kevin powell's open letter to chris brown

yes, it's long.

but it's on point.

i'm only about 1/3 through it, but knew i had to share.

i've known so many men who could have written this...some are still in the process of writing it.

either way, it's worth a look.

thank you, kevin, for saying what so many brothas need to hear. even if chris doesn't take it to heart, someone will.

a prayer for the babies

beautiful.

breast ironing

this angers me. for many reasons.

why punish girls for being the victims of rape and sexual assault? 

where is the men's responsibility? their maturity? sense of dignity?

i get that the mothers are doing what they know to try and protect their daughters. i am not passing judgment on them.  

but...have they forgotten their magic?

where are the ancient social structures that would have prevented this? they're pretty standard in original african culture.  has the infiltration christianity and/or islam eroded any sense of the rightful status of women?

obviously, i have a lot of questions.

let our girls be girls

right on.

Transgender Children - Out Of The Shadows

i am continually reminded of why we need to question what we *think* we know/understand about being human.

think of how old humanity is.

think of all the knowledge & understanding that has been suppressed and lost.

think of how new the notion of "normal" truly is.

keep in mind that it is very likely we're actually RE-learning and remembering...not falling off some sin-filled, hell bound cliff.

sara kruzan and the culture of incarceration

forced into prostitution at 13.
killed her pimp at 16.

so, essentially, she's serving life without parole for the "well thought out" murder of an abusive, manipulative creep.

at what point do we holistically begin to look at what is happening to girl-children and women like sara and offer them true justice?

no morals? no scruples? i wonder how much her being a young woman of color had to do with that nice, high handed statement by the judge.



more information on sara's case and how you can help ban these sentences for juveniles in california can be found here and here.

playing with fire

this seemed worth a cross-posting.

i mean, really. what were they thinking?

the dropout

i'm not a michael baisden fan, but i happened to tune in yesterday evening and he was talking about the astronomical drop out rate of black students.

in baltimore, there's a general feeling that one of the best things about reaching the age of 16 is that the truant officers can't make you go to school anymore.

so what's happening here?

many folks who can remember segregation and the civil rights era are quick to frame this as "laziness" or "ingratitude", but i reject that analysis.

for generations, high school was enough. you could graduate, get a good factory or government job, and go from there. the bottom fell out with the exodus of industry, but many folks' mentalities stayed the same.*

and there are other factors. the first crack babies are reaching their 20s**. for some, teen pregnancy is in its 2nd or 3rd generation--meaning mothers in their teens, grandmothers in their 30s and great grandmothers in their 40s-50s. granny and big mama's wisdom has succumbed to stroke, breast cancer, diabetes and stress. many of us do not have the access to our histories--familial and cultural--that our elders did.

other cultural institutions have eroded, too. the activist preachers of 30 plus years ago have given way to today's megachurch pimpin' preachers. not that we didn't have them in the pulpit long before now, but pushing for the revolution--in spirit and/or deed--is the exception, not the rule.

black children today are immersed in a culture of apathy, disconnected from themselves, their families (due to stressful work schedules, financial hardship...) and their spirits.

they see the real world early and up close. abstract notions of what will be "good for them later" do not make sense; they know tomorrow isn't promised.

they know education is not a guaranteed way out because they see their mothers and fathers struggling to hold on to the jobs their college degrees guaranteed them 20 years ago. they may not know the name horatio alger, but they know his stories are lies.

they know college is a far off dream, even for some of the best and brightest of them. for those that do get that far, retention is an issue.

to keep these kids in school, a few things will probably have to happen:

• real world relevance. it might be time to do away with textbooks as much as humanly possible. use real world situations. discover teachable moments in their neighborhoods, with people who look like them--and get them out of those neighborhoods, too. highlight various careers and map clear, concrete strategies on how to achieve those goals--from artistic endeavors to engineering and computer science.
  
  
• emphasize financial literacy/economics. urban kids are well aware of how money works and how the lack of it affects them. there is plenty of business acumen in the 'hood. tap into it. every elementary school should have that project where they get interest-bearing checking accounts and balance their checkbooks. teach them about credit cards so they're not bamboozled when they get to college and see all those fancy giveaway tables. use articles like this and this to explode myths about money in the entertainment/sporting industries.
  
