there's a constant sense of work, strategy, maneuvering.
it's imperative that i keep my spaces clean and clear. clutter equals stress, and dirt is especially irritating.
time is precious and needs to be rationed wisely.
my body's changing again. i'm not sure how to feel about it. my mother told me once that my father's sister--whom i resemble pretty closely--suddenly started to slim down around 30, despite having at least one, if not two, of her daughters by then.
on the other hand, there are folks around me with far more pressing issues...hence, i'd feel almost silly complaining.
but...stress is stress. and i'm trying to keep mine from becoming too overwhelming.
ok. so i got blasted with this song not too long ago during a random encounter with an urban radio station...
if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it?
the feminist in me cringed immediately. why does a sensual relationship between two consenting adults have to involve undertones of ownership, constant power struggles, and a tax break in order to be deemed acceptable?*
my enjoyment of and/or emotional connection to a man has no bearing on whether or not he finds me desirable enough to "put a ring on it".
when i want to be monogamous, i am. when i don't, i'm not. and i'm not gonna beg a commitment from anyone who obviously is not content with lil ol' me.
so. fast forward to earlier this week when someone sent a link to this video, giving me the opportunity to listen to the song beginning to end.
it still made my feminist bones ache, but i was forced to make a confession.
she had a point.
as someone who's been in the position of feeling like a man is wasting your time and your precious divine energy by failing to make a commitment beyond sexual fidelity, it does ring true.
you don't want to see me with anyone else? don't bore the hell outta me. you want to avoid a shattered ego? make a move.
while i don't think it's a good idea to go flaunting new dude in front of old dude when his numbers are barely deleted from your SIM card, there is definitely something to be said for losing your place in line.
brothas, please note: we will not wait for you forever--despite what we might say to you when we're deeply in love--and the farther we are from, say, 18 or 21, the more we mean that.
we all know the man who's been on some, "yeah...i cheated once or twice, and i don't never call when i'm gonna be out late with the fellas and i banged up her car that one time, BUT SHE AIN'T HAVE TO LEAVE ME!!" this song is for you.
[sidenote: a recent conversation with the ex noted that brothas are, slowly but surely, stepping up 'cause, "we sense y'all are gonna take our sweet honey away." to which i replied, "GOOD."]
and, to be fair, there are the usual dangers of the wrong women making this their anthem. specifically, ones who wanna use songs like this to avoid looking in the mirror and facing their own knee-high bullshit. or the ones who just want to perpetuate unnecessary forms of drama. sistagirl, that ain't cool.
so, ms. carter, if this is truly intended to be a call for the (fully grown) sistas who've done the work and put in the time to tell their mates to step up or step off, i'm with you.
...feelin' the choreography, too. word to bob fosse.
*to be clear, i am not anti-marriage. i believe that a deep, spiritually and temporally committed union supported by family, friends and loved ones is totally possible and wondrous. i am, at heart, a serial monogamist. it is the judeo-christian institution full of "submission", "helpmeets", and other disparate notions of gender inequality, authority, and further perpetuation of the nuclear family myth/pod--in situations where that family structure is inherently dismissive of community--that pisses me off.
honestly? i am pissed that we are even bandying about these elementary ass issues that every other industrialized, western nation has done something about or acted like fking GROWN UPS on...on paper at the very least.
we need to get on the ball, and fast. this is really not helping anybody. we're so far behind, it's not even funny.
one of the most pointed things that obama did was speak about looking 10 years down the line.
that's the energy we need, not a symbol of the breed that's dying in state and parliment houses all over the world.
thinking only about the next 4-8 years and then expecting that to garner some kind of change is ridiculous, at best.
get a grip.
vote for whoever you want to--we're not gonna get outta this mess in less than a decade (or more) anyway. may even take a generation. and i'm sure you can already guess where i'm leaning.
but we need to take a good, long look at what we're doing and what we're turning into. and if we wanna make it better, we need to start thinking like big boys and girls, not infantile automatons fueled on xenophobic fear, soundbites, and walmart goods.
playtime's over, y'all.
i was feeling kinda blah this morning when i boarded the bus. but then i looked up and saw the full moon still high in the sky. the sunrise was at my back.
i briefly acknowledged and gave thanks for the sun's rainbow sherbert display, but turned back to the moon to ask for strength.
something in the cloud pattern took me back to august when i sat on the beach with yemonja. that morning, i could also see the moon and sun together.
almost immediately, i felt blessed beyond measure. my trials are simply an ebo, and it's temporary.
i will see the other side & be just fine.
my cooking skills
a body that's pretty healthy even when it's sick-ish
a cat that kills nasty, icky bugs
cheap(er) grocery stores
a working car
a comfortable bed w/ lots of pillows
being able to do laundry @ mom's house