let our girls be girls

right on.

marching on

still trudging through the "muck"...i'll be REALLY glad when i start bleeding. and that's not something i say often.

some clouds have cleared, though...gaining insight into my next steps. maybe by the end of the week, i'll feel more encouraged about this work.

there are some not-so-useful thoughts and feelings surfacing.  one of the more disturbing ones is that a fully loving, enriching relationship is out of my grasp. of course it isn't. but "crap" can rear its ugly head in all sorts of ways.

i'm reminding myself that the moon is waning--a great time to get the lies out and push them away.


some thoughts on respect

i don't respect just anybody. i might be polite, but you have to earn my respect.

i've been hearing this a lot lately--the form of the statement changes slightly, but the sentiment is the same.

it bothers me, particularly coming from folks who are about 13-25 years old.  some folks even make a slightly dubious distinction between "respect" and "common courtesy" that i don't really understand. 

now, this boondocks episode brings home the fact that not every elder--or person--is to be "respected". 

similarly, i realize that some folks have been raised hearing some version of, "respect your elders" in response to having to put up with some bullshit.  sometimes clearly abusive bullshit.  that's unfortunate.  but as we grow, we should come to understand that the mistakes of our elders shouldn't result in a defiant disrespect of nearly everyone.  it means we should put them and their actions in their rightful place while attempting to gain a clearer understanding of what respect actually is.

respect is NOT
  • kissing ass
  • glossing over silly/unethical/wrong behavior because someone is older than and/or holds some position of power over you
  • confidence (e.g. telling all your business) 
  • intimacy

respect IS (in part)

(a) esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.

(b) deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: respect for a suspect's right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly. [emphasis added] (source)

in my humble opinion, (a) defines the kind of respect one could argue should be "earned".  and, of course, intimacy, confidence and respect are not necessarily mutually exclusive; respecting someone can lead to those things, depending on the circumstance.

however, if we expand the hierarchical language to a more inclusive view, (b) defines the basic respect i feel we should extend to all sentient beings we share space, time and energy with, essentially because you don't know one's position until or unless they tell you.

that old woman you met on the bus stop could be a queen mother in her homeland.  that child you sneered at for vocalizing too loudly could  be a prodigy.  that local celebrity who was just rude to you--the one you adored a half hour ago and now you're tearing apart on your blog--could have just lost one of her parents, but had to come to an autograph signing anyway.

you simply do not know.

before you talk about how someone needs to earn your respect--or when you hear someone say it--ask some questions.  what are your goals? are you working towards something that will result in your being respected?  who taught you about respect?  were they really worthy of it, or were you just fearful of them?

i'm gonna hop off the soapbox.  what do y'all think about this?



finally got the ori altar up and running, just in time for the solstice.  i still feel like it's missing something, but i'm not quite sure what.  i'm sure it will come to me.

iyalosa olaomi suggests getting up at sunrise for 8 days after constructing the space.  thankfully, sunrise at this time of year is when i'm supposed to be getting my lazy self outta bed anyway.

in any case, i got up on time and said my prayers...wrote down dreams.  i'm hoping to keep this going, despite the pre-moon ebbs and flows. 

i also have some healing tea i need to brew...

i'm gonna get clear.  by any means.


green cleanse: conclusions

day 11 was really more one of incorporating different foods...but by the evening, i just figured i could eat what i wanted, and did. day 9 was my last fully "green" day.

this morning i had green juice, green pills, and fruit salad (varied).  felafel for lunch.

overall, i'd have to say that juice or water fasting is more suited to significant revelations and clarity.  this felt like a break for my body, but not much more than that.  still, it's definitely a good alternative in the absence of a juicer, and incorporating more green and whole foods is always a good thing.

i also noticed that it was difficult to keep up my energy levels, despite all the chlorophyll and spirulina.  with juice fasting, after i hit the wall, that's less of a concern.  this may be because as long as i'm giving myself something to digest, i need a variety of fruits, veggies, and protein to stay up and alert.

in particular, b vitamins are very important to keeping my energy regulated.  my ideal breakfast most days is a banana and glass of orange juice.  during premenstrual/menstrual times, i typically need a b vitamin-fortified drink to get through the worst energy slumps.  given that most of the foods on this list aren't green, it's no wonder i wasn't very energetic during the cleanse. 

if i want to devote myself to a 2 week cleansing in the future, i think i might do a week of green foods, then directly follow that with 3-4 days of juice fasting.

green cleanse: day 11 (winding down)

breakfast: chlorophyll water, fruit salad (green grapes, clementine, strawberries, bananas)

lunch: "mediterranean wrap" filling (hummus, cucumber, sundried tomato relish, mixed greens, feta. only ate about 1/4 of the wrap itself). green apple

dinner: trader joe's pad thai bowl, spinach w/ TJ goddess dressing

sigh. left my grocery list AND recipes sitting on my desk last night. will grab some more stuff tonight.

