12.28.2006

biblical references aside

(i'm not really big on looking at the bible as a historical document, but that's another post, & i'm not gonna argue semantics...)

i think it would benefit a lot of ppl to approach their relationships this way.

balance...

it's a tricky thing.

i've never considered myself a particularly disciplined person. scratch that. i should say i'm not a regimented person. i don't do schedules well. i get things done on time and all of that--i don't procrastinate. but i'm not one for routine.

what i'm learning with ifa is that i'm going to have to learn a LOT of routine. not only in the sense of prayers and rituals, but just in developing a relationship with spirit.

it ain't easy.

i know what i'm supposed to do.
and sometimes i do it.

other times i'm late for work
or tired
or hungry
and something gets lost in the sauce.

ebos aren't a problem.
neither is protocol.
i love the ceremonies & bembes.

but the essence of daily prayer/communion/meditation? eh...

i can imagine ifa being somewhat simpler when it's a way of life...a thing known and embraced since childhood. not to mention living right above your ancestors and next door to nature. drawing water from rivers daily...pilgrimages to the ocean for yemoja...

but we all made a deal in orun.

i suppose part of the essence of mine is learning how to balance my ashe with the demands of 21st century life.





12.27.2006

you've heard it in the churches...

and now it's coming from the iles...





dazed...

well, i came down with something last week, so i wasn't at work...finally got back to myself on saturday. well...i got my energy back at least.

had to come in here yesterday afternoon--and there was no one here.
came in my usual time this morning...

it's been a bit of a challenge readjusting to my usual schedule. and it's still not back to normal 'cause friday's a half day and we're off again on monday...

so...yeah.

i'm already planning for 2007, though. a lot of changes are coming and i gotta get all my ducks in a row.

i think that's all i really have to say at the moment. lol.





12.15.2006

i have to start doing.

i need to get busy with something...something for me.

there's a shift in focus happening. i'm starting to look at me, and i'm realizing that "me" isn't doing too well.

i'm coming out of a external focus coma. it's probably time for a little holistic selfishness. lately i'm seeing that my capacity for that has been severely compromised.

i spend far too much time sitting around waiting for things to happen. i keep foregoing things that i want to do or see because i feel like i shouldn't have to do or see them alone.

i'm always looking behind me, waiting to see what's coming up behind me in the distance.

i'm tired.
i'm not happy.
i don't laugh enough.
it's almost as if i don't get enough air. like i can't breathe anymore.

but i'm afraid. i don't want to go back out there all by myself.
yet...being inside & alone is much worse.

i've picked up some bad habits.

i seemed to get a little of the old spark back a few months ago...and now it's faded again. i'm not sure why.

i know there are some really big blessings coming my way, so i'm going to put one foot in front of the other and head towards them. everything else be damned.

everything will work out.
it's all in divine order.
i will be kept whole.
it's going to be all right.

i just have to keep that in mind every day, all the time.

today i am grateful for the clarity that hides behind the pain.





12.13.2006

this is what i need to remember about myself...

Sharon Bridgforth, author/performer/activist
Interviewed by Ana-Maurine Lara


What does it mean for you to be an artist – a writer – in the world?

Well for me initially I started doing it just because I had to. It was like breathing. I’ve always been a reader. When I was a kid I just read voraciously. When I was 15 I started writing just trying to survive my own emotions. [Then it was in] reading the Songs of Solomon and Psalms and I just thought they were so pretty, that I saw writing as something that could be transformative for me emotionally. And somewhere along the way, probably around the time I was in my early 30s it all clicked together. Now what I can say is that writing is what I’m here in the world to do. It’s my gift that I have been given. It’s what I can contribute. I see it as a spiritual responsibility; I see it as an ancestral calling. I see it as a privilege. I see it as a way for me to honor not only the reality of my life and experiences, but those who came before. A specific thing I have been given is the opportunity to tell the stories of the ancestors and to keep their voices alive. I see it as service. It’s what I’m here to offer in service to the ancestors, to the orisa, to the universe, to humanity and to my own destiny. So I take it very seriously.





12.08.2006

this is gonna be an oyin-type moment...

*giggle*

but...

i always had a vision of living in some beautifully sunny apartment
with large bay windows
or small french doors
in my bedroom

i could leave them open slightly
on hot summer nights
and let passersby wonder
what was behind my gossamer curtains
and the colorful walls they can just get a glimpse of...

and i'd lie in a huge, fluffy bed
with plenty of pillows in all colors
with a beautifully black or brown man next to me
humming while i played in his hair
both of us naked...

and there could be a porch
or large shelf
just outside the door-window
large enough for pretty flowers
vines
or fragrant herbs

now i'm thinking that if i'm really blessed with a huge-ified house
that would be the love room
not even my normal bedroom
just a place
for lovers to see
a sensual living room/kitchen combo
with its own special bathroom
dripping in reds and oranges

i prefer my true room more neutral
calm
earthy
so i feel @ home after all the traveling i tend to do in my dreams

there would be oshun colors in the love room
pink, orange, yellow, gold
red for shango's spark
only candles for light
and five incense burners next to golden candles
special oils in each corner
crystals under the bed

a basin for herbal baths near the door
in case i don't need him to remember me

maybe i should have a bedroom of my own, even if i marry. like a queen.
there'd be a sofa
bookshelves
walls full of art
and a fountain
special beds for my familiars
and a goddess altar in the eastern corner i wouldn't have to cover to receive guests

--if i chose to have guests at all.

12.06.2006

militant moment

it's afternoons like these when i think about the indignities my ancestors suffered just trying to make a living in this culture...

i reflect on the fact that one of my grandfather's best friends worked for decades at & retired from the post office 'cause he couldn't find work as a chemist...

the thousands of african women whose genius went unnoticed because "women don't do ___________"...and "nigger women DEFINITELY don't do _________."

when i make it--and i will--i'm sure that some here will marvel and think "i didn't know she could do THAT" or "i knew her 'when'"...

no, you didn't know me "when".
i always WAS.

your little brain just couldn't comprehend the vastness sitting at this desk.



i wanna write.

and life keeps getting in the way...

i don't even know what i wanna write about.

i just wanna make some words do something.
see something dancing across a page.
buy some new notebooks
and pens

have a desk at home again.

make sense of the literary mess in my head.

i'm all halfway rhyming & shit...

*sigh*

i gotta find a way to make this work...





12.05.2006

close encounters of the ex-gay kind

sigh...
and people really don't realize that this is part of the reason glbt youth are killing themselves, huh?


full story by matt hill comer

Not long ago, I opened my email inbox to find a promotional invitation from a group called Ignite Student Outreach. The promotional invite was advertising a series of summer camps, entitled “Close Encounters,” taking place in four states across the South, including North Carolina. Looking at the invite, my eyes almost immediately focused on the list of the camps’ guest speakers.

Ignite Student Outreach will be welcoming Alan Chambers of Exodus International and Scott Davis of Exodus Youth to speak to teens and Christian youth leaders. Exodus International is the “ex-gay” group which promotes the message of “Freedom from homosexuality through the power of Jesus Christ.” Exodus Youth is its youth-outreach program.

Both groups believe that “reorientation of same-sex attraction is possible” and that reconciliation with Christ will enable “growth toward Godly heterosexuality.” The groups teach that homosexuality is “outside of God’s will” and describes the “homosexual lifestyle” as sinful, destructive, distorted and disordered...

Of course, there is no evidence whatsoever that “reorientation” and “reparative therapy” is effective. Every leading medical, social and psychological association in America has said that conversion and reparative therapies offer no evidence of efficacy, are based on no valid scientific theory and are psychologically dangerous and harmful to patients, especially adolescents.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, the potential risks of reparative therapies include “depression, anxiety and self-destructive behavior, since therapist alignment with societal prejudices against homosexuality may reinforce self-hatred already experienced by the patient.”

i'm just gonna ramble for a minute...

if ya don't mind...

work's slowed quite a bit, so i've had more time to fool around on the lovely invention we call myspace. and i've been coming across some really interesting stuff...movies, music, etc.

to the media, myspace is the newest pedophile playground, the "it" thing for teens...

(no one was talking about e-pedophilia 11 years ago when i was 17 & the folks had just gotten a computer slick enough to handle the internet...hanging out in aol chatrooms, getting weird messages from creepy crawlies...but i digress)

...but for those of us in the 25 & older sect (pls excuse the party promotion lingo), myspace is also a way to link up with like minded folks: i've seen all kinds of activists, black & brown practioners of traditional/indigenous spirituality, folks pushing their art, organizations & individuals whose mission it is to educate & uplift their people.

leave it to the media to trivialize what has been and continues to be a means of spreading knowledge, ideas, creativity, and information.

yeah, there's two tons of bullshit floating around, too. and folks who take it far too seriously. the whole internet's like that.

it's all about what you make it, what you choose to focus on.

i like filling my sphere with poets, artists, dreamers...folks who know what it's like to be a star-shaped peg stuffed into a square hole.

ever since i watched rent the other night, "la vie boheme" has been running around in my head. some ppl look at me & automatically label me "boho", but in my mind, i've only lived on the fringes of boho-ness. yeah, i have the bookshelves full of books & the african decoration here & there, but as an artsy person? i'm something of a fraud.

maybe it's time i start surrounding myself with people who are creative all the time, not just when the office building doors open at 5pm.

i need to stock up on movies like rent and slam...even requiem for a dream. those sorts of images feed my drive to create something. make something out of the banality i'm handed most weekdays.

i think i want to be exposed to ppl living & loving their creativity, not shoving it in a box.

i should read more poetry.


today i am grateful for knowing when not to believe the hype.



