"american" is a brand spanking new identity. one that is only about 230-400 yrs old for whitefolks (mayflower status proper), and MAYBE about 145 yrs old for blackfolks.
put this up against the millenia human beings have been on this planet.
this is one of many reasons songs like this - while i understand the attempt, sentiment, and meaning - frustrate the hell outta me.
in my opinion, this is one of the major differences between descendants of voluntary immigrants and the descendants of enslaved africans and indigenous american peoples (continentally speaking).
it is not a bad difference. you want a better life, i'm all for it. come on thru and get your piece of the pie.
but while songs, imagery and sentiments like this may do wonders for soothing white guilt--especially when being sung sweetly by a woman of color (yeah, i said it. run tell dat.)--i don't know that they do much to address the cat-back-raising complexities the statement, "i am an american" holds for those of us who have...um...complicated relationships with this place.
or maybe i'm just being an angry black lady again.
i dunno.
8.13.2010
8.07.2010
marked
i've noticed that folks seem mesmerized, surprised, wary or otherwise curious about my serpent tattoo.
i understood the issues that might arise around the design when i was led to it, particularly since it's my most visible tattoo to date. i thought about how the snake's gotten a bad rep in this culture, what with the whole temptation of eve thing, yadda yadda. to be honest, i'm grateful i haven't gotten many outright inquiries from strangers.
still, serpent's story goes much deeper than eden, particularly for african and other indigenous people, and i knew it went much deeper for me.
if you've been reading for awhile, you know i've written about my spiritual relationship with serpents. in the last few years, that understanding has widened and deepened, and all i can do is stand in gratitude for its role in my evolution.
over the years, i've learned that serpents have always been friends of the goddess, symbols of sacred wisdom, rebirth, and resourcefulness. when you consider the development of the major three western religions and what they needed to suppress in order to spread, flourish, and--let's face it--control, you can understand why the serpent had to be denied its prominence.
...now think about that symbolically, emotionally; what it would mean to manifest this lesson while inhabiting a human form.
this is the gift in studying animals you are attracted to or that show up in your dreams. it's what should always be in the back of your mind while you're watching pbs or enjoying "shark week".
refuse to stop at the "scientific" level. go deeper.
snakes--although worthy of respect because of their potential danger to humans--are not any more evil than any other creature. they are bearers of a particular kind of wisdom, as are all animals. that is why we all share this earth-space.
our four-legged, scaled and winged relations are living, breathing illustrations of nature's beauty, diversity, and conscious design--just as humans are.
examine what you've been taught to demonize. question what you idolize. you might surprise yourself.
i understood the issues that might arise around the design when i was led to it, particularly since it's my most visible tattoo to date. i thought about how the snake's gotten a bad rep in this culture, what with the whole temptation of eve thing, yadda yadda. to be honest, i'm grateful i haven't gotten many outright inquiries from strangers.
still, serpent's story goes much deeper than eden, particularly for african and other indigenous people, and i knew it went much deeper for me.
if you've been reading for awhile, you know i've written about my spiritual relationship with serpents. in the last few years, that understanding has widened and deepened, and all i can do is stand in gratitude for its role in my evolution.
over the years, i've learned that serpents have always been friends of the goddess, symbols of sacred wisdom, rebirth, and resourcefulness. when you consider the development of the major three western religions and what they needed to suppress in order to spread, flourish, and--let's face it--control, you can understand why the serpent had to be denied its prominence.
Healthy snakes usually have little or no difficulty with shedding and tend to shed their skins in one entire piece. Exceptions to this include snakes with injuries to the skin and/or scales resulting in scarring, and snakes housed in enclosures with suboptimal temperature and/or relative humidity levels.
The stresses associated with shedding can be substantial. Sick snakes, those suffering from malnutrition, or those whose health has been directly or indirectly compromised by poor husbandry experience delayed and incomplete sheds. These snakes tend to shed their skins in pieces. In fact, many of the pieces remain adhered to the underlying skin and eyes (retained eye caps).
The shedding process is preceded by a period of relative inactivity. This period usually lasts 1-2 weeks, during which time the eyes begin to exhibit a dull, bluish-white appearance. During this period, the snake's vision is impaired, which causes them to be rather unpredictable and sometimes aggressive. The skin during this period tends to have an overall dull appearance. The underlying new skin is soft and vulnerable to damage while the outer layers prepare to slough away. (source)
...now think about that symbolically, emotionally; what it would mean to manifest this lesson while inhabiting a human form.
this is the gift in studying animals you are attracted to or that show up in your dreams. it's what should always be in the back of your mind while you're watching pbs or enjoying "shark week".
refuse to stop at the "scientific" level. go deeper.
snakes--although worthy of respect because of their potential danger to humans--are not any more evil than any other creature. they are bearers of a particular kind of wisdom, as are all animals. that is why we all share this earth-space.
our four-legged, scaled and winged relations are living, breathing illustrations of nature's beauty, diversity, and conscious design--just as humans are.
examine what you've been taught to demonize. question what you idolize. you might surprise yourself.
8.01.2010
mutant
At some point, Rogue grew close to a boy named Cody Robbins. During their flirtation, she impulsively kissed Cody, at which point her latent mutant power to absorb the life energy and psyche of others with skin-to-skin contact emerged. Rogue was traumatized by the experience, and Cody was left in a permanent coma. Hence, Rogue wore body-concealing clothing that eliminated the possibility of accidental skin contact. She wished she "did not have to cover up so much around folks," to protect them from her. She thought her power was a curse.
7.31.2010
the problem with labels
when you're truly about your business, they're not necessary.
word.
srsly, if the common definition for feminism [is] to be treated equal to a man. im not interested in feminism. that is not the goal of the women with whom ive worked. 1/3 of black men are in the prison industrial system. i am working for a different world for my daughter.
word.
7.29.2010
7.24.2010
breast ironing
this angers me. for many reasons.
why punish girls for being the victims of rape and sexual assault?
where is the men's responsibility? their maturity? sense of dignity?
i get that the mothers are doing what they know to try and protect their daughters. i am not passing judgment on them.
but...have they forgotten their magic?
where are the ancient social structures that would have prevented this? they're pretty standard in original african culture. has the infiltration christianity and/or islam eroded any sense of the rightful status of women?
obviously, i have a lot of questions.
7.21.2010
above ground railroad
i'm really sick of this.
and the fact that rachel maddow has to waste her time with this--although i'm glad she does, 'cause if she didn't, we'd be just that much more ignorant.
shirley sherrod and van jones are prime examples of why i'd never want a {serious} government job. i don't wanna do anything that would rescind my right to speak openly and truthfully--particularly to my own folks.
obviously my vision will have to manifest outside "the system".
and the fact that rachel maddow has to waste her time with this--although i'm glad she does, 'cause if she didn't, we'd be just that much more ignorant.
shirley sherrod and van jones are prime examples of why i'd never want a {serious} government job. i don't wanna do anything that would rescind my right to speak openly and truthfully--particularly to my own folks.
obviously my vision will have to manifest outside "the system".
7.18.2010
the power in modesty
i used to wonder why any woman would want to cover.
however, as i learned more about the Divine Feminine, i began to realize that some of us are free wheeling love goddesses, others are modest "virgins".
there are women connected to the earth and Her elements, to psychic power, to mothering and crafting.
all are necessary. all are empowered.
knowing that, i figured that as long as the sista is doing the choosing for herself, it's all good with me.
too bad the french government doesn't agree.
however, as i learned more about the Divine Feminine, i began to realize that some of us are free wheeling love goddesses, others are modest "virgins".
there are women connected to the earth and Her elements, to psychic power, to mothering and crafting.
all are necessary. all are empowered.
knowing that, i figured that as long as the sista is doing the choosing for herself, it's all good with me.
too bad the french government doesn't agree.
7.11.2010
6.29.2010
marching on
still trudging through the "muck"...i'll be REALLY glad when i start bleeding. and that's not something i say often.
some clouds have cleared, though...gaining insight into my next steps. maybe by the end of the week, i'll feel more encouraged about this work.
there are some not-so-useful thoughts and feelings surfacing. one of the more disturbing ones is that a fully loving, enriching relationship is out of my grasp. of course it isn't. but "crap" can rear its ugly head in all sorts of ways.
i'm reminding myself that the moon is waning--a great time to get the lies out and push them away.
some clouds have cleared, though...gaining insight into my next steps. maybe by the end of the week, i'll feel more encouraged about this work.
there are some not-so-useful thoughts and feelings surfacing. one of the more disturbing ones is that a fully loving, enriching relationship is out of my grasp. of course it isn't. but "crap" can rear its ugly head in all sorts of ways.
i'm reminding myself that the moon is waning--a great time to get the lies out and push them away.
6.23.2010
some thoughts on respect
i don't respect just anybody. i might be polite, but you have to earn my respect.
i've been hearing this a lot lately--the form of the statement changes slightly, but the sentiment is the same.
it bothers me, particularly coming from folks who are about 13-25 years old. some folks even make a slightly dubious distinction between "respect" and "common courtesy" that i don't really understand.
now, this boondocks episode brings home the fact that not every elder--or person--is to be "respected".
similarly, i realize that some folks have been raised hearing some version of, "respect your elders" in response to having to put up with some bullshit. sometimes clearly abusive bullshit. that's unfortunate. but as we grow, we should come to understand that the mistakes of our elders shouldn't result in a defiant disrespect of nearly everyone. it means we should put them and their actions in their rightful place while attempting to gain a clearer understanding of what respect actually is.
respect is NOT
respect IS (in part)
(a) esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.
(b) deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: respect for a suspect's right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly. [emphasis added] (source)
in my humble opinion, (a) defines the kind of respect one could argue should be "earned". and, of course, intimacy, confidence and respect are not necessarily mutually exclusive; respecting someone can lead to those things, depending on the circumstance.
however, if we expand the hierarchical language to a more inclusive view, (b) defines the basic respect i feel we should extend to all sentient beings we share space, time and energy with, essentially because you don't know one's position until or unless they tell you.
that old woman you met on the bus stop could be a queen mother in her homeland. that child you sneered at for vocalizing too loudly could be a prodigy. that local celebrity who was just rude to you--the one you adored a half hour ago and now you're tearing apart on your blog--could have just lost one of her parents, but had to come to an autograph signing anyway.
you simply do not know.
before you talk about how someone needs to earn your respect--or when you hear someone say it--ask some questions. what are your goals? are you working towards something that will result in your being respected? who taught you about respect? were they really worthy of it, or were you just fearful of them?
i'm gonna hop off the soapbox. what do y'all think about this?
i've been hearing this a lot lately--the form of the statement changes slightly, but the sentiment is the same.
it bothers me, particularly coming from folks who are about 13-25 years old. some folks even make a slightly dubious distinction between "respect" and "common courtesy" that i don't really understand.
now, this boondocks episode brings home the fact that not every elder--or person--is to be "respected".
similarly, i realize that some folks have been raised hearing some version of, "respect your elders" in response to having to put up with some bullshit. sometimes clearly abusive bullshit. that's unfortunate. but as we grow, we should come to understand that the mistakes of our elders shouldn't result in a defiant disrespect of nearly everyone. it means we should put them and their actions in their rightful place while attempting to gain a clearer understanding of what respect actually is.
respect is NOT
- kissing ass
- glossing over silly/unethical/wrong behavior because someone is older than and/or holds some position of power over you
- confidence (e.g. telling all your business)
- intimacy
respect IS (in part)
(a) esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.
(b) deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: respect for a suspect's right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly. [emphasis added] (source)
in my humble opinion, (a) defines the kind of respect one could argue should be "earned". and, of course, intimacy, confidence and respect are not necessarily mutually exclusive; respecting someone can lead to those things, depending on the circumstance.
however, if we expand the hierarchical language to a more inclusive view, (b) defines the basic respect i feel we should extend to all sentient beings we share space, time and energy with, essentially because you don't know one's position until or unless they tell you.
that old woman you met on the bus stop could be a queen mother in her homeland. that child you sneered at for vocalizing too loudly could be a prodigy. that local celebrity who was just rude to you--the one you adored a half hour ago and now you're tearing apart on your blog--could have just lost one of her parents, but had to come to an autograph signing anyway.
you simply do not know.
before you talk about how someone needs to earn your respect--or when you hear someone say it--ask some questions. what are your goals? are you working towards something that will result in your being respected? who taught you about respect? were they really worthy of it, or were you just fearful of them?
i'm gonna hop off the soapbox. what do y'all think about this?
