bad dreams & beautiful mornings

i had really bad dreams last night.

i may be in one of those phases where i can't watch any old thing before bed, or something gets disturbed. eastern promises wasn't any worse than many things i've seen, but sometimes i don't know what will set me off.

i think the moonstone i've been wearing has opened my perceptions and intuition. i'm probably more of a sponge than usual.

i miss new orleans...

the cramps are starting...

and i have to spend the next 90 min or so slogging through the mass of hair on my head--which is why i should have been up 2 hours ago and probably never should have gotten on this computer. you know, no matter what i do to it, it still takes me forever to deal with it. always has...

oh well. might as well start the day.

obama's naacp speech

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i agree with you, mr. president.

but i would love for you to say more about the kids who don't have that mother, grandmother, or anyone to push them, because that's really what makes the difference--and why many of these kids fall through the cracks. even you didn't avoid all the trouble out there (bless you for refusing the "holier than thou" angle).

poverty and lack of opportunity can be overcome, most definitely. ultimately, children growing up in families with appropriate priorites who just happen to be poor are the ones most likely to have stories like yours & judge sotomayor's.

but the larger the cracks in the foundation, the bleaker the prospects become. that's not an excuse, it is simply a reality.

all sorts of abuse, drug addiction, familial dysfunction and a pervasive gutting of human dignity also contribute to our children's demise.

what of those whose poverty has been ground into their bones? what about how the psychology of poverty manifests in a capitalist society?

what of those who messed up and got caught? will we begin to reconsider the treatment of addicts and our drug policy? have you considered true prison reform so that those who have served their time can move on with their lives?

...i'm hoping those are the questions behind the "institutional" problems you noted, and things your administration plans to evaluate, at least on some level.

i appreciate the naacp as much as the next sista, but i am also keenly aware that their concerns, battles, and mentality have focused on the middle class and talented tenth segments of our community than those entrenched in the 'hood.*

to put it another way, i have no problem with this speech, but it feels like preaching to the choir.

now, the father's day bbq felt a little different. can we get more of that? thanks.

*i realize that dubois let go of some of that stuff in his later years, but--as is typical in western, either/or discourse--the damage was done as soon as the catchphrase had caught on. you were in or you were out, period. bourgie black folks reveled while the masses shrugged. more reason to remain separate, to stunt collaboration.

**also see racewire's commentary on the naacp's 100th birthday.

i can show you better than i can tell you...

i should have known it would be easy to fall in love in a place like this.

vintage everything...




truths wrapped in myths wrapped in mysteries...






good times and debauchery



juxtaposed with sheer architectural beauty...





the pleasures & pains of the ancestors*






and the cultural triumphs of their descendants





please trust me when i say i will return. within hours of my arrival, new orleans found her way to my heart and made herself at home.


*the current site of the omni new orleans hotel used to be known as the st. louis exchange hotel. slaves were sold there. the second photo is a detail of congo square.

another random posting...

last night was restless...forgettable dreams, visitations, headaches...

i feel like i'm seeing through a sort of veil, so i'm not sure what to take from it all. it feels like i've been handed a great deal of information, and i'm still trying to process it.

was introduced to a series by dr. jewel pookrum yesterday that proved to be very interesting. a lot of what she said was common sense, although i know to many it might seem far fetched and "impossible". however, if you've done any study of the chakras/meridians or done any in-depth traditional spiritual work, you'll probably see how it all comes together.

y'all know i don't repeat stuff unless it feels true, so i'll just pass that on and leave you to draw your own conclusions.

oh, and it looks like i'll be going to artomatic tonight, which makes me happy.

those are my random thoughts for the day. hopefully i'll return with something a little more cohesive over the weekend...

blending

the indomitable erzulie dantor has introduced herself to me...

considering some prior goddess card readings, i'm inclined to believe that she has emerged as the shadowy sister of my bright, sweet oshun self.

and i have been instructed to embrace the shadow.

looking back, i wonder if she manifested in the fierce self preservation and healing anger i experienced as a teenager.

she may have silently returned when i unconsciously began to seek out my wild woman.

i can see she's reminding me that i possess claws and teeth, that i can fight for what i want--a thing i know but can be very uncomfortable with.

she doesn't care about my nervousness. rather, that seems to drive her ambition to turn me into a skilled, fearless blade-handler.

as she stares me down, i realize that i can calm her, appease--but not subdue.

there's no escaping it; i must merge myself, be whole.

avek tout respe, maman. ayibobo!

phonte on MJ

the realest.

eh.

something's wrong...maybe a lot's wrong.

i don't really know how or when or why, but i can see that i really want a lot of things to change.

and i'm wondering how any of those changes are going to get made with no money and little time.

i know there's a way...

i just have to get my intentions down
leap over all the "no you can'ts"
and make it happen.

easier said than done some days...

why michael was special

you need to be just the right age for someone like michael jackson to make an indelible imprint on your life. for those of us who are now 30-35 or so, we were at that age.

yesterday evening, many of us finally understood why our parents were so shattered over the death of marvin gaye; why the world wept when john lennon was shot.

he was our first crush. the first star we wanted to BE. some of our parents deemed us too young to go to his concerts, so we were forced to watch with envy as big brothers, sisters and cousins got to go instead. we couldn't wait for the next awards show, the next new video.

he was our big star. the first black face on mtv.

the little girl inside me who remembers kissing his face each day because she just knew he knew how much she loved him, who kept her "beat it" jacket and shirt long after they no longer fit, is distraught.

and she's ready to walk out with him.

as for the controversies, we have all seen what even modest stardom can do to children. michael was one of the consummate child stars of the last few decades--only he didn't fade into obscurity when he hit adolescence. having to live out nearly all your insecurities, flaws and growth as a human being under the spotlight can lead to irrevocable psychological, spiritual--and apparently even physical--change. most of us will never know what that's like.

and the accusations? i think his development was arrested in childhood (or a sort of mourning for childhood) for a long time. being around children helped him capture something he'd lost forever. but i do not think he was a pedophile. i believe he put himself in situations that could have suggested it, and that was his downfall.

if you want to see a textbook pedophile, watch this film. if that were michael's m.o., that trial wouldn't have broken him down. he'd have brushed his shoulders off and kept it moving. he was the super-rich, untouchable megastar after all...

instead, i think those things forced him to grow up--something he may or may not have been ready to do.

those who'd been paying attention knew we'd lost him long ago. some of us began mourning him then. the "wacko jacko" headlines weren't chuckle-worthy, they were pitiful.

on that level, his passing simply indicates that he is finally at peace.

ultimately, my gut tells me he was a good man who died of a broken heart. and now the world's heart is broken.

long live the king.


addendum: jay smooth on MJ