TKON (reprise)

...because i needed this today. 

in the spirit of beginning to constructively vent my anger, i have to cite this as one of the main reasons i'm pissed.

because it's destroying hearts and minds.
because it's destroying families.
because it's keeping us from the good love we could be having.

the kingdom must fall.

the Divine Feminine in KMT and beyond

setting the record straight on spiritual patriarchy.

the fabulous margaret cho

i cannot express how deeply i identify with this:

I fly my flag of self-esteem for all those who have been told they were ugly and fat and hurt and shamed and violated and abused for the way they look and told time and time again that they were "different" and therefore unlovable. Come to me and I will tell you and show you how beautiful and loved you are and you will see it and feel it and know it and then look in the mirror and truly believe it. If you are offended by my anger and my might at defending my borders and my people you do not deserve entry into my beloved and magnificent country.

i've had relationships that were about this. my goddess...

but...her message is much bigger than this quote. read on.

open post: when "consciousness" fails to recognize linked oppressions. or: if you're brown, stick around (unless you're gay).

i was just having a discussion with my godbrother around this book, and had a thought:

i've noticed that the problem with [black / "afrocentric" homophobia] is that they're focused in on sexual acts, which, in turn, are sometimes confused with fetishistic practices. but trying to bring the complexities of kink into the conversation is pretty futile...

generally:

what makes babies = good
what doesn't make babies = bad.

the quality of the relationships in question and/or the psychosocial underpinnings of human relationships as a whole never comes into the conversation. it's black folks' fear of rejection/extermination/cultural annihilation on steroids. now, that's a real fear that's been imbued in us over generations--but we have to get beyond internalizing our oppression, even in our bedrooms.

so you have all that. coupled with a general lack of education around the basics of sex and sexual expression (except in the most patriarchal, male-dominated/controlled, sexist sense), it's a recipe for disaster when it comes to queer people.

folks wanna complain about "europeans" being sexually/sensually repressed, not realizing they've caught the same disease.

in my understanding, our ancestors understood ALL ways of being, living AND loving--balanced, imbalanced, and beyond. [emphasis added]

and, as i added later, this attitude can also make things pretty rough for the sistas, albeit in a different way*.

what do y'all think?



*aside from the blog entry, i also find that these same voices are the ones railing against reproductive justice for black women and other women of color, couched in "concern" and, again, that looming fear of genocide.

awesome stuff

i read this.

then i watched this.

i'm so glad that the conversations are finally finding better frames and language, and expressing the intersections that so desperately need to be acknowledged. well done.

nonsense & tomfoolery

this is bullshit.



and so is this.



sigh.

where to begin...

first and foremost, who decided that men were mindlessly lustful, emotionally childish creatures who never get out from under their mamas and can't think beyond the next piece of ass? some of you brothas need to be just as insulted by this as many of us are.

the only thing i could agree with was around 1:30 when shantel mentioned knowing yourself before you try to get involved with someone else.  apparently she knows that she's willing to tolerate that kind of thing--or at least excuse it's happening to others--and that's her right.  

however, (to truncate my earlier twitter rant) in my world, commitments come down to character. plain and simple. if you don't want a commitment, don't make one. and if someone breaks a commitment they make to you? you have every right to be hurt, angry, and walk the hell on out. period.

and the random "we got monogamy from whitefolks" argument? no.  i am all for poly relationships based on a spirit of mutual trust, understanding and respect. if you want to bring other folks in, and everybody's informed and consenting, more power.

but, please, let's stop making excuses for bad behavior.

and, tyrese. you're gonna tell your daughter not to "own the cheat" (agreed), but at the same time, dude can't help but to run out on her? mixed messages, darlin. really mixed.  then he almost recovers by bringing up the madonna-whore double standard, but jacks it right back up by basically saying madonnas should get used to being shitted on.*

these excuses, mixed messages, and generalized poppycock is part of what continues to disempower sistas, keeping them depressed, abused, dying of broken hearts and all manner of other maladies.  these are the scripts that make it that much easier to cave to a partner unwilling to use protection; to stay in situations where we are not loved as we love, nor cherished as we cherish.  this is what happens when you "love your sons and raise your daughters".

we need to deal with our denial--around our general mental and spiritual health, and the ways dysfunctional standards, upbringings, and ways of being have been normalized.**  

i implore you, yet again, to educate yourselves in the machinations of TKON.

want more. be more.

choose to love fully, with eyes, ears, hearts, and spirits open....with the highest and best parts of yourself.

we can let this shit go. more than that, we need to let it go.

in my humble opinion, it's beyond time for a new paradigm. 