6.22.2010
evolving...
finally got the ori altar up and running, just in time for the solstice. i still feel like it's missing something, but i'm not quite sure what. i'm sure it will come to me.
iyalosa olaomi suggests getting up at sunrise for 8 days after constructing the space. thankfully, sunrise at this time of year is when i'm supposed to be getting my lazy self outta bed anyway.
in any case, i got up on time and said my prayers...wrote down dreams. i'm hoping to keep this going, despite the pre-moon ebbs and flows.
i also have some healing tea i need to brew...
i'm gonna get clear. by any means.
iyalosa olaomi suggests getting up at sunrise for 8 days after constructing the space. thankfully, sunrise at this time of year is when i'm supposed to be getting my lazy self outta bed anyway.
in any case, i got up on time and said my prayers...wrote down dreams. i'm hoping to keep this going, despite the pre-moon ebbs and flows.
i also have some healing tea i need to brew...
i'm gonna get clear. by any means.
6.17.2010
green cleanse: conclusions
day 11 was really more one of incorporating different foods...but by the evening, i just figured i could eat what i wanted, and did. day 9 was my last fully "green" day.
this morning i had green juice, green pills, and fruit salad (varied). felafel for lunch.
overall, i'd have to say that juice or water fasting is more suited to significant revelations and clarity. this felt like a break for my body, but not much more than that. still, it's definitely a good alternative in the absence of a juicer, and incorporating more green and whole foods is always a good thing.
i also noticed that it was difficult to keep up my energy levels, despite all the chlorophyll and spirulina. with juice fasting, after i hit the wall, that's less of a concern. this may be because as long as i'm giving myself something to digest, i need a variety of fruits, veggies, and protein to stay up and alert.
in particular, b vitamins are very important to keeping my energy regulated. my ideal breakfast most days is a banana and glass of orange juice. during premenstrual/menstrual times, i typically need a b vitamin-fortified drink to get through the worst energy slumps. given that most of the foods on this list aren't green, it's no wonder i wasn't very energetic during the cleanse.
if i want to devote myself to a 2 week cleansing in the future, i think i might do a week of green foods, then directly follow that with 3-4 days of juice fasting.
this morning i had green juice, green pills, and fruit salad (varied). felafel for lunch.
overall, i'd have to say that juice or water fasting is more suited to significant revelations and clarity. this felt like a break for my body, but not much more than that. still, it's definitely a good alternative in the absence of a juicer, and incorporating more green and whole foods is always a good thing.
i also noticed that it was difficult to keep up my energy levels, despite all the chlorophyll and spirulina. with juice fasting, after i hit the wall, that's less of a concern. this may be because as long as i'm giving myself something to digest, i need a variety of fruits, veggies, and protein to stay up and alert.
in particular, b vitamins are very important to keeping my energy regulated. my ideal breakfast most days is a banana and glass of orange juice. during premenstrual/menstrual times, i typically need a b vitamin-fortified drink to get through the worst energy slumps. given that most of the foods on this list aren't green, it's no wonder i wasn't very energetic during the cleanse.
if i want to devote myself to a 2 week cleansing in the future, i think i might do a week of green foods, then directly follow that with 3-4 days of juice fasting.
green cleanse: day 11 (winding down)
breakfast: chlorophyll water, fruit salad (green grapes, clementine, strawberries, bananas)
lunch: "mediterranean wrap" filling (hummus, cucumber, sundried tomato relish, mixed greens, feta. only ate about 1/4 of the wrap itself). green apple
dinner: trader joe's pad thai bowl, spinach w/ TJ goddess dressing
sigh. left my grocery list AND recipes sitting on my desk last night. will grab some more stuff tonight.
i think the butter last night aggravated my sinuses. good to know.
lunch: "mediterranean wrap" filling (hummus, cucumber, sundried tomato relish, mixed greens, feta. only ate about 1/4 of the wrap itself). green apple
dinner: trader joe's pad thai bowl, spinach w/ TJ goddess dressing
sigh. left my grocery list AND recipes sitting on my desk last night. will grab some more stuff tonight.
i think the butter last night aggravated my sinuses. good to know.
6.15.2010
green cleanse: day 10
lunch: green salad (spinach, romaine, cucumber, sprouts) w/ oil/vinegar dressing & sunflower seeds, honeydew melon
dinner: spinach pasta w/ raw spinach, fresh parsley, basil; clementines*
growing weary...i've had a lot of variety with this, but just goes to show how easily bored i can get with food. next time i do anything like this, i hope to have a wonderful new juicer to help out. it makes all the difference.
i feel pretty good, though.
making a grocery list so i can get to the store tonight. also hope to grab a pepper grinder for my yummy alligator pepper.
will definitely pick up some kale and try this. more avocado isn't a problem. there are pine nuts left over from making pesto, and my kelp powder's arrived.
i also don't tire of spinach easily. will get more of that tonight, too.
these collard wraps sound awesome...i don't know about making the sunflower pate, but i'll play with it. outside the cleanse, i think some kind of brown rice concoction would be absolutely fabulous for that.
*i put some butter on the pasta, and i've decided to start mixing in other fruits with the green ones. i want to start easing myself back into a regular diet.
dinner: spinach pasta w/ raw spinach, fresh parsley, basil; clementines*
growing weary...i've had a lot of variety with this, but just goes to show how easily bored i can get with food. next time i do anything like this, i hope to have a wonderful new juicer to help out. it makes all the difference.
i feel pretty good, though.
making a grocery list so i can get to the store tonight. also hope to grab a pepper grinder for my yummy alligator pepper.
will definitely pick up some kale and try this. more avocado isn't a problem. there are pine nuts left over from making pesto, and my kelp powder's arrived.
i also don't tire of spinach easily. will get more of that tonight, too.
these collard wraps sound awesome...i don't know about making the sunflower pate, but i'll play with it. outside the cleanse, i think some kind of brown rice concoction would be absolutely fabulous for that.
*i put some butter on the pasta, and i've decided to start mixing in other fruits with the green ones. i want to start easing myself back into a regular diet.
6.14.2010
green cleanse: days 8 and 9
during the day yesterday, all i ate was some honeydew melon, store-bought green juice, iced tea, and water. i spent the day at odunde, so the cold iced tea was a necessary deviation. too hot for anything else.
had a late dinner of the spinach pasta & pesto. kiwi for dessert.
this morning, i made more of the avocado mash for lettuce wraps, adding salsa (tomato-based) this time instead of the raw garlic and chopping up the spinach into the mix. also started back with the green pills.
taking detox tea for the ride to work. missed a day sunday, but did have a cup on saturday.
for lunch today, i'll have sauteed green beans and spinach with ginger/garlic/scallion mix for seasoning. probably heavy on the ginger.
don't know what to do for dinner; won't be able to do any grocery shopping until tomorrow. but i still have a zucchini in there. maybe have that with the last of the romaine & cucumbers for a quick salad.
dinner: green lentils with zucchini, tossed with pesto (kind of like a stew)
skin is doing well. bra marks under my breasts are fading. feeling more energetic and clear.
had a late dinner of the spinach pasta & pesto. kiwi for dessert.
this morning, i made more of the avocado mash for lettuce wraps, adding salsa (tomato-based) this time instead of the raw garlic and chopping up the spinach into the mix. also started back with the green pills.
taking detox tea for the ride to work. missed a day sunday, but did have a cup on saturday.
for lunch today, i'll have sauteed green beans and spinach with ginger/garlic/scallion mix for seasoning. probably heavy on the ginger.
dinner: green lentils with zucchini, tossed with pesto (kind of like a stew)
skin is doing well. bra marks under my breasts are fading. feeling more energetic and clear.
6.12.2010
green cleanse: day 7
breakfast: orange juice w/ chlorophyll, kiwi/grape fruit salad
lunch: romaine lettuce "boats" stuffed with spinach & avocado spread* (pic)
dinner: spinach pasta tossed with fresh pesto, zucchini "fries"
last night was rough. i wanted eggs this morning, honestly. i love spinach/avocado omelettes...
but i'm hanging in.
tomorrow i'm sure i'll have to make some substitutions, but i'll get back on track monday.
i decided not to eat at all last night, just had a glass of mango nectar and some water and vegged out with a movie. my body felt tired, but not hungry. did some freewriting as well.
i'm feeling VERY emotional right now. wanting to cry, love, understand, grow....feel. my heart is slowly, gently opening.
the first rush of feeling is always jumbled...confusion is normal, although frustrating. i just have to push past this and into the clarity...
i know now that i'm doing this at the right time for the right reasons.
*very simple:
1 avocado
sea salt
blk pepper
a dash (or more) of dried red pepper
lemon or lime juice (about 1 tsp)
1 clove garlic (finely chopped)
mash the avocado, mix w/ seasoning, garlic & citrus juice, and spread! also yummy on sandwiches.
lunch: romaine lettuce "boats" stuffed with spinach & avocado spread* (pic)
dinner: spinach pasta tossed with fresh pesto, zucchini "fries"
last night was rough. i wanted eggs this morning, honestly. i love spinach/avocado omelettes...
but i'm hanging in.
tomorrow i'm sure i'll have to make some substitutions, but i'll get back on track monday.
i decided not to eat at all last night, just had a glass of mango nectar and some water and vegged out with a movie. my body felt tired, but not hungry. did some freewriting as well.
i'm feeling VERY emotional right now. wanting to cry, love, understand, grow....feel. my heart is slowly, gently opening.
the first rush of feeling is always jumbled...confusion is normal, although frustrating. i just have to push past this and into the clarity...
i know now that i'm doing this at the right time for the right reasons.
*very simple:
1 avocado
sea salt
blk pepper
a dash (or more) of dried red pepper
lemon or lime juice (about 1 tsp)
1 clove garlic (finely chopped)
mash the avocado, mix w/ seasoning, garlic & citrus juice, and spread! also yummy on sandwiches.
6.11.2010
green cleanse: day 6
breakfast: green apple, unsalted roasted cashews
lunch/snacks: green water, salad (spinach, romaine, edamame, cucumber, avocado) w/ balsamic vinaigrette dressing
dinner: ???
woke up with a bad headache, feeling irritable overall. detox in full effect.
my skin, however, looks remarkably fresh.
lunch/snacks: green water, salad (spinach, romaine, edamame, cucumber, avocado) w/ balsamic vinaigrette dressing
dinner: ???
woke up with a bad headache, feeling irritable overall. detox in full effect.
my skin, however, looks remarkably fresh.
6.10.2010
green cleanse: day 5
breakfast: apple cranberry juice, soy yogurt
lunch/snacks: green grapes, chlorophyll water, cabbage salad, honeydew melon
dinner: cucumber, guacamole with broccoli for dipping, pear
one deviation: a sliver of red pepper to taste a (green) spread at a work function. spread was tasteless. altho i'm not counting drinks, i also had a b vitamin smoothie for energy.
intensified cravings for snack food, particularly potato chips. feeling a bit irritable, itchy. slight facial breakout.
i've hit the wall.
took a probiotic tablet after dinner to avoid any tummy upset from the raw garlic in the guac. also probably need to get in more plain water, possibly with lemon. i'll work on that tomorrow and over the weekend.
lunch/snacks: green grapes, chlorophyll water, cabbage salad, honeydew melon
dinner: cucumber, guacamole with broccoli for dipping, pear
one deviation: a sliver of red pepper to taste a (green) spread at a work function. spread was tasteless. altho i'm not counting drinks, i also had a b vitamin smoothie for energy.
intensified cravings for snack food, particularly potato chips. feeling a bit irritable, itchy. slight facial breakout.
i've hit the wall.
took a probiotic tablet after dinner to avoid any tummy upset from the raw garlic in the guac. also probably need to get in more plain water, possibly with lemon. i'll work on that tomorrow and over the weekend.
6.09.2010
green cleanse: day 4
lunch/snacks: chlorophyll water, honeydew melon, mutsu apple (had them at the farmer's market...yum!), big green salad w/ avocado & green goddess dressing. spirulina/hempseed/coconut water drink w/ honey.
dinner: pear
so i come in the office, and what's in the kitchen? bread and butter!
i love bread.
anyway, had a few cashews after i finished my brussles sprouts, which helped me feel full for the rest of the evening, particularly since i wasn't at home and couldn't just grab a handful of grapes or something. i find that i really miss snack-type foods during these exercises. fruit is helpful, but i love potato chips, popcorn...that kind of thing.
i was running late and didn't make my detox tea or take my green pills. i did, however, have a small glass of orange juice and a probiotic chewable. i'm wary of taking green pills in the evening because they can amp me up and make it hard to sleep. but, for the sake of consistency, i'll likely take them with dinner.
dinner: pear
so i come in the office, and what's in the kitchen? bread and butter!
i love bread.
anyway, had a few cashews after i finished my brussles sprouts, which helped me feel full for the rest of the evening, particularly since i wasn't at home and couldn't just grab a handful of grapes or something. i find that i really miss snack-type foods during these exercises. fruit is helpful, but i love potato chips, popcorn...that kind of thing.
i was running late and didn't make my detox tea or take my green pills. i did, however, have a small glass of orange juice and a probiotic chewable. i'm wary of taking green pills in the evening because they can amp me up and make it hard to sleep. but, for the sake of consistency, i'll likely take them with dinner.
