6.14.2010

green cleanse: days 8 and 9

during the day yesterday, all i ate was some honeydew melon, store-bought green juice, iced tea, and water. i spent the day at odunde, so the cold iced tea was a necessary deviation.  too hot for anything else. 

had a late dinner of the spinach pasta & pesto. kiwi for dessert. 

this morning, i made more of the avocado mash for lettuce wraps, adding salsa (tomato-based) this time instead of the raw garlic and chopping up the spinach into the mix. also started back with the green pills.

taking detox tea for the ride to work.  missed a day sunday, but did have a cup on saturday.

for lunch today, i'll have sauteed green beans and spinach with ginger/garlic/scallion mix for seasoning. probably heavy on the ginger.

don't know what to do for dinner;  won't be able to do any grocery shopping until tomorrow. but i still have a zucchini in there. maybe have that with the last of the romaine & cucumbers for a quick salad. 

dinner: green lentils with zucchini, tossed with pesto (kind of like a stew)

skin is doing well.  bra marks under my breasts are fading.  feeling more energetic and clear.

6.12.2010

green cleanse: day 7

breakfast: orange juice w/ chlorophyll, kiwi/grape fruit salad

lunch: romaine lettuce "boats" stuffed with spinach & avocado spread* (pic)

dinner: spinach pasta tossed with fresh pesto, zucchini "fries"

last night was rough. i wanted eggs this morning, honestly. i love spinach/avocado omelettes...

but i'm hanging in.

tomorrow i'm sure i'll have to make some substitutions, but i'll get back on track monday.

i decided not to eat at all last night, just had a glass of mango nectar and some water and vegged out with a movie.  my body felt tired, but not hungry.  did some freewriting as well.

i'm feeling VERY emotional right now. wanting to cry, love, understand, grow....feel. my heart is slowly, gently opening.

the first rush of feeling is always jumbled...confusion is normal, although frustrating.  i just have to push past this and into the clarity...

i know now that i'm doing this at the right time for the right reasons.


*very simple:

1 avocado
sea salt
blk pepper
a dash (or more) of dried red pepper
lemon or lime juice (about 1 tsp)
1 clove garlic (finely chopped)

mash the avocado, mix w/ seasoning, garlic & citrus juice, and spread! also yummy on sandwiches.

6.11.2010

green cleanse: day 6

breakfast: green apple, unsalted roasted cashews

lunch/snacks: green water, salad (spinach, romaine, edamame, cucumber, avocado) w/ balsamic vinaigrette dressing

dinner: ???

woke up with a bad headache, feeling irritable overall. detox in full effect.

my skin, however, looks remarkably fresh.

6.10.2010

green cleanse: day 5

breakfast: apple cranberry juice, soy yogurt

lunch/snacks: green grapes, chlorophyll water, cabbage salad, honeydew melon

dinner: cucumber, guacamole with broccoli for dipping, pear

one deviation: a sliver of red pepper to taste a (green) spread at a work function. spread was tasteless.  altho i'm not counting drinks, i also had a b vitamin smoothie for energy.

intensified cravings for snack food, particularly potato chips.  feeling a bit irritable, itchy. slight facial breakout.

i've hit the wall.

took a probiotic tablet after dinner to avoid any tummy upset from the raw garlic in the guac.  also probably need to get in more plain water, possibly with lemon. i'll work on that tomorrow and over the weekend.

6.09.2010

green cleanse: day 4

lunch/snacks: chlorophyll water, honeydew melon, mutsu apple (had them at the farmer's market...yum!), big green salad w/ avocado & green goddess dressing.  spirulina/hempseed/coconut water drink w/ honey.

dinner: pear

so i come in the office, and what's in the kitchen? bread and butter!

i love bread.

anyway, had a few cashews after i finished my brussles sprouts, which helped me feel full for the rest of the evening, particularly since i wasn't at home and couldn't just grab a handful of grapes or something.  i find that i really miss snack-type foods during these exercises. fruit is helpful, but i love potato chips, popcorn...that kind of thing.

i was running late and didn't make my detox tea or take my green pills. i did, however, have a small glass of orange juice and a probiotic chewable. i'm wary of taking green pills in the evening because they can amp me up and make it hard to sleep.  but, for the sake of consistency, i'll likely take them with dinner.

