uganda (reconciling ministries network)

lots of questions/issues here...

why are they so stuck on white american christians and their messages of christianity? wouldn't it make more sense to at least flock to some black folks for these "messages"?

what's with the emphasis on sex?

oh, and...gay folks forced hitler to kill...gay folks? ok.

there needs to be some education around the differences between fetishistic practices (the recurring poo-poo theme...) and other forms of sex/sexuality.

while we're at it, let's also get into discerning the difference between sexual abuse and what happens between safe, sane, consenting adults.

and, ultimately, is having more africans killing other africans (in africa, no less) in any way a good thing? guess no one thought about it that way. everyone just wants to help the children...

personally, i'd love to hear about what ugandans believed before the anglicans and the catholics came around, 'cause i have a hard time accepting the idea that homosexuality is somehow being thrust upon this nation, but the garbled "word" of a foreign, presumably white god wasn't. or is the bible more ugandan than i thought?

praying for true, healing enlightenment, respect for life, and a return to OUR ways.


an unconventional love letter


as i was emailing a friend this morning, the idea of writing you a letter came.  i suppose it's time for me to consolidate some thoughts and say some things "aloud".

i have this thing about marking psychic milestones, and writing allows me to release and move forward.

so here i am. 

i've been through quite a bit in the last 16 months or so, and part of that journey has involved learning exactly how being with you changed me.

at first, it seemed like just about everything that happened was for the worst. deep down, i always relied on the understanding that rewards accompany all challenges; if i held out long enough, it would all bear fruit. i knew i could eventually turn the negatives into new strength, new opportunities. even as i berated you and myself for the time i'd "lost" with you, i knew patience was my best defense.

but initially, i was just angry. horribly, horribly angry. i wanted my life back. i wanted my heart back. i couldn't believe i loved you, stood by you, defended you. how could i ever think you were the man i was going to spend the rest of my life with?

that anger popped up in various spaces and places. i even thought i was going to have to disappear from the internet for awhile.  honestly, i'm sure i could still be triggered, but those moments are few and far between.  i use any residual anger and hurt as a reminder to never put myself in an emotionally lopsided position again.

i forgave you some time ago, but i will never, ever forget. i'm sure that's part of the reason a friendship isn't in the cards for us.

my boundaries are probably firmer than they've been in decades. only in my childhood journals have i expressed such a surety of self.  i suppose i've come full circle. 

i know it is not "cruel" that i am unwilling to love potential, that i demand actualities before handing over my heart.

i know love, on its own, is not enough. it is beautiful, it feels good, and it's always a blessed gift.  but love is only the mortar--it doesn't excuse you from making the bricks

similarly, i know i can feel, express, and receive love without over-giving, over-sacrificing, or over-committing.

i have always had a peaceful nature. now i understand the true depth of that peace, that it IS me, and no one can disturb it or take it away as long as i am centered in my true selfhood.

i live with my eyes open, using my gift for empathy to protect myself instead of constantly attempting to save or heal someone else (exceptions made for the deserving/reciprocal).  i stay aware of where people are in their various processes, and i listen to my intuition on how to deal with them. the unaware, the ill-attuned, the deniers and psychological procrastinators are easily recognized. the unworthy and ill-prepared are quickly removed from my life, and i let them go with gratitude.

i try to remain mindful that, if you cross my mind or someone else mentions you, i should think good thoughts. sometimes i succeed, sometimes i don't. still, if i come up short the result is more a detached indifference vs. "i can't stand that fool."  i continue to work on it.

i know my healing will continue for the foreseeable future. i look forward to the day when i can say i am running on my new legs with renewed confidence. i know i'm almost there.

i don't know who i would have been if i'd never loved you, but i can definitely say that i love the woman i am now.  pain can shape us with the same power and precision as love does. the heartache, heartbreak, tears, lonely nights and everything else i endured during our relationship molded me.

all that said, i can finally take a deep breath and, in a certain shade of love, say, "thank you for the lesson. thank you for the challenge. it made me better."

in that same breath--or the next--i also know i will never again submit to that same suffering in the name of loving.  

i'm looking forward to receiving the love that will complement, support, nurture, and care for me in all the ways i need and want.  until that day, i am crystal clear in the knowledge that i am enough, that i contain universes and worlds within me, that i know whose i am.  i can take care of myself--all my selves.  i have new trust in myself.

