since a certain someone keeps asking about my inner child...
i think i relate to her as a poor mother relates to her child at christmas: baby wants everything, and there's no way of getting the money to give it to her. i hardly dare to wonder if she'll love me regardless.
inadequacy, disappointment, sadness, loss...that sort of thing.
i'm probably much more terse with her than i ought to be, or than she deserves.
there are moments of joy, teaching, mutual appreciation. glimpses of something like a relationship.
but every other day feels like christmas eve. and there's nothing under the tree with her name on it.
(i'm sure this is related to the womb re-opening...still processing.)