2.19.2007

ori orisa consciousness by iyanla vanzant

i found this in a blog on myspace. it's an oya's marketplace article from 1993, but i think the lessons are still relevant & important.

alafia & adupe to all the reputable, knowledgeable, and spiritually focused priests & practioners of ifa.


I often wonder if I am the only person who readily admits, when I got initiated, I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into. My experience with YORUBA culture had been through the dance and music. It seemed only natural that I would embrace the spiritual and religious philosophy. So I did, not because I understood it, but because it was “the thing to do.” I also admit, that my lack of understanding,information and reverence for the intangible energy of ORISA, cost me dearly.

As I think back, what I knew about the priesthood was that once I was initiated,
people would bow down to me (salute); when the white sheet went up, I would be on the inside rather than the outside; I would be able to eat at the table with the priests before everyone else ate; I would have my own godchildren; and that ORISA would speak to me. As I was initiated in the Santeria tradition, I was also primed and ready to be possessed, since that seemed to be a prerequisite to being a good priest.

Further retarding my understanding of initiation was the fact that I was one of
those people who “had to be made.” I was told if I was not initiated, “something
horrible” would happen to me. No one ever told me what it was, but they, and
I were convinced that it would happen. Frantically, I borrowed, begged and
gathered up the thousands of dollars required. I went into the room frightened, confused, desperate, totally unprepared and economically devastated.

My year as IYAWO was equally frantic to my initiation. By the end of my year, I was no longer affiliated with my godparents. (That’s another article for another time). Suffice it to say that I was left lost and unprepared. I remember the first time I ventured to peer into my ORISA pots. I had been forbidden by my Godmother to ever touch, much less open the beautiful ceramic dishes. On my first birthday, with her gone, somebody had to do the propers. Cautiously, with my eyes squeezed shut,
I took off the lids. When I finally mustered up the courage to look, I was
horrified! I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. Call the police! I’ve been
ripped off! There’s nothing in this pot that can speak to me! There’s nothing in
these pots but... If you’ve got pots, you know what I saw. I did what any ill-prepared, confused person would do; I cried.

There’s an old saying, “If you want to know the end, look at the beginning.” My first three years as a priest brought into manifestation all of the confusion, misunderstanding and hysteria which had surrounded my initiation. I had no idea of what I was doing. I watched and mimicked other priests with no idea or understanding of the metaphysical principles they obviously knew. As an ORISA orphan, bouncing around from place to place, picking up a little here and a little there, my methods were scattered. My understanding eclectic at best. Then I made the ultimate mistake for a confused priest, I initiated someone else. I thought I had finally made it into the big time. I was on my way, I thought, up. I found out, I was on my way down and out of the darkness.

There’s a basic principle about motherhood, even in ORISA. Mothers want to give their children the best. They do not want their children to suffer or experience the trials and hard times in life. I wanted the best for my IYAWO. I wanted to be the best mother I could be. I wanted to give her the best, do the best by her. Unfortunately, I did not know how to give it to her. I was unprepared. I was confused. I was lost.

But because ORISA is merciful, just and in control, they have a way of coming in and making sure your prayers are answered. My prayer was:

Dear OBATALA:
Please help me do the right thing.
Please show me how to be a priest.
Please make me worthy to wear your
crown and raise your daughter. Please
put the right thoughts in my mind and
point my feet in the right direction.

Because I had so little understanding, I did not know that OBATALA really heard me and would really answer. My answer came in the form of my goddaughter leaving my house and taking nearly all my godchildren with her. It came in the form of scandal and disgrace. It came in the form of everything I thought I knew about ORISA being proved to be wrong. It came in the form of isolation. It was the best thing to ever happened to me. It brought me to a place I call “ORISA Consciousness,” the place I live today.

“ORISA do not come to make life better for you. They exist to make you better for life.” Life is a gift from OLODUMARE. At any point in time, there are 14 million souls waiting for a body. They want to come to earth to manifest the glory of life. Those of us who are fortunate enough to receive a body, have a responsibility to life. We must live it to the fullest, in alignment with the Divine Will, sharing and giving the gifts we have been given, for the betterment of humankind. Few of us
have that understanding. That includes those of us who are priests. Somewhere along the path, we get the idea that life owes us; that we are in control and that
the world and everybody in it should be the way we want it to be.

Our early life is so wrought with power struggles, self-denial, debasement and fear, we rarely consider life beyond what we need and/or want to survive in our
limited environment.

We are not taught universal law and principles. We are not taught that we are divine manifestations of the Most High Creator and that we have the divine right to love, peace, happiness and abundance. We are taught that we must struggle, fight and keep others from getting what we think we want.

We are taught to think of life and ourselves as limited. We are not taught metaphysical principles such as the power of thought and word. We are not taught that we create our own experiences as learning tools in accordance with the lesson we have come to life to learn. We grow up believing that someone is out to get us;
that God is too busy to hear us and that if we don’t follow a prescribe way of
thinking, we are doomed. Then we become priests, bringing the same misguided notions into the sacred order.

My prayer to Obatala led me to the understanding, in order to build up you must tear down. I had brought so much garbage into my priesthood, it had to be discarded. It was necessary for that process to begin in my own consciousness. I had to take a long hard look at me, not my parents or godparents; not the ORISA community. Not even what I had been told was right or wrong. I had to tell the truth to myself about myself. That was a long, hard, ugly process but I knew it was the only way to get rid of the garbage and create an evolution of consciousness.

Next, I had to come to the understanding of who or what OBATALA was not what was in the pot; but the nature, the energy, the divinity. I had to understand how that force manifested throughout nature. What was the duty and responsibility of the OBATALA nature with regards to the rest of the universe. Everything OLODUMARE makes is purposeful.

What was OBATALA’s purpose? And, how could I bring myself into alignment with that purpose? This took a great deal of observation; surrender of judgment or criticism and a great deal of faith. I had not been taught to trust myself or my thoughts.

What I did not understand was that my thoughts could no longer be my own; I was a limited human. OBATALA was a divine force. I had to move out of the way and let the
nature, force and purpose of OBATALA manifest through me. That was my purpose in the priesthood; to bring for the divine energy of ORISA to the earth plane.

ORISA consciousness meant that every move I made, I made by asking the question, “What would OBATALA do in this situation?” Each time I opened my mouth to speak, I had to consider the same. OBATALA had to become the foundation of every aspect of my life; not just on weekends at bembes or initiations. I had no idea at the onset that the priesthood would totally encompass my life. I had not been taught that. It all seemed so easy. I came to realize that the only way through was to surrender everything I had ever been taught as a human. And, the only way to surrender was to commit every aspect of my life to the nature of OBATALA -- order, discipline, humility, silence, patience and service. As I began to do that, as my consciousness began to expand, my entire life changed, as did I.