6.08.2010

green cleanse: day 3

breakfast: orange juice w/ chlorophyll

lunch/snacks: cabbage salad, green apple, green grapes

dinner: roasted brussels sprouts

a conversation at lunch has me excited about all the things i'm looking forward to eating...

that said, i'm not experiencing any real cravings yet, although i'm beginning to really want some bread.  

i would make the cabbage salad again, maybe for a spring/summer potluck. i'm not too fond of vinegar* , so i might use less of that, and a touch more sea salt. the amount of red pepper was just right and gave it a good kick.  it's also surprisingly filling. i had my apple for "dessert" and some more grapes towards the end of the day, and have not felt hungry. 

the variety's been pretty amazing.  i would recommend always going into a cleansing/fast with a clear regimen and/or recipes.  it helps tremendously, especially when you start feeling "bored" with the whole thing.  

i am experiencing deeper sleep, but there's a heaviness to it.  it's not the pop-up-at-5am-with-no-alarm clarity that tends to come a little later down the road.  i wonder if that's not something i can expect since this isn't a juice/water fast.

in the past, i've concluded fasts with a water-only day. i haven't decided if i want to do that this time around.  



*i use apple cider vinegar for just about everything involving cooking/consumption.  i keep white vinegar for house cleaning, but that's about it.


6.07.2010

green cleanse: day 2*

breakfast: slightly diluted mango nectar, green pills, soy yogurt, green delicious apple

snacks: fruit salad (honeydew, grapes, pear), chlorophyll water

lunch: big green salad (celery, cucumber, spinach, romaine, parsley) w/ green goddess dressing
(salad was also supposed to have watercress, but i accidentally picked up mint instead. gonna find something to do with it...)

dinner:  green beans sauteed with garlic/ginger/scallions, steamed broccoli, big green salad w/ regular (tahini-based) goddess dressing

noted this morning that the moon's almost new (waning crescent)...good time for this new beginning.  new moon's on the 12th, day before odunde. those will be powerful prayers! 

last night's yoga made me slightly sore and a little tired, but i'm grateful for it because it often lets me know where i'm holding tension in my body.  i'm feeling my inner thighs, upper arms, and wrists the most.

addendum: tummy rumbles started this evening. glad i had the mint on hand. i didn't realize you could just steep the leaves in boiling water for about 15 minutes and bam. tea. that's all tea is anyway...but we're so used to packaging and such...

i'm also enjoying the recipes on the site. i made the cabbage salad for lunch tomorrow.  will let you know how it turns out.


*pics of food and other info as i learn it on facebook.


6.06.2010

green cleanse: day 1

i decided to do this green cleanse after having a few friends mention it. people seem to have interesting results, and i am long overdue for a cleansing/fast/"conscious eating" practice.

i'm semi-officially starting today, and will continue eating this way for 14 days.  if all goes well, this will take me to june 20-21...right around the summer solstice.

i will need to variate from the plan a bit. i just finished a course of antibiotics for a sinus infection, so i need to maintain a probiotic regimen for at least the first 5-7 days.  

in the absence of a juicer, it's also unlikely that i'll only be drinking green drinks, although i will stick to water, 100% juices and herbal teas as much as possible. 

starting tomorrow, i'll be taking chlorophyll (in juice) and green pills as part of breakfast in the morning.  i also want to have at least one cup of "detox" tea every other day, if not daily.

this time will also be used to build an ori altar, continue some heart chakra healing, and narrow down my housing search.

first green meal/snack: roasted brussles sprouts 
dinner: large green salad with freshly made green goddess dressing

also consumed today: some "fruit and nut" trail mix, peppermint tea, grapefruit, soy yogurt, lemonade*



*i have some juices in the fridge that i want to get rid of in the first few days. same with the soy yogurt. after that, i'll just be taking chewable probiotic tablets. the grapefruit is the last of 3 i bought to help with the clearing of the sinus infection (they're great for getting rid of mucus in the body). ideally, in the next 3-4 days, my diet should be fully "green".

5.30.2010

mid-cold gratitude

my "summer" kinda sucks so far.

after a 2-day meeting at work, i was all ready to come into my 4 day weekend with a bang.

i did. or, at least my sinuses did.  the bad sort of bang. 

but, in the spirit of not complaining, i tried to think of the good in being stuck in bed for a few days.  that started with a couple of status updates on facebook. an extended version follows.

gratitude in illness

i'm inspired to own more kaftans. they're ridiculously comfy!

the weather's held out. it's been comfortably cool the last few days...barely even need a fan. i don't know WHAT i would have done if i had to be stuck in here in 90-100 degree weather.

i have a vision for my ori altar.

i made a yummy pot of soup for myself - even though i barely tasted it.
had some great, extended phone conversations.

although it REALLY sucks that i missed her & janelle monae, i'm glad i didn't buy advance tickets to the erykah concert. i probably would have been more miserable if i'd gone.