6.08.2010
green cleanse: day 3
breakfast: orange juice w/ chlorophyll
lunch/snacks: cabbage salad, green apple, green grapes
dinner: roasted brussels sprouts
a conversation at lunch has me excited about all the things i'm looking forward to eating...
that said, i'm not experiencing any real cravings yet, although i'm beginning to really want some bread.
i would make the cabbage salad again, maybe for a spring/summer potluck. i'm not too fond of vinegar* , so i might use less of that, and a touch more sea salt. the amount of red pepper was just right and gave it a good kick. it's also surprisingly filling. i had my apple for "dessert" and some more grapes towards the end of the day, and have not felt hungry.
the variety's been pretty amazing. i would recommend always going into a cleansing/fast with a clear regimen and/or recipes. it helps tremendously, especially when you start feeling "bored" with the whole thing.
i am experiencing deeper sleep, but there's a heaviness to it. it's not the pop-up-at-5am-with-no-alarm clarity that tends to come a little later down the road. i wonder if that's not something i can expect since this isn't a juice/water fast.
in the past, i've concluded fasts with a water-only day. i haven't decided if i want to do that this time around.
*i use apple cider vinegar for just about everything involving cooking/consumption. i keep white vinegar for house cleaning, but that's about it.
lunch/snacks: cabbage salad, green apple, green grapes
dinner: roasted brussels sprouts
a conversation at lunch has me excited about all the things i'm looking forward to eating...
that said, i'm not experiencing any real cravings yet, although i'm beginning to really want some bread.
i would make the cabbage salad again, maybe for a spring/summer potluck. i'm not too fond of vinegar* , so i might use less of that, and a touch more sea salt. the amount of red pepper was just right and gave it a good kick. it's also surprisingly filling. i had my apple for "dessert" and some more grapes towards the end of the day, and have not felt hungry.
the variety's been pretty amazing. i would recommend always going into a cleansing/fast with a clear regimen and/or recipes. it helps tremendously, especially when you start feeling "bored" with the whole thing.
i am experiencing deeper sleep, but there's a heaviness to it. it's not the pop-up-at-5am-with-no-alarm clarity that tends to come a little later down the road. i wonder if that's not something i can expect since this isn't a juice/water fast.
in the past, i've concluded fasts with a water-only day. i haven't decided if i want to do that this time around.
*i use apple cider vinegar for just about everything involving cooking/consumption. i keep white vinegar for house cleaning, but that's about it.
6.07.2010
green cleanse: day 2*
breakfast: slightly diluted mango nectar, green pills, soy yogurt, green delicious apple
snacks: fruit salad (honeydew, grapes, pear), chlorophyll water
lunch: big green salad (celery, cucumber, spinach, romaine, parsley) w/ green goddess dressing
(salad was also supposed to have watercress, but i accidentally picked up mint instead. gonna find something to do with it...)
dinner: green beans sauteed with garlic/ginger/scallions, steamed broccoli, big green salad w/ regular (tahini-based) goddess dressing
noted this morning that the moon's almost new (waning crescent)...good time for this new beginning. new moon's on the 12th, day before odunde. those will be powerful prayers!
last night's yoga made me slightly sore and a little tired, but i'm grateful for it because it often lets me know where i'm holding tension in my body. i'm feeling my inner thighs, upper arms, and wrists the most.
addendum: tummy rumbles started this evening. glad i had the mint on hand. i didn't realize you could just steep the leaves in boiling water for about 15 minutes and bam. tea. that's all tea is anyway...but we're so used to packaging and such...
i'm also enjoying the recipes on the site. i made the cabbage salad for lunch tomorrow. will let you know how it turns out.
*pics of food and other info as i learn it on facebook.
snacks: fruit salad (honeydew, grapes, pear), chlorophyll water
lunch: big green salad (celery, cucumber, spinach, romaine, parsley) w/ green goddess dressing
(salad was also supposed to have watercress, but i accidentally picked up mint instead. gonna find something to do with it...)
dinner: green beans sauteed with garlic/ginger/scallions, steamed broccoli, big green salad w/ regular (tahini-based) goddess dressing
noted this morning that the moon's almost new (waning crescent)...good time for this new beginning. new moon's on the 12th, day before odunde. those will be powerful prayers!
last night's yoga made me slightly sore and a little tired, but i'm grateful for it because it often lets me know where i'm holding tension in my body. i'm feeling my inner thighs, upper arms, and wrists the most.
addendum: tummy rumbles started this evening. glad i had the mint on hand. i didn't realize you could just steep the leaves in boiling water for about 15 minutes and bam. tea. that's all tea is anyway...but we're so used to packaging and such...
i'm also enjoying the recipes on the site. i made the cabbage salad for lunch tomorrow. will let you know how it turns out.
*pics of food and other info as i learn it on facebook.
6.06.2010
green cleanse: day 1
i decided to do this green cleanse after having a few friends mention it. people seem to have interesting results, and i am long overdue for a cleansing/fast/"conscious eating" practice.
i'm semi-officially starting today, and will continue eating this way for 14 days. if all goes well, this will take me to june 20-21...right around the summer solstice.
i will need to variate from the plan a bit. i just finished a course of antibiotics for a sinus infection, so i need to maintain a probiotic regimen for at least the first 5-7 days.
in the absence of a juicer, it's also unlikely that i'll only be drinking green drinks, although i will stick to water, 100% juices and herbal teas as much as possible.
starting tomorrow, i'll be taking chlorophyll (in juice) and green pills as part of breakfast in the morning. i also want to have at least one cup of "detox" tea every other day, if not daily.
this time will also be used to build an ori altar, continue some heart chakra healing, and narrow down my housing search.
first green meal/snack: roasted brussles sprouts
dinner: large green salad with freshly made green goddess dressing
also consumed today: some "fruit and nut" trail mix, peppermint tea, grapefruit, soy yogurt, lemonade*
*i have some juices in the fridge that i want to get rid of in the first few days. same with the soy yogurt. after that, i'll just be taking chewable probiotic tablets. the grapefruit is the last of 3 i bought to help with the clearing of the sinus infection (they're great for getting rid of mucus in the body). ideally, in the next 3-4 days, my diet should be fully "green".
i'm semi-officially starting today, and will continue eating this way for 14 days. if all goes well, this will take me to june 20-21...right around the summer solstice.
i will need to variate from the plan a bit. i just finished a course of antibiotics for a sinus infection, so i need to maintain a probiotic regimen for at least the first 5-7 days.
in the absence of a juicer, it's also unlikely that i'll only be drinking green drinks, although i will stick to water, 100% juices and herbal teas as much as possible.
starting tomorrow, i'll be taking chlorophyll (in juice) and green pills as part of breakfast in the morning. i also want to have at least one cup of "detox" tea every other day, if not daily.
this time will also be used to build an ori altar, continue some heart chakra healing, and narrow down my housing search.
first green meal/snack: roasted brussles sprouts
dinner: large green salad with freshly made green goddess dressing
also consumed today: some "fruit and nut" trail mix, peppermint tea, grapefruit, soy yogurt, lemonade*
*i have some juices in the fridge that i want to get rid of in the first few days. same with the soy yogurt. after that, i'll just be taking chewable probiotic tablets. the grapefruit is the last of 3 i bought to help with the clearing of the sinus infection (they're great for getting rid of mucus in the body). ideally, in the next 3-4 days, my diet should be fully "green".
5.30.2010
mid-cold gratitude
my "summer" kinda sucks so far.
after a 2-day meeting at work, i was all ready to come into my 4 day weekend with a bang.
i did. or, at least my sinuses did. the bad sort of bang.
but, in the spirit of not complaining, i tried to think of the good in being stuck in bed for a few days. that started with a couple of status updates on facebook. an extended version follows.
after a 2-day meeting at work, i was all ready to come into my 4 day weekend with a bang.
i did. or, at least my sinuses did. the bad sort of bang.
but, in the spirit of not complaining, i tried to think of the good in being stuck in bed for a few days. that started with a couple of status updates on facebook. an extended version follows.
gratitude in illness
i'm inspired to own more kaftans. they're ridiculously comfy!
the weather's held out. it's been comfortably cool the last few days...barely even need a fan. i don't know WHAT i would have done if i had to be stuck in here in 90-100 degree weather.
i have a vision for my ori altar.
i made a yummy pot of soup for myself - even though i barely tasted it.
had some great, extended phone conversations.
although it REALLY sucks that i missed her & janelle monae, i'm glad i didn't buy advance tickets to the erykah concert. i probably would have been more miserable if i'd gone.
5.12.2010
5.11.2010
scar tissue
the last few days have reminded me of the continual nature of healing.
once you truly, deeply begin, it's never really finished. you might go away for weeks or years, but eventually it will return to you, or you will return to it.
it's that scar your eye wanders to whenever you look in the mirror. you know it's there, but you check every so often to see if it's changed. sometimes you could swear it still aches or itches. you might wince, fully remembering the original pain, the blood, how you thought it would never close. most often, though, you just glance over it while you're putting on makeup or checking for dirt on your face, not even giving it a second thought.
in the last week or so, i've had an epiphany or two, unintentionally shared some deep secrets, continued some old conversations. i'm grateful, even though it's all left me feeling a little raw.
i'm reading a book that's speaking to feelings, dreams and experiences that i haven't shared aloud with many. i'm still apprehensive about expressing all the thoughts it's sparking, but i know they'll need to emerge eventually.
i blame retrograde. particularly since it came in taurus...a sign that's always evoked a deeply honest emotional and sensual response in me.
through it all, i am still loved and loving. expanding. making connections. refusing fear, even in the midst of being afraid.
gotta keep moving...
once you truly, deeply begin, it's never really finished. you might go away for weeks or years, but eventually it will return to you, or you will return to it.
it's that scar your eye wanders to whenever you look in the mirror. you know it's there, but you check every so often to see if it's changed. sometimes you could swear it still aches or itches. you might wince, fully remembering the original pain, the blood, how you thought it would never close. most often, though, you just glance over it while you're putting on makeup or checking for dirt on your face, not even giving it a second thought.
in the last week or so, i've had an epiphany or two, unintentionally shared some deep secrets, continued some old conversations. i'm grateful, even though it's all left me feeling a little raw.
i'm reading a book that's speaking to feelings, dreams and experiences that i haven't shared aloud with many. i'm still apprehensive about expressing all the thoughts it's sparking, but i know they'll need to emerge eventually.
i blame retrograde. particularly since it came in taurus...a sign that's always evoked a deeply honest emotional and sensual response in me.
through it all, i am still loved and loving. expanding. making connections. refusing fear, even in the midst of being afraid.
gotta keep moving...
4.29.2010
um...what?
i cannot and never will be able to deal with this without my head exploding.
if you can, more power.
thank you, and good night.
if you can, more power.
thank you, and good night.
4.28.2010
malena
i watched malena last night, and it broke my heart. i found myself tearfully recalling all my sympathy for those other women.
to me, it was a poignant statement on just how deeply dysfunctional the madonna/whore dichotomy is, forcing us into boxes that cause us to hurt ourselves and one another.
[SPOILER ALERT: if malena's a film you think you might wanna see, stop reading now, 'cause i'm gonna give away some key plot elements...]
to me, it was a poignant statement on just how deeply dysfunctional the madonna/whore dichotomy is, forcing us into boxes that cause us to hurt ourselves and one another.
[SPOILER ALERT: if malena's a film you think you might wanna see, stop reading now, 'cause i'm gonna give away some key plot elements...]
4.24.2010
cohesion
for a moment, i had doubts that the integration was working, that it was the right thing.
then, i actually received a couple of signs...
the first came from the billboard on a friend's church, saying, "live your resurrection". i almost took a picture.
the other: a spider crawling across my windshield. i have a serious case of arachnophobia, but i know grandmother is trying to guide me out of that fear so she can help me weave the threads of myself together.
all that to say, if you ask for a sign - or even if you don't - keep your eyes open. the universe is always conspiring to bring you what you need.
then, i actually received a couple of signs...
the first came from the billboard on a friend's church, saying, "live your resurrection". i almost took a picture.
the other: a spider crawling across my windshield. i have a serious case of arachnophobia, but i know grandmother is trying to guide me out of that fear so she can help me weave the threads of myself together.
all that to say, if you ask for a sign - or even if you don't - keep your eyes open. the universe is always conspiring to bring you what you need.