12.04.2006

myspace profile poetry

i emerged from olokun's waters
put one foot on the path, and ogun took my hand...

oya's winds push me forward
like harriet tubman's pistol
while obatala hands me bottles of fortified poland spring water

oshun keeps me laughing and feeds me honey
flashing my image in her mirror
so i can see how beautiful the journey makes me

while damballah sways in the grass nearby
reminding me of the beauty of rebirth

(c) 2006-07 l.a.m.





12.01.2006

for the love of blk folks...

this is the not-so-usual "take it with a grain of salt" essay. i am not familiar with the woman who wrote this.

there are some "get the fk outta here" moments, and there are some thought provoking ones...i'll leave it to you to determine which are which.

regardless of your level of agreement, it is past time for us to start having this kind of discussion and framing solutions for us & by us.


2nd Ed., Revised & Expanded - 10/01/03
1st Ed., Vol 1 - Issue One - 7/07/03
RA ACIRFA ESSAY SERIES BRINGING BLACK WOMEN AND MEN BACK TOGETHER IN HARMONY
Essay By Cheryl M.A. Powell
RA ACIRFA P.O. Box 11032 Takoma Park, MD 20913
Email: cherylpowell3@earthlink.net
Email: jsagboton@jsapublishing.com
Website: www.jsapublishing.com

NOTE TO READER: Please copy, print and distribute to Friends, Family and Relatives. Pass on to as many People concerned with the empowerment and spiritual growth of our People.

RA ACIRFA ESSAY SERIES

I owe this essay as a product of my reflection to the teachings of my big sister and mentor in conscious thoughts, Dr. Frances Cress Welsing;to my spiritual guides and mentors the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan, Rev Willie and Rev Mrs. Mary Wilson, Rev Graylan Hagler, Dr. Anthony T. Browder, Dr. Anthony (Tony) Martin, Professor James Small, Mr. Neely Fuller, Jr., Dr. Leonard & Mrs. Jeffries and my brother Michael Warren, who always felt that what I had to say could very well be a tool of transformation.I wish to express my gratitude to my Family,Auntie Bernice and Uncle Leon Langford, who I honor for they always made me feel special with words of encouragement;to my ancestors, my father, William O. Powell and my mother, Essie Mae Powell, and my uncle, Redelle P. Powell, who gave me a spirit of the movement advocating change for my people;to my siblings, Andre, Jose, Bayon, Baby Tina, Den, and Tarik who always looked up to me and gave me something special in growing-up;Linda Langford and Judy Harris Muhammad, two relatives that have always been there for me. I love them both; and most importantlyMELVINA F. LEWIS and MARISHA D. WILLIAMS,who are at the core of my soul and all my struggles. You two have given methe fire to fight until my last breathe. I love you both because you are my life.RA ACIRFA : "RA" - the essence of the Creator. "ACIRFA" - Africa spelled in reverse symbolically meaning, "we are reversing the fate of people of African descent."

FOREWORD
By Jacques Sotero Agboton

The Black woman is at the heart of our world. Hence, societies of African people everywhere on this Earth are matrifocal (mother as pillar of family). Therefore, it remains the duty of Black women, or better yet, women of African descent, to rise and take their role of leadership so as to reverse the fate of our people.What is requested from every woman, whether she is single, married, mother, sister and matriarch, is a constructive engagement by immediate actions in response to the virulence (bitterly hostile) of the global racist system. Nevertheless, it is imperative that conscious men support actively this movement for the benefit of our people. Men and women must team-up in their complimentary tasks to work for the greater good of our people.The success of this movement will not depend on how much money any prominent figure has in a bank account or the celebrity status of any other person for America and all its material wealth is not worthier than anyone among your loved-ones. The success of this movement is not by the display of pathologies of selfishness or greediness because you are great among men and women of a noble people. This movement will be successful because for once there is a generation of men and women seeking change at the most basic level to impact the lives of the masses.Cheryl M.A. Powell lays out a blue print for practical solutions to woes facing our society. However, her paper is a supplement to books by the above-mentioned author entitled "Philosophy of Engagement (The ideological basis for the liberation of African people)", and "Lock Them Down, Lock Them Out (An outline paradigm for the economic prosperity of African people and descendants). Both books are available by visiting our website http://www.jsapublishing.com/ email: jsagboton@jsapublishing.com.


PREFACE

The intent of this essay is to address the discord between Black men and women by better sharing knowledge used by forces that have brought and are causing discord in our souls, families and communities. The essay is to assist us in repairing the psychological damages so we can begin to prepare the road for every Black woman to have a black man of her own, or vice versa. Every Black man must have a black woman who stands at his side for the positive growth of our people.It is not the intent of this essay to degrade any one person or group of people but its sole purpose is to bring awareness to our problems with appropriate solutions.We are working to assist in the positive and spiritual transformation of our People in hopes that they can discover the essence of our Creator, which is there but dormant, or have been made dormant by wicked entities. Our goal is to work for the betterment of our People and redevelop the essence of the Creator in our souls. The decision to embark in this initiative is from our concern of the loneliness of the Black woman who is carrying the burden of our people, and her emptiness as her energy is sapped from the fact that she is heading a fatherless household, and rearing children with not enough self-love. We will need to understand at a conscious level what is happening to us at a grass root level so we can do more now to speed up the pace, andof resolvinge these issues with a strategies that can bring change on a greater scale.The Black woman has gone too long without the healing love, understanding and companionship of the Black man. Similarly, the Black man has gone without the deep understanding of his Black woman.This present state was created and is perpetuated by unfriendly forces (caucasian's system of developed white supremacy) not willing to permit the positive growth of our family unit, our children and communities. Although, we are only temporarily trapped in these conditions, it is our responsibility to repair and rebuild this devastating situation, and return to our original state as intended by the Creator.As black people ( with melanin), we must all realize that there is a WAR being waged upon us and this WAR is executed by caucasians (particularly, caucasian men who are melanin-deficient albino mutants) for the purpose of ensuring they do not disappear from the planet.Hence, RA ACIRFA's sole purpose is to assist in our positive self-growth and the strengthening of our families and communities in all areas of life.

VISION

People of African descent are to organize a national movement of Black women working on strategies of programs for the liberation of Black men from an unjust judicial system which confines Black men to arbitrary imprisonment and probation. Secondly, we must rescue and educate our homeless men and thirdly, assist in the retraining of Black men in our midst. Black people are to plan, promote and maintain a National Training Program such as "Rights of Passage" to help young men heal their hurt and pain and to give them an understanding of the Black Women. These sessions will help to prepare every man back into the family, community and into the arms of the Black woman.Initially, the Black woman, as in many cases, may have to help her man financially until we can get our communities back to its natural operation as designed by the natural order of the spirit. Also, there must be a National Training and Re-education Program for Black Women.We should established groups all over this country with one vision and purpose, that is, helping to get our men back. Black churches and organizations, all over this country, should adopt 5 to 10 homeless brothers (depending on the size of the church). The churches should help get these men back on their feet, and this must be the task for the entire congregation. After one set of five to ten men complete the program of empowerment and are inserted back into the community, these programs should be repeated over again for the next group of 5 to 10 men. The churches or organizations may be creative in developing a progressive program so that the brothers may sustain themselves. Some of the brothers should have professional mentors whose guidance can help them create small business ventures or enterprises such as handy man, janitorial services, and landscaping, etc. The community must help those already experienced brothers back into their trade.Also, we must solicit our Black doctors and dentists to aid with the donation of their time in this program of helping to revitalize our men. A program or plan of action for homeless brothers should be created to help address medical and employment needs with the goal of getting our men back into our families and communities as a productive and strong force.Each person of African descent with a copy of this essay can take the responsibility to organize groups of not less than 50 people (approx) and not more then 100 people (if possible) to initiate a movement with family, friends and Black organizations. Once a group is formed and functioning successfully, then its members must help other groups to get started until we have groups all over this country working toward this endeavor.