Eventually, I came to the understanding that coming to the priesthood unprepared was the way I chose (spiritually) to get to where I needed to be. There was not fault or blame. By giving power (ASE) to my human garbage, my godparents blessed me. They placed me in a position where I was forced to choose between the potential destruction of myself or the elimination of garbage. I do not however take the credit for my evolution. I know it is only through the nature, grace and consciousness of OBATALA that I survive.

Today, I am not one of the “guys.” I no longer have the desire to do the things which were at one time so very important to me. There are times when that is hard. I no longer have opinions or fears or the need to struggle to survive. As long as ORISA is, I am. Very often I ask myself, “Is it worth it?” I am not at the end yet so I really don’t know. I have moved away from family, friends and the “normal” people I know, to live almost in seclusion. That can be lonely. I choose to see it as purposeful. The greatest benefit I receive is that each morning when I wake up and go to my temple and pour libation and say, “OBATALA, how can I serve you
today?” something happens in my mind.

I know that everything I do and say will be an ordered sequence of events which will have an effect on the universe. “I am because ORISA is! All that ORISA is, I am!” Can you imagine? That blows my mind and gives purpose to my life. It’s a matter of choice. It’s a matter of consciousness.

ADUPE! ADUPE! ADUPE! BABA MI.

2.15.2007

sigh

i dunno who told babaluaiye to come out & play, but he sure got me good...sheesh.

hope y'all don't get caught up in this mess.

anyway, now that i've survived the virus du jour, i'm praying there's nothing else (i'm not tempting you, universe, so please don't think this is arrogance...it's just a declaration) that can hit me, health wise. that means that over the next few days and weeks i'm hoping i can actually get started on some of the stuff i've been trying to get to since the new year started.

plus the new things.

i have ppl asking for bath salts i haven't been able to make...
my hair is a mess & so is my house...
my poor cat barely got fed yesterday/today...
i've been in bed/on the couch for the better part of 4 days...

but...
the weather doesn't have me as down as it usually does by this time of year
i was able to take the time i needed off work with no problem
the cat did get fed
i got paid today
relatively speaking, i do have my health
my dreams are becoming more lucid
finishing up some ebos...

i'm in a pretty good place.

but i despise getting rerouted. especially by my body. but...oh well. she's served me very, very well over the years. i suppose i can forgive a transgression or two.

2.08.2007

ain't nothin'

feeling more level today...still a little congested. forgot my pill last night. oh well. i think i'm done with those. time to let nature take over...

i watched xmen 3 last night...i netflixed it after having a bit of back and forth about jean grey's transformation with a friend...

that got me thinking this morning about how my h.s. boyfriend used to compare me to jean quite a bit (my involuntary xmen education is how i knew the whole series of movies was jacked from the get go, but i digress...). i suppose i do have some latent powers & what not.

my first homebuying information class was quite informative. i'm feeling a lot less intimidated about getting some startup money together.

the project has started...i think it's going to produce itself, largely.

listening to like water for chocolate always always always makes me feel like i'm in the middle of summer.

2.07.2007

adupe (thank u)

today's gratitude is brought to you by...

healing energy
fluffy, powdery, beautiful snow
being just late enough to work
castile soap
friendship
health & strength
ori
cats (& other four-legged children)
kleenex
warm comforters
earth tones
love.
patience
ogun--for watching my back
bright ideas
cars
water.
slow work days
olokun--for all your wisdom & the tiny piece you share with me
cotton
hats & scarves
answered prayers

2.06.2007

bored, sniffly, & in need of a serious boost

my head's finally out of the fog...but now i have a cough. i'm praying that's a sign the end is coming.

still feeling relatively run down.
fasting doesn't seem to help.
googobs of water doesn't seem to help.
eating myself silly (even as vegan as possible) doesn't help either.

tonight i'm gonna have to boil some ginger root & lemon & try to burn this mess out. wish i had some eucalyptus oil...

honey's still m.i.a.
fk acorn.

i'm feeling disconnected from just about everyone lately. i'm not depressed, i don't think, but i am feeling very, very dull. i'm just not...me.

have a new project in mind...it's still embryonic, but i hope it flies. it's also another reason i'm gonna need a computer ASAP.

i would call my mother, but she offers no pity. lol. she's all, "that's what happens when you've only been sick three times in your life. you'll be fine. stop complaining". it's true, though. i'm not used to it. not even a lingering cold.

i need to make some bath salts for my cousin & 'nem...

why does someone else's bright idea for a coworker's get well gift (not that it's undeserved...quite the opposite) or party or some other endeavor always become work for my ass?

i probably need to get out of this chair & away from the computer. but it's not like i'm gonna go walking around in 17 degree weather.

blah

i need some heat
sunshine in my hair
aquamarine water
sand in my toes...
i need to go home.

maybe i can't get my healing from where i'm sitting...
maybe i'm missing something.

but i suppose i've been missing something for the last year & a half, at least.

2.05.2007

ugh.

who knew a simple little sinus infection could be so much trouble.

psa: pseudoephedrin is the devil.

i really don't get how something i was supposed to be taking as medicine basically made me high as hell. i was in bed for an entire day, straight dazed. sunday i woke up trembling like i had dt's.

not.fun.
decongestants should not send you into withdrawal.

other than that, i guess i'm ok. antibiotics tend to wipe me out as well...but on a much smaller scale.

that said, my weekend was...not much of anything. honey couldn't even come over. he's in work prison again. just me & the cat.

on another note: what the fk is up with the cavaliers? just 'cause they have lebron james they feel like they shouldn't have a team at all? sheesh. they deserved that beating the pistons gave 'em (my long standing crush on chris webber notwithstanding).

i still love prince.

that's all.

if i have any serious, coherent thoughts over the next few days, i'll let y'all know. might have to wait until i've detoxed from the antibios...

1.31.2007

checking in...

hm.

still feeling a little odd...plus my spirit got a bit of a jolt yesterday, so i'm kinda recovering from that.

still trying to get some words out. they're slow in coming.

steeling myself for the job hunt.

before i went to sleep last night i kept feeling like i was trying to leave my body again. is my freedom that compromised? what am i trying to connect to?

i would have loved a big breakfast...scrambled tofu (don't sleep...it's fantastic when done right), fake sausage, buttery toast and jam, juice...maybe even a slice of french toast. but who has time for all that? maybe i'll treat myself this weekend...

