amy, amy, amy...

one of my favorite artists of the last few years has passed on...ironically joining the 27 club.

i'm gonna credit a combination of okplayer and my girl sparkle for putting me on to her. the first notes of "rehab" hit me like a train. once i had back to black, i knew i had to go back and buy frank, her first album.

i related to her on several levels.

i laughed at "f*ck me pumps".

i played "love's a losing game" and "wake up alone" until i could sing every note.

i cosigned "in my bed", "stronger than me" and "some unholy war"--having been (and still being) all those women.

i triumphed with her when i heard "tears dry on their own", remembering the moments when i was truly, finally over him, him, and him.

i didn't consider it at first, but there is something to her channeling lady day some two generations later. since i discovered jazz, i've loved billie--probably for the same reasons i love amy: that willingness to put your heart and soul on record, literally, bruised and bloodied for all the world to see. crying through the music so we can take it out on our pillows and barstools. to this day, you'll find me pulling out "good morning heartache" on an emotionally difficult evening.

i had a blake, too. our relationship wasn't nearly as dysfunctional, but the bond was similar. we were tied to each other's spirits. we fueled and loved each other in rarely rivaled ways. recently i had to make the sort of break i'm not sure amy ever did. it hurt, and it's still hurting. but i knew i couldn't walk that road of stagnation and pain--not even for that love.

what really hurt amy? did it start with her wild dance with blake? before that? i often wondered.  i do know i could have slipped down her slope.  i've seen addiction both in my personal and professional lives and glimpsed it in my own. i have an unwavering compassion for folks with monkeys, demons, white horses, and pink elephants.

i kept hoping i wouldn't see this news. when she slipped from the tabloid glare, i thought maybe she was preparing to come back--bigger and better than ever. and maybe she was.

instead....she let go. 

rest, amy. rest.
may your gift inspire, and may your story save.
ase.

merlin stone has passed on...

i remember when i was first coming into a new consciousness around god/dess and someone told me i should read when god was a woman, not now but right now.

i never looked back.

whatever scholastic errors she may have made along the way, she opened a door that could never be shut again.

may we continue to discover the Divine in our own images. and may we love Her fiercely.

thank you.

gone too soon

{addendum: it's likely that the story that sparked this post is a hoax. but what i said still stands.}

i'm sick of this.

yes, i know kids get bullied all the time. for various reasons. but it really CAN be this isolating, distressing and hurtful.

i've been through it...and, to tell you the truth, i don't even really know why i was picked on. but i know it made me wanna stop living, too. luckily i had other influences that helped get me through.

but while i had to deal with folks' misguided sexual advances, i also had the privilege of being straight. these kids are vulnerable on so many levels.  they are invisible twice, sometimes three or four times over.

on the other hand, i have to wonder: where is this deep, dark loneliness coming from? don't the smart/weird/freaky kids band together any more, or is everybody going for self?

when i was in school, the "outcasts" stuck together.  even when they didn't like each other, if someone got harassed/beat up/talked about badly enough, there was some measure of support.  whatever happened to that?

for the rest of us...

watch how you speak of gay, lesbian, and transgender people.

speak up when your kids harass peers for being "different".

befriend a kid who seems lonely.

listen openly, without judgment. be willing to learn.

you might save a life.

one day, two loves

it wasn't until today that i realized my grandfather and bob marley share a birthday.

they couldn't have less in common. LOL.

but i love them both.

thank you, pop-pop, for your love and your crochety old man-ness. for teaching me patience. and football. and, now, for your unwavering protection and guidance.

thank you, bob, for the music, the message, the love.

adupe ooo egun. iba ara t'orun. ase o.