. GET TESTED FOR STD'S 3. GET ON YOUR FEET AND GET A DAMN JOB 4. WHILE WORKING GO TO SCHOOL AND GET YOUR EDUCATION (with two kids, you are sure to get Grants in order to further your education). 5. JOIN A CHURCH IMMEDIATELY (there is a Thursday bible study somewhere need you, I am sure of it) 6. MOVE FROM WHEREVER YOU ARE NOW AND AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. With the lifestyle that you have led, you need at least be 500 miles away from your old stomping grounds 7. Never have any contact with the "Uncle" ever again.


sample 5

Good Morning, I honestly hope that this letter is not real, but if it is all I can do is pray for her and hope that she will decide to turn to GOD and pray on it and he will take care of it

i'm gonna leave you with that for a minute.

in part 2, i'll respond as clearly and calmly as i can while simultaneously ripping these people a new one.

pissivity (1)*

MEMO

to: brainmass-clot-thingie (bmct)
from: o.
re: my honeybabysweetiecakes

bmct:

i fucking hate you.

i don't know where you came from, but you're not only fucking with his life, you're fucking with mine.

i know we had a rocky start, but six years and a whole lot of tears later, we've finally learned how to love each other. hell, he's marriage material, and i ain't even into marriage all like that.

then your ass shows up.

before, i couldn't plan on shit because of him. now i can't plan on shit because of you.

now, i'll give you credit for helping him get his mind right. we all know that staring down death can be a major catalyst in getting one's shit together.

but come the fuck on.

he's got a daughter to raise. she loves him, too. and, to be honest, she needs him a hell of a lot more than i ever could.

it'd also be nice if we could start our own family. all this time i've never really been sure about babies. too many loves that didn't go anywhere, too many broken hearts and missed chances. now here i am, 30 and counting, looking at the one person i could truly see fathering my children and what happens? you come and fuck it all up.

AND you've got the nerve to be a damned liar. the fuck? first he only had a year. then three months. then six. then he wasn't going to make it to his birthday. not that i want him to go, but dicking folks around 'cause you wanna be non fatally fatal is some total and utter bullshit.

you are a piece of shit and i hate you.

...but you've taken up residence in someone i love deeply, and i can't stand the thought of losing him. so i have to tolerate the knowledge that your ass is sitting there, waiting for...i don't even know what.

you picked the wrong one, though. he's strong, and he's not giving up. he's got a lot of people from a lot of walks of life praying for him. you're not gonna take him out of here easily. he's a warrior. guess you didn't bet on that. bitchassed cowards never do.

still, i needed to let your ass know that it's time to pack your bags and get the fuck outta dodge. i don't like you, i'm tired of the pain you're causing, and i want you to disappear. forever.

...just so we're clear, that means bowing out with no backtalk. don't be leaving him all fucked up like the doctors are always saying you might. no paralysis, no memory loss, none of that. least you could do for all this damned trouble.

our lives don't deserve to be on hold because of you--or anything, for that matter.

go back where you came from, motherfucker.

sincerely,

o.



*i didn't know this term had made it into the urban dictionary, but apparently it has. either way, this will be a series, as i have some anger to work out, and this is about as constructive as i can be about it.

homeland security usa?

eh. i don't know about this.

this show looks like one long racial profiling commercial.