*also note that this clip is about the only time in life i've ever wanted to hug wendy williams. it's unlikely to happen again, so i wanted to mark this historic moment.

**for more eloquent statements on these issues, i highly recommend browsing the crunk feminist collective and/or quirky black girls.

merlin stone has passed on...

i remember when i was first coming into a new consciousness around god/dess and someone told me i should read when god was a woman, not now but right now.

i never looked back.

whatever scholastic errors she may have made along the way, she opened a door that could never be shut again.

may we continue to discover the Divine in our own images. and may we love Her fiercely.

thank you.

woman, unapologetically

it is my hope that, one day, my sistas will stop spitting out "feminism" as if it's a dirty word.

first and foremost: the mainstream feminist movement was never "ours" anyway.  black folks seem to have developed a gross misconception of what the feminist movement entailed both during its inception, in the mid to late 20th century, and now.*

the labels womanist/womanism do better to explain the struggle of women of color for dignity, life and freedom within the kryarchic oppression imposed by their respective men--but even that might not be enough.  and that's ok.  wikipedia attempts to sum up some of the complexities:

Black feminism argues that sexism, class oppression, and racism are inextricably bound together.  Chicana feminism focuses on Mexican American, Chicana, and Hispanic women in the United States. Multiracial or "women of colour" feminism is related. Standpoint feminists argue that feminism should examine how women's experience of inequality relates to that of racism, homophobia, classism, and colonization.  Postcolonial feminists argue that colonial oppression and Western feminism marginalized postcolonial women but did not turn them passive or voiceless. Third-world feminism is closely related. These discourses are related to African feminism, motherism, Stiwanism, negofeminism, femalism, transnational feminism, and Africana womanism.

that's a lot, right?

for me, the bottom line is this:

i deserve to be able to stand up for myself and my humanity--from my seat as a woman and in solidarity with other women. if that somehow screws with the worst manifestations of the black man's ego, i don't see that as my problem.  or, more sweetly said, that is an opportunity for healing amongst the community of brothas, just as we have healing to do amongst ourselves.

being down for some of "our men" at the expense of ourselves is killing us, not to mention forcing us to shoulder the blame for systemic problems that harm us all.  somehow, our collective consciousness around those systemic issues has been reduced--in many circles--to a perceived inability to have "respectable" heterosexual relationships.**  in my humble opinion, that loss of consciousness is both unfortunate and dangerous. 

expanding that thought: if "feminism" is the root of the black man/woman problem, then maybe it got that way when black men achieved a measure of male privilege in the general society.

yes, you heard me.

in that historical window between the end of segregation and the beginning of urban decay--including the rise of the prison industrial complex--it seems that black men learned a lot and forgot a lot.  then, when sistas got wise and started looking out for ourselves, the response from the brothas wasn't, "whoa...maybe we should check ourselves."  black women were simply wrong, acting counter to our original culture, trying to be "white" and all that. or lesbians.

the forgetting was deep and complex.

black women have always worked.
black women have always been spiritual leaders.
black women have always made, kept, and used their own money.
black women have always been strong.

it'd be lovely if we could recall the concept of ubuntu, coming to understand that all our oppressions under white supremacy are linked. i can't get free without you, you can't get free without me, and the basis of all that is that we also have to let ourselves be ourselves--man, woman, human.

it is my belief that when you are following your purpose--the things you agreed to do before you incarnated--then you are assisting the community. but so many sistas are being taken off their square so they can fit in, be down, please a brotha or at least remain "attractive" to one...

warrior goddesses pushed into to being handmaids for the consciousness movement du jour. mama goddesses forced to settle for mediocre mates as they fulfill their calling to raise the beautiful babies that will someday move us all forward. love goddesses pushed into the ever changing vortex of the madonna/whore complex when they could be transforming the energy of whole communities--while enjoying deeper, higher love in more powerfully intimate spaces.***

we are so much more than the boxes we've been given. if we're going to decide to embrace afrika, we need to look at her fully, and that includes understanding the true depth and complexity of the afrikan woman.

"feminism" doesn't have a whole lot to do with that.  being truthful with ourselves does.


*anybody remember that little rift between elizabeth cady stanton and susan b. anthony around whether or not to give black women their due? remember mama audre's constant calling out of white feminists? no? see what i mean?

**despite who might be left out of that equation--not to mention the centering of the gender binary.  and who defines respectable? but that's another blog...

***and please note just how white that madonna/whore thing is. 

drumming while female

i've been thinking seriously about owning a drum. for several reasons.

i know a lot of sistas can be intimidated into thinking that they can't/shouldn't/never did drum, but we do, and we did.  this knowledge is reemerging from many sources.