  
• community schools. if you're saying, "this is the parents' job...", consider this: the u.s. runs on a system whereby only the most privileged of parents can take time out from their job(s) to fully raise their children in the ways that would mold them into the productive citizens everyone claims to want***, and they hire nannies and boarding schools to do it for them. so, we can either (a) have all childbearing stop immediately except in, say, the top earning 10-15% of households, (b) give parents liberal family leave and adequate vacation/sick time, or (c) put it in the schools. readily available social workers, psychologists/psychiatrists, community leaders, and (multi)culturally competent teachers are essential. thankfully, these schools are popping up everywhere--and they include help and resources for parents.
  

not that i know shit. but, as a 31 year old raised by parents nearly 30 years older, i understand the sacrifices they and others made while also sympathizing with the struggles of my peers and those who are teenagers now.

we were not lazy or ungrateful, and neither are these kids. they probably just don't see how school makes sense. in the midst of a crumbling economy, skyrocketing debt, and mind-numbing, cube farm jobs that are killing their parents, i can't say i blame them.

the old school lines don't hold weight. it's time for a new paradigm.


*although you can argue the differences between the values of bourgeois black folks and their unsophisticated country (or urban hoodlum) cousins.

**admittedly, there are some nature/nurture issues here, but talk to any black teacher in an urban school and they'll tell you the signs. in addition, lead poisoning and other environmental racism issues that disproportionately affect blk folks and other poor people of color can also lead to educational difficulties.

***while ignoring this and this plus all the labor it takes to run both. that's not coming outta harvard. it's coming out of the streets.

r. kelly is not worth this many pixels, but...

i was listening to the radio this morning and heard some pretty crazy stuff re: this r. kelly trial.

i'm about to give far too much voice to this than i ever wanted to, but after hearing some of the ridiculousness coming from the mouths of grown folks who ought to know better, i wanted to at least list a few things:

one.
i was VERY grateful for the caller who mentioned that she had been molested for several years as an adolescent, and spoke to the "normalization" of the behavior that occurs. when someone is manipulating you, or you're coerced into doing traumatic things with someone you have been conditioned to love and trust, you tell yourself it's normal to get through it. in the worst cases where the abuse starts around school age (or before) and continues nearly indefinitely, it most certainly becomes a normal part of life; it's embedded in the earliest memories one has.

she also mentioned that although she's now well into her 20s, it was only fairly recently that she came to understand that it wasn't her fault.

it's probably very difficult to understand for someone not trained in human psychology or who has been through it, but it's a very true and real thing.


two.
this is reason #402,385 why HEALTHY sexuality/sensuality and all that goes with that (safer sex, self esteem, positive touch, needs/desires/urges...) needs to be discussed thoroughly and often with children and adolescents.

it's also another good reason to end the silence around sexual abuse/child molestation. a few of those callers were yelping like hit dogs (or, ladies that doth protest too much, for you non-southerners). and since victims will often blame themselves first, cries of "it was her fault she put herself in that situation..." are common. which brings me to my final point...


three.
the ridiculousness of blaming the victim / "bad girl" syndrome.

look. the whole notion that this girl "had a choice", "looked like she knew what she was doing", etc. just doesn't fly. i was so glad when one of the hosts made the distinction of saying, "she knew what she was doing physically..."

hear me: arruh was the adult*. he had the burden of responsibility, trust, and discretion. just because you KNOW she's up for the task doesn't mean you go there. we're not talking about two 14-15 yr olds, or even a 14 year old and an 18 year old. this was a child and a grown ass man. apples and oranges.

...and even if she was a "bad girl" (which is laden with its own nonsense), why's she bad enough to allow a golden shower at 14? what kind of love, affection, attention, and validation is she missing? do we know whether or not she was ever abused sexually? no one seems to be asking about that. just easier to label her a hot-in-the-ass slut and move on, i guess.

that's all. i'm just sick of having my stomach turn whenever i hear blk folks chime in on these kinds of situations.