4.23.2010
oh, henry.
apparently, skip gates is at it again.
having read this in full, i realize i don't have the desire to go fully in on this white supremacy - in the theoretical/academic sense - apologist.
as sista jo so aptly said, "...and this is precisely why they champion him. He tells their version of our story"; a perfect example of what happens when the hunter (or the hunter's minion) writes the history instead of the lion.
i do, however, wish to point out a few things.
from everything i've ever seen, the common ground in the case for reparations is the disproportionate contribution free slave labor made to the bloated wealth america enjoys today. that's what we're owed for. period.
to paraphrase another brilliantly obvious twitter observation, africa didn't profit from the slave trade. as with any other capitalist power move, a few elites profited from the slave trade - which ain't the same thing. the maafa initiated a severe brain drain that continues to this day.
most regular african folks just suffered. just like the enslaved folks here.
moving on...
speak for yourself, dude. these facts aren't difficult to accept, they are what they are. for anyone who's studied this history, we know that whitefolks did any and everything in their power to win over whoever they could to feed their machine, and some africans played along.
it's known that slave trading has occurred in africa since the arabs came andconquered colonized spread islam all up and through west africa. before that, there were inter-ethnic conflicts. everyone who's ever read chancellor williams understands that it's been eons since there was anything resembling african unity in a social sense, despite the various examples of cultural unity.
however, that slavery was nothing like chattel slavery in the west. typically, slavery was not a permanent condition, did not render you less than human, and did not apply to your children and their children. enslaved people had a particular set of rights, and harsh masters were sometimes shamed socially.
no matter what these african monarchs and elites may have been allowed to see on a slave ship or when they arrived in europe, it is possible that they had no cultural/psychological grasp of how dehumanizing the systems of black enslavement were in europe and the americas. it is possible that they literally could not even imagine it, given their life experience.
but even if i give gates the benefit of the doubt here, the bottom line is that talkin all this trash without even a glance to the equally, er, "complex" history of arabia/islam in west africa is foolish, at best.
oh, i'm sorry. i forgot. you're just looking to make another drop in the soundbite bucket of "post-racial" america. my bad.
then there was this gem:
skip, sweetheart? the middle passage was never, ever a two way street. it was a one-way ticket to hell. whether that hell was reached through "willingly" (think of the social/economic/psychic pressures here...) relinquishing one's culture, language and spirit to supplant them with european ways, or being stifled in the cargo hold of the henrietta marie.
i see what you were trying to say, but...very poor choice of words.
now, the absurd conclusion:
obama is uniquely positioned to understand the insanity of race relations in america. i believe that. but all that there? you're trying too hard.
it's glaringly obvious that you'd do well to undo some of your monocultural, classist, seemingly "objective" thinking before attempting to speak on this again. otherwise, you're only convincing the same whitefolks who have used this same, short-sighted argument time and again to deny their role in perpetuating and profiting from a system that traumatized the entire world.
for more on this, check out:
kwame shabazz
problemchylde
brother jesse's blog
the root (by michael gomez)
the griot (by dr. boyce watkins)
nigerian village square (by paul adujie)
having read this in full, i realize i don't have the desire to go fully in on this white supremacy - in the theoretical/academic sense - apologist.
as sista jo so aptly said, "...and this is precisely why they champion him. He tells their version of our story"; a perfect example of what happens when the hunter (or the hunter's minion) writes the history instead of the lion.
i do, however, wish to point out a few things.
Advocates of reparations for the descendants of those slaves generally ignore this untidy problem of the significant role that Africans played in the trade, choosing to believe the romanticized version that our ancestors were all kidnapped unawares by evil white men, like Kunta Kinte was in “Roots.” The truth, however, is much more complex: slavery was a business, highly organized and lucrative for European buyers and African sellers alike.right about the business (kinda), wrong about the reparations.
from everything i've ever seen, the common ground in the case for reparations is the disproportionate contribution free slave labor made to the bloated wealth america enjoys today. that's what we're owed for. period.
to paraphrase another brilliantly obvious twitter observation, africa didn't profit from the slave trade. as with any other capitalist power move, a few elites profited from the slave trade - which ain't the same thing. the maafa initiated a severe brain drain that continues to this day.
most regular african folks just suffered. just like the enslaved folks here.
moving on...
For many African-Americans, these facts can be difficult to accept. Excuses run the gamut, from “Africans didn’t know how harsh slavery in America was” and “Slavery in Africa was, by comparison, humane” or, in a bizarre version of “The devil made me do it,” “Africans were driven to this only by the unprecedented profits offered by greedy European countries.”
But the sad truth is that the conquest and capture of Africans and their sale to Europeans was one of the main sources of foreign exchange for several African kingdoms for a very long time. Slaves were the main export of the kingdom of Kongo; the Asante Empire in Ghana exported slaves and used the profits to import gold. Queen Njinga, the brilliant 17th-century monarch of the Mbundu, waged wars of resistance against the Portuguese but also conquered polities as far as 500 miles inland and sold her captives to the Portuguese. When Njinga converted to Christianity, she sold African traditional religious leaders into slavery, claiming they had violated her new Christian precepts.
speak for yourself, dude. these facts aren't difficult to accept, they are what they are. for anyone who's studied this history, we know that whitefolks did any and everything in their power to win over whoever they could to feed their machine, and some africans played along.
it's known that slave trading has occurred in africa since the arabs came and
however, that slavery was nothing like chattel slavery in the west. typically, slavery was not a permanent condition, did not render you less than human, and did not apply to your children and their children. enslaved people had a particular set of rights, and harsh masters were sometimes shamed socially.
no matter what these african monarchs and elites may have been allowed to see on a slave ship or when they arrived in europe, it is possible that they had no cultural/psychological grasp of how dehumanizing the systems of black enslavement were in europe and the americas. it is possible that they literally could not even imagine it, given their life experience.
but even if i give gates the benefit of the doubt here, the bottom line is that talkin all this trash without even a glance to the equally, er, "complex" history of arabia/islam in west africa is foolish, at best.
oh, i'm sorry. i forgot. you're just looking to make another drop in the soundbite bucket of "post-racial" america. my bad.
then there was this gem:
And there were thousands of former slaves who returned to settle Liberia and Sierra Leone. The Middle Passage, in other words, was sometimes a two-way street. Under these circumstances, it is difficult to claim that Africans were ignorant or innocent [emphasis added].
skip, sweetheart? the middle passage was never, ever a two way street. it was a one-way ticket to hell. whether that hell was reached through "willingly" (think of the social/economic/psychic pressures here...) relinquishing one's culture, language and spirit to supplant them with european ways, or being stifled in the cargo hold of the henrietta marie.
i see what you were trying to say, but...very poor choice of words.
now, the absurd conclusion:
Fortunately, in President Obama, the child of an African and an American, we finally have a leader who is uniquely positioned to bridge the great reparations divide. He is uniquely placed to publicly attribute responsibility and culpability where they truly belong, to white people and black people, on both sides of the Atlantic, complicit alike in one of the greatest evils in the history of civilization. And reaching that understanding is a vital precursor to any just and lasting agreement on the divisive issue of slavery reparations.
obama is uniquely positioned to understand the insanity of race relations in america. i believe that. but all that there? you're trying too hard.
it's glaringly obvious that you'd do well to undo some of your monocultural, classist, seemingly "objective" thinking before attempting to speak on this again. otherwise, you're only convincing the same whitefolks who have used this same, short-sighted argument time and again to deny their role in perpetuating and profiting from a system that traumatized the entire world.
for more on this, check out:
kwame shabazz
problemchylde
brother jesse's blog
the root (by michael gomez)
the griot (by dr. boyce watkins)
nigerian village square (by paul adujie)
4.20.2010
truce
i wound up speaking with him...i probably shouldn't be surprised, considering mercury's retrograde.
although it began awkwardly, the timing was actually perfect in its own way. and the ancestors held my hand through the whole thing.
it's nice to see that chapter coming to a close in such an unexpectedly peaceful way. especially when there's so much in front of me.
pushing forward...
although it began awkwardly, the timing was actually perfect in its own way. and the ancestors held my hand through the whole thing.
it's nice to see that chapter coming to a close in such an unexpectedly peaceful way. especially when there's so much in front of me.
pushing forward...
4.11.2010
*waving hello*
i'm astonished that there seem to be so many folks stopping through here. some probably on random web searches...but still.
i'd love for y'all to say hi! ...well, unless you're spammers or something.
otherwise, don't be shy. join the conversation!
i'd love for y'all to say hi! ...well, unless you're spammers or something.
otherwise, don't be shy. join the conversation!
self love #8
one of my favorite shots of myself...one of the first i took with my first digital camera a few yrs ago.
4.02.2010
outlier (cont)
the same facebook page linked to this piece later on. it's written by a yoruba woman and feels a little more comprehensive.
given this beginning, i'm gonna keep my eyes open for stories of the "other" women...
there's definitely more to this.
given this beginning, i'm gonna keep my eyes open for stories of the "other" women...
there's definitely more to this.
outlier
in today's internet travels, i came across this paper about sexuality in yoruba culture.
i enjoyed reading it, as i always enjoy further insight into yoruba culture in particular and african cultures in general. but i'm almost always left feeling like the odd woman out.*
as i've said before, i completely respect and honor the places and spaces of wife and mother. and the tenets of the yoruba ideal definitely feel more sane than 99% of the messaging we get growing up women of color in america.
but the "am i bad/wrong/weird/tainted??!?" stuff creeps up anyway...like, i wonder if i'd be "proper" even if i were raised within that context...and if i were "proper", i'd probably be very unhappy.
on the other hand, maybe i'd just need a "secret concubine" or two?
see, THOSE are the women i wanna know about...they feel like the ones i can relate to.
but i suppose they don't write papers...
*not that i have shit on gbltqi folks who are practically invisible in these discussions, and whose stories--even in cultures that were inclusive/accepting pre-european contact--have been eradicated, obscured, lied on/about or dismissed as folly. i'm speaking personally as a cis, straight black woman since the author is outlining "my" ideal sensual life as a student and spiritual devotee of the culture. hence, i chose not to delve into the problematic aspects of the gender binary, lack of queer/alternative perspective, etc as i've done elsewhere.
however, i also read a great summation of the 4th annual africa conference on sexual health and rights today that touches on precisely those issues, as well as disability.
i enjoyed reading it, as i always enjoy further insight into yoruba culture in particular and african cultures in general. but i'm almost always left feeling like the odd woman out.*
as i've said before, i completely respect and honor the places and spaces of wife and mother. and the tenets of the yoruba ideal definitely feel more sane than 99% of the messaging we get growing up women of color in america.
but the "am i bad/wrong/weird/tainted??!?" stuff creeps up anyway...like, i wonder if i'd be "proper" even if i were raised within that context...and if i were "proper", i'd probably be very unhappy.
on the other hand, maybe i'd just need a "secret concubine" or two?
see, THOSE are the women i wanna know about...they feel like the ones i can relate to.
but i suppose they don't write papers...
*not that i have shit on gbltqi folks who are practically invisible in these discussions, and whose stories--even in cultures that were inclusive/accepting pre-european contact--have been eradicated, obscured, lied on/about or dismissed as folly. i'm speaking personally as a cis, straight black woman since the author is outlining "my" ideal sensual life as a student and spiritual devotee of the culture. hence, i chose not to delve into the problematic aspects of the gender binary, lack of queer/alternative perspective, etc as i've done elsewhere.
however, i also read a great summation of the 4th annual africa conference on sexual health and rights today that touches on precisely those issues, as well as disability.
3.31.2010
in like a lamb, out like a lion
march was full...all kinds of travel, a blissful birthday, and lots of pleasant, deeply welcome surprises...
i tend to write more (and better) when i'm settled, so all the running around has taken me away from my creative projects. but if you'd like an update...
i am saddened by the recent DC shootings and disappointed by offshore drilling plans. erykah's still giving me hope that there is some creativity left in the world, and i am always grateful for good news about africa.
haiti is still on my heart, and i pray for a merciful hurricane season for us all. i'm unnerved by the differing faces and levels of terrorism both abroad and at home.
i am also reading armah's two thousand seasons, which is still so relevant to the ongoing struggle within the hearts, minds and spirits of black folks. i know affordable copies can be hard to find; i got mine here, thanks to bilal sankofa. it's a jewel.
so...that's a snapshot of my life at the moment. hopefully i'll be rambling on and on about something on these virtual pages very soon.
be blessed,
omi
i tend to write more (and better) when i'm settled, so all the running around has taken me away from my creative projects. but if you'd like an update...
i am saddened by the recent DC shootings and disappointed by offshore drilling plans. erykah's still giving me hope that there is some creativity left in the world, and i am always grateful for good news about africa.
haiti is still on my heart, and i pray for a merciful hurricane season for us all. i'm unnerved by the differing faces and levels of terrorism both abroad and at home.
i am also reading armah's two thousand seasons, which is still so relevant to the ongoing struggle within the hearts, minds and spirits of black folks. i know affordable copies can be hard to find; i got mine here, thanks to bilal sankofa. it's a jewel.
so...that's a snapshot of my life at the moment. hopefully i'll be rambling on and on about something on these virtual pages very soon.
be blessed,
omi
3.16.2010
an apprehensive honesty
this morning i realized that he still scares me a little.
loving someone with abusive tendencies changes you. all the things you have to learn to keep yourself safe--as safe as possible anyway. the subconscious adjustments you make to keep things peaceful...
i still fear an unwelcome conversation leading to some kind of tirade, or triggering a random meltdown that i'll have to clean up. the thought of a random sighting makes me want to fall through the floor.