1.30.2007

i think all those green foods yesterday shocked my body into detox mode.

yikes.

guess it's a water/juice/tea day for me...

1.29.2007

hunger

lately i've been feeling like i need to eat, constantly. but i'm not really hungry.

it's a hunger...something deep and strong. it's not negative...it's not compulsive or obsessive. there's no greed in it.

but it's present.

i think it's a wanderlust. i wanna go somewhere, do something. i want to expand, live, breathe in a space bigger than the one i'm allowed right now.

it's all coming...i know it is. maybe that's what's causing the longing. i know it's all just around the corner. i can do everything but touch/taste it...it's not quite close enough for that...

but it will be.

i'm very rarely impatient, but right now i feel like a horse just behind the starting gate. i wanna go, NOW.

my senses are coming back to me. all of them. it's an adjustment, but also an answer to a prayer. i'm feeling more alive than i have in years, probably. so that means having to take a look around me and wonder, "is this really enough?" and in some very important ways, i'm saying, "no. it isn't."

so i'm hungry.
not starving.
not desperate.

but it's just enough to drive me to hunt.

last night i dreamt that my boss decided to drop all kinds of personal crap in my lap. like, endless letters full of her problems and issues, expecting me to solve them. i promptly let her know that that was not my burden to bear, and i refused to bear it...plus i was gonna keep the letters as proof just in case she tried to punish me for not being her therapist on top of everything else.

not to mention my officemate had a dream i quit...

i've done some reflection. the energy loosed by the cleaning/purging has settled quite a bit.

now it's time to start jumping into action.

adupe ori mi
ashe-o

1.24.2007

white texan conservative xtians turning to islam...

...'cause the church is just too liberal!

wow.

the video & the pre-printed description are below.


Please Visit http://www.turntoislam.com for more documentaries. For this video Please Link to our webSite. http://www.turntoislam.com

The documentary explores the lives of several Texan families. Muslim and Non Muslim, and their views about Islam and life in the West.

George W Bush may be backed by Christian fundamentalists but in his home state of Texas, Islam is the latest big draw. The Bible belt is transferring its allegiance to the Quran because, for many erstwhile Christians, believe it or not, the church is too liberal.

Eric was a Baptist preacher before he became a Muslim 14 years ago. Now he prays five times a day and even in the middle of watching a football game. His wife, Karen, also a convert, is covered from head to toe in the traditional Muslim burka. Islam, says Eric, is everything I wanted Christianity to be. His mother has found it hard to come to terms with her sons conversion and believes he will return to the Christian faith: Then he will be a dynamic preacher. Eric says: "Maybe some day she will embrace Islam."

1.23.2007

more gratitude

i'm having a pretty annoying morning, so i need to count some blessings...

brazilian music
having options
dream books
magazines
shea butter
water coolers
dudu osun soap
chocolate! (thanks, girl)
inspiration
digital photography
working automobiles
cute security guards
silk
trader joe's moisturizing cream
having options
friends who listen to me bitch
casual work dress environments
tazo tea (especially "calm")
cheap parking meters
warm showers
silver
the omnipresence of spirit
clean desks
disinfectant wipes
flat shoes
carol's daughter "almond cookie" soap

1.22.2007

i want that house.

the one i stare at every time i ride by...

the one i now know has 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths, has been renovated and the basement finished.

it's supposed to be outta my range.
but i want it anyway.

*cracks knuckles*

let's see if i can get to conjurin'....

is this what birthing feels like?

ok, y'all.

i feel weird.
like, outta my damn mind weird.

i'm all over the place...i blame hormones for any weirdness last week, but now that i'm leveling off on that tip, i still feel...uprooted. i'm guessing it's just all the clearing/moving/shifting of energy, but...it's a very strange thing.

maybe it's the season. i tend to be very inert in the winter. sometimes bordering on depression. thankfully i don't feel that way this year...probably because i took some intiative and got on the ball early this time around. still, it just doesn't seem worth doing much of anything.

maybe it's not quite time yet. maybe i have to let things incubate for a few weeks, start thinking about manifestation closer to spring. should i keep things in a state of germination and reflection for now? maybe i'm moving too fast?

on the other hand, i'm afraid of active procrastination.

i started my desire book, per mama gena. that's been really fun...and it's definitely helping me conceptualize what i want for my new home/wardrobe/life.

i've cleaned out my closets..given away some things and thrown out others. shoes included. i'm making space. and i'm happy about that.

but you know how it is when you start kickin up dust...suppose i just have to check for dust bunnies & such before i move up a level.

i can sense the movement. maybe that's good enough for now.

1.19.2007

makes me wanna holler...

you know, some days it's all i can do to sit at this desk & keep from crying...

maybe i'll allow myself a pity party tonight, let some of the tears flow, and use the weekend to get the strength to keep going.

i'm so BORED.

hell, i can't even shop at lunch. there's nothing around that's not a pawn shop, $1 store, or full of meat...

every time i go to the market down the street, i'm surrounded by some of the poorest & most pained of my people...and it ain't like me sitting here doing my 40 hours is doing shit to help any of 'em.

every month another block of houses is sacrificed for them to build more "biotech parks" and what not...

just this morning i found out one of my bosses is going to india next month. india. are you fkin kiddin me? and i could barely get to VEGAS last summer?

and i'm moving to a smaller office. that i'll still have to share.

nah.
fk this.
i need better
i deserve better
and i'm gonna get better.

i just have to go out there and grab it.

i wanna feel like i'm doing something, anything, to actually make a difference for someone else. i need to be working, somehow, with and in the real world. or at least get a promotion every couple of years. get paid enough to save some money, travel, AND treat myself to some goodies every now and then with NO problem.

this place offers me none of that.

on the bad days, i still feel like there's not a place for me in this world--at least not one that offers a decent paycheck. i have to keep telling myself i'm wrong--that i just don't know any better 'cause no one around me has known any better. ppl in my family just work. my parents do things they love, but it just so happened that what they love is pretty well built into the existing socioeconomic structure.

still, telling myself i'm wrong and trying reroute my circuitry is the only way to stay motivated enough to go out there and find what i'm looking for: the stepping stone that will allow me to get to a place where i can work for myself & for my people.

i can't give up.
the world needs me, or i wouldn't be here, right?

i chose this destiny.
time to pimp it out.

