santa, my baby, and me

i've had a friend--as the old folks say--for the past several years.

we love each other and all...but it hasn't been easy.

...not that i expect it to be easy. i've had my share of relationships and probably more than my share of soulmate-worthy experiences, yet even at my most hopeful and naive, i've never expected easy.

but this experience has been...unique. to put it mildly.

e.g., for the last 2 new years of our relationship, by dec. 31st we've either been barely speaking or not together at all.

i'm beginning to realize how things that have happened over the course of those years have--from my point of view--stunted our growth. not to mention made me more shell-shocked (vs. increasingly comfortable) as time goes by.

i mean...first of all, i'm not an off/on kinda woman. either you're in or your out. the fact that we've broken up twice (three times? who's counting...) and bounced back for more has been distressing enough. i've always said that i was NEVER going to be that woman...

but i digress.

the holidays have been our special kind of hell.

as the season approaches once again, i can't help but get a little nervous--even if we did spit our annual quota of venom out over the last part of the summer.

most of you reading can probably tell by now that i don't put a lot of stock into the holiday season, at least not from any religious/material point of view. but it is a time when i get to see family i don't always see, maybe eat some good food, exchange some gifts, and have some fun.

i'm also very used to my significant other factoring into said time period in one way or another. it's just a part of being part of my life. adult commitment. or so i thought.

suffice it to say that i've walked into some land mines with this man.

one thing leads to another and before you know it, a whole year's worth of issues have snowballed into "why can't you just come to..." or "why can't i go with you when..."

as i said: it hasn't been easy.

still, with all that, we have grown.
and i still love him.
and he still loves me.

so here's to hoping that we can make it to dec. 31, 2005 intact, in love, and in friendship.

cheers.