shaquanda cotton

this is insanity made manifest.

this girl deserves to be freed. immediately.

there's a link to her official blog in the list to the right.

update 4/2/2007: she's been released, and authorities will be investigating the texas juvenile justice system to find other kids "whose sentences have been unjustly extended by prison authorities." give thanks.

another one of those days.

sometimes i don't understand why i'm here or what i'm doing.

i get tired of unpaid bills,
not being paid enough...or being paid just enough...

i don't want another job like the one i have now, but will i have a choice?

going back to school would only put me in more debt. and the things i could concieve of studying wouldn't guarantee me shit.

i'm tired of being an underling to people who are half as smart as i am. most days i feel like my gifts mean nothing because there seem to be so few outlets for them in this culture.

i wanted to help heal people and ran into another spiderweb of red tape.

and what the hell is up with the disappearance of my libido? groan.

i'm not saying i want things to be easy...it'd just be nice to feel like i have a place in this world.

i know i have to stay motivated...that i can't let the bad days get me down. it's hard. the one person who could always make it better is gone now, and my internal "you can do it!" voice hasn't become strong enough yet. there are still huge parts of myself i struggle with.

it's taking just about everything i have not to run to some bathroom on another floor and cry my eyes out.

but...i won't.

it's payday. so after i finish this, i'll go pay a couple of bills

this evening i'll get some groceries and things to clean the house...i'm already planning a curried potato, lentil and spinach dish. and i can get at least the bathroom done tonight, put some clothes away (finally). maybe get some laundry done.

there's a stephen marley cd waiting for me somewhere, too.

tomorrow morning i'm going to go speak with the ancestors and take them an offering.

i know it's gonna be ok.

that still doesn't stop you from wanting to throw back a couple of petron shots and toss the world a middle finger every now and then.


if i'm gonna bitch & moan, i like to follow it up with a gratitude list...i try to put it all in perspective--even when things seem kinda hopeless. i know i'm still blessed.

that said, today i am grateful for...

iba olodumare
iba ori mi
iba eshu
iba egungun
iba ogun
iba olokun
iba oshun
paydays! (especially when they're fridays, too)
good music & movies
a supportive partner who loves me
bean pies
godchildren (especially silly 7 yr old ones)
right-on-time phone calls


i dream of women


very sensual, strangely lit, movie type dreams.

it's the strangest thing.

i was told some time ago that it was probably some manifestation of a need for sisterhood, a consequence of not having many female friends.

i've never been romantically interested in women, and i'm not now. so enjoying these dreams is something of a paradox.

her appearances are variations on several themes: she's always a cross between an african queen and a black power logo from 1960something. tall, dark, afro-ed, and sweet. she smiles at me a lot. our contact feels more like a journey than anything sexual.

i don't feel her kisses so much as i experience them. i don't touch her so much as i run my hands through a river.

i don't get it.
i suppose i don't have to.

maybe it's just me falling in love with myself.


the boys downstairs

i don't know how to end this...still a work in progress

aside from my alarm clock
the first thing I hear in the morning
are the cries of a 3 yr old child

after repeatedly hitting the snooze button
there’s the echo of
mommy yelling and
baby trying to figure out why she’s so mad

a few months ago it would be
mommy and daddy fighting that greeted me
7am or earlier
fussing about lies and all other manner of what not
i suppose the experiment in playing house failed
since daddy’s not there anymore

i don’t know what that boy did
pretty as he is
i remember coming out of the house the same time as them
and was greeted with a bright, cheerful “hi!”
then, later, the mischievous face
staring out of the front door calling
(I’m guessing she was in the basement doing laundry)
I playfully put a finger to my lips
and he grinned that pretty grin
at our quick game of peek-a-boo
and kept calling

i don’t pretend to know
what motherhood is like
but i understand a bit
about the making of happy children

i also know how the other little boy
who used to live in the same apartment
became my godson’s bully

…no one spoke to him
unless they were yelling
my gentle “hey” caught him as a deer in headlights
then he shot finger guns at me
(he was always shooting finger guns
or play ones
expecting you to fall down dead)

i remember hearing the tantrums he’d throw
after daddy dropped him off
on a weekend or
after a weeknight visit
remember thinking
that anger’s gonna get him in
big trouble