5.11.2010

scar tissue

the last few days have reminded me of the continual nature of healing.

once you truly, deeply begin, it's never really finished. you might go away for weeks or years, but eventually it will return to you, or you will return to it.

it's that scar your eye wanders to whenever you look in the mirror. you know it's there, but you check every so often to see if it's changed. sometimes you could swear it still aches or itches.  you might wince, fully remembering the original pain, the blood, how you thought it would never close.  most often, though, you just glance over it while you're putting on makeup or checking for dirt on your face, not even giving it a second thought. 

in the last week or so, i've had an epiphany or two, unintentionally shared some deep secrets, continued some old conversations.  i'm grateful, even though it's all left me feeling a little raw.

i'm reading a book that's speaking to feelings, dreams and experiences that i haven't shared aloud with many.  i'm still apprehensive about expressing all the thoughts it's sparking, but i know they'll need to emerge eventually.

i blame retrograde.  particularly since it came in taurus...a sign that's always evoked a deeply honest emotional and sensual response in me.   

through it all, i am still loved and loving.  expanding.  making connections.  refusing fear, even in the midst of being afraid.

gotta keep moving...

4.28.2010

malena

i watched malena last night, and it broke my heart. i found myself tearfully recalling all my sympathy for those other women.

to me, it was a poignant statement on just how deeply dysfunctional the madonna/whore dichotomy is, forcing us into boxes that cause us to hurt ourselves and one another.

[SPOILER ALERT: if malena's a film you think you might wanna see, stop reading now, 'cause i'm gonna give away some key plot elements...]

4.24.2010

cohesion

for a moment, i had doubts that the integration was working, that it was the right thing.

then, i actually received a couple of signs...

the first came from the billboard on a friend's church, saying, "live your resurrection". i almost took a picture.

the other: a spider crawling across my windshield. i have a serious case of arachnophobia, but i know grandmother is trying to guide me out of that fear so she can help me weave the threads of myself together.

all that to say, if you ask for a sign - or even if you don't - keep your eyes open. the universe is always conspiring to bring you what you need. 

4.23.2010

oh, henry.

apparently, skip gates is at it again.

having read this in full, i realize i don't have the desire to go fully in on this white supremacy - in the theoretical/academic sense - apologist.

as sista jo so aptly said, "...and this is precisely why they champion him. He tells their version of our story"; a perfect example of what happens when the hunter (or the hunter's minion) writes the history instead of the lion. 

i do, however, wish to point out a few things.
Advocates of reparations for the descendants of those slaves generally ignore this untidy problem of the significant role that Africans played in the trade, choosing to believe the romanticized version that our ancestors were all kidnapped unawares by evil white men, like Kunta Kinte was in “Roots.” The truth, however, is much more complex: slavery was a business, highly organized and lucrative for European buyers and African sellers alike.
right about the business (kinda), wrong about the reparations.

from everything i've ever seen, the common ground in the case for reparations is the disproportionate contribution free slave labor made to the bloated wealth america enjoys today.  that's what we're owed for. period.

to paraphrase another brilliantly obvious twitter observation, africa didn't profit from the slave trade. as with any other capitalist power move, a few elites profited from the slave trade - which ain't the same thing. the maafa initiated a severe brain drain that continues to this day.

most regular african folks just suffered.  just like the enslaved folks here.

moving on...
For many African-Americans, these facts can be difficult to accept. Excuses run the gamut, from “Africans didn’t know how harsh slavery in America was” and “Slavery in Africa was, by comparison, humane” or, in a bizarre version of “The devil made me do it,” “Africans were driven to this only by the unprecedented profits offered by greedy European countries.”

But the sad truth is that the conquest and capture of Africans and their sale to Europeans was one of the main sources of foreign exchange for several African kingdoms for a very long time. Slaves were the main export of the kingdom of Kongo; the Asante Empire in Ghana exported slaves and used the profits to import gold. Queen Njinga, the brilliant 17th-century monarch of the Mbundu, waged wars of resistance against the Portuguese but also conquered polities as far as 500 miles inland and sold her captives to the Portuguese. When Njinga converted to Christianity, she sold African traditional religious leaders into slavery, claiming they had violated her new Christian precepts.

speak for yourself, dude. these facts aren't difficult to accept, they are what they are. for anyone who's studied this history, we know that whitefolks did any and everything in their power to win over whoever they could to feed their machine, and some africans played along.

it's known that slave trading has occurred in africa since the arabs came and conquered colonized spread islam all up and through west africa.  before that, there were inter-ethnic conflicts. everyone who's ever read  chancellor williams understands that it's been eons since there was anything resembling african unity in a social sense, despite the various examples of cultural unity.

