over two years ago, i listened to this blogtalk radio segment and wrote a sort of running commentary. it's been sitting in my "drafts section" all this time, but since the conversation continues in ATR circles, i figured i'd post it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
point of order: can we stop with the "males" and "females" thing? ugh. especially since i typically hear "men" followed by something about "females". men and women sounds so much more...civilized {no binary-o}. thanks.
1. polygamy - this was probably the most balanced discussion on polygamy i've heard in a very long time. i was glad the hostess and panel had personal experience with polygamy and were able to give a FULL breakdown of it.
is it for me? no. i joke a lot about how i'd much rather have two husbands (polyandry). in all seriousness, i see the question of polygamy as one better considered by sistas who have children and/or may directly benefit from a polygamous situation in some way. if i'm making the commitment of marriage, i would only do so with the understanding that our situation would be monogamous--at least starting out.
as a woman not necessarily committed to childbearing--and not planning on having a large family even if i do--being one of several wives holds no interest for me. i'd rather stay single and/or be the primary partner in a polyamorous situation.
2. some of the traditional ways i dig. others i don't--probably because i'm just "too far gone". i trust and love my parents and my family, but damned if i wanna get with someone i haven't even looked in the eye good yet. direct courting/dating works well for me.
i've heard that some elders take on a "chaperone" role with (adult) godchildren. others will say, "leave me out of it 'til you're really serious/ready to go to the mat."
i honor the opinions and advice of my elders, but when it comes to marriage, i'm the one who'll have to live with him, not anyone else. i've been raised to hold that responsibility as an adult woman with {hopefully} good sense, guided by my heart and mind. if that's wrong or "nontraditional", so be it.
3. no comment on the brotha with the bembe hook-up problem...
4. i wonder if, in our modern context, it's best to assist people in becoming the best they can be and go from there. as one of the panel members said, many are "struggling with the basics"--for a multitude of reasons. the need for healing is pervasive and real--the sooner
we see that, the sooner we can heal ourselves, our families,
communities, and our world. that needs to be taken into account both personally and in the context of relationships.
even so, i think we can all agree that if you love, honor, respect, and uplift yourself, you will seek the same in a mate.
5. we have to be careful about these conversations being too heterocentric/heterosexist. it's probably time to have some "alternative" discussions, particularly since queer folks are quite present in our traditions. i'm sure--or would hope--that elders will deal with these matters as they come to understand their godchildren and their destinies.
6. glad to hear them asking what men can do instead of the usual, "oh...how can we improve ourselves/make ourselves more attractive" from sistas. also glad they mentioned the importance of personal observation, intuition, and good, old fashioned common sense in choosing a mate.
Showing posts with label yoruba. Show all posts
Showing posts with label yoruba. Show all posts
9.13.2012
2.05.2011
reconciliation
a recent conversation with a sistafriend has led to reexamine my relationship with ogun...
it has been true for me that the african spirits have settled into familial spaces. i have fathers, mothers, aunties, cousins...ogun is like that distant, elder uncle who doesn't always come to the family functions, but when you really need him, he's there with that extra money, the "spontaneous" pep talk, the warm, tight hug--the perfect thing to make it better.
you may not know him all that well--maybe he lives far away, or just happened to be around a lot when you were a baby--but, almost inexplicably, he knows you. well.
the first time i saw an ogun shrine, i thought, whoever that is, i don't think i want anything to do with him. little did i know how closely he was walking with me, and the ways he'd eventually manifest in my life.
over time, i came to love ogun. i learned more about him, and, suddenly, he was all around me: in urban wooded areas and not-so-urban ones, on the railroad tracks scattered through the city. i even came to recognize his influence on my (paternal) family. it dawned on me that he's always loved and watched over me.
almost two years ago, i endured some drastic changes--including suffering a deep wound left by one of his sons. i still praised ogun in my libations and other prayers, but, admittedly, we became estranged as i leaned heavily on other "family members" to get through the transitions.
more likely, i estranged myself as he sat in the forest and waited...