REALIZATION AND INSIGHT

The Energy of the universe is changing, and this change is taking place amongst the people of a darker hue. However, the strongest point of this Energy will emerge from the Female of the Darker-Skinned People. The Black man has been taken from his woman by design (system of white supremacy developed by caucasians). Only with the Black man and his healing love, can her channels be more receptive to the Creator's universal energy of vision, which encompasses progressive positive change and direction for the family, community, and herself. The Black woman and her man are consumed by discord produced by an entity that is not friendly towards our genetic survival (white supremacy). Hence, that is the reason why her channels are clogged. And because of a lack of understanding on the part of our men about the spirit and energy of their women, Black Men are involved in activities that promote promiscuity. Faced with our disapproval, they turn away from us, or they succumb to the advances of caucasian women whose evil agenda is their downfall.We must ask and stress to every Brother not to fall for the advances of caucasian women. Since the caucasian man is incapable of demanding that his woman leaves the black phallus alone, he resorts to incarcerating, killing and disenfranchising as many brothers as possible because of his fear of disappearing from the planetWe also need to realize that this caucasian's system of white supremacy is killing, incarcerating and disenfranchising Black Men who are in their prime years of procreation (able to produce offsprings). While this is happening, the system is permitting Black women to have progressive jobs, earn higher incomes to buy cars and homes, yet remain alone. This strategy is to divert our attention or awareness away from the serious issue of dysfunction of our society. By design, Black women are confused to accept a notion of independence warped in an adage such as "you don't need a man to be happy." However, the immediate compensation gained does not last long because the real need of their spirit is being deprived. Hence, we as frustrated Black women become workaholics, or binge on food, if not, we try to seek human comfort in the church, or become excessively prone to the "shop till you drop syndrome." Yet the main reason of our distress is that we are deprived of our men.Because she is denied the touch, presence, love, companionship, understanding and nourishment of her man, the Black woman lacks love for herself, her children, and has apathy for her kind, if not disdain, for our community which she displays in bitterness, anger, hurt, pain and discontentment. This state leads the Black woman to be shut-off from the vision that is sent forth by the Creator, and our ancestors to guide and nourish, through her, our Black men, children and communities.Although Black Women have tried to accept this state of an existence without their men, such life does not reconcile with our spirit. Many women are resigned to their fate for lack of understanding or awareness, and are unable to analyze the real situation. But we know something is wrong so we get angry at each other, or bash black men because there is not one for us to love, or one who can love us back. Sometimes, we are jealous and bitter when we observe another sister in a fruitful relationship, and the reason for such a feeling is that we feel hopeless about our situation. We feel hopeless because the natural order of nature has been interrupted for it is not normal for a woman to be alone and lack her male companion. This situation was put in place by caucasians and is contrary to the order of the Divine power.The caucasian race (white supremacists) understood how such dysfunction operates in the dynamics of society, and is also aware that many of us as a people of the darker hue can become, have the potential to become, and have the ability to become the powerful force behind universal changes. They (white supremacy), also, realized the proper order of this powerful energy is Man and Woman united, as designed by our Creator. Hence, with this understanding, the evil-minded people have put up certain mechanisms in place to produce this state of unhappiness and confusion while they procreate (and/or devise alternatives such as cloning) to replenish (at least, attempt to) the Earth with creatures like themselves to continue this unjust system. Meanwhile, the caucasians (white supremacy) are setting the stage for the destruction of our people. Behold, we have as recent evidence, the unhealthy music and movies, financially promoted by caucasians, are causing degeneration of our society. Meanwhile our attention is diverted via interracial dating and marriages giving a false impression of equality and acceptance.Remember, melanin-deficient albino mutants are only ten percent of the world population, and as such people of color, form 90 percent of humans on Earth. Let us understand the fear of caucasian men is that Black Men are genetically dominant (melanin) such that Black men can annihilate the whole caucasian race whenever they have sexual intercourse with a melanin deficient albino mutant with recessive genes (so-called white person). A child conceived from such a union is colored and the so-call white disappears.Because many caucasian women are pursing the black man..s phallus and threatening the survival of the caucasian race, caucasian men have initiated the destruction of our men since anyone that mates with a Black man will disappear.It is for this reason that the caucasians are intensively promoting policies where black men are heavily incarcerated, killed by the police forces and other destructive strategies. Notwithstanding, the system is creating the mis-education of our young men. Their system is purposely creating many disenfranchised and homeless men that further diminish the pool of eligible productive men who could be our husbands, and become fathers for our children.

OBJECTIVE

We, as Black women, want to bring our men back to our communities, our homes, and into our arms. We must expose the plan of the U.S. Government to destroy Black men, families and communities. The responsibility is ours (and ours only) to get back our men, families and communities. We will let this Government know by our actions that we want our Black men back. We deserve to have love and happiness just like the caucasian women do. They do not have to destroy our lives for their own genetic survival (though this is part of the WAR, they wage upon us). We must convey this information to every Black woman, and ask each one to get behind this movement and pray for our unity. We are starting a movement to challenge this oppressive system to release our men from prisons so that we can begin to heal ourselves, our men, our communities, and build our families. The movement will create and design training programs set-up by Black Men and Women, and their institutions to assist all of us into a new direction. We must focus on training and educating Black men, who seem to be taking advantage of the shortage of men and using this situation for their own selfish motives by showing no regard to Black Women..s feelings. We must instill into boys and young men, how by being involved with many women at one time, they are creating turmoil to each woman's spirit. We must educate Black men on how they still display the pathology of slavery, by using and abusing women and by taking from her spirit without giving back in the same manner as white barbarians. Without any doubt, due to the shortage of men, there is an ever-increasing crisis where many women approach married men, not because the single woman is bad, but because she is trying to fulfill herself with what the Creator put in her. So it behooves families to get involved in this movement as well. We must educate our people to bring back dignity and respect just like our great royal ancestors had. The Movement (U.S. wide) will need the support of all Black People, and use as leverage the spending dollars of Blacks. We will boycott malls, car dealerships, and non-Black businesses in our neighborhoods, and withhold votes from political figures that do not support our efforts. We will penalize unacceptable behavior from businesses operating among us should we find that they are not supporting our cause. We will support black businesses for our essential needs (this should include Black Farmers). No Black business should take unethical advantage of this situation for it will set a precedence of distrust whereby Black folks will stop supporting their own businesses and communities. Further, we must realize that since caucasians are concerned with their genetic survival and to our detriment, they cannot become honest contributors to activities geared toward the promotion of our existence. This is why Black people need to be very concerned when any liberal or conservative caucasian benefactor wants to help our organizations or join causes that are designed for the mental, spiritual enlightenment and freedom of our people. It should be understood that the underlining reasons why caucasians join Black organizations or activities is to steer Black people from progressive ideas and divert their energy into directions so as not to thwart white genetic survival. If Black churches do not assist in this movement (specially these faith-based organizations) then their donations and/or contributions will be terminated. Churches are full of Black women giving their money and time, as well as their prayers to find a man of their own. The Black clergy needs to stop fooling these women by telling them to wait on God to send them a man while taking their hard earned dollar for the support of the preacher, his church and life-style. Nevertheless, we will cooperate with religious or secular organizations willing to aid our missionWe must hit this County hard with our votes, dollars and donations. We must let those in authority know we are damn serious, we want our men back, "not tomorrow or not next week but right now", and Black people will endeavor to achieve that objective by "any means necessary."

PROPOSED PLAN OF HOW TO DO IT

The movement will work essentially through Black Women (and Men) networking across North America with the affiliation of individuals everywhere else.We will withhold our votes from Black and White political officials who do not display openly proof of their support and execution toward the freeing of our men. We will freeze spending in shopping malls, car dealerships, entertainment (movies, clubs, vacation resorts, sports, etc) and on any other commodities substituted as comfort or escapism. In order to recapture that Black man's spirit and energy by his absence, many Black women seek a false compensation by binging on junk food, and by indulging in compulsive shopping or getting addicted to narcotics. We will stop donations to churches that are pimping Black women but not helping us to bring solutions likely to reclaim our men again.We will withdraw all monies (savings, retirement accounts, checking, CD or Term Share accounts) out of banks and credit unions, and place them in a Black-owned and operated banking or credit institutions. We will stop charging credit cards and asphyxiate (suffocate) their financial system. We will freeze entertainment spending (movies, sports, clubs, and happy hour) and women who are married must stop their husbands from going to these forms of entertainment. Black people must stop supporting those entertainers who have shifted their allegiance over to the other side by the neglect of the Black woman and marrying outside their group, the moment they became celebrities with fame and money.We must completely start using our own physicians and dentists and promote among our young boys, men, girls and ladies, a race-first philosophy. Our family physicians should look like us such that we know they will be less likely to make them sterile or infect our people with some sort of malady. (We have ample evidence of harm done to our people in the name of the white man..s sciences).We must also establish educational programs such as at-home schooling for teaching our children and after school classes, i.e. in the evenings or weekends to teach our historic culture. Through these efforts our children will grow with the attutitude to empower our people. Meanwhile, we must counter the alienation process of those children attending public schools and having their minds conditioned to oppose the support of their own survival. We should counter these strategies by home-training forums organized and created by groups of parents organized in sets of five (5) and taking alternative turns in teaching from a developed curriculum to the neighboring children about our beautiful heritage.