i think the butter last night aggravated my sinuses. good to know.


green cleanse: day 10

lunch: green salad (spinach, romaine, cucumber, sprouts) w/ oil/vinegar dressing & sunflower seeds, honeydew melon

dinner: spinach pasta w/ raw spinach, fresh parsley, basil; clementines*

growing weary...i've had a lot of variety with this, but just goes to show how easily bored i can get with food. next time i do anything like this, i hope to have a wonderful new juicer to help out. it makes all the difference.

i feel pretty good, though.

making a grocery list so i can get to the store tonight.  also hope to grab a pepper grinder for my yummy alligator pepper.

will definitely pick up some kale and try this. more avocado isn't a problem. there are pine nuts left over from making pesto, and my kelp powder's arrived.

i also don't tire of spinach easily. will get more of that tonight, too.

these collard wraps sound awesome...i don't know about making the sunflower pate, but i'll play with it. outside the cleanse, i think some kind of brown rice concoction would be absolutely fabulous for that.

*i put some butter on the pasta, and i've decided to start mixing in other fruits with the green ones. i want to start easing myself back into a regular diet.


green cleanse: days 8 and 9

during the day yesterday, all i ate was some honeydew melon, store-bought green juice, iced tea, and water. i spent the day at odunde, so the cold iced tea was a necessary deviation.  too hot for anything else. 

had a late dinner of the spinach pasta & pesto. kiwi for dessert. 

this morning, i made more of the avocado mash for lettuce wraps, adding salsa (tomato-based) this time instead of the raw garlic and chopping up the spinach into the mix. also started back with the green pills.

taking detox tea for the ride to work.  missed a day sunday, but did have a cup on saturday.

for lunch today, i'll have sauteed green beans and spinach with ginger/garlic/scallion mix for seasoning. probably heavy on the ginger.

don't know what to do for dinner;  won't be able to do any grocery shopping until tomorrow. but i still have a zucchini in there. maybe have that with the last of the romaine & cucumbers for a quick salad. 

dinner: green lentils with zucchini, tossed with pesto (kind of like a stew)

skin is doing well.  bra marks under my breasts are fading.  feeling more energetic and clear.


green cleanse: day 7

breakfast: orange juice w/ chlorophyll, kiwi/grape fruit salad

lunch: romaine lettuce "boats" stuffed with spinach & avocado spread* (pic)

dinner: spinach pasta tossed with fresh pesto, zucchini "fries"

last night was rough. i wanted eggs this morning, honestly. i love spinach/avocado omelettes...

but i'm hanging in.

tomorrow i'm sure i'll have to make some substitutions, but i'll get back on track monday.

i decided not to eat at all last night, just had a glass of mango nectar and some water and vegged out with a movie.  my body felt tired, but not hungry.  did some freewriting as well.

i'm feeling VERY emotional right now. wanting to cry, love, understand, grow....feel. my heart is slowly, gently opening.

the first rush of feeling is always jumbled...confusion is normal, although frustrating.  i just have to push past this and into the clarity...

i know now that i'm doing this at the right time for the right reasons.

*very simple:

1 avocado
sea salt
blk pepper
a dash (or more) of dried red pepper
lemon or lime juice (about 1 tsp)
1 clove garlic (finely chopped)

mash the avocado, mix w/ seasoning, garlic & citrus juice, and spread! also yummy on sandwiches.


green cleanse: day 6

breakfast: green apple, unsalted roasted cashews

lunch/snacks: green water, salad (spinach, romaine, edamame, cucumber, avocado) w/ balsamic vinaigrette dressing

dinner: ???

woke up with a bad headache, feeling irritable overall. detox in full effect.

my skin, however, looks remarkably fresh.


green cleanse: day 5

breakfast: apple cranberry juice, soy yogurt

lunch/snacks: green grapes, chlorophyll water, cabbage salad, honeydew melon

dinner: cucumber, guacamole with broccoli for dipping, pear

one deviation: a sliver of red pepper to taste a (green) spread at a work function. spread was tasteless.  altho i'm not counting drinks, i also had a b vitamin smoothie for energy.

intensified cravings for snack food, particularly potato chips.  feeling a bit irritable, itchy. slight facial breakout.

i've hit the wall.

took a probiotic tablet after dinner to avoid any tummy upset from the raw garlic in the guac.  also probably need to get in more plain water, possibly with lemon. i'll work on that tomorrow and over the weekend.