*i use this term loosely. word 'round the campfire is that he might be fixated at some point in adolescence and/or childhood himself (for the record, i've always thought michael jackson was, too). r. may not be a pedophile (who is distinguished, if i remember correctly, by an actual sexual attraction to children for their own sake), per se. instead, he may see these younger girls as his peers. doesn't make it right, just another angle.

today's psa: children are NOT weeds.*

sigh.

rape dat ho? really?

has no one talked to these kids about how serious rape is?

...before i go there, a caveat: dancing like this is not new, nor is it necessarily a horrible thing. baltimore's comparable to miami (i hear) in that "dirty" dancing is how we get down. i've seen and participated in this kind of stuff at high school dances and clubs--albeit to a lesser degree. no big deal.

let's face it: teenagers are horny. all that dry humping to a beat can help let off some steam and avoid the messy complications of attempting actual sex.

however, i think the proliferation of overtly sexual music videos and a few other factors have stirred the pot in ways we weren't privy to in the early-mid 90s.

you had to turn on b.e.t's midnight love--if you were allowed to stay up that late--to see the kind of stuff that's on a constant loop on mtv these days.

my parents didn't care if i watched music videos all day. even if NWA came on, the worst thing i'd probably see was a gun waved around and a girl in some lingerie. for the most part, rappers showcased clothed b-girls for sex appeal (when they used them at all), and even the raunchier female rappers were still fairly covered.

not so now.

even with that, there were still some invaluable things that assisted in the understanding that the word rape was not something you tossed around like a frisbee.

there was health class, for one. i don't know if budget cuts or nclb (groan) or whatever have eliminated this little gem, but health class is where we learned about everything from condoms to birth. there were segments on STIs, and we touched on things like sexual assault, date rape and the like. now, i could have had an exceptional teacher or curriculum, i don't know. but i do know that i walked out of middle school knowing some things about how to protect and care for myself, and i think a lot of my classmates did, too.

i also wonder how much of a factor traditional judeo-christian spirituality is, particularly with so many grandparents raising grandchildren. there are various reasons i don't believe in complete and utter chastity until marriage, however, i can respect a church that combines the message of conservative sexuality with practical and lifesaving information far more than the load of crap that is abstinence only education.

i fear for any young person growing up in a house where it's forbidden to speak frankly about sex, (physical/earthly/human-to-human) love, and protection because "you're not supposed to be doing that til you get married 'cause god said so, so don't ask."

teens are going to want to try things. they're naturally curious, impulsive and probably starved for information about the bodies they have to live and breathe in every day. the silence and denial (what were you doin, grandmama, when those blue lights went on in the basement?) is not helping anyone.

teenagers are tricky. they can be cynical, moody, and unpredictable. but they also have all the intellectual curiosity and potential they did as younger children. we should be taking advantage of that time to trust and mold them into confidently well-informed human beings, not trying to shut them up or shove them into boxes where they don't fit.

'cause when we do, this is what happens.



*my mother is fond of saying this, i.e., children do not sprout out of the ground spontaneously and grow on their own. they need instruction, direction, and care, to be raised and nurtured. and even before that, two people, somewhere, joined to bring this life to fruition. when did we begin to believe that "i feed you, give you clothes, spending money and a house to live in" was all we needed to do for our babies? what's the missing link? how do we build that bridge again?

bipolar kids

came across this today.

this is an interesting topic for me, on many levels. in my psych classes, i always got a kick out of the pathology lectures. as interesting as it was to learn about the brain and how people process information, it was even more interesting to think about solving problems when things went wrong.

i can say that i'm glad the story comes from "normal" parents in a "normal" family. it probably would have been all too easy to hear about another "crack baby" or see an inner city family struggling with something like this--although that's a reality, too, and those folks probably have far less access to the resources these parents did. however, i think that seeing it come from a white, middle class setting normalizes the problem in a way a black/brown/red family wouldn't.

what also strikes me is how smart, sensitive, creative, and deeply feeling these children are. when compared with autism--which can also cause outbursts, etc., but can also include mental deficiencies or developmental delays--bipolar kids (and adults) are often extremely intelligent and articulate. eerily so at times.

there's also that statement about them being "born screaming".