i refused hiding months ago, but i haven't taken out a billboard, blown up any spots or confronted anyone other than him. i am content to tell my truth here and to my journals, and leave it at that.
psychologically, i realize he's probably done his own healing since we stopped speaking. if it's real, deep and lasting healing, good for him. i give thanks, because that would mean another sista won't experience him as i did.
emotionally, all i know is who he was with me. no matter what he says, how many times he apologizes, or how adamantly he refuses to be "held back" by his "past" actions, i, personally, have not seen (and don't necessarily need to see) the new and improved version. in my mind, he still only does enough to get by, skipping over the truly messy parts in attempts to create false utopias. he is/was a hurt person who hurt me, period.
the anger is gone and i've been able to forgive, but i doubt i'll ever be able to disassociate him from those things. it's sad, but it's real, and nothing but time (?) will change it.
apparently, the next step is reaffirming his existence and honoring the places where we (indirectly) intersect.
he's still on the planet even if he's not in your world. there's no sense in pretending he isn't.
when i can have that thought without cringing, i'll be able to claim another small victory.
loving someone with abusive tendencies changes you. all the things you have to learn to keep yourself safe--as safe as possible anyway. the subconscious adjustments you make to keep things peaceful...
i still fear an unwelcome conversation leading to some kind of tirade, or triggering a random meltdown that i'll have to clean up. the thought of a random sighting makes me want to fall through the floor.
i refused hiding months ago, but i haven't taken out a billboard, blown up any spots or confronted anyone other than him. i am content to tell my truth here and to my journals, and leave it at that.
psychologically, i realize he's probably done his own healing since we stopped speaking. if it's real, deep and lasting healing, good for him. i give thanks, because that would mean another sista won't experience him as i did.
emotionally, all i know is who he was with me. no matter what he says, how many times he apologizes, or how adamantly he refuses to be "held back" by his "past" actions, i, personally, have not seen (and don't necessarily need to see) the new and improved version. in my mind, he still only does enough to get by, skipping over the truly messy parts in attempts to create false utopias. he is/was a hurt person who hurt me, period.
the anger is gone and i've been able to forgive, but i doubt i'll ever be able to disassociate him from those things. it's sad, but it's real, and nothing but time (?) will change it.
apparently, the next step is reaffirming his existence and honoring the places where we (indirectly) intersect.
he's still on the planet even if he's not in your world. there's no sense in pretending he isn't.
when i can have that thought without cringing, i'll be able to claim another small victory.
3.10.2010
iba yemonja
she tapped into something here...
(this was about an esthero song that she took down...bummer. but i still love her with all my heart.)
(this was about an esthero song that she took down...bummer. but i still love her with all my heart.)
3.02.2010
an uneasy love
i listened to the entire saviour's day address on sunday...
i've seen minister farrakhan speak in person, and i have long respected his views and insights on social issues, not to mention his unwavering wisdom in presenting a united front in the face of all the things black folks face in this country. he is gifted orator, respected leader and elder.
where we disagree: the undercurrent of percieved "jewish world rule", religious dogma, views on women, the perpetuation of compulsory heterosexuality and gender "norms"--honestly, possibly more than we agree on. i also recognize that he is a manifesation of several ways in which black male hegemony can force sistas into several corners at once.
and, of course, there's all that business with brother malcolm.
on sunday--more than ever--i found myself having to separate the wheat from the chaff; the message was unclear, and that disturbed me a bit.
full disclosure: i completely acknowledge that part of the reason for the lack of clarity could be my never having been affiliated with the nation. some of it wasn't for me--i get that.
even so, i wondered how damaging and dangerous certain implications can be when many who are hanging on your every word don't have the tools to make those subtle distinctions, no matter how much critical thinking you teach at the mosque.
in my humble opinion, min. farrakhan--like the rest of us--holds a piece of the truth. i certainly do not deny the existence of spiritual vision, clairvoyance and the like. all that still didn't stop me from feeling, at a gut level, that his deep allegiance to the problematic lineage of the NOI and its leaders skews the ways that truth is expressed.
in other words, it's possible that some of the leaps he has to take to make things fit within the islamic--such as it is--framework wind up feeling like half-truths.
i see the same thing with christians squeezing in holistic attitudes about, say, sex or liberal social policies. yes, it's there if you dig long and hard enough, or if you prioritize the words and deeds of yeshua above all else. but outside of that is a whole tome based on spiritual superiority and other oppressive power structures/hierarchies, the absolute authority of men/masculinity, the evil inherent in human beings, etc and so on.
the foundation matters. if you're going to use the master's tools, you can only shift the paradigm so far.
that said, i will always keep my eyes and ears open for an opportunity to hear the minister speak, and i'm sure i will still tend to agree with him when he says things like (and i paraphrase), "we like you, obama, but if you keep beating their drums of war, we won't follow."
but i have to trust my intuition, and lots of bells and whistles were going off sunday afternoon.
by the time he closed--"right on!" moments aside--i couldn't shake the feeling that the line between respected leader and cult of personality-leader was being danced upon. or crossed.
only time will tell.
i've seen minister farrakhan speak in person, and i have long respected his views and insights on social issues, not to mention his unwavering wisdom in presenting a united front in the face of all the things black folks face in this country. he is gifted orator, respected leader and elder.
where we disagree: the undercurrent of percieved "jewish world rule", religious dogma, views on women, the perpetuation of compulsory heterosexuality and gender "norms"--honestly, possibly more than we agree on. i also recognize that he is a manifesation of several ways in which black male hegemony can force sistas into several corners at once.
and, of course, there's all that business with brother malcolm.
on sunday--more than ever--i found myself having to separate the wheat from the chaff; the message was unclear, and that disturbed me a bit.
full disclosure: i completely acknowledge that part of the reason for the lack of clarity could be my never having been affiliated with the nation. some of it wasn't for me--i get that.
even so, i wondered how damaging and dangerous certain implications can be when many who are hanging on your every word don't have the tools to make those subtle distinctions, no matter how much critical thinking you teach at the mosque.
in my humble opinion, min. farrakhan--like the rest of us--holds a piece of the truth. i certainly do not deny the existence of spiritual vision, clairvoyance and the like. all that still didn't stop me from feeling, at a gut level, that his deep allegiance to the problematic lineage of the NOI and its leaders skews the ways that truth is expressed.
in other words, it's possible that some of the leaps he has to take to make things fit within the islamic--such as it is--framework wind up feeling like half-truths.
i see the same thing with christians squeezing in holistic attitudes about, say, sex or liberal social policies. yes, it's there if you dig long and hard enough, or if you prioritize the words and deeds of yeshua above all else. but outside of that is a whole tome based on spiritual superiority and other oppressive power structures/hierarchies, the absolute authority of men/masculinity, the evil inherent in human beings, etc and so on.
the foundation matters. if you're going to use the master's tools, you can only shift the paradigm so far.
that said, i will always keep my eyes and ears open for an opportunity to hear the minister speak, and i'm sure i will still tend to agree with him when he says things like (and i paraphrase), "we like you, obama, but if you keep beating their drums of war, we won't follow."
but i have to trust my intuition, and lots of bells and whistles were going off sunday afternoon.
by the time he closed--"right on!" moments aside--i couldn't shake the feeling that the line between respected leader and cult of personality-leader was being danced upon. or crossed.
only time will tell.
2.27.2010
2.20.2010
it's complicated
someone posted this on facebook yesterday.
overall, it's beautifully written. i think the sentiment is sincere.
but it also assumes a level of choice that many communities of color do not/did not have in the "creolization" of themselves.
in other words, a modern day jewish woman's decision to marry a hindu man--both of you knowing your extended family histories--is a little different than the hows and whys surrounding the reasons native americans/1st nations, black folks, and latin@s exist in a variety of shades and hair textures.
and by a "little" different, i mean a lot.
it's difficult for me to allow the author to explain that away--however poetically--to solidify her child's multi-ethnic identity, even as i agree that, in her family's case, "no such thing as half" is relatively true.
her daughter can be everything at once because it's now.
born 60, 70--even 20 or 30 years ago, depending--she would have been jewish. period. and her mormon dad probably would have had an awfully hard way to go.
i'm also assuming that, phenotypically, the author, her husband and daughter present as white/european-descended. how many people--outside of her spiritual spheres--are going to ask her if she's "half" anything?
see how fuzzy that gets?
what do y'all think when you read this?
overall, it's beautifully written. i think the sentiment is sincere.
but it also assumes a level of choice that many communities of color do not/did not have in the "creolization" of themselves.
in other words, a modern day jewish woman's decision to marry a hindu man--both of you knowing your extended family histories--is a little different than the hows and whys surrounding the reasons native americans/1st nations, black folks, and latin@s exist in a variety of shades and hair textures.
and by a "little" different, i mean a lot.
it's difficult for me to allow the author to explain that away--however poetically--to solidify her child's multi-ethnic identity, even as i agree that, in her family's case, "no such thing as half" is relatively true.
her daughter can be everything at once because it's now.
born 60, 70--even 20 or 30 years ago, depending--she would have been jewish. period. and her mormon dad probably would have had an awfully hard way to go.
i'm also assuming that, phenotypically, the author, her husband and daughter present as white/european-descended. how many people--outside of her spiritual spheres--are going to ask her if she's "half" anything?
see how fuzzy that gets?
what do y'all think when you read this?
2.19.2010
kiddie dreams
i've been watching the olympics--as i'm wont to do when they come around--and all these visa (*blink*) commercials about olympians and their childhood dreams got me thinking: did i have those sorts of huge, grandiose thoughts as a little girl? could they be a window into my purpose now?
obviously, it was nothing as singularly minded as mastering a sport or hobby.
but i did.
whenever i watched the oscars, i'd practice/envision my acceptance speech. for best original screenplay.*
and i was always pretending to be interviewed about stuff.** i expected that i would be important/cool/___ enough that folks would want to ask me questions about...something.
so...i should be a screenwriting actress who gives fabulous interviews.
i could live with that.
*in other words, when most little girls are probably dreaming about winning best actress, or at least being the star, i'm sitting there thinking i'm gonna WRITE the best movie. however, my mother maintains that i used to declare my desire to be an actress. so maybe it was a little of both.
**i still do, kinda (don't tell anyone...). this is probably why i really like formspring. somebody with that same childhood-based compulsion probably came up with it.
obviously, it was nothing as singularly minded as mastering a sport or hobby.
but i did.
whenever i watched the oscars, i'd practice/envision my acceptance speech. for best original screenplay.*
and i was always pretending to be interviewed about stuff.** i expected that i would be important/cool/___ enough that folks would want to ask me questions about...something.
so...i should be a screenwriting actress who gives fabulous interviews.
i could live with that.
*in other words, when most little girls are probably dreaming about winning best actress, or at least being the star, i'm sitting there thinking i'm gonna WRITE the best movie. however, my mother maintains that i used to declare my desire to be an actress. so maybe it was a little of both.
**i still do, kinda (don't tell anyone...). this is probably why i really like formspring. somebody with that same childhood-based compulsion probably came up with it.
2.18.2010
some thursday navel gazing...
lately i feel like a big ball of "i want" and "i need". i get sick of the whining in my own head.
i'm doing my level best to fulfill as many of those needs for myself as possible. i do pretty well, if i do say so myself.
but it does get tiring.
i often find myself wishing i could be babied a little. have someone else do some small stuff so i can dream a little longer. get hugs on demand.
this is when i realize how isolating the last few years of my life have been. and it makes me wonder if there is anything worth putting that kind of laser-focus on for more than a few months at a time. when i dive into something important, i dive deep, sometimes to the exclusion of many other things.
am i too multi-faceted for that? should i always keep a certain level of stimulation coming from several different angles?
this is not to suggest regret. i realize that focus created what was--at the time--a safe space. and i needed to learn those lessons. but now that i'm past 30, i would never want to spend that length of time on anything without some semblance of a guarantee that my efforts were going to come to fruition.
this is also why finding one thing to be "when i grow up" is so difficult...i see too many angles, too many possibilities. even singular things encompass many aspects...
and why do i always go through this shit right before my birthday?!?!
i think too damn much.
that's probably the answer to everything.
i'm doing my level best to fulfill as many of those needs for myself as possible. i do pretty well, if i do say so myself.
but it does get tiring.
i often find myself wishing i could be babied a little. have someone else do some small stuff so i can dream a little longer. get hugs on demand.
this is when i realize how isolating the last few years of my life have been. and it makes me wonder if there is anything worth putting that kind of laser-focus on for more than a few months at a time. when i dive into something important, i dive deep, sometimes to the exclusion of many other things.
am i too multi-faceted for that? should i always keep a certain level of stimulation coming from several different angles?
this is not to suggest regret. i realize that focus created what was--at the time--a safe space. and i needed to learn those lessons. but now that i'm past 30, i would never want to spend that length of time on anything without some semblance of a guarantee that my efforts were going to come to fruition.
this is also why finding one thing to be "when i grow up" is so difficult...i see too many angles, too many possibilities. even singular things encompass many aspects...
and why do i always go through this shit right before my birthday?!?!
i think too damn much.
that's probably the answer to everything.