1.18.2007




the tiger has lost his teeth
finally effectively caged
silenced
entombed in a vessel that has rejected its abuse
or maybe, simply
has stopped trying to speak to a world that won't listen

revered now that he is silent
many forget the brash youth
butterfly light
full of hornet poison
aligning with uncompromising blackness instead of
feeding into white supremacist fantasies
of who he should be

and now
you can almost hear the awwwwws
as they film him blowing out
birthday candles

fk their short memories
and their false smiles

we remember who you were
who you still are
we will teach our children
to remember the beauty of your prime
make sure they know
we respect your peace
but also know that it was forced upon you.

(c) l.a.m. 2007


although i don't deal with boxing on any real level, i've always had a soft spot for muhammad ali...mainly 'cause young pictures of him remind me of young pictures of my father...

i truly think it's possible that today, when he's smiling at the crowds of people who adore him now, that sometimes--just sometimes--he's laughing his ass off and blessin' ALL of 'em out. or at least half of 'em.

age mellows, certainly. but there's gotta still be a little of that raised-fist arrogance left in him.

so, in that spirit i say: happy birthday.

1.17.2007

my latest theme song...

it's playing on my myspace page, and i listen to it several times each morning...

i wanna believe
that love is the color of something here
i wanna believe
that words can save the world
wanna live my life
like survival depends on it

if they only knew
if they only knew why we go
if they only knew why we do the things we do
why we go chasing stars
shifting moons to find more time for truth
when life finds you blindfolded and lonely
running from gray clouds
go & find your voice
and never stop chasing stars...

"if they only knew"
iyeoka

sacred sexuality

it's a shame that our culture is not familiar with the concept of sacred sexuality. i mean, yeah, you can take a class on tantra or something, but--barring ethnic heritages--we are not fully vested in the power of our bodies...and that's especially true of women.

i'm not talking about sensuality as commodity. stripping to get through college is all well and good, but it's not the point here.

i'm talking about understanding that women walk with the gateway between heaven & earth between their thighs (c) olaomi--whether they use it to bring forth children or concepts and ideas. as for men, the penis is not a weapon, but a protective, motivating activation of the life force.

i'm talking about temples where the act of sex was made into a ritual designed to continue, celebrate, embrace and encourage life.

i know it seems near impossible from our perspective, but...have you ever had a moment like that? when your lover made you feel like you were not a woman, but a chalice? that your bed was an altar? orgasms that shake your soul, blending all of yourself into one shining sphere of light?

if not, you need to find a book/relationship/person/toy/thought/idea that'll show you how.

it's not just about a release...
it's about manifesting the power to create your world.
pleasure that allows you to drift into your most powerful, prophetic dreaming.

the female orgasm is not a myth. it's the reason everything wonderful about mankind exists.

tune yourself into your goddess nature--whether you're a fertility goddess, warrior woman, medicine woman, healer, domestic, mother, artist, creator/destroyer...whatever.

be Her.
know Her.
love Her.

the memory is etched into your womb. seriously. if you open to it, it will come.

suggested reading...
(if you have a favorite, post it here or in the comments section. let's start a revolution, y'all)


aphrodite's daughters by jalaja bonheim

all about love by bell hooks

the clitoral truth by rebecca chalker

the black unicorn: poems by audre lorde

sassafrass, cypress, and indigo by ntozake shange

the prisoner's wife by asha bandele

the encyclopedia of sacred sexuality by rufus camphausen

healing love through the tao: cutivating female sexual energy by mantak chia

the multi-orgasmic man by mantak chia & douglas abrams arava

1.16.2007

today i am grateful for...

the women who introduced me to mama gena
my ancestors
friends who send care packages
frida kahlo
clean desks
bliss inducing foods
pets
owning my intelligence
desire lists
colorful post-its
olives
love, period.
the ability of my physical image to mirror my spirit
love of god
trader joe's
knowledge of self
essential oils
my woobie
knowing i'm bigger than what they're (u know which "they" lol) offering me
fresh herbs

1.12.2007

maferefun egungun mi. mojuba egun. mojuba ori

i've been feeling my egun around lately, wanting me to come and talk to them...but as i've said before, it can be difficult for me to settle down and meditate when i need to...

even so, i had the most beautiful dream of being in the presence of my ancestors. as i knelt/sat before them, i found myself saying the same prayer that i would have said aloud.

dreaming of my collective ancestors is always interesting: i'm usually in a space--i can't really call it a room since there don't appear to be any walls--filled with light. i know that there's a multitude around me, but most of the time i can't see them. it's like being in the center of a football field in a packed stadium.

i can't make them out, but they're there. and i can sense how they're feeling. if they're warning me, congratulating me, imparting some knowledge...

they're definitely happy with me. and i love them for watching out for me--even when i forget to say my prayers like a good little girl.

i'm workin on it y'all. stay on me.

little victories

my "veggie" lasagna from the cafe upstairs was full of sausage.
but i got my money back & i didn't need the cheese anyway

my boss has issues. she needs to know that she ain't scarlett o'hara, and i ain't prissy.
but i'm on my way outta here

the new computer system here blows chunks.
see above

but...

the red plum nantucket nectar ain't bad.

i have peanuts to snack on.

it's a three day weekend.

and i'm happier than i've been in months.

so i guess that's enough to balance it all out.

mojuba obatala...adupe.
keep my head cool until i can make another way, baba, please...

1.11.2007

feelin' myself

i think i've had the other template for, oh, 3 years. lol.

it was time for a change.

i'm creating new spaces for myself, both literally & figuratively. so...that included my virtual spaces as well. my myspace page even got a makeover.

so...

welcome to my lagoon.

1.10.2007

i *heart* my womb

seriously.

women's intuition? that fury that hell hath not? all that love your mama gave you? it's all from the womb...

so...yeah.
this is something of a love letter.

this morning i had the AM off for a dentist appointment. so...after that, i got the oil changed, went out for one of my favorite breakfasts, had a lovely cup of tea...

and spent $60+ at staples buying all new pens/notebooks/etc.

why?

because since my computer crash long, long ago, my desk has become a catch all for random papers/receipts/madness. kitty's litterbox sits next to it underneath an end table.

horrible, i know.

i gave up on it, intending to have a new computer soon...
but "soon" turned into months...
and now it's...a pile of dead trees.
some important, some not.

i decided that between now & the weekend, i need to make a concerted effort to reclaim my desk.

i need to rename it, too. something like the dreamspace or spirit workshop...maybe even ground zero.

i got soulwork to do.

let me say: you have no idea how WEIRD/fantastic/silly/strange/beautiful/scary that is to me... but i know it's the truth.

and i have my womb to thank for it.
(a more-than-honorable mention goes to this book.)

there's a clarity that comes with my cycle. most people refer to it as pms, and it's seen as a very negative thing that needs to be drugged up and dismissed, post haste. my mood swings were famous, and i just told myself i was crazy along with everyone else. however, i think that thinking of my body and its processes in a more holistic, gyno-centric, and magical way over the last couple of years--not to mention being exposed more to like minded women & refocusing myself spiritually--i'm learning to reconvert that energy into the fire under my feet.

yes, i still get cramps. and headaches. and the wardrobe-killing bloating. but on the whole, my period is less about sitting around being weepy & sucking down chocolate and more about "ok. what's my status? what's my direction? what do i need?". it's a time where i become 100xs more aware of where i am/where i'm going/where i want to be.

when my womb starts acting up, it becomes the fire under my feet.

and i suppose that's what it's been all along...

so, thank you, womb. you're the best.