(c) 2007 l.a.m.


temporary insanity

i wanna
run away with nothing but
a pen
a pad
and some dreams

i'd like to live on air and
eat sunshine with
rose petal forks and
moonbeam knives

i know you're thinkin
that's some ol' esoteric boho bullshit
but...hear me out for a minute

i wanna walk barefoot on
august-heated asphalt
'cause i know i can
and the grit would feel good between my toes
just like serengeti sand used to

i wanna give folks an example of what it looks like
to live on the other side
or no side at all
travel with my hair trailing behind me
smiling at nothing
conversing with the spirits
(i'll blame my insane appearance on a nonexistent wireless cellular headset)

i wanna perform miracles on street corners
so black & brown babies will understand the truth in "you can do anything"
and know it's not just a lie grown ups tell to shut you up.

of course i'm writing this
at a computer
at a desk
in an office that has nothing to do with a dream of mine
or any of my modest aspirations
but that's why i make up these little bits of verse
and put them out into the ether
'cause that's where freedom is.

(c) 2007 l.a.m.



netflix brought the first season of def poetry jam, and it's been kinda inspiring. i might actually have some poems to post soon.

this past weekend was a reminder of all my blessings, and a bringer of new ones.

i'm glad the mercury's creeping up the thermometer.

i have got to replace my jazzyfatnastees cd, pronto.

if you love the color purple, please read this book.

i think that's all i have to say right now...


another gem from the 90s

wole soyinka on traditional yoruba religion

Beier: I am not quite certain what his real argument was or how it was phrased. But I do remember your rather fierce reply! The gist of which was that both Christianity and Islam were conservative forces that actually retarded Nigeria’s ability to copy with the modern world, whereas traditional religions - Yoruba religion at least - was something much more open, and much capable of adaptation ...

Soyinka: Yes, and for the very reason liberating! I am glad you brought up the issue of Islam, because that was also contributory to my entire attitude to imposed foreign religions. You know all this nonsense of religious intolerance which is eating into the country now - it didn’t exist in my youth! During the Ileya we celebrated with our Muslim friends, because they would send us meat from their ram; the Oba would go to the mosque, even if he was a Christian, and vice versa: during Christmas and Easter, our Muslim friends would come to the house. There was always equality between the religions - acceptance. And that in turn made it impossible for me to see one as superior to the other. And of course, the more I learned about Yoruba religion the more I realized that that was just another interpretation of the world, another encapsulation of man’s conceiving of himself and his position in the universe; and that all these religions are just metaphors for the strategy of man coping with the vast unknown.

I became more and more intrigued and it is not surprising that, when I went to study in England. I nearly took "Comparative Religion" as one of my subjects; but then I decided that I would enjoy it more, if I just read into it and visited all sorts of places ... I remember going to this small Buddhist meeting; I visited the so-called fundamentalist religions, the spiritualist churches ... I went to one or two seances. I have always been interested in the spirituality of the human individual. So when people like Tahir - and there have been many of them - have made that kind of statement, I have always risen to counter it very fiercely. Traditional religion is not only accommodating, it is liberating, and this seems logical, because whenever a new phenomenon impinged on the consciousness of the Yoruba - whether a historical event, a technological or scientific encounter - they do not bring down the barriers - close the doors. They say: Let us look at this phenomenon and see what we have that corresponds to it in our own tradition, that is a kind of analogue to this experience. And sure enough, they go to Ifa and they examine the corpus of proverbs and sayings; and they look even into their, let’s say, agricultural practices or the observation of their calendar. Somewhere within that religion they will find some kind of approximate interpretation of that event. They do not consider it a hostile experience. That’s why the corpus of Ifa is constantly reinforced and augmented, even from the history of other religions with which Ifa comes into contact. You have Ifa verses which deal with Islam, you have Ifa verses which deal with Christianity. Yoruba religion attunes itself and accommodates the unknown very readily; unlike Islam, because they did not see this in the Koran - therefore it does not exist. The last prophet was Mohammed, anybody who comes after this is a fake. And Christianity! The Roman Catholics: until today they do not cope with the experience and the reality of abortion! They just shut the wall firmly against it. They fail to address the real problems of it; they refuse to adjust any of their tenets.