IMMEDIATE ACTION BY BLACK MEN AND WOMEN

We, as Black People, need to turn-off the loud music, stop the distasteful jokes and the patronizing of degrading movies. We must look at everything within this racist environment and understand the subliminal messages being absorbed by our children and us.We must be aware that the media (TV, movies, and commercials, etc) are a crucial vehicle used by caucasians to perpetuate, in our subconscious minds, the false idea of white superiority. On many News and TV programs, movies and commercials, caucasian women are portrayed as very feminine, slim in body and attractive females, but in contrast, black women are mostly portrayed as loud, boyish (non-feminine) and overweight. As much as caucasian females imitate black women, their media distort beautiful melanin features to give the appearance of being unattractive, and Black actors or actresses are paid top-dollar to perform in a way that is degrading to us as a people. If one should look around, it is easy to find plenty of caucasian women that are overweight as well plenty of slim black women. We must understand that caucasian people are faced with one major problem, which is being melanin deficient. Their scientists are trying to repair this deficiency artificially and have been trying many programs for years and they know it. Yet Black people do not realize it since caucasians are distracting us from their objectives. Many of us (Black people) in our miseducation and our unhealthy need to be accepted by the melanin deficient people think that interracial mating indicates our acceptance by caucasians. But let us be clear, it is caucasian people who need melanin. This is why we see a greater acceptance of the mulatto such as in better acting roles, commercials and other high profile activities. This strategy is multi-form. One is that it aids in keeping the confusion and discord within the Melanin People, divide and conquer, to prevent our unity, awareness and prevent the obvious observation of their (caucasians) true purpose. In doing this, they are sending a subliminal message to the mulattos that their allegiance should be geared toward the caucasian group to ensure their (mulattos) progression and elevation in life.If their experimental sciences of cloning, fertility drugs, artificial created melanin and other highly secretive programs fail they have the mulattos as the last resort to prevent their total disappearance from the planet. This is also a way to get a little melanin into their group. Hence, Black Men and Woman are encouraged to interracially mate, via media, to produce mulattos, so in 20 to 25 years they will be able to mate with caucasians enabling them to strengthen the caucasian race. Obviously, caucasians will change the "one-drop-rule" concerning Black blood.We must change how we interact with caucasian men and caucasian women. They are not superior to us and we are not inferior to them. We must consciously display the posture that denotes our progressive awareness of our culture and love for our people. Unity for positive growth is important to preserve our future through our families and children. Finally, we must act now, if the job of transformation and liberation of our people is to be done properly. Nevertheless, we must remain courteous and polite to everyone and we will do it in a professional but serious manner. The following is suggested as immediate action that we can start, NOW.

For Black Women--Stop joking and kidding with caucasian men and caucasian women. Especially, do not allow them to convey jokes or degrading humor to you. Maintain a professional and serious posture when dealing with them. Do not allow caucasian men to touch any part of your body, not even your fingers. Black women have been raped, disrespected, and degraded by this group long enough. We need to take a serious stand to regain our respect. In business transactions, if you don't care to shake their hands then politely state this to them. No explanation is needed, just a polite refusal. Do not permit your womb to be used to bear the offsprings of the caucasian man. While he destroys your man and our men, he is using your body to produce his offsprings. He knows that you are feeling lonely and empty. Remember, he is creating this situation and, in essence, you know in your heart that what you really want and prefer is your black man, but you succumb because you feel it is hopeless. So let us change the situation. Do not share any of your personal affairs with any caucasian man or caucasian woman. Just convey that you do not discuss your personal affairs. If you have those who persist on inquiring about your personal affairs then you just start inquiring about their affairs without giving any information reference to you.Let us start greeting each other warmly and courteously. Always speak to your Black Brother or Black Sister, even if you do not know him or her. Try to always acknowledge him or her at the opportune time, by greetings such as ..Good Morning, Brother, how are you today? (or his surname or Sir, if you do not know his name or know him well), or Good Morning, Sister, how are you today... Even if you are amongst caucasian colleagues and that Brother or Sister is part of the maintenance/cleaning crew, go out your way to speak to him or her with sincere care and concern. And let us as Black Women be aware of how we carry ourselves and dress. Let us not use profanity or speak in a way not befitting a Black Queen (mother of humanity). Let us stop dressing in a way that exposes our breasts or other body parts in a disrespectful manner. Especially, on the job, this only permits disrespect from our enemy and it does not give our men the opportunity to protect us. hen our Black Men display courteous actions towards us, always say ..thank you.. with sincerity. If we do this, we will begin to see many of our brothers doing this on a larger scale. Sisters, to be in good condition to do what we need to do, we must also maintain ourselves in good health. Let us start exercising and be conscious of our diets as well as what we are feeding our children. Many of us are single household heads, and exercising in the evening or the morning is not always possible, so here are a few tips: (1) try to eat one meal per day; (2) walk during your lunch hour 5 days per week; try to eat vegetables during the week; (3) eat chicken and fish on the weekends, no pork or red meat; (4) drink not less then 8 to 9 glasses of water per day (more would be great). If you must drink sodas or juices, drink only during special occasions or once a month.

For Black Men--Stop being the group's clown when you are amongst caucasian colleagues. You are not their entertainer. You are a Warrior (and we are at WAR). If they convey a joke or want to deal with you in a non-serious manner then you do not respond to foolishness. Display respect and courtesy to Black Women. If presented with the opportunity to display courtesy such as holding the door, helping with a heavy bag, and permitting her to board first on the bus, etc, please do so.Don..t succumb to the advances of the caucasian woman when she directs her attention toward you. Do not permit your black body to be used any further. Just politely convey to her that you do not believe in race mixing. We as Black Women are willing to fight, be supportive and stand with each of you by going up against this white supremacist system that is trying to destroy you. But you will also help us to be successful by your very actions.Start dressing in a way that your cloths are neat, pressed and with a little starch, if possible. Even if you work in a mailroom, always have a nice crisp shirt with a tie or bowtie. For brothers that require a uniform, always have it sharp, pressed and clean and it will not hurt to place a matching bowtie with it.

Paragraph number 7 of ..For Black Women.. applies to the Brothers as well. We, as Black People have the essence of the Creator and our Ancestors.. energy within us and we as Black Women have the power to guide this energy or thought energy in a powerful direction to create what we need to assist our peace, our spirit, contentment and our positive progressive growth toward the transformation and liberation of our people. Let us begin by the development of one thought, one vision and one aim in the liberation of Black Men from an unjust prison system, revitalizing our homeless brothers, and by helping in the re-education of brothers amongst us. With this vision in mind, with strong faith, we will be moved to proper action by the energy of our Creator and Ancestors to get our MEN back.

CONCLUSION

Our movement is paced with the maturity of our people and can achieve its objectives within a short time as long as dedicated members with strong faith persevere and keep our belief in the guidance of our Divine Creator and Ancestors. Also, we need to establish training for the re-education of Black women and to assist them in the healing of emotional wounds so that they can be receptive and enabled to connect to the Black men spiritually (as well as physically) for total healing and growth of all. Positively, the ultimate aim will be the rebuilding of strong families, especially for our children and the regeneration of our communities.Without any doubt, we are at war for the ravages done to our people are quite clearly an indication that those in power with diabolical intentions have seized the reigns of every sector of our society. Tragically, the most painful realization is that Black women are dying in large numbers. Unquestionably, white supremacy is mostly the cause of such deaths because the spirit of the Black woman is suffocated by the enemy's strategies that create the absence of her man and his spirit. This state is manifested in the degradation of her nutritional base causing for example, heart attacks, depression, eating disorders, etc. Otherwise, her toxic environment is mirrored in the high prevalence of cancer tumors. In her despair with the savagery of an individualistic society marred by unbridle greed; she is brought to self-destruction either by suicide or as victim of a homicide. But from now on, we take responsibility to reclaim our destiny and to reverse the fate of our people. © 2003

SELECTED BIBLIOGRAPHY

Barnes, Carol, Melanin: The Chemical Key To Black Greatness, Chicago: Lushena Books, Inc., 1988King, Richard, M.D., Melanin: A Key to Freedom, August 2001

Muhammand Elijah, How to Eat to Live (1 & 2)

Welsing, Frances Cress, The Isis Paper, The Key to The Colors, Chicago: Third World Press, 1991

RA ACIRFAMovementâ??BRINGING BLACK WOMEN AND MEN BACK TOGETHER IN HARMONYâ?..Presentsâ??Every Black Woman Must HaveA Black Man of Her Ownâ?..