2.17.2010
2.16.2010
i'm a soldier in the army
every now and then, the perfect song comes out and fits right into your life...
i'm a soldier of love.
the first dozen times i listened, as the words started to emerge from the melody, i was captivated.
i've been torn up inside / i've been left behind / tall i ride / i have the will to survive...pain. loss. memory. the struggle for sanity in the midst of rejection.
when she soars into i am love's soldier, then dips into i wait for the sound...
perfection.
sade's given us so many gifts...sweet taboos, bulletproof souls...and now she's channeled an anthem for those of us who didn't have a name until now.
do we really have to wonder why we forgive her for abandoning us for decades at a time?
2.15.2010
the rape tunnel
{trigger warning - source material discusses rape in a dismissive, denying manner}
{addendum: apparently, it's a hoax. but the sentiment still stands.}
art should heal.
promote discussion.
uplift.
agitate.
inspire.
of course, art often depicts pain.
sometimes the artist opts for some level of self-harm. not big on that, but they are the purveyor of their domain.
that said, i would maintain that art should not hurt the observer--unless it is in the context of revealing a stark truth or reality in the interest of unpacking, analyzing, and reevaluating said truth for the betterment of the community/society as a whole.
but since when is deliberately setting out to rape someone art? and what's with the cavalier attitude?
um, what?
cloaking your misogyny and misanthropy behind "art" is...pretty fking lame, dude.
{addendum: apparently, it's a hoax. but the sentiment still stands.}
art should heal.
promote discussion.
uplift.
agitate.
inspire.
of course, art often depicts pain.
sometimes the artist opts for some level of self-harm. not big on that, but they are the purveyor of their domain.
that said, i would maintain that art should not hurt the observer--unless it is in the context of revealing a stark truth or reality in the interest of unpacking, analyzing, and reevaluating said truth for the betterment of the community/society as a whole.
but since when is deliberately setting out to rape someone art? and what's with the cavalier attitude?
[Sheila Zareno] But rape is way more extreme than [his last project which involved] a punch to the face. Is your intention to ruin people’s lives?
["artist" Richard Whitehurst] Possibly. I’m not necessarily concerned with the positive or negative effects of this project so long as there is some effect on people’s lives. I’ve merely set up a situation where there is potential to impact people in meaningful ways. Maybe I won’t be able to rape everyone who crawls through the tunnel, but the door is open for all kinds of scenarios; rape, serious injury, maybe even death. I might even get arrested.
Right now the installation isn’t even complete, and I’ve riled up a substantial portion of the local population. The installation as an idea is powerful enough itself.
um, what?
cloaking your misogyny and misanthropy behind "art" is...pretty fking lame, dude.
i tried...
i tried
so many days
so many nights
through so many tears
to say just this...
but when my patience meets self preservation, it's hard to hold on.
so many days
so many nights
through so many tears
to say just this...
but when my patience meets self preservation, it's hard to hold on.
2.14.2010
an unorthodox valentine
i've heard just about every compliment a woman would want to hear. and they were sincere...
i appreciated them all, whether musings on my intellect, my physical attributes, or something inbetween.
more than just sweet-talked, i have been genuinely loved, admired, sought after.
some stayed a few weeks, others a few years.
i'm grateful for the love i've had.
but, today, i'm longing for the love i've yet to find...
i appreciated them all, whether musings on my intellect, my physical attributes, or something inbetween.
more than just sweet-talked, i have been genuinely loved, admired, sought after.
some stayed a few weeks, others a few years.
i'm grateful for the love i've had.
but, today, i'm longing for the love i've yet to find...
2.13.2010
a teaching from dan smoke
from protecting the circle - aboriginal men ending violence against women
an unhealthy man is someone who hangs on to his wayward ways of youth. drinking, violence, machismo, relationship hopping and being a poor role model are some of these ways. they refuse to grow up and walk a man's path--they are still adolescents in a man's body. these 'boys' certainly don't learn from their mistakes as men. to the contrary, they will blame others for their poor behaviour. they become psychologically and morally stuck and are fearful of change and growth. these men are particularly afraid of strong women. they will deliberately seek out a woman who they can control and not a true partner. intimacy will be too scary for them.
on the other hand, an imperfect healthy man will grow up from his wayward ways. he will stop unhealthy behavior that brought him thrills, shame and confusion as a young man... he will cry, say i'm sorry and live life as if his past relatives are always watching... this man...will check in with others and himself to see if his path is a true one.
2.06.2010
one day, two loves
it wasn't until today that i realized my grandfather and bob marley share a birthday.
they couldn't have less in common. LOL.
but i love them both.
thank you, pop-pop, for your love and your crochety old man-ness. for teaching me patience. and football. and, now, for your unwavering protection and guidance.
thank you, bob, for the music, the message, the love.
adupe ooo egun. iba ara t'orun. ase o.
they couldn't have less in common. LOL.
but i love them both.
thank you, pop-pop, for your love and your crochety old man-ness. for teaching me patience. and football. and, now, for your unwavering protection and guidance.
thank you, bob, for the music, the message, the love.
adupe ooo egun. iba ara t'orun. ase o.
2.04.2010
ain't no half steppin'
{first, let me preface this quasi-rant by saying i do sincerely hope those that transitioned as a result of what appears to be a very unfortunate accident are at peace, and that their families are comforted at this time.}
sigh.
that's all i could do when i heard about the james arthur ray incident this morning. somehow i didn't hear about it at all back in october. i have a love/hate relationship with the news...
aside from the fact that the secret is woefully incomplete in its approach--as noted by imakhu mwt shekemet in her description of her cowrie blessings book--this is an example of what happens when cultural misappropriation and white privilege go terribly wrong.
ray's assertion that he "sought out" these methods does not mean he knew the proper prayers, incantations and ritual items to ensure that everyone involved in the ritual would be safe. not everyone who seeks knowledge is taught.
his website states that a "native american expert" was involved in the construction of the lodge, but...did ray divine and/or note omens to discern an auspicious time? invoke the proper energies? or did he just learn how to build the structure?
also a little interested in how he's drawing folks to a $9,000-a-head retreat but doesn't have bail money.
other than the loss of life and injuries incurred, my concern is that a centuries-old tradition of healing and renewal will now be maligned because of the actions of folks too arrogant to realize they didn't know what the fk they were doing.
or, if you prefer a more legalized statement:
sigh.
that's all i could do when i heard about the james arthur ray incident this morning. somehow i didn't hear about it at all back in october. i have a love/hate relationship with the news...
aside from the fact that the secret is woefully incomplete in its approach--as noted by imakhu mwt shekemet in her description of her cowrie blessings book--this is an example of what happens when cultural misappropriation and white privilege go terribly wrong.
ray's assertion that he "sought out" these methods does not mean he knew the proper prayers, incantations and ritual items to ensure that everyone involved in the ritual would be safe. not everyone who seeks knowledge is taught.
his website states that a "native american expert" was involved in the construction of the lodge, but...did ray divine and/or note omens to discern an auspicious time? invoke the proper energies? or did he just learn how to build the structure?
also a little interested in how he's drawing folks to a $9,000-a-head retreat but doesn't have bail money.
other than the loss of life and injuries incurred, my concern is that a centuries-old tradition of healing and renewal will now be maligned because of the actions of folks too arrogant to realize they didn't know what the fk they were doing.
or, if you prefer a more legalized statement:
There certainly may be potential criminal exposure for Mr. Ray and others in this case as well. Among the questions on prosecutorial review would be -- whether James A. Ray intentionally and/or knowingly inflicted harm upon retreat members -- and whether he was competent to hold such an event in the first place or fraudulently misrepresented his capabilities for his own personal profit...
Such issues seem to be inherent in the realm of self-appointed spiritual leaders.
In short, one cannot attempt to monetarily benefit from the exploitation of spiritual practices of other cultures without taking reasonable precautions to assure the safety of paying participants. A person such as Mr. Ray cannot self-appoint himself as the guru, adapt his own method of spiritual enlightenment and be insulated from the general laws of negligence that apply to such gatherings. The lack of medical personnel present, as well as the apparent disconnect between reality and what Ray saw as spiritual enlightenment bear this out. Ignorance can result in fatalities or severe injuries when foresight and exercise of due care are lacking. In Sedona, Arizona, thus far it appears the evidence shows that it was.
2.03.2010
you cannot rise by standing on my neck. (c) dopegirlfresh
was reminded of this earlier in the week.
some highlights:
yes, as a black man in america, you DO enjoy some privilege.
i know that's a loaded word, but in an anti-oppression context, privilege deals with how much societal "value" you carry. for instance: i am a black woman, but i'm also straight, cis-gender, able-bodied, college educated, and from a middle class background. all of those things give me an "advantage" in society over a queer, poor sista--even though much of the {mostly black male} parlance would have you think we're all in this together.
to a degree, we are.
however, black women have often had to swallow some really offensive behavior and attitudes just to stay in the game. to struggle for freedom with our brothas. to be heard. we've also worked on our own terms.
either way: if you're dissing the sistas, you're not fighting the power.
if you need an example of how it's done:
fem.men.ist
jewel woods
men can stop rape
^SEHU?!
saul willams (especially his book she)
...to start.
some highlights:
1. I don't have to choose my race over my sex in political matters.
7. I can live my life without ever having read black feminist authors, or knowing about black women's history, or black women's issues.
8. I can be a part of a black liberation organization like the Black Panther Party where an "out" rapist Eldridge Cleaver can assume leadership position.
41. I can believe that the success of the black family is dependent on returning men to their historical place within the family, rather than in promoting policies that strengthen black women's independence, or that provide social benefits to black children.
68. I know that the further I go in education the more success I will have with women.
74. I can choose to be emotionally withdrawn and not communicate in a relationships and it be considered unfortunate but normal.
75. I can dismissively refer to another persons grievances as ^*ing.
76. I have the privilege of not knowing what words and concepts like patriarchy, phallocentric, complicity, colluding, and obfuscation mean.
yes, as a black man in america, you DO enjoy some privilege.
i know that's a loaded word, but in an anti-oppression context, privilege deals with how much societal "value" you carry. for instance: i am a black woman, but i'm also straight, cis-gender, able-bodied, college educated, and from a middle class background. all of those things give me an "advantage" in society over a queer, poor sista--even though much of the {mostly black male} parlance would have you think we're all in this together.
to a degree, we are.
however, black women have often had to swallow some really offensive behavior and attitudes just to stay in the game. to struggle for freedom with our brothas. to be heard. we've also worked on our own terms.
either way: if you're dissing the sistas, you're not fighting the power.
if you need an example of how it's done:
fem.men.ist
jewel woods
men can stop rape
^SEHU?!
saul willams (especially his book she)
...to start.
1.30.2010
an open love letter
a little something for the future...
addendum: this is pretty much the blueprint, prototype, standard operating procedure, and everything inbetween. i'm not saying i'm gonna make it required reading on the 3rd date, but...yeah.
addendum: this is pretty much the blueprint, prototype, standard operating procedure, and everything inbetween. i'm not saying i'm gonna make it required reading on the 3rd date, but...yeah.
1.24.2010
because writer's block has taken over...
as seen on tumblr
Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People:
10. let's run away together.
9. thank you for never leaving me.
8. sometimes "i'm sorry" just isn't enough to make everything ok. even if you really, really mean it. accept that.
7. i like you, but you can REALLY piss me off. but i do like you.
6. i hope you learned that you don't know everything, and that next time you'll be more careful what you ask for.
5. i'd love to give you a hug because it'd mean we were in the same place, together.
4. you're beautiful. i hope you know that. fully.
3. yes, i would. all you had to do was ask, but you never did. {i know this applies to someone...}
2. i know it wouldn't have worked, but...did you feel that, too?
1. let go. be yourself.
Nine things about myself:
9. at this moment, i am more comfortable in my own skin than i've ever been.
8. half my soul is decadent & luxurious, the other half ascetic. i'm constantly balancing the two and intervening in turf wars...
7. i'm trained as a massage therapist.
6. finally, i'm really enjoying writing for its own sake.
5. i have a deep love and respect for animals.
4. I believe I will live a life with financial freedom, peace, excitement, love & happiness {me too!}
3. i enjoy washing dishes.
2. i HATE dusting.
1. i think babies are wonderful, fully capable human beings, in miniature.
Eight ways to win my heart in relationships.
8. Teach me stuff - I love learning {agreed again}
7. copious amounts of affection & attention. not because i'm needy, but because i like reciprocity.
6. ...but also know i'm going to need space sometimes. and you should, too.
5. kindness. compassion. a huge heart...with clear, healthy boundaries. give without exhaustion, love without co-dependency...that kind of thing.