1.09.2007

i wanna write

but the words don't come...
or get tangled in the synapses between my mind and my fingers

but i'm writing now,
right?

i suppose...but
everything feels like a half assed
half sketched rough draft of a
something partly finished

notebooks gathering dust on bookshelves
while i stick my nose in yet another book
out of the ideas of others
come papyrus iv's
keeping me alive
barely
as if i'm not creative enough on my own

but i ain't feelin myself these days...

fk.

i gotta
throw out all the old pens and pencils
file away books filled with last year's dreams
grab some sparkling multicolored pens
and plain old bics
notebooks thick with rainbow colored paper
& simple composition books
clean off my desk
and get to it.

the case against god

(hey...that's actually a book title...)

between last night's episode of wife swap and a pbs show that talked about the surge of atheist literature, i started wondering about atheism.

granted, i really don't care whether or not ppl believe in god. i tend to think that ppl who are overly concerned with atheists lack a certain amount of faith--however loudly declared--themselves. but i digress.

someone once said--and i paraphrase--that since god is everywhere & in everything, atheism in free-will having humans is just god doubting itself. in essence, the creative force having a little fun by asking the question "am i really here?".

i could definitely see that.

the thing that bothers me is, how come the only thing they seem to be against is christianity? the more broadly minded ones throw judaism and islam into the mix, but...those are only three religious ideologies. all of which, mind you, are variations on the same theme and have seemingly countless sects--including mystic traditions that, when studied, are almost nothing like the more orthodox, literal, and/or fundamentalist side of things.

still, aren't they aware that there are a ton of other spiritual systems out there?

what about buddhism? in many buddhist traditions, buddha is not seen as a god, but an ideal. an example of an enlightened life. and even he didn't start off that way, so there's no pressure to be perfect right away.

secular humanists seem to be riding this kind of line, but with all their emphasis on morality, their dismissal of any sort of higher power is almost funny. it's like watching a baby who's just learning how to crawl do that backward sideways crab thing. we're gonna reject god just 'cause. they seem to wanna shout, "i can be human without YOU!"

how about things like martial arts or yoga? nothing religious, yet each is intensely spiritual in its execution. go to yoga maybe twice a week for a month and try not to internalize the divinity of something as simple as breathing. i dare you.

not all atheists are cut from the same cloth, i'm aware. but all i hear from a lot of the louder ones is anti-christian backlash.

that's not the only game in town, people.




1.08.2007

healing

starts here.

call me cynical...

well, i had a really good blog idea waking up from some dreams this morning, but it escapes me now...

so i guess i'll go off a conversation i had with honey yesterday...

i'm wondering if being an american is something of a myth--at least for everyone except for wasp-y mayflower descendants.

in 1776, my ancestors were either still in africa or still slaves.

in 1920 when white women earned the right to vote, my ancestors were still left out.

just when my ppl were being freed, hawaiians were coming under fire.

the great movement west will always be remembered as a time of mourning for native americans.

and, for the record, mexicans are only crossing the borders that crossed them first.

i could go on.

i understand that i am american by virtue of being born here. i am culturally and linguistically american.

but then again, my culture is different. and so's my language--particularly when i'm off work. the history of my people in this nation is a blink of the eye compared to their history across the ocean.

many others could say the same.

and unlike the irish, italians, and other europeans who were demonized when they first arrived, blending in was never an option for my folks.

so...were we ever really a melting pot?
is our shared history a cultural myth?
what really unites us as "americans" aside from the accident of our births?

i'm beginning to think that the things the media & other culture-makers say unite us as "americans" are really things that unite us as human beings--things that would give pause to any group of sentient, dissimilar human beings sharing space.

like most ppl of color, i'm always aware of the undercurrent of second opinions when "uniting" events occur (read: wars, 9/11, etc.). we know that things tend to affect "us" differently than they do everyone else.*

i think that the racial, socioeconomic, and class barriers we see today will only begin to erode once americans begin to view their history/histories holistically.

we have to be totally honest about the fact that different groups have developed at different times & in different spheres of influence. maybe then we can begin to live up to the ideals that were set down on paper 300+ years ago.

however, as long as we only see and understand history in footnotes and snippets, we'll continue to think that--since 1776--this has simply been one nation, indivisible, with liberty & justice for all.



*never forget that the media had no problem calling hundreds of ppl "refugees" for several days after hurricane katrina.





1.05.2007

they blame hip hop for the madness in the ghetto...

what are they gonna blame for this?

HOUSTON - A 10-year-old boy was apparently mimicking Saddam Hussein's execution when he hanged himself from a bunk bed, police and family members said.

Sergio Pelico was found dead Sunday in his apartment bedroom after watching a news report on the execution of the former Iraqi leader, said Webster Police Lt. Tom Claunch.

"Our gut reaction is that he was experimenting," Claunch said after officials spoke with family members. An autopsy of the fifth-grader's body was pending.

Julio Gustavo, Sergio's uncle, described the boy as happy and curious. He said Sergio had watched TV news with another uncle on Saturday and asked the uncle about Saddam's death.

"His uncle told him it was because Saddam was real bad," Gustavo said. "He (Sergio) said, 'OK.' And that was it."

"I don't think he thought it was real," Gustavo said. "They showed them putting the noose around his neck and everything. Why show that on TV?