RA ACIRFA - Essay Series BRINGING BLACK WOMEN AND MEN BACK TOGETHER IN HARMONY..2nd Ed., Revised & Expanded â?? 10/01/03


RA ACIRFA Movement
Every Black Woman Must Have A Black Man of Her Own
RALLY & PRAYER VIGIL

PRAYER is the ability to visualize and create by thought(s), word(s), or action(s), the Item(s), Situation(s) or Life (Existence) that can manifest into a reality that will bring about our peace, happiness, and well-being, and ensure our continued connection to our Higher Source of Life and Power. The RA ACIRFA movement's only mission is to establish, promote, work on, and get involved with constructive plans, strategies and activities (clearly observed) that can promote and will bring about the vision and manifestation of every Black woman having a Black Man of her own and that every Black Child has a strong productive Father living within the household. In essence, to ensure the life of the Black Family unit (Man, Woman and Child; not single-mothers with children) for the ultimate purpose of our continued survival as Black People here on Planet Earth.So many Black Women are alone and spiritually empty because our Black Men are being systematically removed, purposely, from our arms, homes, families and communities (from his Black Woman). Too many and an extremely high number of Black Women are heading households as single-mothers. We are intensely tired of this situation and oftentimes feel hopeless to change this devastating fate. But have you ever thought about why this is happening?We function within the system of racism/white supremacy (the ultimate purpose of which is to ensure white genetic survival at the destructive expense of destroying the People of Color with the highest genetic potential to annihilate them. Black is genetically dominant as oppose to white being genetically recessive) which is determined to promote and maintain confusion and bitter conflict between Black Males and Black Females. The system of racism/white supremacy especially targets Black Males. Everywhere we go, to every corner of the World where we reside; there is a WAR AGAINST BLACK MALES, which has a devastating effect on Black Females as well. We as Black Women can no longer stand still for this systematic destruction of our Black Families, this demands our vigilant action.

I am calling for a PRAYER VIGIL, in which Black Men and Women come together with one Prayer (one collective powerful prayer), one thought (creation), one powerful thought that we will place out in the universe to request that the CREATOR and ANCESTORS guide our energy toward plans, strategies, and actions that will lead to this vision of preparing the road for every Black Woman to have a Black Man of her own and every Black Child to have a strong productive Father living within the household.Before we were taken from our homeland in captivity, during the enslavement phase of the system of racism/white supremacy, we learned and were aware of our connectedness to the Creator and our Ancestors as our source of power and guidance within the universe. We knew how to harness that power and we will do it again.RA ACIRFA means the essence of the CREATOR within our souls that was placed there by the Most-High, and in discovering that power, we will begin to reverse the fate of our people (people of Africa descent).

Everyone with this flyer, please copy at least 25 copies and pass to 25 individuals of our people.Copyright © 2004



11.29.2006

mysterious ways

my head is (almost literally) spinning...

when i feel like this, it's almost like witnessing the formation of a storm.

the clouds begin to speak to one another and line up in formation...
the sun takes a backseat...
humidity rises...
then, maybe a drop or two of rain, an ache in the bones of some elders...
then the downpour.
soon the thunder and the lightning...

but i'm not that far gone yet.

there's just the smallest beginnings of a hurricane.

in the meantime, i've gone back to traveling blind in my sleep. long walks and journeys i can't see or remember. when it's time to start my day, i'm exhausted and entranced. i don't wake up so much as i emerge from the bottom of the ocean.

i want to know where i'm going, what i'm seeing, who i'm meeting.
what am i learning?

maybe it's one of those mysteries i'm not ready to fully understand yet.

11.22.2006

breathing...

things got rough yesterday.
my stomach still hasn't settled down. but the mint tea helped.

this morning i was up early enough to take a bath.
i still smell like sandlewood. yum.

i had to sit with the ancestors for a moment and breathe.
inhale...hold. 1.2.3.4.5.
exhale...1.2.3.4.5.
inhale...hold. 1.2.3.4.5.
exhale...1.2.3.4.5.

thank god for yoga.

i'm sure they won't be the only deep breaths i take today.

i want things to be ok between us.
but i have to see him take some responsibility for his own healing.
there's no other way for us to move forward.

i'm committed to staying positive and looking forward to the long weekend...food, friends, family, food...

hopefully i can drag him around with me from house to house i've always wanted to. or he can drag me...

i don't know.
we'll see.

today i am grateful for breath, warm bathwater, and clarity.



11.21.2006

fix him or move him (c) oyin

a lot's been revealed in the last few days.

between last night and this morning, i think the new moon and my ori gave me the strength to finally say enough is enough.

i love my man. i really do. i've given up a lot for him. more than he knows.

he has grown since i've known him. i've tried to not dwell on the fact that that growth occurred largely through my tears and my conviction. because i was willing to leave rather than put up with his nonsense. because i spent lonely nights not knowing where he was. because i endured holidays, birthdays, and all other kinds of days solo 'cause he "wasn't ready" or "didn't know".

i have been depleted far more than i've been filled up.

i'm tired of the emotional blackmail. the blatant immaturity. the inability to deal with the least bit of uncomforatble or novel emotion. introspection not fueled by an insulated sense of self worth. i'm sick of his lack of communication, his lack of understanding.

i can be his
best friend
wife
business partner
lover
mother of his children
keeper of secrets
supporter of his healing

i cannot and will not be his
therapist
mother
whipping post
experiment in adult living/relationships

i am NOT in the business of re-raising men and never have been.

if you're crazy, say you're crazy and know it. own it. we can work from there.
don't present yourself as this bastion of...whatever and then fall all apart when you have a feeling. fuck that.

i don't want to live in a big pretty house by myself. i don't want to wait until i'm 40 or 50 to have the relationship i want with a man. but i will. because i am happy enough with me to be with me and find new pathways to my bliss.

so he needs to decide whether he's part of the solution or part of the problem.

maybe instinctively the woman that's emerging--the one i'm reverting back to-- threatens him.

he doesn't really know the me in full control of herself.

the me who will only let you make her cry three or four times, tops.

the me who will look straight through you, wake up to the reality of your bullshit, and leave you in the dust, holding incense-scented memories
...and not look back.

he's gotten glimpses of her, but when i met him and for a long time thereafter, i was too weakened to be her. and our relationship never quite closed those gaps. with some exceptions, i did that work on my own. i bled in the process, and usually dressed my own wounds.

i've spent a lot of time in this relationship by myself.

he damn well better get all those pretty intentions and thoughts of his out in the open. stop living in the fantasies he creates in his notebooks, and get down to the business of manifestation. yesterday.

my time has come. i don't know about his.

frankly? i'm not gonna worry about it anymore.

today i am grateful for the power to speak my truth.

11.20.2006

crickets & tumbleweeds

damn.
where is everybody?

i've gotten emails from one email buddy today. having no email buddies makes the day go by sooooooooo much slower. *sigh*.

i gotta send everybody a stupid reminder about that stupid report...
make a supply order...

*yawn*

in other news, the process of receiving my elekes & warriors went splendidly. the beads are beautiful, and i feel more myself than i have in months--maybe years. i am finally coming out of hibernation.

and it feels good.

i was a little annoyed at having to try and find a white outfit in november (even with relaxed fashion rules, it's a challenge), but as i'm thinking about it, i see the wisdom in it. i have a whole season of reflection and introspection ahead of me. and i can plan on emerging next spring/summer in a very butterfly-ish manner.

next steps:
house-buying
writing
new tattoo
getting in shape...including not slacking off on my yoga
getting to know the new godkid
committing to more meditation/prayer
educating myself about vodou
living
loving
learning

it's a new moon tonight, people. pray for the manifestation of your dreams. if you haven't stated your dreams yet, then organize them. allow them to gestate until the next full moon.

today i am grateful for a clear head, clear water, & the presence of spirit

11.16.2006

more toothpaste for dinner

...don't say i never gave you anything










how i feel my coworkers see me @ times...

something woke up my sacral chakra...

the poetry's starting to flow a little.
and i'm mindbendingly aroused.

this can't be good for business (the arousal part...not the writing part).

i think my root has gotten itself together...ever since i let go of him, i've gotten a lot of what i left with him back.

i'm cool with that.

it's probably all those old, old pains beginning to heal...i hold a lot of memories in my stomach/womb area. it's where my pain goes.

i keep feeling movement there...things shifting, rearranging. making room.

i'm glad.
soon, there will only be space for joy.

11.15.2006

a few things i've realized lately...

the longest part of my hair is only a few inches from my waist.

as i get older, people seem to find new ways to try what my mother always called my "seemingly infinite" patience. i've been gifted with some, but i ain't got nothin on god if the most high sees fit to love us thru some of the nonsense i encounter daily.

i do not bounce back quickly from honey's absences. i wish i could, but i just don't. i'm always afraid i'll turn around and he'll be gone again. even when i know he won't.

being both deep as the ocean and goofy as a 2-year old is not a contradiction.

i know a lot, but i understand now that everything i know is just a foundation for the wealth of knowledge that's coming.

sometimes i have to have my back against a wall before i realize how strong/resilient/resourceful i am.

i don't write enough.

this city might be too small for me. but i might have to stay anyway.

i don't read as much as i need to to keep my brain awake.

i talk a lot of shit, but the idea of me being a mother isn't nearly as frightening or daunting as i try to make it out to be.

words have power.

learning to accept my blessings and use them to my advantage is not something i should feel guilty about. if i don't learn how to use my gifts to their fullest capacity, then i am also cheating myself of the opportunity to contribute to the elevation of my community--be it my family, my neighborhood, or my planet.

...i'm sure i'll do another one of these posts in the future. it's sort of a gratitude & goal list all tied up into one.

11.14.2006

he's comin home...

You're my world...My water
My wind...
And my sweet honey
And you know this


*gasp & swoon*

lawd, i've missed that man.