this morning, i listened to yolanda adams sing "step aside" and immediately thought of ogun. tears flowed, and i remembered the way he's always embraced me, held me up, pushed me to acknowledge and embody my strength. more than once, he has wiped my tears and assuaged my heartache. when my pain turned me away from him, he understood and let me go. even then, i know he always made sure someone was looking out for me. maybe he even kept an eye on me through esu.
today, i thank you, baba. from the bottom of my heart. modupe for all your blessings--seen and unseen. modupe for taking care of me--even as fear and hurt kept me from you. i truly do love you.
ase o.
it has been true for me that the african spirits have settled into familial spaces. i have fathers, mothers, aunties, cousins...ogun is like that distant, elder uncle who doesn't always come to the family functions, but when you really need him, he's there with that extra money, the "spontaneous" pep talk, the warm, tight hug--the perfect thing to make it better.
you may not know him all that well--maybe he lives far away, or just happened to be around a lot when you were a baby--but, almost inexplicably, he knows you. well.
the first time i saw an ogun shrine, i thought, whoever that is, i don't think i want anything to do with him. little did i know how closely he was walking with me, and the ways he'd eventually manifest in my life.
over time, i came to love ogun. i learned more about him, and, suddenly, he was all around me: in urban wooded areas and not-so-urban ones, on the railroad tracks scattered through the city. i even came to recognize his influence on my (paternal) family. it dawned on me that he's always loved and watched over me.
almost two years ago, i endured some drastic changes--including suffering a deep wound left by one of his sons. i still praised ogun in my libations and other prayers, but, admittedly, we became estranged as i leaned heavily on other "family members" to get through the transitions.
more likely, i estranged myself as he sat in the forest and waited...
this morning, i listened to yolanda adams sing "step aside" and immediately thought of ogun. tears flowed, and i remembered the way he's always embraced me, held me up, pushed me to acknowledge and embody my strength. more than once, he has wiped my tears and assuaged my heartache. when my pain turned me away from him, he understood and let me go. even then, i know he always made sure someone was looking out for me. maybe he even kept an eye on me through esu.
today, i thank you, baba. from the bottom of my heart. modupe for all your blessings--seen and unseen. modupe for taking care of me--even as fear and hurt kept me from you. i truly do love you.
ase o.
7.29.2010
6.13.2008
what's natural, what isn't, the ownership of african tradition, and other related obscurities
i want to speak to my african traditional religion (atr) folks for a minute.
for the most part, i don't know who reads this thing. there could be a few of y'all out there, and i hope you comment, because i think it's high time that a dialogue is started--among priests and aborishas (i.e., non-priesthood level practitioners/shrine-keepers) alike.
several months ago i met a priest and her family who are doing the work to unify yoruba practitioners and other atr folks. they have already traveled to several countries to observe various diasporan practices and plan to use our common beliefs to strengthen our people and our communities. they essentially wish to illuminate the fact that the lanugages we speak and the names for the orisa only differ as a factor of, as i like to say, when you got off the boat. the source is the same. their philosophy branches out to the understanding that, at our core, we are all africans, there is only one god(dess)/creator entity, and we all ought to be striving towards wholeness and unity.
there was no mention as to whether or not the people they are seeking to unify should pass a paper bag test, nor was there mention around who they should be sleeping with.
typically, when i meet continental atr priests--at least in the yoruba tradition-- their first concerns are iwa pele (character) and knowledge. in other words, are these people who are truly living up to the standards and dictates of their ori, ifa, and the orisa, or are they power mongering? were they trained properly? do they know the proper rituals, prayers, etc.? their level of ase and understanding doesn't rest on their heterosexuality or degree of "blackness"--phenotypical or otherwise. it's about living right.
diasporan atr folks can be quite different. there are plenty who think any white american priest is an interloper or culture vulture. the views on homosexuality are varied. some are ok with it, as long as they choose black partners. others are vehemently against it, claiming it's unnatural and that none of our ancestors were ever gbltq until they were exposed to the culture and depravity of europeans.
there are a few things wrong with this.
because of our unique history in the united states, it can be easy to forget that there are some whitefolks who are "blacker" than african americans (see: passing). hence, it is certainly possible that some white americans were born with ties to african spiritual lineages and could be charged to do some ancestral "clean up", so to speak.