sunni patterson

go check her out, y'all. seriously.


standing by your man or just standing by?

i keep hearing sistas talking about how we have to stick by our men, help them through their trials and tribulations 'cause they're just as beat down by the system as we are and so on and so forth...

but when is enough enough?

when do you stop standing still for a man who gives you no guarantees?

we've all heard the rant about white collar blk women having issues with blue collar blk men...i'm going beyond that. whether my man works in a boardroom or a machine room, i'm happy as long as he's making a good, honest living and is standing on his own two feet. hell, i can't say i'm much of a "career woman", so that's no big deal.

the issues i'm talking about are more emotional, spiritual. what is stunting the growth of our men? can we blame it all on the lack of fathers? i really think that, similar to the issue of socioeconomics and crime, we have to ask at what point personal responsibility and self-awareness take over.

what motivates a man? there are so many programs and self help books for women...why haven't the "experts" learned what works for men?

is the only thing that can help a man a good woman? how long is said woman supposed to hang in there while he gets his shit together?

i wanna slap the teeth out of the mouth of every man who's left his son.

i wanna tongue-lash every woman who made her son the "man" of the house as soon as he could talk in complete sentences.

you don't know the monsters you're creating.


tim for president

"It always cracks me up ("cracks me up" in the sense of "infuriates and depresses") to hear Republicans act like hardheaded, down-to-earth fiscal realists when the Democrats propose one of their pie-in-the-sky social programs, health care for children or some such shit, demanding, "How are we going to pay for this? Where’s the money going to come from?" whereas they never, ever pose such questions if the money’s going to go toward killing tens of thousands of foreigners. This, of course, would be tantamount to treason. Conservatives don’t go in for utopian social engineering when it involves giving free money to poor people here—only if it means demolishing existing countries on the other side of the planet and building completely different ones in their place. Why the hell not? What’s stopping us? We create our own reality! We’ll be greeted as liberators. It’s a New American Century! Lap dances for every Iraqi!"

--tim kreider

who i be

some days i feel like i'm failing at this "integration" thing.

i suppose i should explain.

for the last couple of years--particularly since the loss--i've been trying to get the creative/spiritual/womanly and "gotta pay the bills"-selves all wrapped up into one instead of continually killing off little pieces of me when it's convenient.

my biggest fear is going the route of the phoenix and burning myself out. starving for mental stimulation and sensation can get you in trouble.

doing the spiritual work helps. but it also tends to remove me from my material existence. then, usually around the time my cycle's due, when i come crashing down to earth, i tend to look around and think, "what the fk is going on here??!??"

becoming more mindful and committed to prayer makes a difference. i might feel like hell walking out the door, but taking a deep breath and getting it together so i can greet my shrines forces a reorganization of priorities.

massage does the same thing. a bad day instantly turns into a good one when i have a client. i have to check my crap at the edge of the table and deal with that person's well-being. and the better i make them feel, the better i start to feel myself. it's a wonderful exchange.

that's something i need to be seriously thinking about doing all day, every day.

i need to pull out all those papers and get serious about getting certified in dc. even if i don't do crap with it right now...at least i'll have it.

get my cpr certification renewed
scrape up the change to get my association membership renewed
i won't even talk about continuing education credits...oy.

not to mention that i'll have to basically re-learn everything before i'd feel confident going on a job interview. you think i still know the origins and insertions of the six deep lateral hip rotators? nope.

reiki classes were offered recently at my alma mater, but i missed out on those...have to catch 'em next go round.

and all this starts me wondering, "should i really try to do the house thing now?". but a house would mean a tax break for once. maybe i could actually start looking forward to refunds instead of owing.

i can have it all. i know i can.
i just have to pace myself...

and before, during, and after all that, i need to find the space, inspiration, and will to keep writing.

maferefun ori

...for keeping me in a spirit of gratitude.

the things worthy of praise today include:

restaurants that love veggies/vegans
emotional intelligence/awareness
prayer/the presence of spirit
health/food/shelter/clean clothes
warm brown hugs
friends & family
paying the bills...and not being harrassed for delaying the ones i can't
knowing i have options. even if it doesn't always feel that way.
clean desks
slow work days that accomodate blogging



to piggyback my myspace blog...i think i need to get back into the poetry game.