green cleanse: day 4

lunch/snacks: chlorophyll water, honeydew melon, mutsu apple (had them at the farmer's market...yum!), big green salad w/ avocado & green goddess dressing.  spirulina/hempseed/coconut water drink w/ honey.

dinner: pear

so i come in the office, and what's in the kitchen? bread and butter!

i love bread.

anyway, had a few cashews after i finished my brussles sprouts, which helped me feel full for the rest of the evening, particularly since i wasn't at home and couldn't just grab a handful of grapes or something.  i find that i really miss snack-type foods during these exercises. fruit is helpful, but i love potato chips, popcorn...that kind of thing.

i was running late and didn't make my detox tea or take my green pills. i did, however, have a small glass of orange juice and a probiotic chewable. i'm wary of taking green pills in the evening because they can amp me up and make it hard to sleep.  but, for the sake of consistency, i'll likely take them with dinner.


green cleanse: day 3

breakfast: orange juice w/ chlorophyll

lunch/snacks: cabbage salad, green apple, green grapes

dinner: roasted brussels sprouts

a conversation at lunch has me excited about all the things i'm looking forward to eating...

that said, i'm not experiencing any real cravings yet, although i'm beginning to really want some bread.  

i would make the cabbage salad again, maybe for a spring/summer potluck. i'm not too fond of vinegar* , so i might use less of that, and a touch more sea salt. the amount of red pepper was just right and gave it a good kick.  it's also surprisingly filling. i had my apple for "dessert" and some more grapes towards the end of the day, and have not felt hungry. 

the variety's been pretty amazing.  i would recommend always going into a cleansing/fast with a clear regimen and/or recipes.  it helps tremendously, especially when you start feeling "bored" with the whole thing.  

i am experiencing deeper sleep, but there's a heaviness to it.  it's not the pop-up-at-5am-with-no-alarm clarity that tends to come a little later down the road.  i wonder if that's not something i can expect since this isn't a juice/water fast.

in the past, i've concluded fasts with a water-only day. i haven't decided if i want to do that this time around.  

*i use apple cider vinegar for just about everything involving cooking/consumption.  i keep white vinegar for house cleaning, but that's about it.


green cleanse: day 2*

breakfast: slightly diluted mango nectar, green pills, soy yogurt, green delicious apple

snacks: fruit salad (honeydew, grapes, pear), chlorophyll water

lunch: big green salad (celery, cucumber, spinach, romaine, parsley) w/ green goddess dressing
(salad was also supposed to have watercress, but i accidentally picked up mint instead. gonna find something to do with it...)

dinner:  green beans sauteed with garlic/ginger/scallions, steamed broccoli, big green salad w/ regular (tahini-based) goddess dressing

noted this morning that the moon's almost new (waning crescent)...good time for this new beginning.  new moon's on the 12th, day before odunde. those will be powerful prayers! 

last night's yoga made me slightly sore and a little tired, but i'm grateful for it because it often lets me know where i'm holding tension in my body.  i'm feeling my inner thighs, upper arms, and wrists the most.

addendum: tummy rumbles started this evening. glad i had the mint on hand. i didn't realize you could just steep the leaves in boiling water for about 15 minutes and bam. tea. that's all tea is anyway...but we're so used to packaging and such...

i'm also enjoying the recipes on the site. i made the cabbage salad for lunch tomorrow.  will let you know how it turns out.

*pics of food and other info as i learn it on facebook.


green cleanse: day 1

i decided to do this green cleanse after having a few friends mention it. people seem to have interesting results, and i am long overdue for a cleansing/fast/"conscious eating" practice.

i'm semi-officially starting today, and will continue eating this way for 14 days.  if all goes well, this will take me to june 20-21...right around the summer solstice.

i will need to variate from the plan a bit. i just finished a course of antibiotics for a sinus infection, so i need to maintain a probiotic regimen for at least the first 5-7 days.  

in the absence of a juicer, it's also unlikely that i'll only be drinking green drinks, although i will stick to water, 100% juices and herbal teas as much as possible. 

starting tomorrow, i'll be taking chlorophyll (in juice) and green pills as part of breakfast in the morning.  i also want to have at least one cup of "detox" tea every other day, if not daily.

this time will also be used to build an ori altar, continue some heart chakra healing, and narrow down my housing search.

first green meal/snack: roasted brussles sprouts 
dinner: large green salad with freshly made green goddess dressing

also consumed today: some "fruit and nut" trail mix, peppermint tea, grapefruit, soy yogurt, lemonade*

*i have some juices in the fridge that i want to get rid of in the first few days. same with the soy yogurt. after that, i'll just be taking chewable probiotic tablets. the grapefruit is the last of 3 i bought to help with the clearing of the sinus infection (they're great for getting rid of mucus in the body). ideally, in the next 3-4 days, my diet should be fully "green".