the integration continues...

{for more on this, check out anything tagged the list}

my current focus is integration and synthesis. i'm still discovering neglected bits and pieces of self that, once found, start outlining their needs and demanding space of their own.

mostly it feels daunting, but i should be excited. i mean, it is exciting, right?  i get to learn new things and move through the world with these wonderfully novel self-bits.  ultimately, that leads to more confidence and strength.

so why am i being so weird about it?

because it'll just make me weirder and set me apart, again.
because it might seem contradictory to some.
because TKON is ever busy and creeping in uninvited.

i'm far better than i used to be, but i still struggle with all of the above, determined to "fit in" to a bunch of bullshit that's not worth my attention. however, what's becoming increasingly obvious is that i fit in where i need to--with other brilliant, unique folks. and i'm meeting more of those people all the time.

i am immensely grateful for that.

maybe that's the key lesson in my last tarot reading: evolution is taking time, but it also comes naturally and continually to me.  my goals are taking shape, and separating from the dead weight was a priority. soon, i may even start "shedding" the 9-5 in favor of my lifework.

snakes shed their skin in order to grow.  they cannot become taller, and i don't think i've ever seen an overweight one. the only way to mark progress is to wiggle out of the old, dull shell and emerge anew.

all animals do that in some fashion, but snakes leave evidence. a snakeskin is a repository of information and power.  of course, the snake itself is elusive, but at least you can reconstruct its story.

my snakeskins are pages.

i suppose that's why i don't look back too much, especially when i'm journaling in longhand.

if i ever get interesting enough to warrant a memoir, someone else would have to write it.

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