to be fair, i was never really in it, but i used to write a lot more of it than i do now--even if i didn't read.

writing these days has taken the form of snippets of journal entries (compared to the multiple page outpourings i did years ago), blogging, and maybe a couple of lines here & there if the mood strikes.

still, on the rare occasions when i do go out and listen to folks, 80-90% of them have me thinking, "i can do better than that."

during my hiatus i've tried to be mindful of squashing negative mind chatter, getting rid of all the "i can'ts" and "i'm not good enoughs".

i'm not gonna assume i'm the next big thing, either. i mean, i'm damn near 30. full time, broke ass poet status isn't my bag. i write because i've always written. becoming a local celebrity and getting first slot at the local cafe isn't really my goal.

but i have a voice. and something to say.
i deserve to be heard, or, rather, something in me wants to be.

so...we'll see.



i've decided to fast one day a week...which isn't really hard, especially if i'm working.

i think i eat too much considering my current level of activity. not to mention that i don't even know what i want to eat half the time. that's usually a sign you don't need it as much as you think you do.

i find that i tend to eat to make myself feel good, which isn't the best reason to stuff one's face. i've never been a compulsive eater, or even really overweight for that matter. still, the weight i lost a couple of weeks ago made me wonder if i was carrying around just a little too much extra.

now that the seasons are changing i can get back into the kitchen. i've already re-started my chlorophyll/flaxseed regimen.

i'm leaning towards using fresh herbs vs. dried ones...and i want to learn more about raw foods, even though i know i'll never go too far down that path.

one of those jack lalane juicers is definitely in my future.

lately i feel a burning need to eliminate things that aren't working for me and work towards things that are. my intuition is heightened, and every day i gain more trust in myself.

probably just some kind of birthday high...but i wanna keep it going.


christian bale

good lord

he couldn't just catch it...i'd THROW it at him. lol.

1990s toni morrison interview

from Black Folk Network




Q. In your contemporary novels you portray harsh confrontation between black and white. In Tar Baby a character says, ''White folks and black folks should not sit down and eat together or do any of those personal things in life.'' It seems hopeless if we can't bridge the abysses you see between sexes, classes, races.

A. I feel personally sorrowful about black-white relations a lot of the time because black people have always been used as a buffer in this country between powers to prevent class war, to prevent other kinds of real conflagrations.

If there were no black people here in this country, it would have been Balkanized. The immigrants would have torn each other's throats out, as they have done everywhere else. But in becoming an American, from Europe, what one has in common with that other immigrant is contempt for me -- it's nothing else but color. Wherever they were from, they would stand together. They could all say, ''I am not that.'' So in that sense, becoming an American is based on an attitude: an exclusion of me.

It wasn't negative to them -- it was unifying. When they got off the boat, the second word they learned was ''nigger.'' Ask them -- I grew up with them. I remember in the fifth grade a smart little boy who had just arrived and didn't speak any English. He sat next to me. I read well, and I taught him to read just by doing it. I remember the moment he found out that I was black -- a nigger. It took him six months; he was told. And that's the moment when he belonged, that was his entrance. Every immigrant knew he would not come as the very bottom. He had to come above at least one group -- and that was us.

Q. When you think about what the Jews did as leaders in the civil rights movement, in the forefront of trying to break the barriers, how do you account for the abrasiveness between blacks and Jews now?

A. For a long time I was convinced that the conflict between Jewish people and black people in this country was a media event. But everywhere I went in the world where there were black people, somebody said, What about the blacks and Asians? What do you think about the blacks and the Mexicans? Or, in New York at one time, blacks and Puerto Ricans? The only common denominator is blacks.

I thought, Something is disguised, what is it? What I find is a lot of black people who believe that Jews in this country, by and large, have become white. They behave like white people rather than Jewish people.

Q. Hasn't the rift been brought about partly by the anti-Semitic rhetoric of black Muslims like Louis Farrakhan?

A. Farrakhan is one person, one black person. Why is it that no black person seems to be rabid about Meir Kahane? Farrakhan is rejected by a lot of black people who wouldn't go near that man. It's not an equal standard -- one black person is all black people.