1.04.2007

"fear is the mind killer"

...you should probably read dune if you haven't already.

anyway.

last night was interesting. i said my usual full moon prayers, did a meditation, and tried to get some rest. but i never quite fell asleep. it was like i was still awake...trying to keep some invader away from me.

i ran, i tried to ignore it...but it kept coming at me.

i hid, screamed that silent dream scream...i did everything i could think to do...

except fight.

i woke up briefly, remembering a technique a friend taught me years ago (bless you, wherever you are): i drenched myself in light. steeled myself. i added the vision of a katana sword with a white hilt, and draped myself in white cloth. and fell back asleep.

i told whatever it was that it needed to get away from me. that i was prepared to kill it.

it tried to disguise itself, but that didn't work too well. i cut it and it didn't bleed. it was nothing even resembling a person.

so i left it where it lay.

over the last few months i've been doing a lot of work to get old obstacles out of my way. i have a path to walk, and i don't want to be hindered by ideas/attitudes/thinking that have become comfortable.

i know a large part of this is reclaiming and using my creativity.

i wrote an affirmation for myself a few nights ago:

you are a writer.
WRITE.
it's on the door of the closet that faces my bedroom.
when i get up in the morning and walk to the shower i see it.
my laundry's in there, so i see it when i put clothes in the hamper.
i see it on the way to bed.

i can feel it working.

but when you sweep out the old, something always wants to stay. the universe wants you to win, but your ego can get in the way. either because it's too big and won't take any advice, or it's fragile and afraid of getting hurt. i'm more of the latter.

stay small where no one can see you. don't draw attention to yourself. you're not really that special, you know...

it's not a self esteem thing. it's more so your mind's way of protecting you.

some ppl refer to that as the devil. so be it. i think of it as a human refuge.
no one wants to be assed out and fail--or, rather, have a perception of failure. myself included.

but it's when you take those leaps of faith that you realize you didn't have shit to be afraid of to begin with.

in women who run with the wolves, dr. estes talks about the "predator" that tends to attack women in dreams when they're on the verge of getting in touch with their wild, intuitive, deep selves.

that's what i encountered last night...only it was a far more literal version than the usual bad man in the woods or walk through a dark alley.

i've seen it before.
it happens whenever i shake myself into awareness.
the longer i've been sleeping, the more frightening the awakening is.

but i am a child of ogun.
i am never without my machete. and i rarely lose my way.
i have nothing to be afraid of.
my success has been assured. and i'm on my way to claiming it.

damn the haters.

ashe.


12.28.2006

biblical references aside

(i'm not really big on looking at the bible as a historical document, but that's another post, & i'm not gonna argue semantics...)

i think it would benefit a lot of ppl to approach their relationships this way.

balance...

it's a tricky thing.

i've never considered myself a particularly disciplined person. scratch that. i should say i'm not a regimented person. i don't do schedules well. i get things done on time and all of that--i don't procrastinate. but i'm not one for routine.

what i'm learning with ifa is that i'm going to have to learn a LOT of routine. not only in the sense of prayers and rituals, but just in developing a relationship with spirit.

it ain't easy.

i know what i'm supposed to do.
and sometimes i do it.

other times i'm late for work
or tired
or hungry
and something gets lost in the sauce.

ebos aren't a problem.
neither is protocol.
i love the ceremonies & bembes.

but the essence of daily prayer/communion/meditation? eh...

i can imagine ifa being somewhat simpler when it's a way of life...a thing known and embraced since childhood. not to mention living right above your ancestors and next door to nature. drawing water from rivers daily...pilgrimages to the ocean for yemoja...

but we all made a deal in orun.

i suppose part of the essence of mine is learning how to balance my ashe with the demands of 21st century life.





12.27.2006

you've heard it in the churches...

and now it's coming from the iles...





dazed...

well, i came down with something last week, so i wasn't at work...finally got back to myself on saturday. well...i got my energy back at least.

had to come in here yesterday afternoon--and there was no one here.
came in my usual time this morning...

it's been a bit of a challenge readjusting to my usual schedule. and it's still not back to normal 'cause friday's a half day and we're off again on monday...

so...yeah.

i'm already planning for 2007, though. a lot of changes are coming and i gotta get all my ducks in a row.

i think that's all i really have to say at the moment. lol.





12.15.2006

i have to start doing.

i need to get busy with something...something for me.

there's a shift in focus happening. i'm starting to look at me, and i'm realizing that "me" isn't doing too well.

i'm coming out of a external focus coma. it's probably time for a little holistic selfishness. lately i'm seeing that my capacity for that has been severely compromised.

i spend far too much time sitting around waiting for things to happen. i keep foregoing things that i want to do or see because i feel like i shouldn't have to do or see them alone.

i'm always looking behind me, waiting to see what's coming up behind me in the distance.

i'm tired.
i'm not happy.
i don't laugh enough.
it's almost as if i don't get enough air. like i can't breathe anymore.

but i'm afraid. i don't want to go back out there all by myself.
yet...being inside & alone is much worse.

i've picked up some bad habits.

i seemed to get a little of the old spark back a few months ago...and now it's faded again. i'm not sure why.

i know there are some really big blessings coming my way, so i'm going to put one foot in front of the other and head towards them. everything else be damned.

everything will work out.
it's all in divine order.
i will be kept whole.
it's going to be all right.

i just have to keep that in mind every day, all the time.

today i am grateful for the clarity that hides behind the pain.





12.13.2006

this is what i need to remember about myself...

Sharon Bridgforth, author/performer/activist
Interviewed by Ana-Maurine Lara


What does it mean for you to be an artist – a writer – in the world?

Well for me initially I started doing it just because I had to. It was like breathing. I’ve always been a reader. When I was a kid I just read voraciously. When I was 15 I started writing just trying to survive my own emotions. [Then it was in] reading the Songs of Solomon and Psalms and I just thought they were so pretty, that I saw writing as something that could be transformative for me emotionally. And somewhere along the way, probably around the time I was in my early 30s it all clicked together. Now what I can say is that writing is what I’m here in the world to do. It’s my gift that I have been given. It’s what I can contribute. I see it as a spiritual responsibility; I see it as an ancestral calling. I see it as a privilege. I see it as a way for me to honor not only the reality of my life and experiences, but those who came before. A specific thing I have been given is the opportunity to tell the stories of the ancestors and to keep their voices alive. I see it as service. It’s what I’m here to offer in service to the ancestors, to the orisa, to the universe, to humanity and to my own destiny. So I take it very seriously.





12.08.2006

this is gonna be an oyin-type moment...

