6.22.2008

baby girl

since a certain someone keeps asking about my inner child...

i think i relate to her as a poor mother relates to her child at christmas: baby wants everything, and there's no way of getting the money to give it to her. i hardly dare to wonder if she'll love me regardless.

inadequacy, disappointment, sadness, loss...that sort of thing.

i'm probably much more terse with her than i ought to be, or than she deserves.

there are moments of joy, teaching, mutual appreciation. glimpses of something like a relationship.

but every other day feels like christmas eve. and there's nothing under the tree with her name on it.

(i'm sure this is related to the womb re-opening...still processing.)

2 comments:

mindful said...

if nothing at all, you gotta love the experiences after the fact though. i don't even want to seek my innerchild and grant her wishes...

creatrix said...

word...

thinking on it tends to be a slap in the face, but i'm gonna work on it. if i'm going to work on fulfilling my whole self, i'll need to indulge her, 'cause she's part of that.