11.11.2006

downside: that this is "news"

upside: there's one less reason to doubt the greatness of mama africa

Libraries in the Sand Reveal Africa's Academic Past

By Nick Tattersall, Reuters

TIMBUKTU, Mali (Nov. 10) - Researchers in Timbuktu are fighting to preserve tens of thousands of ancient texts which they say prove Africa had a written history at least as old as the European Renaissance.

Private and public libraries in the fabled Saharan town in Mali have already collected 150,000 brittle manuscripts, some of them from the 13th century, and local historians believe many more lie buried under the sand.

The texts were stashed under mud homes and in desert caves by proud Malian families whose successive generations feared they would be stolen by Moroccan invaders, European explorers and then French colonialists.

Written in ornate calligraphy, some were used to teach astrology or mathematics, while others tell tales of social and business life in Timbuktu during its "Golden Age," when it was a seat of learning in the 16th century.

"These manuscripts are about all the fields of human knowledge: law, the sciences, medicine," said Galla Dicko, director of the Ahmed Baba Institute, a library housing 25,000 of the texts.

"Here is a political tract," he said, pointing to a script in a glass cabinet, somewhat dog-eared and chewed by termites. "A letter on good governance, a warning to intellectuals not to be corrupted by the power of politicians."

Bookshelves on the wall behind him contain a volume on maths and a guide to Andalusian music as well as love stories and correspondence between traders plying the trans-Saharan caravan routes.

Timbuktu's leading families have only recently started to give up what they see as ancestral heirlooms. They are being persuaded by local officials that the manuscripts should be part of the community's shared culture.

"It is through these writings that we can really know our place in history," said Abdramane Ben Essayouti, Imam of Timbuktu's oldest mosque, Djingarei-ber, built from mud bricks and wood in 1325.

HEAT, DUST AND TERMITES

Experts believe the 150,000 texts collected so far are just a fraction of what lies hidden under centuries of dust behind the ornate wooden doors of Timbuktu's mud-brick homes.

"This is just 10 percent of what we have. We think we have more than a million buried here," said Ali Ould Sidi, a government official responsible for managing the town's World Heritage Sites.

Some academics say the texts will force the West to accept Africa has an intellectual history as old as its own. Others draw comparisons with the discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls.

But as the fame of the manuscripts spreads, conservationists fear those that have survived centuries of termites and extreme heat will be sold to tourists at extortionate prices or illegally trafficked out of the country.

South Africa is spearheading "Operation Timbuktu" to protect the texts, funding a new library for the Ahmed Baba Institute, named after a Timbuktu-born contemporary of William Shakespeare.

The United States and Norway are helping with the preservation of the manuscripts, which South African President Thabo Mbeki has said will "restore the self respect, the pride, honor and dignity of the people of Africa."

The people of Timbuktu, whose universities were attended by 25,000 scholars in the 16th century but whose languid pace of life has been left behind by modernity, have similar hopes.

"The nations formed a single line and Timbuktu was at the head. But one day, God did an about-turn and Timbuktu found itself at the back," a local proverb goes.

"Perhaps one day God will do another about-turn so that Timbuktu can retake its rightful place," it adds.

11.10.2006

there's stupidity

and then there's just utter and complete bullshit.

i'm gonna need all the pastors/preachers/reverends/bishops/elders and others who are truly about the liberation of black/brown/oppressed peoples to stand up and refute nonsense like this.

thanks to yemaya for the blog entry.


The Black preacher is nothing but the H.N.I.C (Head N*gga In Charge). Blacks have gone from the plantation to the Black Church.

This comes from Crefflo Dollar's site:

When a nation is on the brink of war, the worst thing its citizens can do is allow themselves to become divided. The Bible says that there is a time for war and a time for peace (Ecclesiastes 3:8). In fact, Jesus said that in the last days there would be wars and rumors of wars (Matthew 24:6). When this country was attacked on September 11, 2001, there was a fierce public outcry. America wanted her enemies to pay. Now, two years later, those same Americans are protesting the war against terrorism.

President Bush is worthy of your prayers and support. He is a man who rises early every morning to seek God and His wisdom through prayer and the study of the Word. This is not the time for Christians to picket, carry protest signs or throw their opinions around. The election is over, and the man in the Oval Office is the one we, as Americans, voted in. Numbers 32:7-13 makes it clear how God feels about a nation divided during a time of war.

This country needs unity, and it begins with the church. It is your responsibility as a believer to pray for the president, others in leadership, this nation, the men and women serving in the Armed Forces and our enemies--whoever they may be. Forget about your political affiliation or preference. You are first and foremost a Christian.

Begin by making these confessions:

In the name of Jesus, I declare that I will not allow any corrupt communication to proceed out of my mouth concerning President Bush or others in leadership (Ephesians 4:29).


I declare that he is a man of wisdom, and he is strengthened and guided by the Holy Spirit. I wholeheartedly support the decisions he makes for this country (1 Timothy 2:1-2).


I lift up every man and woman serving in the Armed Forces. I declare that they walk in favor, wisdom and safety and that their lives are redeemed from destruction (Psalm 91:7; Psalm 103:1-6).

If you have taken part in any protests or have allowed any corrupt communication to flow out of your mouth concerning the president, repent and begin to show your support for him by calling his name out before God. Pray for wisdom and wise counsel regarding the decisions he must make for this nation. Obey what the Word says in 1 Timothy 1-2 and 1 Peter 2:13 and: 1) continue to pray for those in authority over you; and 2) submit to that established authority. In doing so, you honor God, our president and thousands of service members. When the temptation comes to murmur or complain, rejoice that there is a man in the White House who walks and talks with God daily. Remember, united we stand, divided we fall (Matthew 12:25)!


can't believe your eyes? check it for yourself.

11.01.2006

i feel like...

it's all coming together and falling apart at the same time.

ain't that always the way?

10.28.2006

fire in the hole...

someone's storage area caught fire in the basement of my apartment building.

*sigh*

aside from the soot stains on the roman blinds in my bedroom and the smoke smell, there was no damage...my door's a little jacked up from the firemen coming in, but they'll be fixing that shortly.

i'm thankful it wasn't worse. having a little housecleaning to do is nothing compared to coming home to a smoking hole.

ashe.

10.23.2006

it kinda sucks when

ppl are walking around with spirits and ancestors trailing so obviously behind them
and i can't say anything

like...just now i kind of focused in on some energy around this dude's jacket. when he came back in my office, there was a rush....i'm thinking, there is someone with this man. and s/he wants to say something...

but you know
i'm at work and stuff
and that ain't really proper and all...

this spiritual training is gonna whup my ass.

but in a good way.

today i am grateful for strength and clear pathways. maferefun ogun

10.20.2006

Ko Sohun Tole Se Ko Ma Lomi- O

(nothing without water)

it's amazing what a bath can do...
i feel much more human today.

still don't really feel like working, but hey...*shrug*. gotta eat somehow, right?

lot to do this weekend....and i'm sure i'll have more stories to tell once it's all said & done.

but for right now, y'all have a good weekend, chill out, enjoy the weather (hopefully it's supposed to be nice where you are), and i'll see you on the other side.

peace.

today i am grateful for lavender oil & sweet thoughts

10.18.2006

at the tone, please leave a message...

i'm so not here today...can't focus...

not that there's a whole lot to do. i've pretty much cleared my plate. and now i'm waiting for the other folks around here to do what they need to do on their end...bleh.

i'm just...somewhere else.

i wanna go back home and go to sleep. i keep wondering if my eyes are half closed...

ah well
fk it.

just a couple more days in the week...

go read this. and this.

n. wolfe & ashland streets, fall 2006*

he stood
in uniform
(black jacket, blue jeans, che guevara-style pseudo revolutionary cap)
at the chain link gates
of the new emerald city

brown skinned ogun
stripped of his machete
probably remembering
former territory
grandma's house
maybe auntie's kitchen
or where he & his boys played playstation
back in 90something
during christmas break

standing between
pulverized history
and a brave new world
that doesn't necessarily exclude him
but ain't sendin
hospitality committees
either.

(c) l.a.m. 2006


*note: johns hopkins has torn down several blocks of homes in the area known as "middle east" to make room for parking lots, a new biotech complex, and housing and services for its employees. the first phase of this project is underway. many blocks have been leveled, and there are several more marked for destruction.

there has been a massive relocation effort which has been handled better than in most cities where this kind of development occurs. still, when i see people like this man on the street, frozen by what they see--or memories of what they used to see--around them, i think about all the history and memories the rubble has buried.

10.17.2006

i'm tired.

really tired.
i think i feel a 3-day weekend coming on...

i don't wanna take monday off, but...whatever.

i think i just need some time to commune with my own thoughts so i can get my shit together, you know?

this place is so not conducive to that.
trying to cram it in to the few hours between getting home from work and needing to go to sleep so i can roll myself out of bed to get back to work in the morning isn't working either.

the weather isn't helping...

i miss him soooo much.

and all that other yin yang.

i need a beach
with turquoise water
and white sand

on some "calgon, take me away" type shit (yeah i know i'm showin my age...)

time to go scan some bullshit for a project that i care nothing about...

i wish i at least had an office to myself so i could blast music...i like the broad & all. i just want some space.

and maybe a gig where i don't feel like i have 20+ kids.

