mid-cold gratitude

my "summer" kinda sucks so far.

after a 2-day meeting at work, i was all ready to come into my 4 day weekend with a bang.

i did. or, at least my sinuses did.  the bad sort of bang. 

but, in the spirit of not complaining, i tried to think of the good in being stuck in bed for a few days.  that started with a couple of status updates on facebook. an extended version follows.

gratitude in illness

i'm inspired to own more kaftans. they're ridiculously comfy!

the weather's held out. it's been comfortably cool the last few days...barely even need a fan. i don't know WHAT i would have done if i had to be stuck in here in 90-100 degree weather.

i have a vision for my ori altar.

i made a yummy pot of soup for myself - even though i barely tasted it.
had some great, extended phone conversations.

although it REALLY sucks that i missed her & janelle monae, i'm glad i didn't buy advance tickets to the erykah concert. i probably would have been more miserable if i'd gone.


scar tissue

the last few days have reminded me of the continual nature of healing.

once you truly, deeply begin, it's never really finished. you might go away for weeks or years, but eventually it will return to you, or you will return to it.

it's that scar your eye wanders to whenever you look in the mirror. you know it's there, but you check every so often to see if it's changed. sometimes you could swear it still aches or itches.  you might wince, fully remembering the original pain, the blood, how you thought it would never close.  most often, though, you just glance over it while you're putting on makeup or checking for dirt on your face, not even giving it a second thought. 

in the last week or so, i've had an epiphany or two, unintentionally shared some deep secrets, continued some old conversations.  i'm grateful, even though it's all left me feeling a little raw.

i'm reading a book that's speaking to feelings, dreams and experiences that i haven't shared aloud with many.  i'm still apprehensive about expressing all the thoughts it's sparking, but i know they'll need to emerge eventually.

i blame retrograde.  particularly since it came in taurus...a sign that's always evoked a deeply honest emotional and sensual response in me.   

through it all, i am still loved and loving.  expanding.  making connections.  refusing fear, even in the midst of being afraid.

gotta keep moving...