in my ile, the importance of egbe is acknowledged along with ori, ancestors (egun/egungun) and the orisa. your egbe consists of friends from previous lives, e.g., adopted family members, former spouses, close family friends, etc. all those of good character who walk with us in the spirit world are acknowledged.
who is anyone to tell me that i cannot pray or make offerings of gratitude to a white person who may have helped one of my blood ancestors to freedom? what about the relationships forged in the era when just about every poor person wanting to come to america was condemned to indentured servitude?
we do not always know everything about who walks with us. the spirit is what lives on, not the societal attitudes and contradictions.
now, that's not to say that there aren't pimps and players out there. there are. but they cross all kinds of ethnic and cultural lines. there are plenty of black priests who, in the name of uplifting folks, are perpetuating the same westernized dichotomies, patriarchy, -isms, and psychological menace that whitefolks have thrown upon us. and it's a problem on the continent, too.
as far as the homosexuality issue, i ask: how can we know?
we in the diaspora are now several generations removed from africa. even in brazil, where africans were imported into the late 19th century, you'd probably have to look back to a great-great grandparent or further to find someone from the continent.
since african history is oral and tribe/clan-based, how can we say that there were no gbltq people or communities, particularly when clear gender roles dominated so much of african life. males and females had different puberty rites and, often, separate living quarters for much of their lives.
along with that, several orisa are known to be androgynous "gender benders". even clearly "masculine" and "feminine" spirits often have attributes and paths where they are considered of the opposite gender.
if we follow the logic of the spirituality, if someone is born with the ase of one of these orisa, how can we say it's "unnatural" that they grow into a glbtq identity?
riddle me that, y'all.
for the most part, i don't know who reads this thing. there could be a few of y'all out there, and i hope you comment, because i think it's high time that a dialogue is started--among priests and aborishas (i.e., non-priesthood level practitioners/shrine-keepers) alike.
several months ago i met a priest and her family who are doing the work to unify yoruba practitioners and other atr folks. they have already traveled to several countries to observe various diasporan practices and plan to use our common beliefs to strengthen our people and our communities. they essentially wish to illuminate the fact that the lanugages we speak and the names for the orisa only differ as a factor of, as i like to say, when you got off the boat. the source is the same. their philosophy branches out to the understanding that, at our core, we are all africans, there is only one god(dess)/creator entity, and we all ought to be striving towards wholeness and unity.
there was no mention as to whether or not the people they are seeking to unify should pass a paper bag test, nor was there mention around who they should be sleeping with.
typically, when i meet continental atr priests--at least in the yoruba tradition-- their first concerns are iwa pele (character) and knowledge. in other words, are these people who are truly living up to the standards and dictates of their ori, ifa, and the orisa, or are they power mongering? were they trained properly? do they know the proper rituals, prayers, etc.? their level of ase and understanding doesn't rest on their heterosexuality or degree of "blackness"--phenotypical or otherwise. it's about living right.
diasporan atr folks can be quite different. there are plenty who think any white american priest is an interloper or culture vulture. the views on homosexuality are varied. some are ok with it, as long as they choose black partners. others are vehemently against it, claiming it's unnatural and that none of our ancestors were ever gbltq until they were exposed to the culture and depravity of europeans.
there are a few things wrong with this.
because of our unique history in the united states, it can be easy to forget that there are some whitefolks who are "blacker" than african americans (see: passing). hence, it is certainly possible that some white americans were born with ties to african spiritual lineages and could be charged to do some ancestral "clean up", so to speak.
in my ile, the importance of egbe is acknowledged along with ori, ancestors (egun/egungun) and the orisa. your egbe consists of friends from previous lives, e.g., adopted family members, former spouses, close family friends, etc. all those of good character who walk with us in the spirit world are acknowledged.
who is anyone to tell me that i cannot pray or make offerings of gratitude to a white person who may have helped one of my blood ancestors to freedom? what about the relationships forged in the era when just about every poor person wanting to come to america was condemned to indentured servitude?
we do not always know everything about who walks with us. the spirit is what lives on, not the societal attitudes and contradictions.