10.16.2006

no, i'm not planning on cutting my hair

thank you very much.

if i choose to let it get long enough to tickle my ankles as i walk, so be it.

i think i'll be content to let it sway with my hips when it reaches my waist. that will probably happen in another year or so.

we'll see.

still...why are ppl so concerned about how long i might (or might not) allow my hair to grow?

often i hear...
so...when are you gonna cut it?
thinking about cutting it?
isn't it heavy?
those things are getting long, aren't they?
are you gonna look like oneathose rasta women or something?


and so on.

of course they can't know that as a child, my hair was pretty much the length it is now. so, honestly, it's back to its original state. i've always had a lot of hair, and i'm used to it. this mane on my head is a big part of my natural state of mind/being/spirit.

yes, india, i am (to some degree) my hair.
but it is not a yardstick i use to judge others.

and i'll cut it--IF i cut it--when i damn well please.
or not.

*grin*

10.13.2006

oneademdays

i'm really not feelin this (i.e., work).
at all.

but at least i grabbed a long-term meter this morning.
and got paid.

i want something good for lunch...

i need to stop eating so much @#&$*! dairy.

my chocolate addiction has returned. but it's probably just the hormones.

this period of inactivity must end. i think i've incubated long enough. time to go into labor...

you know, i spent the first few weeks of my life in an incubator. sometimes i wonder if that's why it takes so long for me to initiate certain levels of change in my life. i always have to make sure i'm "ready".

ok. now i'm just rambling.

i do need to get moving, though.

10.10.2006

today...

i am grateful for 6-yr-olds
newborn babies
free parking spaces
and the microsoft word color palette

spontaneous drink-mixing
weekends full of late nights
creative energy
and books like these

10.09.2006

kids say the darndest things

so my godson is staying with me for a few days while his mom recouperates from his little brother's birth (they practically had to yank that kid out...damn shame is what it is).

last night he says, "you only know about different kinds of foods. you don't know how to make a sandwich"

...not that i made him a sandwich. i suppose he just thinks my meals are a little too elaborate. lol. not that he ate my cooking, either. i made some collards, mac & cheese, and baked tofu, but we both ate pizza since all that wasn't going to be ready before his bedtime.

besides, he's not a fan of tofu. i promised him spaghetti and broccoli (please note: he likes broccoli--but not vegetables) for dinner tonight. but it's practically a given that he'll get curious and delve into my plate at least once during a meal.

kids are cool.

still...i don't think i'll be ready for motherhood for another 3-5 years.
at a minimum. lol.

10.06.2006

really quickly...

i'll have a new godson by the end of the weekend.

my sweetie's coming home...only for a couple of days, but that's better than nothing.

i'm writing a little, but nothing too deep...

been mourning my freedom. now i need to go about reclaiming it.

9.25.2006

dang it (c) hank hill

i forgot my lavender oil for my temples this morning

hopefully my head won't throb ALL day...

i could just be slightly dehydrated.
or tired.
my headwrap could be too tight
my hair too heavy
or some combination of the above.


this past year as been one of the most tumultuous that i've had in some time. there have been a lot of changes, a lot of shifts. for the longest time, i've been feeling like i'm being prepared for big changes...and now i'm finally getting a glimpse as to what those changes are.

i've cried more than i've wanted to, but they have been purifying tears. temporary birthing pains. the real change begins after i've let all that bad water seep out of me and fill myself back up with sweet, nurturing things.

yeye oshun has me in her hands, and she's not about to let go. so i might as well lean back and enjoy the ride. i know that her joy and abundance are crucial to my rebirth.

so...
here goes nothing.


today i am grateful for clear water & honey

they hacked down my grove...

that place in the picture on the "tree life" post? well, they must have cut the grass recently...i drove by the other day, and the center section is hacked down to almost nothing.

they pretty much left the "guardians" alone.

i'm sure it will grow back...but still.

they could have cut the grass and left that as it was.

*sigh*

9.21.2006

the secret lives of trees (part 2)

(written 9.17)

i sprinkled some water over the "altar" area .

there are a group of tall shrubs (or little trees) surrounded by a semicircle of grass. the grass looks and feels like both a fence and a pedestal. a windowsill inviting you to the inside. the trees here are mostly covered in ivy so their personalities are harder to spot.

there's power in this grove. concentrations of plants like this always remind me of oshun. they look like riverbank gatherings.

there are houses just beyond all this, but the green wall seems to be connected to other worlds. approaching the thing as a whole makes me think i'll find an entrance to narnia or somewhere if i go back there.

there must be shrines here. or at least there should be. maybe the shrines are there and have just been abandoned.

who knows what was on this land before...

seems to be doing fine on its own, though.

there are two larger, more diverse plant formations on either side of the grass pedestals. i'm in front of one of these. they appear to be guardians. the formations are different, but similar. i've always focused on the centerpiece; i never noticed that it was protected.

i don't have a way to measure, but if i had to guess i'd swear it was close to evenly distanced all around. accidental landscaping.

always backlit by the sun.

i just noticed some red berries/flowers blooming at the rear of the left guardian...i'm going to have to get my camera cleared and get some shots. several birds are also flitting around...but i'm not dressed for that today. i need long pants and tennis shoes. a sarong and flip flops is just asking for trouble.

i have to give something to this manifestation. maybe just some fruits with a little honey. i'll think about it. maybe there will be a dream.

maybe for my thanksgiving/equinox prayer i will leave an offering.

a baby bee just went by. seen several of those today. suppose oshun's looking out.

i feel like sinking underneath the dirt. using the grass for a blanket. sleep all wrapped up in this beauty.

i must sorely need grounding work.
root chakra all jacked up.

the blades of grass are beginning to distinguish themselves...
time to go. or i'll be here all night.







picture of "altar" area, autumn 2004. looking at this picture i can see how much it's grown. "guardian" plants not pictured.

i think i want

...some hot chocolate
stickysweet rush of
heat and
molten sugar
weaving down my throat

something to make me pleased
with the autumn determined to devour
my last 48 hours of summer
and the tears i can't seem to control
...at least not lately

some comfort
from the new chills in the air.

yeah.
that'd be good right about now.

~~~~

in other news...
i did it,
then never did it again.

i need to do something about that.

9.20.2006

peace in a can

i need some kind of intstant de-stressor for whenever honey & i have those conversations that simply leave me sick @ heart.

i have been told to be patient.
so i can be sure.

so that's what i'm going to try to hold on to.

9.18.2006

the secret lives of trees (part 1)

(written 9.17)

i'm sitting in the park near my house noticing the personalities of the trees.

there are lacy lady ones
big, generous men
the three trees that seem to be leaning forward to listen to one across the way...

baby trees
elder trees...

i miss earth energy. grounding. even sitting on a blanket i can sense the enormity of what's underneath me. mama earth is so big & beautiful. and all she wants is to get to know us again.

we're children away at college who don't call as often as we should.

sitting here makes me feel enveloped...embraced. loved. protected.

there is one tree, male-looking. tiered almost like a pagoda. tall. to his right, there's a tree with lace-like leaves, leaning rightward--away near the top, closer at the bottom. but still leaning. she's grown that way because he's straight, thick limbed, and heavy.

i can't tell if she's disgusted with him or being coy.

there's another tree to his right, much shorter, who he puts in almost total shadow. at least from this angle.

my favorite is the short, wide one. not very tall, but full bodied, strong. shade-giving with low branches. i think he must love children 'cause they'd probably fit best underneath those branches, next to the trunk. i suppose the extensiveness of his foliage is the only clue about his age. i can't imagine he'll get taller.

then again, trees grow in years, not inches.

reason #283945 our children need a sense of history...

there's a seminar coming up at the school where i work this week...

"SMOKING NEWPORTS IS OUR HERITAGE-EXPLORING TOBACCO USE IN URBAN YOUNG ADULT AFRICAN AMERICANS (CBPR* RESEARCH IN PROGRESS)"

what
the
fk?

guess jet ceased and desisted with the newport ads a few years too late, huh?




*cbpr stands for "community-based participatory research"

9.12.2006

we all fall down...

i feel like it's all unraveling. and it happened so suddenly...hard to know which way is up. could be headed for a breakthrough, but it really just feels like a breakdown.

i would love to suck it up and keep it moving, but...

i don't know.
i really don't.

of course, in the grand scheme of things, this is a pebble in the river. in the long term, i'll be fine. life will go on, and everything will upright itself. the transition is what ultimately gets me.

change is very rarely a rush for me. it's more of an agonizing drag.

still...i've learned a lot and, if it truly is time to move on, then i suppose i'll do it with a better understanding of who i am and where i need to go from here.

i always thought that i was meant to be a wife, if not a mother. maybe i was wrong.

or maybe i took the wrong chance.

i'll never really know, so it's best not to speculate. that can drive you crazy.

9.05.2006

fk.

not a whole lot of playtime @ the gig anymore.

i really need a home computer...

8.28.2006

blessed

all i can say is...wow.

vegas was phenomenal
and the retreat this weekend was even better.

i wish i had time to say more, but...i suppose the one thing that sums it all up is, "i'm back."

peace & love

8.16.2006

involuntary fast

gas pains are not fun.
they're even less fun when they wake you up precisely at 3 or 4 am each morning.

i've been looking out for the other requisite symptoms of "food poisoning", and i don't have them. just...a pain now and then.

stress seems to bother me. or the hint of solid food. and, strangely, i can't drink plain water.

this better not affect my vacation. furthermore, i don't wanna have to walk around vegas in clothes that don't fit 'cause i lost 15 lbs from not eating for two days.

i suppose it's just another one of those wonderful spontaneous detox rides my body likes to take me on every now & then.