*giggle*

but...

i always had a vision of living in some beautifully sunny apartment
with large bay windows
or small french doors
in my bedroom

i could leave them open slightly
on hot summer nights
and let passersby wonder
what was behind my gossamer curtains
and the colorful walls they can just get a glimpse of...

and i'd lie in a huge, fluffy bed
with plenty of pillows in all colors
with a beautifully black or brown man next to me
humming while i played in his hair
both of us naked...

and there could be a porch
or large shelf
just outside the door-window
large enough for pretty flowers
vines
or fragrant herbs

now i'm thinking that if i'm really blessed with a huge-ified house
that would be the love room
not even my normal bedroom
just a place
for lovers to see
a sensual living room/kitchen combo
with its own special bathroom
dripping in reds and oranges

i prefer my true room more neutral
calm
earthy
so i feel @ home after all the traveling i tend to do in my dreams

there would be oshun colors in the love room
pink, orange, yellow, gold
red for shango's spark
only candles for light
and five incense burners next to golden candles
special oils in each corner
crystals under the bed

a basin for herbal baths near the door
in case i don't need him to remember me

maybe i should have a bedroom of my own, even if i marry. like a queen.
there'd be a sofa
bookshelves
walls full of art
and a fountain
special beds for my familiars
and a goddess altar in the eastern corner i wouldn't have to cover to receive guests

--if i chose to have guests at all.

12.06.2006

militant moment

it's afternoons like these when i think about the indignities my ancestors suffered just trying to make a living in this culture...

i reflect on the fact that one of my grandfather's best friends worked for decades at & retired from the post office 'cause he couldn't find work as a chemist...

the thousands of african women whose genius went unnoticed because "women don't do ___________"...and "nigger women DEFINITELY don't do _________."

when i make it--and i will--i'm sure that some here will marvel and think "i didn't know she could do THAT" or "i knew her 'when'"...

no, you didn't know me "when".
i always WAS.

your little brain just couldn't comprehend the vastness sitting at this desk.



i wanna write.

and life keeps getting in the way...

i don't even know what i wanna write about.

i just wanna make some words do something.
see something dancing across a page.
buy some new notebooks
and pens

have a desk at home again.

make sense of the literary mess in my head.

i'm all halfway rhyming & shit...

*sigh*

i gotta find a way to make this work...





12.05.2006

close encounters of the ex-gay kind

sigh...
and people really don't realize that this is part of the reason glbt youth are killing themselves, huh?


full story by matt hill comer

Not long ago, I opened my email inbox to find a promotional invitation from a group called Ignite Student Outreach. The promotional invite was advertising a series of summer camps, entitled “Close Encounters,” taking place in four states across the South, including North Carolina. Looking at the invite, my eyes almost immediately focused on the list of the camps’ guest speakers.

Ignite Student Outreach will be welcoming Alan Chambers of Exodus International and Scott Davis of Exodus Youth to speak to teens and Christian youth leaders. Exodus International is the “ex-gay” group which promotes the message of “Freedom from homosexuality through the power of Jesus Christ.” Exodus Youth is its youth-outreach program.

Both groups believe that “reorientation of same-sex attraction is possible” and that reconciliation with Christ will enable “growth toward Godly heterosexuality.” The groups teach that homosexuality is “outside of God’s will” and describes the “homosexual lifestyle” as sinful, destructive, distorted and disordered...

Of course, there is no evidence whatsoever that “reorientation” and “reparative therapy” is effective. Every leading medical, social and psychological association in America has said that conversion and reparative therapies offer no evidence of efficacy, are based on no valid scientific theory and are psychologically dangerous and harmful to patients, especially adolescents.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, the potential risks of reparative therapies include “depression, anxiety and self-destructive behavior, since therapist alignment with societal prejudices against homosexuality may reinforce self-hatred already experienced by the patient.”

i'm just gonna ramble for a minute...

if ya don't mind...

work's slowed quite a bit, so i've had more time to fool around on the lovely invention we call myspace. and i've been coming across some really interesting stuff...movies, music, etc.

to the media, myspace is the newest pedophile playground, the "it" thing for teens...

(no one was talking about e-pedophilia 11 years ago when i was 17 & the folks had just gotten a computer slick enough to handle the internet...hanging out in aol chatrooms, getting weird messages from creepy crawlies...but i digress)

...but for those of us in the 25 & older sect (pls excuse the party promotion lingo), myspace is also a way to link up with like minded folks: i've seen all kinds of activists, black & brown practioners of traditional/indigenous spirituality, folks pushing their art, organizations & individuals whose mission it is to educate & uplift their people.

leave it to the media to trivialize what has been and continues to be a means of spreading knowledge, ideas, creativity, and information.

yeah, there's two tons of bullshit floating around, too. and folks who take it far too seriously. the whole internet's like that.

it's all about what you make it, what you choose to focus on.

i like filling my sphere with poets, artists, dreamers...folks who know what it's like to be a star-shaped peg stuffed into a square hole.

ever since i watched rent the other night, "la vie boheme" has been running around in my head. some ppl look at me & automatically label me "boho", but in my mind, i've only lived on the fringes of boho-ness. yeah, i have the bookshelves full of books & the african decoration here & there, but as an artsy person? i'm something of a fraud.

maybe it's time i start surrounding myself with people who are creative all the time, not just when the office building doors open at 5pm.

i need to stock up on movies like rent and slam...even requiem for a dream. those sorts of images feed my drive to create something. make something out of the banality i'm handed most weekdays.

i think i want to be exposed to ppl living & loving their creativity, not shoving it in a box.

i should read more poetry.


today i am grateful for knowing when not to believe the hype.



12.04.2006

myspace profile poetry

i emerged from olokun's waters
put one foot on the path, and ogun took my hand...

oya's winds push me forward
like harriet tubman's pistol
while obatala hands me bottles of fortified poland spring water

oshun keeps me laughing and feeds me honey
flashing my image in her mirror
so i can see how beautiful the journey makes me

while damballah sways in the grass nearby
reminding me of the beauty of rebirth

(c) 2006-07 l.a.m.





12.01.2006

for the love of blk folks...

this is the not-so-usual "take it with a grain of salt" essay. i am not familiar with the woman who wrote this.

there are some "get the fk outta here" moments, and there are some thought provoking ones...i'll leave it to you to determine which are which.

regardless of your level of agreement, it is past time for us to start having this kind of discussion and framing solutions for us & by us.


2nd Ed., Revised & Expanded - 10/01/03
1st Ed., Vol 1 - Issue One - 7/07/03
RA ACIRFA ESSAY SERIES BRINGING BLACK WOMEN AND MEN BACK TOGETHER IN HARMONY
Essay By Cheryl M.A. Powell
RA ACIRFA P.O. Box 11032 Takoma Park, MD 20913
Email: cherylpowell3@earthlink.net
Email: jsagboton@jsapublishing.com
Website: www.jsapublishing.com

NOTE TO READER: Please copy, print and distribute to Friends, Family and Relatives. Pass on to as many People concerned with the empowerment and spiritual growth of our People.