for those things, i remain continually and immensely grateful.

may you be led to the love, healing, and peace you desire. although i cannot walk that road with you--and no longer desire to--my highest self still wishes you the best.

in peace,




someone said it:
So it is extremely intellectually disingenuous to suggest that a specific critique is exactly the same as a fullscale attack. It seems that what you are really saying is that racism beats Black men down so much, that even when they do sh*t that’s clearly egregious, we should let it go, so that we don’t ally with THE MAN against Black men. And that argument is the height of whackness, not to mention the fact that it makes me think you’re living in 1970 and not 2010.

We make no apologies for critiquing brothers when they deserve it, or for speaking unapologetically about the concerns of sisters. We also don’t buy the logic that our failure to speak about every instance of sexist activity in the mainstream undercuts the legitimacy of our feminist politics or makes us call Black men into question. If you had actually checked out the articles on this site, you would see that in the last week, the most viewed article was a critique of Regis Philbin for grabbing Nicki Minaj’s ass. And the comments that we got from many brothers was that she deserved it.

So since many of you aren’t down for the cause, we are down for own. Unapologetically.

this is an excerpt from one of crunktastic's comments, but you can see the entire, fabulously executed post here.


love energy

i was listening to an awesome radio show yesterday, and one of the hosts touched on the depth (or height, as it were) of the sacred energies created by a man and a woman dedicated to sacred relationship.

while i was glad there was no outright disparaging of same sex couples, it made me think of the energy i've observed with those relationships.

a few disclaimers: i'm staying within the binary because that's generally been my experience, at least to outer understanding.  also, i'm speaking from the standpoint of energy, not person-to-person dynamics as such. in other words, this is about what my "antenna" pick up when i strip away the "stuff" and get to the essence of the thing.  finally, for brevity's sake, i'm sticking to monogamy. 

i agree that man/woman complements create the highest vibration in the sense of creation, since this is the coupling where physical creation takes place. this is how the energy of loving comes together to create new, actual people. of course, that serves a crucial purpose.

womyn complements form an energy of creation in a different sense--art for art's sake, in a sense. there is an intimate, deep knowing, and a safety rarely seen in man/woman complements--with the possible exception of elder couples who have spent most of their lifetimes together.  womyn together seem to craft this space in far less time and at a younger age.  

complements involving two men form a cone of strength and manifestation. they emit amazing degrees of actualization, determination, drive and power. it is almost like being near the sun. i wonder if it is this drive, particularly when manifested by black men in relationship, that makes folks so uncomfortable.  because, you see, black men aren't supposed to be or do anything. put two of them together and in love, and...yeah.

this is why i've come to consider any intimate relationship rooted in a spirit of love, reciprocity,  respect, and mutual benefit as sacred, regardless of how the people in that relationship identify themselves.  it takes all kinds of energy to keep the world going 'round.

sidebar (or, blog 1.2): one of my major concerns is that there is an emphasis on tossing non-hetero relationships into the realm of abnormality or dysfunction--in ways both subtle and overt--with absolutely no analysis around the quality of relationships themselves.

yes, the "hedonistic gay man" can be a problem, but so can the straight "pimp/playa". making all hetero relationships automatically "ok" is highly problematic for its own reasons (see: marital rape apologia, domestic violence, and the acceptance of wholesale child abuse).  we have to become more aware of these dynamics so we do not fall into dangerous, false hierarchies that keep us separate from and oppressing one another.



you know why white supremacy sucks?


Shadeism from Shadeism on Vimeo.

i can't believe that these beautiful, brilliant young women would think of themselves as anything less than divine creations.

i can't believe people of color are still hung up on this.

i am continually grateful that i grew up in a family that did not laud their light skin over others....even though many of us could have.

it makes me sick that we are so eager to "blend in" because the global minority somehow got this game on lock.

don't get me started...


some thoughts on world aids day

for many around the world, no reminders are necessary.

this dis-ease has entered our communities, depopulated our families, affected our loved ones.

it is a presence. like billie holiday's heartbreak.

the good news is that we know how to prevent it. we have ways to treat it.

we can fight.

with education, compassion, and care, we will win.