i also perked up at the statement that this kind of diagnosis was rare just a few years ago. just like autism.

so, i'm wondering:

is this another segment of the indigo phenomenon (which i haven't completely bought into, but still interesting to consider)?

is this another, not-so-subtle consequence of the medicalization of birth? how do we get the word out that there are alternatives?

what about the role of immunizations? diet?

is this just exploding here, or in most western(ized) societies?

i don't expect newsweek to answer these questions, but i am interested in what the more holistically-minded community has to say...

future, meet the children.

if i haven't told you already, i love this man. highly recommended reading.

that said...

i can relate to the commenter who said when they were in middle/high school, their parents' reach extended much farther than the walls of the house. same here. not only would it have been considered unthinkable for me to act a fool in front of adults, but i never knew who might see me.

people knew my parents. whether it was because i looked like my father's folks, or my mom's connections with the school system, it was known that i wasn't to do anything that i didn't want reported back, 'cause folks knew folks.

increasingly, that's not the case.

to some degree, that phenom is more likely to occur in the 'hood than the suburbs. but still. folks don't know their neighbors anymore. gentrification has changed the game. so has the ultra-mobile workforce.

we also have to remember that many of these babies have been on their own for years.

there are AIDS orphans in this country. there are street children in this country.

for every seemingly intact family i see, i can show you at least two kids who have obviously been without substantial, dedicated adult support for quite some time.

honestly? i can't blame some of them, because many of them have never seen or known an adult they can respect. not one. families are depressed, overworked, and cracked out. schools are falling apart. politicians lie, use for photo ops, and bounce. rec centers and community gathering places are losing funding and closing in droves.

so, they test us all. their anger and lack of love and self respect is visited on strangers. a little something to project the pain.

and we all know there's no shortage of prisons for them. maybe that has something to do with the lack of programs and resources?

please don't think i'm saying all this because i feel like i'm better than anyone else. i see them and stay out of their way; i observe, but quietly. once or twice i've engaged a young person in a bit of conversation, but most of the time i hang back. i don't want to pull rank on the wrong one--the one with something to prove, or the one just angry enough to punch me solely to watch me bleed.

even so, i refuse to damn all of these kids. some of them will grow up and see the error of their ways. a mentor will come along. maybe a good therapist or counselor, a life-changing movie or book. for some of these kids, a light will come on.

but for others, it won't. they won't see better, know better, or do better. for any number of reasons.

those are the ones we'll pay for, whether we want to or not, whether we like it or not.

who? what? when? where? why?

this is just....no. it's one of those things that you know happens, but you never wanna see it spelled out for you...

A videotape found on a camcorder that was sold to a pawn shop shows a toddler being forced to smoke marijuana, police said. At first, it appeared a male was smoking marijuana through a pipe and the little girl was playing nearby. Then the male, whom police said was 18-year-old Melvin Blevins, was seen passing the pipe to the child. The tape shows the 18-month-old little girl resisting before the video cuts to black. Next, a 16-year-old girl is shown holding the little girl. The male then places the pipe in front of the child’s mouth. Police believed the videotaped child to be the man’s niece. The girl is charged with child endangerment and corrupting another with drugs. Blevins is in custody facing the federal charge of distributing narcotics to a person younger than 21. The child is now 2 years old.

this video, on the other hand, is funnysad. funny as in simply hilarious, sad as in:

1. these folk are wasting taxpayer time and money acting like a bunch of middle schoolers.

2. the website it came from is racist and inflammatory, essentially declaring that detroit is a mess because of the number of black folks there. sigh.

scene: a path of asphalt in front of a shopping center

players:
child, female, about 4-5 years old
teenaged girl
woman, maybe 30, more likely mid to late 20s
middle-aged woman and her 20-something daughter, in car

action:
baby girl stumbles while crossing the street.

woman responds by striking baby girl in the back--open handed, but hard. yanks baby girl up by her arm.

woman smacks baby girl again, not as hard, presumably for being upset about being slapped for falling.

teen is quiet.

20-something daughter jumps out of car and strikes baby girl's mother across the face with her car keys asking, "how'd that feel?"

...
well, the last part didn't happen.
but the rest of it did...