From a metaphysical standpoint, women are natural receptors. As such, we, often unknowingly, pull in the energies of our environments. The added bonus is that we also have the bonus ability to transmute. Any toxicity we pull in can be changed and released to the community or cosmos for greater benefit. Personally, I become much more psychically in tune with my environment when I drum, and can feel when something is in or out of sync. Our ancient foremothers knew these secrets as they gathered in secret during the mooncycles to trance dance and drum these energies into personal and collective empowerment. Today's woman has lost touch with these practices, but tries to subconsciously transmute by partying, obsessive exercise, drinking, shopping...all in an effort to shift the toxic energy that has been built up from daily living.

Buy a drum.

You will be delightfully amazed at how beneficial just five to fifteen minutes of drumming is for you. And when you drum, pray. Mentally focus your intention. Bond with the energy of your instrument and make magick. Extend the time as you go further into your drumming meditation. You'll find yourself trancing out as Queen Nyabinghi's drummers did as they were possessed of her warrior spirit. You may have ancestors come to your aid. [source]

also check out layne redmond's research, obini bata, and this blog that seems to have quite a bit of information on female drummers in west africa.

THANK you. FINALLY.

someone said it:

So it is extremely intellectually disingenuous to suggest that a specific critique is exactly the same as a fullscale attack. It seems that what you are really saying is that racism beats Black men down so much, that even when they do sh*t that’s clearly egregious, we should let it go, so that we don’t ally with THE MAN against Black men. And that argument is the height of whackness, not to mention the fact that it makes me think you’re living in 1970 and not 2010.

We make no apologies for critiquing brothers when they deserve it, or for speaking unapologetically about the concerns of sisters. We also don’t buy the logic that our failure to speak about every instance of sexist activity in the mainstream undercuts the legitimacy of our feminist politics or makes us call Black men into question. If you had actually checked out the articles on this site, you would see that in the last week, the most viewed article was a critique of Regis Philbin for grabbing Nicki Minaj’s ass. And the comments that we got from many brothers was that she deserved it.

So since many of you aren’t down for the cause, we are down for own. Unapologetically.

this is an excerpt from one of crunktastic's comments, but you can see the entire, fabulously executed post here.

sometimes you feel like you're by yourself out here... (c) e. badu

but i'm glad that ain't true.

check out this post over at new model minority.

addendum: oh, and while you're at it, check out this one, too.

one of these things is not like the other....

ok, so, lately my "radical/conscious/spiritual"* brothas and sistas have been pissing me off working my nerves around certain issues, particularly involving women, gbltqi folks, etc.

the latest mess started after tyler perry appeared on oprah.  apparently, he's the new poster man for how/why homosexuality is a "problem" amongst our folk, how the white man messed us up, and so forth.

as calmly and clearly as i can, i'm gonna try to break down at least part of what i think is wrong with the pictures i see folks painting.

1. while i admire mr. perry's willingness to talk about his abuse, i fully resent his and others' juxtaposition of abuse and dysfunction with queerness. full stop. anyone who shares his experience has a lifetime of healing to do. that's ok. within the context of that healing journey, what he does (or doesn't do) in his intimate life will likely depend on where he is in his healing.  and that's ok.  but to try to equate that process with ALL gay folks? nah, son.

2. along that same line, there are plenty of bgltqi folks who were NEVER molested as children, and are, therefore, no more confused or conflicted about being themselves as other folks are about being straight.  i've seen no evidence outside of fundamentalist religious contexts that says the majority of people who identify as other-than-heterosexual have been abused or otherwise "warped". behavior is not orientation, and the effects of abuse vary across people and cultures. people are complicated, and so is human sexuality.
(2a.) plenty of hetero folks have been abused in this same fashion.

3.when are we going to deal with the fact that SEXUAL ABUSE is the problem, and stop lauding the "victory" that at least some/most folks emerge from it "straight"?

4. apparently we still need to shout this from the rooftops: pedophilia is a psychological dysfunction involving a sexual attraction to children. the majority of pedophiles--regardless of the gender of the child(ren) they target--identify as heterosexual in their adult relationships.
(4a.) most children are assaulted by people they know, as was the case with mr. perry. you probably need to expose that "dirty uncle" in your family before you start worrying about the lesbian couple down the street.