~~~

...on an unrelated but no less important note, why is at&t charging me a $6+ "minimum use" charge on my home phone bill?

i also wish i could charge the goddamn postal service the $30 it cost me to stop payment on the irs check THEY lost in the mail.

grrr

8.15.2006

mama needs a new pair of shoes...

i'm praying for a miracle in vegas.

winning a cool $1000 would be just right.

see, turns out i have 2 big bills to pay before i go, not just one.

plus my rent went up this month. i forgot that with this automatic withdrawal thing i'm essentially paying a month in advance, and my lease renews september 1st or august 31st or however the hell it works.

*groan*

i won't even talk about how i woke up in the middle of the night with some serious gas pain...i still don't know what the hell i ate. probably that nasty italian dressing from the salad bar yesterday.

i'm gonna try to stay positive & not let this get me down. i will get ahead.

8.14.2006

money trail

i need a budget.

...that's all.

8.10.2006

i'll be with you in a moment...

i know it's relatively lame/cliche to write about how you don't feel like writing, but...

yeah.

actually, it's not that i don't feel like it. but a lot of what i'm transmitting right now is pretty esoteric and better understood by self, so i'm keeping things relatively close to the vest.

i'm pushing out obstacles and ushering in blessings...
there's movement in the air...
i'm excited about vegas (barely 2 weeks to go!)...
i'm obsessed over the idea of my new tattoo...and ideas for others after that...
work is still just something to babysit my person during the day...
my cat's been stalking a ladybug for the past couple of days...

and so on and so forth.

so...that's me at the moment. see you on the other side of the rainbow.

8.03.2006

recognize.

the universe starts by tossing a pebble or two at your window.
if you don't hear it, it might toss a brick & break the glass.
if that's not enough, you might find yourself up against a brick wall.

if you decide to just sit up against that wall and linger, it just might fall on you.

but it won't kill you.

it doesn't take much to hear god speaking. it doesn't have to be dogmatic or specific to any text. it doesn't have to be loud and proud like a multimillion dollar lottery prize.

it could be coming through your dreams.
your arguments with your mate.
the breeze that woke you up this morning.
or the butterfly lighting on your windowsill.

don't make the universe slam a brick wall down on you.
learn how to hear the pebbles.

8.02.2006

fela anikulapo kuti




it was brought to my attention that we lost fela 9 years ago today.

if you don't already, you should really know about him.

wikipedia

african music.org

in case you don't feel like reading, you can just pick up a few of his cds and learn about him that way. the new one-disc/double album sets are a great way to build your collection without killing your wallet. (hint: if you're looking for "water no get enemy", it's on the expensive shit / he miss road disc)

an excuse to buy music. what more do you need?

8.01.2006

viva la revolucion



i'm sure we won't know for some time just how bad things are for fidel (if that link asks for a log-in, click here instead). but any way you look at it, this is big.

i can understand cuban-americans and cubans themselves wanting a better standard of living. but i don't wanna see havana become "mini vegas" again. or even see a starbucks on every corner.

i fear these exiles--as they're called--don't understand the advantages to not being america's bitch. they've been softened by our glitter and gold.

of course, all i know is what i've read. given the opportunity, cuba is one of many places i would have liked to travel, but it's been difficult to get to the west coast, let alone the forbidden fruit just a few miles south of the good ol us of a.

at any rate, i know cuba has a higher literacy rate than we do, that their ppl have indiscriminate access (slow or no) to healthcare, and that while the ppl may be poor, they haven't seen fit to overthrow fidel or support u.s. efforts to do so in a way that's made our government successful. they also haven't seen fit to extradite assata shakur.

i wasn't alive to see haiti free herself in the midst of slavery. i was born a full decade or more after india, the nations of africa, and other third world countries gained their independence. not to mention missing the turmoil and black power surge of the 60s and early 70s.

seeing little cuba hold up in the face of uncle sam's bullying long after the cold war was frozen and buried is the only revolutionary example i have from my lifetime (cesar chavez & 'nem notwithstanding).

so, instead of wishing for his demise--yes, i heard a few folks on tv doing just that this morning--i'm going to pray that the cuban people maintain the good points and the spirit of the revolution while allowing for the basic freedoms and human rights we all deserve. i pray they stand fast and refuse to undo fidel's work for the promise of a ham in every oven & a buick in every driveway.

'cause in a generation or so, they may find that the price was far too high.

viva la revolucion.

(read more here)

7.27.2006

one step closer...

/

i went to the guy who did my lotus last night & asked him about my new tattoo…

i’ve been bouncing around a lot of ideas, but i’ve settled on a snake/serpent with its tail in a spiral, possibly creeping up my shoulder. this takes care of the goddess, creativity, rebirth, and wisdom motifs all at once.

i made sure to tell him i didn’t want any striking cobras or something spouting blood and weaving its way out of my arm. i’m aiming for something like the little garter snake i’ve added here. feminine & slinky.

it’s gonna cost me a little more than i’d like (of course size, placement, etc haven’t been etched in stone…only that i want it in blk & grey, no color.), but i don’t mind. he’s a great artist & not hard to spend a couple of hours with.

to any first timers out there: you get what you pay for. unless you’re dealing w/ a friend you trust, bargain shopping for ink is NOT the move.

replace "piercings" with "tattoos"

...and i could be writing this to my mother.

What I wish I could tell my parents

Piercing is something that my parents and I have had many fights about and is one of the few things that actually come between us. Now while you might be saying to yourself, "Why is this 20 year old guy worried about what his parents think?" And my answer to you would be that I care a lot, first of all they still support me while I am going to school, and secondly, they are my parents and we get along really well, accept for this.
I have only a few piercings: my lobes, an industrial, my tragus, and my tongue, as well as a few that have retired but they would have never seen anyway. Now this is the problem, they already think I look like a freak and that I could never get a respectable job, and I feel that I am not yet the way I want to be, and this is where it gets interesting.

What I would like to say...

Why do I get pierced? Not because it looks cool or because it is a fad. I get pierced because it means something to me far beyond what any sort of fashion or, material possession ever could. To me being pierced is an experience that connects me with m mortality and is a way to physically manifest some of the pain that we all experience in everyday life, but detach ourselves from. Piercing is a challenge that each time you overcome, it makes you stronger. So, no I do not get pierced because I am rebelling, or because it is a fad, or because I think it will make me fit in, I get pierced because I would like to feel more like me and know myself more. I want to know my limits, my boundaries, my abilities, and then I want to push them to the next level.

Piercing is also a mark for people with a certain mindset. It is not some ritual, cult of death, but it is a cultural symbol, and this is the culture that I want to be associated with. Not to fit in, but to show them who I am, and then be accepted by like-minded individuals, people who I can relate to.

Why do I pierce? Yes, I have taken up piercing, myself and others, and I am actively trying to make a profession of it. (Any Piercing Artists in Long Beach / LA area want to take on an apprentice?) I do this because of my love for piercing. I think it is not only something that everyone who wants to should have access to, but I think it is something that everyone should experience at least once in their lives. As Tyler Durden said, "How much can you know about yourself if you've never been a fight?" I ask, "How much can you know about yourself if you have never been pierced?" I think that inflicting this amount of pain on yourself for something inconsequential, is a major event that can happen in a persons life. It is giving up your fear of pain and everything we as modern people do to escape and numb pain, in essence, this is giving up just one of the many things that control your life, and taking it back for yourself. So I back to the question: Why do I pierce? Because I w ant to share this thing that I love with the world, and I also want to meet people who appreciate it like I do. Because it is through people who appreciate the same things that we appreciate, that we can grow, and expand our horizons.

And as for this whole "respectable job" thing. Perhaps I don't want a "respectable job" perhaps I plan on doing something different, and actually enjoying what I do for a living and the environment in which I work. Perhaps to me it isn't so much about the money, but the happiness and the my relationships with the people that I care about. Besides there are many other things that I could be doing to "explore". Like drugs, or shagging every girl I meet, or becoming an urban camper. But what I choose to explore in this world are my relationships with people, my understanding of myself, and what I can create to make my mark. Essentially, this means that, all I have are my friends, my self, and my art. So be a little more open minded, there's always more than one way to do it, to live life, let me choose my own path, and rather than push me down yours, support me on mine. There's a big world beyond your front door, and rather than pushing out those who bring it in, you could try to go out into it, explore it, and explore yourself.