Q. But sometimes whites feel that all white people are being similarly equated, when in fact attitudes among whites range from the Ku Klux Klan right over to the saints.

A. Black people have always known that. We've had to distinguish among you because our lives depended on it. I'm always annoyed about why black people have to bear the brunt of everybody else's contempt. If we are not totally understanding and smiling, suddenly we're demons.

Q. You've said that you didn't like the idea of writing about slavery. Yet Beloved, your most celebrated book, is set in slavery and its aftermath.

A. I had this terrible reluctance about dwelling on that era. Then I realized I didn't know anything about it, really. And I was overwhelmed by how long it was. Suddenly the time -- 300 years -- began to drown me.

Three hundred years -- think about that. Now, that's not a war, that's generation after generation. And they were expendable. True, they had the status of good horses, and nobody wanted to kill their stock. And, of course, they had the advantage of reproducing without cost.

Q. Beloved is dedicated to the 60 million who died as a result of slavery. A staggering number -- is this proved historically?

A. Some historians told me 200 million died. The smallest number I got from anybody was 60 million. There were travel accounts of people who were in the Congo -- that's a wide river -- saying, ''We could not get the boat through the river, it was choked with bodies.'' That's like a logjam. A lot of people died. Half of them died in those ships.

Slave trade was like cocaine is now -- even though it was against the law, that didn't stop anybody. Imagine getting $1,000 for a human being. That's a lot of money. There are fortunes in this country that were made that way.

I thought this has got to be the least read of all the books I'd written because it is about something that the characters don't want to remember, I don't want to remember, black people don't want to remember, white people don't want to remember. I mean, it's national amnesia.

Q. You gave new insight into the daily struggle of slaves.

A. I was trying to make it a personal experience. The book was not about the institution -- Slavery with a capital S. It was about these anonymous people called slaves. What they do to keep on, how they make a life, what they're willing to risk, however long it lasts, in order to relate to one another -- that was incredible to me.

For me, the torturous restraining devices became a hook on which to say what it was like in personal terms. I knew about them because slaves who wrote about their lives mentioned them, and white people wrote about them. There's a wonderful diary of the Burr family in which he talks about his daily life and says, ''Put the bit on Jenny today.'' He says that about 19 times in six months -- and he was presumably an enlightened slave owner. Slave-ship captains also wrote a lot of memoirs, so it's heavily documented.

There was a description of a woman who had to wear a bell contraption so when she moved they always knew where she was. There were masks slaves wore when they cut cane. They had holes in them, but it was so hot inside that when they took them off, the skin would come off. Presumably, these things were to keep them from eating the sugar cane. What is interesting is that these things were not restraining tools, like in the torture chamber. They were things you wore while you were doing the work. Amazing. It seemed to me that the humiliation was the key to what the experience was like.

There was this ad hoc nature of everyday life. For black people, anybody ! might do anything at any moment. Two miles in any direction, you may run into Quakers who feed you or Klansmen who kill you -- you don't know. When you leave the plantation, you are leaving not only what you know, you are leaving your family.

Q. Have you any specific proposals for improving the present-day racial climate in America?

A. It is a question of education, because racism is a scholarly pursuit. It's all over the world, I am convinced. But that's not the way people were born to live. I'm talking about racism that is taught, institutionalized. Everybody remembers the first time they were taught that part of the human race was Other. That's a trauma. It's as though I told you that your left hand is not part of your body.

How to breach those things? There is a very, very serious problem of education and leadership. But we don't have the structure for the education we need. Nobody has done it. Black literature is taught as sociology, as tolerance, not as a serious, rigorous art form.

I saw on television some black children screaming and crying about the violence in their school. But what do we do about that?

Q. But there is violence in schools that are all black, black against black.

A. Black people are victims of an enormous amount of violence. I don't have any answers other than what to do about violence generally. None of those things can take place, you know, without the complicity of the people who run the schools and the city.

Q. That's a strong condemnation. Complicity suggests that these conditions are seen as O.K.

A. Human beings can change things. Schools must stop being holding pens to keep energetic young people off the job market and off the streets. They are real threats because they may know more, they may have more energy, and they may take your job. So we stretch puberty out a long, long time.