however, that slavery was nothing like chattel slavery in the west. typically, slavery was not a permanent condition, did not render you less than human, and did not apply to your children and their children.  enslaved people had a particular set of rights, and harsh masters were sometimes shamed socially.

no matter what these african monarchs and elites may have been allowed to see on a slave ship or when they arrived in europe, it is possible that they had no cultural/psychological grasp of how dehumanizing the systems of black enslavement were in europe and the americas.  it is possible that they literally could not even imagine it, given their life experience.   

but even if i give gates the benefit of the doubt here, the bottom line is that talkin all this trash without even a glance to the equally, er, "complex" history of arabia/islam in west africa is foolish, at best.

oh, i'm sorry. i forgot.  you're just looking to make another drop in the soundbite bucket of "post-racial" america. my bad. 

then there was this gem:
And there were thousands of former slaves who returned to settle Liberia and Sierra Leone. The Middle Passage, in other words, was sometimes a two-way street. Under these circumstances, it is difficult to claim that Africans were ignorant or innocent [emphasis added].

skip, sweetheart? the middle passage was never, ever a two way street. it was a one-way ticket to hell. whether that hell was reached through "willingly" (think of the social/economic/psychic pressures here...) relinquishing one's culture, language and spirit to supplant them with european ways, or being stifled in the cargo hold of the henrietta marie.

i see what you were trying to say, but...very poor choice of words.

now, the absurd conclusion:
Fortunately, in President Obama, the child of an African and an American, we finally have a leader who is uniquely positioned to bridge the great reparations divide. He is uniquely placed to publicly attribute responsibility and culpability where they truly belong, to white people and black people, on both sides of the Atlantic, complicit alike in one of the greatest evils in the history of civilization. And reaching that understanding is a vital precursor to any just and lasting agreement on the divisive issue of slavery reparations.

obama is uniquely positioned to understand the insanity of race relations in america. i believe that.  but all that there? you're trying too hard.

it's glaringly obvious that you'd do well to undo some of your monocultural, classist, seemingly "objective" thinking before attempting to speak on this again.  otherwise, you're only convincing the same whitefolks who have used this same, short-sighted argument time and again to deny their role in perpetuating and profiting from a system that traumatized the entire world.


for more on this, check out:
kwame shabazz
problemchylde

brother jesse's blog
the root (by michael gomez)
the griot (by dr. boyce watkins)
nigerian village square (by paul adujie)

4.20.2010

truce

i wound up speaking with him...i probably shouldn't be surprised, considering mercury's retrograde.

although it began awkwardly, the timing was actually perfect in its own way. and the ancestors held my hand through the whole thing.

it's nice to see that chapter coming to a close in such an unexpectedly peaceful way. especially when there's so much in front of me.

pushing forward...

4.11.2010

*waving hello*

i'm astonished that there seem to be so many folks stopping through here.  some probably on random web searches...but still.

i'd love for y'all to say hi! ...well, unless you're spammers or something.

otherwise, don't be shy. join the conversation!

self love #8

one of my favorite shots of myself...one of the first i took with my first digital camera a few yrs ago.


4.02.2010

outlier (cont)

the same facebook page linked to this piece later on. it's written by a yoruba woman and feels a little more comprehensive.

given this beginning, i'm gonna keep my eyes open for stories of the "other" women...

there's definitely more to this.

outlier

in today's internet travels, i came across this paper about sexuality in yoruba culture.

i enjoyed reading it, as i always enjoy further insight into yoruba culture in particular and african cultures in general. but i'm almost always left feeling like the odd woman out.*

as i've said before, i completely respect and honor the places and spaces of wife and mother. and the tenets of the yoruba ideal definitely feel more sane than 99% of the messaging we get growing up women of color in america.

but the "am i bad/wrong/weird/tainted??!?" stuff creeps up anyway...like, i wonder if i'd be "proper" even if i were raised within that context...and if i were "proper", i'd probably be very unhappy.

on the other hand, maybe i'd just need a "secret concubine" or two?

see, THOSE are the women i wanna know about...they feel like the ones i can relate to.

but i suppose they don't write papers...


*not that i have shit on gbltqi folks who are practically invisible in these discussions, and whose stories--even in cultures that were inclusive/accepting pre-european contact--have been eradicated, obscured, lied on/about or dismissed as folly.  i'm speaking personally as a cis, straight black woman since the author is outlining "my" ideal sensual life as a student and spiritual devotee of the culture.  hence, i chose not to delve into the problematic aspects of the gender binary, lack of queer/alternative perspective, etc as i've done elsewhere.  

however, i also read a great summation of the 4th annual africa conference on sexual health and rights today that touches on precisely those issues, as well as disability.