4. know thyself...and how we can balance & compliment one another.
3. get to know my body. please it continually.
2. be unafraid of deep, sensual communion. know how to work with it to strengthen our relationship.
1. respect spirit. understand my relationship to it.
Seven things that cross my mind a lot.
7. friends/family
6. food
5. love. love. love.
4. how to put things into words.
3. inspiration
2. realigning with my life's purpose
1. sex
Six things I do before I fall asleep
6. blow out/light candles {depending}
5. make sure the cat's fed so he doesn't wake me at some ungodly hour
4. put on music
3. review the day
2. journal {sometimes}
1. consider the day that's coming...
Five celebrities you admire.
"admire" is a strong word, but as far as i can determine their character...
5. forest whitaker
4. danny glover
3. george clooney
2. tim robbins/susan sarandon
1. ruby dee/ossie davis
Four things you’re wearing right now.
4. um...not wearing 4 things. just a red & white kaftan.
3.
2.
1.
Three songs that you listen to often.
3. "fistful of tears" - maxwell
2. lots of meshell ndegeocello
1. "casa bey" - mos def
Two things you want to do before you die.
2. travel the world
1. share living space/daily life with a man i love.
One confession.
1. i am power-full.
Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People:
10. let's run away together.
9. thank you for never leaving me.
8. sometimes "i'm sorry" just isn't enough to make everything ok. even if you really, really mean it. accept that.
7. i like you, but you can REALLY piss me off. but i do like you.
6. i hope you learned that you don't know everything, and that next time you'll be more careful what you ask for.
5. i'd love to give you a hug because it'd mean we were in the same place, together.
4. you're beautiful. i hope you know that. fully.
3. yes, i would. all you had to do was ask, but you never did. {i know this applies to someone...}
2. i know it wouldn't have worked, but...did you feel that, too?
1. let go. be yourself.
Nine things about myself:
9. at this moment, i am more comfortable in my own skin than i've ever been.
8. half my soul is decadent & luxurious, the other half ascetic. i'm constantly balancing the two and intervening in turf wars...
7. i'm trained as a massage therapist.
6. finally, i'm really enjoying writing for its own sake.
5. i have a deep love and respect for animals.
4. I believe I will live a life with financial freedom, peace, excitement, love & happiness {me too!}
3. i enjoy washing dishes.
2. i HATE dusting.
1. i think babies are wonderful, fully capable human beings, in miniature.
Eight ways to win my heart in relationships.
8. Teach me stuff - I love learning {agreed again}
7. copious amounts of affection & attention. not because i'm needy, but because i like reciprocity.
6. ...but also know i'm going to need space sometimes. and you should, too.
5. kindness. compassion. a huge heart...with clear, healthy boundaries. give without exhaustion, love without co-dependency...that kind of thing.
4. know thyself...and how we can balance & compliment one another.
3. get to know my body. please it continually.
2. be unafraid of deep, sensual communion. know how to work with it to strengthen our relationship.
1. respect spirit. understand my relationship to it.
Seven things that cross my mind a lot.
7. friends/family
6. food
5. love. love. love.
4. how to put things into words.
3. inspiration
2. realigning with my life's purpose
1. sex
Six things I do before I fall asleep
6. blow out/light candles {depending}
5. make sure the cat's fed so he doesn't wake me at some ungodly hour
4. put on music
3. review the day
2. journal {sometimes}
1. consider the day that's coming...
Five celebrities you admire.
"admire" is a strong word, but as far as i can determine their character...
5. forest whitaker
4. danny glover
3. george clooney
2. tim robbins/susan sarandon
1. ruby dee/ossie davis
Four things you’re wearing right now.
4. um...not wearing 4 things. just a red & white kaftan.
3.
2.
1.
Three songs that you listen to often.
3. "fistful of tears" - maxwell
2. lots of meshell ndegeocello
1. "casa bey" - mos def
Two things you want to do before you die.
2. travel the world
1. share living space/daily life with a man i love.
One confession.
1. i am power-full.
1.17.2010
half my heart's in haiti...
i added some links to the sidebar related to haiti relief.
please, do what you can to help the people of this nation.
if you would rather patronize a local benefit, hold a vigil, organize your own fundraiser, light a candle...whatever works.
just do something.
these efforts will need to continue months and likely years into the future (remember katrina).
give now, keep abreast of the needs of the people, and keep giving. keep doing. keep praying.
vive l'ayiti!
please, do what you can to help the people of this nation.
if you would rather patronize a local benefit, hold a vigil, organize your own fundraiser, light a candle...whatever works.
just do something.
these efforts will need to continue months and likely years into the future (remember katrina).
give now, keep abreast of the needs of the people, and keep giving. keep doing. keep praying.
vive l'ayiti!
1.15.2010
gratitude
yesterday, it was hard to sit still while i ate my lunch.
i was nearly overwhelmed with gratitude.
i was raised to say grace, so while i often consider those who are poor and/or hungry when i eat my meals, this is probably the first time i was grateful for the actual act of eating.
the texture of the food...
the smells...
chewing...more texture, more tastes....
easing it down my throat, knowing it would give me strength to go on with the rest of the day.
in the wake of the sheer loss of life in ayiti, i became acutely aware of the gift of possessing spirit AND flesh, and the gifts inherent in that.
spirit lives all around us, protects and blesses us. but it is an honor and a privilege to be in the flesh. to feel, to love, to work, to BE.
...and to eat.
our diverse shades, shapes, abilities and ways of being are all gifts.
if you are here, breathing, owning consciousness, living, you are saved. don't let anybody tell you different.
i was nearly overwhelmed with gratitude.
i was raised to say grace, so while i often consider those who are poor and/or hungry when i eat my meals, this is probably the first time i was grateful for the actual act of eating.
the texture of the food...
the smells...
chewing...more texture, more tastes....
easing it down my throat, knowing it would give me strength to go on with the rest of the day.
in the wake of the sheer loss of life in ayiti, i became acutely aware of the gift of possessing spirit AND flesh, and the gifts inherent in that.
spirit lives all around us, protects and blesses us. but it is an honor and a privilege to be in the flesh. to feel, to love, to work, to BE.
...and to eat.
our diverse shades, shapes, abilities and ways of being are all gifts.
if you are here, breathing, owning consciousness, living, you are saved. don't let anybody tell you different.
In the silence that followed, Baby Suggs, holy, offered up to them her great big heart…“Here,” she said, “in this here place, we flesh; flesh that weeps, laughs; flesh that dances on bare feet in grass. Love it. Love it hard. Yonder they do not love your flesh. They despise it…No more do they love the skin on your back. Yonder they flay it. And O my people they do not love your hands. Those they only use, tie, bind, chop off and leave empty. Love your hands! Love them! Raise them up and kiss them. Touch others with them, pat them together, stroke them on your face ‘cause they don’t love that either. You got to love it, you! And no, they ain’t in love with your mouth. Yonder, out there, they will see it broken and break it again.What you say out of it they will not heed…What you put into it to nourish your body they will snatch away and give leavins instead. No they don’t love your mouth. You got to love it.
~from toni morrison's beloved
1.05.2010
i forgive you.
i realized this morning that i've reached the point of forgiveness.
this is big.
i wasn't specifically aiming for it, but i felt it when it happened.
at first, i just needed keep breathing. that was difficult enough some days.
then there was processing the seething anger. i was afraid that alone would consume me.
although it doesn't excuse shit, or change what happened, or erase the boundary lines, it is so liberating to know that...i forgive.
give thanks...
this is big.
i wasn't specifically aiming for it, but i felt it when it happened.
at first, i just needed keep breathing. that was difficult enough some days.
then there was processing the seething anger. i was afraid that alone would consume me.
although it doesn't excuse shit, or change what happened, or erase the boundary lines, it is so liberating to know that...i forgive.
give thanks...
1.02.2010
odun mi (my year)
new year's eve was full of prayers and desire-renewing.
much of the eclipse list i started in the summer of 2008 is still being fulfilled. and, apparently, the stars are lining up in my favor.
given the trials and challenges of the last couple of years, that is certainly welcome news.
i have known deep pain and heights of pleasure.
i have learned and taught.
i have struggled and endured.
every up seemed to have a down...mirror reflections everywhere. nothing was easy. i often felt like i had to steal fun or a moment to breathe.
when i asked five goddesses to guide me through 2010, they replied:
happy new year.
much of the eclipse list i started in the summer of 2008 is still being fulfilled. and, apparently, the stars are lining up in my favor.
given the trials and challenges of the last couple of years, that is certainly welcome news.
i have known deep pain and heights of pleasure.
i have learned and taught.
i have struggled and endured.
every up seemed to have a down...mirror reflections everywhere. nothing was easy. i often felt like i had to steal fun or a moment to breathe.
when i asked five goddesses to guide me through 2010, they replied:
- synthesis {gyhldeptis} - a frequent presence in my recent readings. this is an ongoing challenge for me, but one i finally feel comfortable facing. i immediately recognized it as the "hub", or fifth card. the other four i consider resting in the four directions.
- ecstasy {eurynome} - this is core to my being. spiritually, emotionally, physically.
- pleasure {hathor} - also core.
- embracing the shadow {inanna} - another ongoing challenge. but i am stronger in this than i've ever been.
- creativity {ix chel} - i am more at peace with my gifts than i have been since i was a child/adolescent, and i seek to continue that.
happy new year.
12.26.2009
miracle at st anna
i'm dealing with a ridiculous case of writer's block, so this is a mere placeholder.
but, in a word, spike was robbed.
but, in a word, spike was robbed.
12.24.2009
underworld
as i stated my solstice prayers a few nights ago, i was reminded of the underworld journey...how necessary it can be to disappear from the world and dig deep for strength, knowledge, and power.
After several intense and painful experiences, Inanna is finally freed, thanks to the intervention of the God of Wisdom. On the path returning to the upper world, Inanna rediscovers, one by one, the things she discarded at each of the 7 gates. Each time she pauses to decide whether to keep the skill, belief or symbol of success, or leave it behind, in the process she discovers that even the few she chooses to bring back with her now have different meanings and functions. But, most important, when she re-emerges into her sunny courtyard, Inanna realizes that she is not only Inanna, she now is also her sister Ereshkigal. She has actually reclaimed a part of herself, and in doing so has become whole, wise, powerful and empathetic in a way impossible before she made the journey. [link & emphasis mine. source]
i am here.
i am encouraged.
i am ready.
12.13.2009
who was gonna love me? who was gonna make me feel good?
i watched precious last night, alone, at the local indy theatre.
i didn't go in fully sober; in the absence of company, i enlisted a glass of red wine for backup. i didn't think it'd be personally triggering, but i knew it'd be painful. i didn't relish the idea of weeping--if it came to that--in the presence of a bunch of art school kids.
that said, one of the many things that stuck with me was mary's (played by mo'nique) breakdown when confronted with the reality of precious' abuse.
{SPOILER ALERT - descriptions of some pivotal scenes follow}
i didn't go in fully sober; in the absence of company, i enlisted a glass of red wine for backup. i didn't think it'd be personally triggering, but i knew it'd be painful. i didn't relish the idea of weeping--if it came to that--in the presence of a bunch of art school kids.
that said, one of the many things that stuck with me was mary's (played by mo'nique) breakdown when confronted with the reality of precious' abuse.
{SPOILER ALERT - descriptions of some pivotal scenes follow}
12.12.2009
an exercise in restraint
i've done a bit of meeting and greeting lately. feels good. i am grateful for the confidence and clarity it's brought. plus, i haven't done deep visualization in a long time, so it's been catalyzing.
it's also reminded me how impatient i can be in the "will he/won't he call" stage.
typically, i don't mind doing a little legwork if i think the guy's worth it. if you want something, go get it, right?
since i'm nearly always operating from my intuitive, heart-self and not my head, i often see and am attracted to said potential. therefore, my natural inclination is to give them what they need without deep regard as to whether or not they are able to return the favor. i always get the basic, "decent guy" packaging, so they are at least willing to try to reciprocate.
unfortunately, where i can get ocean-deep, they often flounder. and that's when things fall apart. so i've decided it's probably better to step back and let them show themselves first.
now more than ever, i am totally focused on cultivating intentionality in my relationships--even in the beginning stages.
love can come and will be reciprocated as applicable. i'm open to that. and i'm still gonna get mine when i want it. however, there will be no commitment without real, tangible outcomes, and i have no problem stating that very clearly.
you want me? that's sweet. prove it.
over the last thirteen years, i've learned three big lessons: first, there's a thin line between mysterious, creative depths and the masking of unearthed and unacknowledged pain. second, if i need a crowbar and forceps to approach your psyche, it's not gonna work. third--and probably most important--a well-rehearsed melange of coping and defense mechanisms is not a personality.
lots of really "nice guys" have all that going. in spades.
so, yeah. i'm ready to hop back on the merry-go-round.