5. this "population control" panic is nonsense.  we're not going anywhere. just about everyone's birth rates are going down in the u.s., for various reasons.  however, people of color are still the majority in the world. you know who gets paranoid about cultural/physical annihilation? you guessed it! whitefolks.  and now they've got us up in arms about their fear.  who's still talking about losing fam to the military and prison industrial complexes, gang life, and HIV/AIDS?  where's the mobilization around government corruption, healthy food, or better education? 
(5a.) this stance makes a LOT of assumptions, including that gay/lesbian and other queer folks don't have biological children. they do.

and, again, if you don't know any queer folks in the "movement", it's because you've shut them out of your view.  several of the folks you love/quote ad nauseum self-identify as same gender loving or otherwise not-straight. don't believe me? look it up.

if you wanna toss out their contributions to our people's greatness, be my guest. i prefer to stay great.

i could be shouting at the walls on this one. i really don't care. but i would love to see folks stop spouting--verbatim--the same hyper-masculine b.s. we latched on to in the 60s and 70s.  there is necessary work there, and it carried us to a particular point.  but now we know better, and we can do better.  much better.
 

*all of these labels, imo, involve avoiding the same white supremacist traps that have been laid for us for centuries.  we cannot continue to allow our need for esteem and self-worth to eclipse good sense.  

being radically conscious is about radical inclusion and a broad understanding of the range of human experience, identity, and loving--yes, even within african culture.  radicals should seek to understand the intersections of oppression and desire to stamp out a variety of -isms / -archies: heterosexism, sexism, ableism, patriarchy, kyriarchy, etc.  

chancellor williams' the destruction of black civilization does a great job of de-romanticizing historical africa, and can be studied alongside diop's cultural unity of black africa for a better view of the ways in which african societies were both similar and markedly different.  

breast ironing

this angers me. for many reasons.

why punish girls for being the victims of rape and sexual assault? 

where is the men's responsibility? their maturity? sense of dignity?

i get that the mothers are doing what they know to try and protect their daughters. i am not passing judgment on them.  

but...have they forgotten their magic?

where are the ancient social structures that would have prevented this? they're pretty standard in original african culture.  has the infiltration christianity and/or islam eroded any sense of the rightful status of women?

obviously, i have a lot of questions.

a teaching from dan smoke

from protecting the circle - aboriginal men ending violence against women

an unhealthy man is someone who hangs on to his wayward ways of youth. drinking, violence, machismo, relationship hopping and being a poor role model are some of these ways. they refuse to grow up and walk a man's path--they are still adolescents in a man's body. these 'boys' certainly don't learn from their mistakes as men. to the contrary, they will blame others for their poor behaviour. they become psychologically and morally stuck and are fearful of change and growth. these men are particularly afraid of strong women. they will deliberately seek out a woman who they can control and not a true partner. intimacy will be too scary for them.

on the other hand, an imperfect healthy man will grow up from his wayward ways. he will stop unhealthy behavior that brought him thrills, shame and confusion as a young man... he will cry, say i'm sorry and live life as if his past relatives are always watching... this man...will check in with others and himself to see if his path is a true one.

you cannot rise by standing on my neck. (c) dopegirlfresh

was reminded of this earlier in the week.

some highlights:

1. I don't have to choose my race over my sex in political matters.

7. I can live my life without ever having read black feminist authors, or knowing about black women's history, or black women's issues.

8. I can be a part of a black liberation organization like the Black Panther Party where an "out" rapist Eldridge Cleaver can assume leadership position.

41. I can believe that the success of the black family is dependent on returning men to their historical place within the family, rather than in promoting policies that strengthen black women's independence, or that provide social benefits to black children.

68. I know that the further I go in education the more success I will have with women.

74. I can choose to be emotionally withdrawn and not communicate in a relationships and it be considered unfortunate but normal.

75. I can dismissively refer to another persons grievances as ^*ing.

76. I have the privilege of not knowing what words and concepts like patriarchy, phallocentric, complicity, colluding, and obfuscation mean.

yes, as a black man in america, you DO enjoy some privilege.

i know that's a loaded word, but in an anti-oppression context, privilege deals with how much societal "value" you carry.  for instance: i am a black woman, but i'm also straight, cis-gender, able-bodied, college educated, and from a middle class background. all of those things give me an "advantage" in society over a queer, poor sista--even though much of the {mostly black male} parlance would have you think we're all in this together.

to a degree, we are.

however, black women have often had to swallow some really offensive behavior and attitudes just to stay in the game. to struggle for freedom with our brothas. to be heard. we've also worked on our own terms.

either way: if you're dissing the sistas, you're not fighting the power.

if you need an example of how it's done:

fem.men.ist
jewel woods
men can stop rape
^SEHU?!
saul willams (especially his book she)

...to start.