There is nothing of any consequence in education, in the economy, in city planning, in social policy that does not concern black people. That's where the problem is. Are you going to build a city to accommodate more black people? Why? They don't pay taxes. Are you going to build a school system to accommodate the children of poor black people? Why? They'll want your job. They don't pay taxes.

Q. Many people are deeply concerned that these young black students are dropping out.

A. They don't care about these kids. I don't mean that there are not people ; who care. But when this wonderful ''they'' we always blame for anything say we've got to fix the schools, or we have got to legalize drugs, what they care about is their personal well-being: Am I going to get mugged? Are the homeless going to be in my neighborhood?

Q. You don't think there is great concern out there that American society has things seriously wrong with it? Not just because ''I can't walk down the street''?

A. Yes, but I do not see vigorous attack on the wrongness. I see what I call comic-book solutions to really major problems. Of course, a new President can make a difference -- he can reassemble the legislation of the past 20 years that has been taken apart and put it back. They said it didn't work. It's like building a bridge a quarter of the way across the river and saying, ''You can't get there from here.'' Twenty years! It never had a generation to complete the work. Somebody has to take responsibility for being a leader.

Q. In one of your books you described young black men who say, ''We have found the whole business of being black and men at the same time too difficult.'' You said that they then turned their interest to flashy clothing and to being hip and abandoned the responsibility of trying to be black and male.

A. I said they took their testicles and put them on their chest. I don't know what their responsibility is anymore. They're not given the opportunity to choose what their responsibilities are. There's 60% unemployment for black teenagers in this city. What kind of choice is that?

Q. This leads to the problem of the depressingly large number of single-parent households and the crisis in unwed teenage pregnancies. Do you see a way out of that set of worsening circumstances and statistics?

A. Well, neither of those things seems to me a debility. I don't think a female running a house is a problem, a broken family. It's perceived as one because of the notion that a head is a man.

Two parents can't raise a child any more than one. You need a whole community -- everybody -- to raise a child. The notion that the head is the one who brings in the most money is a patriarchal notion, that a woman -- and I have raised two children, alone -- is somehow lesser than a male head. Or that I am incomplete without the male. This is not true. And the little nuclear family is a paradigm that just doesn't work. It doesn't work for white people or for black people. Why we are hanging onto it, I don't know. It isolates people into little units -- people need a larger unit.

Q. And teenage pregnancies?

A. Everybody's grandmother was a teenager when they got pregnant. Whether they were 15 or 16, they ran a house, a farm, they went to work, they raised their children.

Q. But everybody's grandmother didn't have the potential for living a different kind of life. These teenagers -- 16, 15 -- haven't had time to find out if they have special abilities, talents. They're babies having babies.

A. The child's not going to hurt them. Of course, it is absolutely time consuming. But who cares about the schedule? What is this business that you have to finish school at 18? They're not babies. We have decided that puberty extends to what -- 30? When do people stop being kids? The body is ready to have babies, that's why they are in a passion to do it. Nature wants it done then, when the body can handle it, not after 40, when the income can handle it.

Q. You don't feel that these girls will never know whether they could have been teachers, or whatever?

A. They can be teachers. They can be brain surgeons. We have to help them become brain surgeons. That's my job. I want to take them all in my arms and say, ''Your baby is beautiful and so are you and, honey, you can do it. And when you want to be a brain surgeon, call me -- I will take care of your baby.'' That's the attitude you have to have about human life. But we don't want to pay for it.

I don't think anybody cares about unwed mothers unless they're black -- or poor. The question is not morality, the question is money. That's what we're upset about. We don't care whether they have babies or not.

Q. How do you break the cycle of poverty? You can't just hand out money.

A. Why not? Everybody gets everything handed to them. The rich get it handed -- they inherit it. I don't mean just inheritance of money. I mean what people take for granted among the middle and upper classes, which is nepotism, the old-boy network. That's shared bounty of class.


maferefun ogun

Ogun awo, Olumaki, alase a juba.
Spirit of the mystery of Iron, Chief of Strength, the owner of power, I salute you.

Ogun ni jo ti ma lana lati ode.
Spirit of Iron dances outside to open the road.