...just understand that i am heavily armed.
it's also reminded me how impatient i can be in the "will he/won't he call" stage.
typically, i don't mind doing a little legwork if i think the guy's worth it. if you want something, go get it, right?
since i'm nearly always operating from my intuitive, heart-self and not my head, i often see and am attracted to said potential. therefore, my natural inclination is to give them what they need without deep regard as to whether or not they are able to return the favor. i always get the basic, "decent guy" packaging, so they are at least willing to try to reciprocate.
unfortunately, where i can get ocean-deep, they often flounder. and that's when things fall apart. so i've decided it's probably better to step back and let them show themselves first.
now more than ever, i am totally focused on cultivating intentionality in my relationships--even in the beginning stages.
love can come and will be reciprocated as applicable. i'm open to that. and i'm still gonna get mine when i want it. however, there will be no commitment without real, tangible outcomes, and i have no problem stating that very clearly.
you want me? that's sweet. prove it.
over the last thirteen years, i've learned three big lessons: first, there's a thin line between mysterious, creative depths and the masking of unearthed and unacknowledged pain. second, if i need a crowbar and forceps to approach your psyche, it's not gonna work. third--and probably most important--a well-rehearsed melange of coping and defense mechanisms is not a personality.
lots of really "nice guys" have all that going. in spades.
so, yeah. i'm ready to hop back on the merry-go-round.
...just understand that i am heavily armed.
12.09.2009
the integration continues...
{for more on this, check out anything tagged the list}
my current focus is integration and synthesis. i'm still discovering neglected bits and pieces of self that, once found, start outlining their needs and demanding space of their own.
mostly it feels daunting, but i should be excited. i mean, it is exciting, right? i get to learn new things and move through the world with these wonderfully novel self-bits. ultimately, that leads to more confidence and strength.
so why am i being so weird about it?
because it'll just make me weirder and set me apart, again.
because it might seem contradictory to some.
because TKON is ever busy and creeping in uninvited.
i'm far better than i used to be, but i still struggle with all of the above, determined to "fit in" to a bunch of bullshit that's not worth my attention. however, what's becoming increasingly obvious is that i fit in where i need to--with other brilliant, unique folks. and i'm meeting more of those people all the time.
i am immensely grateful for that.
maybe that's the key lesson in my last tarot reading: evolution is taking time, but it also comes naturally and continually to me. my goals are taking shape, and separating from the dead weight was a priority. soon, i may even start "shedding" the 9-5 in favor of my lifework.
snakes shed their skin in order to grow. they cannot become taller, and i don't think i've ever seen an overweight one. the only way to mark progress is to wiggle out of the old, dull shell and emerge anew.
all animals do that in some fashion, but snakes leave evidence. a snakeskin is a repository of information and power. of course, the snake itself is elusive, but at least you can reconstruct its story.
my snakeskins are pages.
i suppose that's why i don't look back too much, especially when i'm journaling in longhand.
if i ever get interesting enough to warrant a memoir, someone else would have to write it.
my current focus is integration and synthesis. i'm still discovering neglected bits and pieces of self that, once found, start outlining their needs and demanding space of their own.
mostly it feels daunting, but i should be excited. i mean, it is exciting, right? i get to learn new things and move through the world with these wonderfully novel self-bits. ultimately, that leads to more confidence and strength.
so why am i being so weird about it?
because it'll just make me weirder and set me apart, again.
because it might seem contradictory to some.
because TKON is ever busy and creeping in uninvited.
i'm far better than i used to be, but i still struggle with all of the above, determined to "fit in" to a bunch of bullshit that's not worth my attention. however, what's becoming increasingly obvious is that i fit in where i need to--with other brilliant, unique folks. and i'm meeting more of those people all the time.
i am immensely grateful for that.
maybe that's the key lesson in my last tarot reading: evolution is taking time, but it also comes naturally and continually to me. my goals are taking shape, and separating from the dead weight was a priority. soon, i may even start "shedding" the 9-5 in favor of my lifework.
snakes shed their skin in order to grow. they cannot become taller, and i don't think i've ever seen an overweight one. the only way to mark progress is to wiggle out of the old, dull shell and emerge anew.
all animals do that in some fashion, but snakes leave evidence. a snakeskin is a repository of information and power. of course, the snake itself is elusive, but at least you can reconstruct its story.
my snakeskins are pages.
i suppose that's why i don't look back too much, especially when i'm journaling in longhand.
if i ever get interesting enough to warrant a memoir, someone else would have to write it.
12.08.2009
tiger by the tail
i'm sick of the tiger woods thing.
there are many reasons, but here's the main one: i still feel like we're having half assed, immature discussions based on the wrong questions. it's time to go deeper; ask the questions at the root instead of getting stuck on the leaves.
first and foremost, no one outside a relationship knows what the folks in the relationship have decided to put up with from each other. therefore, getting all righteously indignant about who's a whore/skank/slut and who ain't is irrelevant.*
the world has changed, is changing, as we speak. with that, the way we live and love is changing.
wouldn't it make more sense to begin to define loving in a more personal, intimate way and then build supportive communities around what works? what grows your family and contributes to the expansion and edification of your heart, mind and spirit might not look like anyone else's situation...and shouldn't have to.
what many of us are taught to "strive for" is built on jacked up gender roles, rapidly shifting socioeconomic standards, and paternalistic abrahamaic religious mores. in the western ideal, cis men and cis women are essentially brought up to be polar opposites of one another--opposites that are supposed to bond, procreate and live the (american/euro) dream for the good of (old man) god, forever and ever, amen.
that's a pretty small box to fit into, but plenty of folks are still trying. and the pressure to conform is leading to all kinds of lies and heartbreak.
the white, western world is now re-learning what many ancient cultures have known for centuries: all the things surrounding love and attraction happen within fluid continuums, not in rigid categories. manhood and womanhood are meant to blend into and compliment one another, with the true emphasis being on full personhood and soulhood. yes, you need an egg and a sperm to create more human life, but the binaries typically stop there.
but we're talking infidelity, so, for the record, here's my stance: if you are in an intimate relationship with only one other person, and both parties have explicitly agreed that said relationship is sexually monogamous, if one party has sex with someone else without their partner's consent, that's not cool.**
yes, "emotional affairs" are also possible, but with a sketchier premise that begins to delve into insecurities, lack of communication, arbitrary limits on the range and manifestation of human emotion...in short, another damn blog altogether.
so, someone cheats--whatever that means in your world. what you do about it is your business. my point is, there are other, more relevant questions besides, "why do _______ cheat??!?!?", such as:
how long does it take to openly and honestly discuss a problem? e.g., an "emotional" affair can happen on your desk or over the phone, but takes time to build steam. physical cheating takes effort: you're going out, meeting, take clothes off...etc. when and how are you dealing with your primary partner?
where do women learn to "let it slide as long as [zie-she-he] comes 'home'"? conversely, where do men learn that the appropriate response is to hurt/maim/kill the other party?
why is the first assumption that it's all about sex? people have many needs.
what barriers exist to dissolving a relationship where you feel disrespected? are they concrete/material? cultural? spiritual?
consider the money and power factor. what made tiger think these women would stay quiet when telling would also bring notoriety? what made him think his wife would stay (she'll be well taken care of either way, apparently)?
see where this is going?
ultimately, reducing these issues to "men will be boys" and "mistresses are whores" is silly, at best. if we're gonna talk about it, let's really talk about it.
*from what little i've read/heard, elin seems pissed, so it's probably safe to say the relationship was not an open one. still, the high horses are startling. none of us know the other women any better than we know her. plus, as someone mentioned earlier on my twitter feed, there are babies to think of.
**essentially, somewhere between 18-25 or so, you learn that this needs to be made crystal clear if you intend to get what you need out of the relationship and/or have a case if someone fucks up later. it's starting to sound like too many folks make assumptions about the nature of a situation and wind up getting hurt. communication is fundamental, at all stages. in addition, i abhor the "if you're not married, you can't cheat" crowd. how silly do you have to be...
there are many reasons, but here's the main one: i still feel like we're having half assed, immature discussions based on the wrong questions. it's time to go deeper; ask the questions at the root instead of getting stuck on the leaves.
first and foremost, no one outside a relationship knows what the folks in the relationship have decided to put up with from each other. therefore, getting all righteously indignant about who's a whore/skank/slut and who ain't is irrelevant.*
the world has changed, is changing, as we speak. with that, the way we live and love is changing.
wouldn't it make more sense to begin to define loving in a more personal, intimate way and then build supportive communities around what works? what grows your family and contributes to the expansion and edification of your heart, mind and spirit might not look like anyone else's situation...and shouldn't have to.
what many of us are taught to "strive for" is built on jacked up gender roles, rapidly shifting socioeconomic standards, and paternalistic abrahamaic religious mores. in the western ideal, cis men and cis women are essentially brought up to be polar opposites of one another--opposites that are supposed to bond, procreate and live the (american/euro) dream for the good of (old man) god, forever and ever, amen.
that's a pretty small box to fit into, but plenty of folks are still trying. and the pressure to conform is leading to all kinds of lies and heartbreak.
the white, western world is now re-learning what many ancient cultures have known for centuries: all the things surrounding love and attraction happen within fluid continuums, not in rigid categories. manhood and womanhood are meant to blend into and compliment one another, with the true emphasis being on full personhood and soulhood. yes, you need an egg and a sperm to create more human life, but the binaries typically stop there.
but we're talking infidelity, so, for the record, here's my stance: if you are in an intimate relationship with only one other person, and both parties have explicitly agreed that said relationship is sexually monogamous, if one party has sex with someone else without their partner's consent, that's not cool.**
yes, "emotional affairs" are also possible, but with a sketchier premise that begins to delve into insecurities, lack of communication, arbitrary limits on the range and manifestation of human emotion...in short, another damn blog altogether.
so, someone cheats--whatever that means in your world. what you do about it is your business. my point is, there are other, more relevant questions besides, "why do _______ cheat??!?!?", such as:
how long does it take to openly and honestly discuss a problem? e.g., an "emotional" affair can happen on your desk or over the phone, but takes time to build steam. physical cheating takes effort: you're going out, meeting, take clothes off...etc. when and how are you dealing with your primary partner?
where do women learn to "let it slide as long as [zie-she-he] comes 'home'"? conversely, where do men learn that the appropriate response is to hurt/maim/kill the other party?
why is the first assumption that it's all about sex? people have many needs.
what barriers exist to dissolving a relationship where you feel disrespected? are they concrete/material? cultural? spiritual?
consider the money and power factor. what made tiger think these women would stay quiet when telling would also bring notoriety? what made him think his wife would stay (she'll be well taken care of either way, apparently)?
see where this is going?
ultimately, reducing these issues to "men will be boys" and "mistresses are whores" is silly, at best. if we're gonna talk about it, let's really talk about it.
*from what little i've read/heard, elin seems pissed, so it's probably safe to say the relationship was not an open one. still, the high horses are startling. none of us know the other women any better than we know her. plus, as someone mentioned earlier on my twitter feed, there are babies to think of.
**essentially, somewhere between 18-25 or so, you learn that this needs to be made crystal clear if you intend to get what you need out of the relationship and/or have a case if someone fucks up later. it's starting to sound like too many folks make assumptions about the nature of a situation and wind up getting hurt. communication is fundamental, at all stages. in addition, i abhor the "if you're not married, you can't cheat" crowd. how silly do you have to be...
12.07.2009
sorry, kid, no toys for you...
this is the latest article i've seen in a rather disturbing trend: some charities are excluding the children of undocumented immigrants* in their xmas programs.
so it's come to this?
instead of examining the real reasons for immigration...
instead of tearing down that insipid wall at the border...
instead of focusing on growing homelessness, hunger and unemployment for all of us...
we're just gonna be all grinch-y about who gets toys and who doesn't and make folks feel worse about themselves that way?
yeah. that's really christlike, y'all.
*no person is illegal. also see no one is illegal - vancouver. some of the same factors are at play in the u.s. argument over immigration...
so it's come to this?
instead of examining the real reasons for immigration...
instead of tearing down that insipid wall at the border...
instead of focusing on growing homelessness, hunger and unemployment for all of us...
we're just gonna be all grinch-y about who gets toys and who doesn't and make folks feel worse about themselves that way?
yeah. that's really christlike, y'all.
*no person is illegal. also see no one is illegal - vancouver. some of the same factors are at play in the u.s. argument over immigration...
12.05.2009
Transgender Children - Out Of The Shadows
i am continually reminded of why we need to question what we *think* we know/understand about being human.
think of how old humanity is.
think of all the knowledge & understanding that has been suppressed and lost.
think of how new the notion of "normal" truly is.
keep in mind that it is very likely we're actually RE-learning and remembering...not falling off some sin-filled, hell bound cliff.
think of how old humanity is.
think of all the knowledge & understanding that has been suppressed and lost.
think of how new the notion of "normal" truly is.
keep in mind that it is very likely we're actually RE-learning and remembering...not falling off some sin-filled, hell bound cliff.
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