now, that's not to say that there aren't pimps and players out there. there are. but they cross all kinds of ethnic and cultural lines. there are plenty of black priests who, in the name of uplifting folks, are perpetuating the same westernized dichotomies, patriarchy, -isms, and psychological menace that whitefolks have thrown upon us. and it's a problem on the continent, too.
as far as the homosexuality issue, i ask: how can we know?
we in the diaspora are now several generations removed from africa. even in brazil, where africans were imported into the late 19th century, you'd probably have to look back to a great-great grandparent or further to find someone from the continent.
since african history is oral and tribe/clan-based, how can we say that there were no gbltq people or communities, particularly when clear gender roles dominated so much of african life. males and females had different puberty rites and, often, separate living quarters for much of their lives.
along with that, several orisa are known to be androgynous "gender benders". even clearly "masculine" and "feminine" spirits often have attributes and paths where they are considered of the opposite gender.
if we follow the logic of the spirituality, if someone is born with the ase of one of these orisa, how can we say it's "unnatural" that they grow into a glbtq identity?
riddle me that, y'all.
12.16.2007
testifyin'
iba osun sekese
latojoku awede we 'mo
iba osun olodi
latojoku awede we 'mo
iba osun ibu kole
latojoku awede we 'mo
yeye kari, yeye 'jo, yeye opo
o san rere o
ase
i have rested my worries in the lap of my mother
she's full of honey and adorned with peacock feathers
olodumare's sweetheart
she who has ears to hear, i know you have heard me, and how quickly you work your magic. i am trusting you to see me through as you have done so many times before.
...off to my bath of sandalwood and roses.
be blessed & bountiful, lovelies.
peace.
latojoku awede we 'mo
iba osun olodi
latojoku awede we 'mo
iba osun ibu kole
latojoku awede we 'mo
yeye kari, yeye 'jo, yeye opo
o san rere o
ase
i have rested my worries in the lap of my mother
she's full of honey and adorned with peacock feathers
olodumare's sweetheart
she who has ears to hear, i know you have heard me, and how quickly you work your magic. i am trusting you to see me through as you have done so many times before.
...off to my bath of sandalwood and roses.
be blessed & bountiful, lovelies.
peace.
12.28.2006
balance...
it's a tricky thing.
i've never considered myself a particularly disciplined person. scratch that. i should say i'm not a regimented person. i don't do schedules well. i get things done on time and all of that--i don't procrastinate. but i'm not one for routine.
what i'm learning with ifa is that i'm going to have to learn a LOT of routine. not only in the sense of prayers and rituals, but just in developing a relationship with spirit.
it ain't easy.
i know what i'm supposed to do.
and sometimes i do it.
other times i'm late for work
or tired
or hungry
and something gets lost in the sauce.
ebos aren't a problem.
neither is protocol.
i love the ceremonies & bembes.
but the essence of daily prayer/communion/meditation? eh...
i can imagine ifa being somewhat simpler when it's a way of life...a thing known and embraced since childhood. not to mention living right above your ancestors and next door to nature. drawing water from rivers daily...pilgrimages to the ocean for yemoja...
but we all made a deal in orun.
i suppose part of the essence of mine is learning how to balance my ashe with the demands of 21st century life.
i've never considered myself a particularly disciplined person. scratch that. i should say i'm not a regimented person. i don't do schedules well. i get things done on time and all of that--i don't procrastinate. but i'm not one for routine.
what i'm learning with ifa is that i'm going to have to learn a LOT of routine. not only in the sense of prayers and rituals, but just in developing a relationship with spirit.
it ain't easy.
i know what i'm supposed to do.
and sometimes i do it.
other times i'm late for work
or tired
or hungry
and something gets lost in the sauce.
ebos aren't a problem.
neither is protocol.
i love the ceremonies & bembes.
but the essence of daily prayer/communion/meditation? eh...
i can imagine ifa being somewhat simpler when it's a way of life...a thing known and embraced since childhood. not to mention living right above your ancestors and next door to nature. drawing water from rivers daily...pilgrimages to the ocean for yemoja...
but we all made a deal in orun.
i suppose part of the essence of mine is learning how to balance my ashe with the demands of 21st century life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)