Ogun oni're, onile kangun-dangun ode Orun, egbe l'ehin,
Spirit of Iron, owner of good fortune, owner of many houses in Heaven,
Help those who journey,

Pa san bo pon ao lana to.
Remove the obstructions from our path.

Imo kimo 'bora, egbe lehin a nle a benge ologbe.
Wisdom of the Warrior Spirit, guide us through our spiritual journey with strength.

So be it.

here's a great myspace bulletin sent by this sista today...

Trust enough to be Courageous...

Herukhuti/Ogun....This is the energy within us that removes obstacles that impede us from continuing on our journey to spiritual growth, development and enlightenment. Herukhuti is fiery energy that we can use to "burn" off the antiquated parts of ourselves. In one respect, Herukhuti's energy is great because he says, "Do it NOW!" However, the challenge in that is actually releasing those parts of ourselves that don't serve us any longer. I am finding that more than acknowledging what needs to be released and even more than actually releasing that thing, behavior or person, what I have to do is to release my attachment to it. This is what I love about Herukhuti. He gives me the courage to make the leap of faith into a realm that seems scary without out fear of harm in anyway.

Herukhuti is the warrior. When I think of warriors, I envision people who completely and totally believe in what they are doing. So much so that they are willing to give their lives for that thing. They are exceedingly passionate about what they are standing for. This is the energy within ourselves that can help us move through the blockages, the attachments to our depression, our relationships, our beliefs that keep us walking in limitation.

So again with this fast, I am being called to tap into my passion, my courage, that part of myself that does not fear releasing the toxic emotions within my emotional body. I am being called to stand for wholeness, stand for truth, to stand for ME! I take this time to shift my faith in these unhealthy attachments to my faith in God/Goddess, Source Energy that is all that I am. I also take this time to get real with myself about what I am really getting from holding on to these emotions and behaviors. As I continue to walk in the Truth of Goddess as the one true source of my all, I effortlessly release the blockages from my energy matrix...

Most of us have a vision for our lives. Though we may not all be clear about this vision, we all are working toward living our highest and greatest good. This is our nature. What assists us with moving toward the higher purpose in our lives is our inner voice. I call it the voice of God within. What CIB is calling us to do is to TRUST this voice. How many times have you heard the inner guidance and thought, "Naaa. That could not be right." and you did the exact opposite thing? Or how many times did you hear that voice, KNOWING that it was right and you decided that you would ignore it anyway? CIB is saying that WE, YOU, are a conduit of Divine wisdom and knowledge. There is nothing that you have to do in order to receive this divine transmission other than open yourself to it.

One of the best sources of information about what is going on with us is our feelings. Do you trust your feelings when they are telling you that something is not quite right? Do you trust your feelings when they are telling you that what you have heard or experienced rings true for you? The lesson in this fast is that emotions that don't feel good to you are telling you that there is a need for you to release them. This is SPIRIT TALKING TO YOU! There are also those emotions in your emotional body that allow you to experience those God/Goddess qualities that you desire most to make manifest in your daily life such as peace, love and joy. These emotions are also speaking to you. They are telling you that you are in alignment with you highest and greatest good.

So as you continue on your path to freedom from the limitations of ego and walking in the truth that we are limitless beings, allow the energy of Herukhuti/Ogun within you to emerge to help you courageously continue to move through self-imposed blockages. You can do this in TRUST. Trust that where you land on the other side will hold valuable lessons and growth opportunities that will assist you on your journey to remembering and living that truth that is you: You are God/Goddess in action.

Much Love
Tyra Olufemi


the last thing i needed

was something to upset my stomach.


mercury's lovely little retrograde trip is in full mickeyfickin effect today...


delayed reactions

i was going to try to work on the new project today, but got stalled...it's probably something i'm going to need a lot of room and time to really get right. but i've learned that if i'm not flowing, the best thing to do is leave whatever it is alone. otherwise i'll delete every damn thing and wind up with nothing. ha.

i'm holding up well, albeit a little worn out. i'm already kinda tired of soup, but i'm still not ready to venture fully into the world of food. just trying to listen to my body & roll with it...

ok. i totally forgot i was writing this, and now it's almost quarter after 4pm...


g'night folks.