RA ACIRFA ESSAY SERIES

I owe this essay as a product of my reflection to the teachings of my big sister and mentor in conscious thoughts, Dr. Frances Cress Welsing;to my spiritual guides and mentors the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan, Rev Willie and Rev Mrs. Mary Wilson, Rev Graylan Hagler, Dr. Anthony T. Browder, Dr. Anthony (Tony) Martin, Professor James Small, Mr. Neely Fuller, Jr., Dr. Leonard & Mrs. Jeffries and my brother Michael Warren, who always felt that what I had to say could very well be a tool of transformation.I wish to express my gratitude to my Family,Auntie Bernice and Uncle Leon Langford, who I honor for they always made me feel special with words of encouragement;to my ancestors, my father, William O. Powell and my mother, Essie Mae Powell, and my uncle, Redelle P. Powell, who gave me a spirit of the movement advocating change for my people;to my siblings, Andre, Jose, Bayon, Baby Tina, Den, and Tarik who always looked up to me and gave me something special in growing-up;Linda Langford and Judy Harris Muhammad, two relatives that have always been there for me. I love them both; and most importantlyMELVINA F. LEWIS and MARISHA D. WILLIAMS,who are at the core of my soul and all my struggles. You two have given methe fire to fight until my last breathe. I love you both because you are my life.RA ACIRFA : "RA" - the essence of the Creator. "ACIRFA" - Africa spelled in reverse symbolically meaning, "we are reversing the fate of people of African descent."

FOREWORD
By Jacques Sotero Agboton

The Black woman is at the heart of our world. Hence, societies of African people everywhere on this Earth are matrifocal (mother as pillar of family). Therefore, it remains the duty of Black women, or better yet, women of African descent, to rise and take their role of leadership so as to reverse the fate of our people.What is requested from every woman, whether she is single, married, mother, sister and matriarch, is a constructive engagement by immediate actions in response to the virulence (bitterly hostile) of the global racist system. Nevertheless, it is imperative that conscious men support actively this movement for the benefit of our people. Men and women must team-up in their complimentary tasks to work for the greater good of our people.The success of this movement will not depend on how much money any prominent figure has in a bank account or the celebrity status of any other person for America and all its material wealth is not worthier than anyone among your loved-ones. The success of this movement is not by the display of pathologies of selfishness or greediness because you are great among men and women of a noble people. This movement will be successful because for once there is a generation of men and women seeking change at the most basic level to impact the lives of the masses.Cheryl M.A. Powell lays out a blue print for practical solutions to woes facing our society. However, her paper is a supplement to books by the above-mentioned author entitled "Philosophy of Engagement (The ideological basis for the liberation of African people)", and "Lock Them Down, Lock Them Out (An outline paradigm for the economic prosperity of African people and descendants). Both books are available by visiting our website http://www.jsapublishing.com/ email: jsagboton@jsapublishing.com.


PREFACE

The intent of this essay is to address the discord between Black men and women by better sharing knowledge used by forces that have brought and are causing discord in our souls, families and communities. The essay is to assist us in repairing the psychological damages so we can begin to prepare the road for every Black woman to have a black man of her own, or vice versa. Every Black man must have a black woman who stands at his side for the positive growth of our people.It is not the intent of this essay to degrade any one person or group of people but its sole purpose is to bring awareness to our problems with appropriate solutions.We are working to assist in the positive and spiritual transformation of our People in hopes that they can discover the essence of our Creator, which is there but dormant, or have been made dormant by wicked entities. Our goal is to work for the betterment of our People and redevelop the essence of the Creator in our souls. The decision to embark in this initiative is from our concern of the loneliness of the Black woman who is carrying the burden of our people, and her emptiness as her energy is sapped from the fact that she is heading a fatherless household, and rearing children with not enough self-love. We will need to understand at a conscious level what is happening to us at a grass root level so we can do more now to speed up the pace, andof resolvinge these issues with a strategies that can bring change on a greater scale.The Black woman has gone too long without the healing love, understanding and companionship of the Black man. Similarly, the Black man has gone without the deep understanding of his Black woman.This present state was created and is perpetuated by unfriendly forces (caucasian's system of developed white supremacy) not willing to permit the positive growth of our family unit, our children and communities. Although, we are only temporarily trapped in these conditions, it is our responsibility to repair and rebuild this devastating situation, and return to our original state as intended by the Creator.As black people ( with melanin), we must all realize that there is a WAR being waged upon us and this WAR is executed by caucasians (particularly, caucasian men who are melanin-deficient albino mutants) for the purpose of ensuring they do not disappear from the planet.Hence, RA ACIRFA's sole purpose is to assist in our positive self-growth and the strengthening of our families and communities in all areas of life.

VISION

People of African descent are to organize a national movement of Black women working on strategies of programs for the liberation of Black men from an unjust judicial system which confines Black men to arbitrary imprisonment and probation. Secondly, we must rescue and educate our homeless men and thirdly, assist in the retraining of Black men in our midst. Black people are to plan, promote and maintain a National Training Program such as "Rights of Passage" to help young men heal their hurt and pain and to give them an understanding of the Black Women. These sessions will help to prepare every man back into the family, community and into the arms of the Black woman.Initially, the Black woman, as in many cases, may have to help her man financially until we can get our communities back to its natural operation as designed by the natural order of the spirit. Also, there must be a National Training and Re-education Program for Black Women.We should established groups all over this country with one vision and purpose, that is, helping to get our men back. Black churches and organizations, all over this country, should adopt 5 to 10 homeless brothers (depending on the size of the church). The churches should help get these men back on their feet, and this must be the task for the entire congregation. After one set of five to ten men complete the program of empowerment and are inserted back into the community, these programs should be repeated over again for the next group of 5 to 10 men. The churches or organizations may be creative in developing a progressive program so that the brothers may sustain themselves. Some of the brothers should have professional mentors whose guidance can help them create small business ventures or enterprises such as handy man, janitorial services, and landscaping, etc. The community must help those already experienced brothers back into their trade.Also, we must solicit our Black doctors and dentists to aid with the donation of their time in this program of helping to revitalize our men. A program or plan of action for homeless brothers should be created to help address medical and employment needs with the goal of getting our men back into our families and communities as a productive and strong force.Each person of African descent with a copy of this essay can take the responsibility to organize groups of not less than 50 people (approx) and not more then 100 people (if possible) to initiate a movement with family, friends and Black organizations. Once a group is formed and functioning successfully, then its members must help other groups to get started until we have groups all over this country working toward this endeavor.


REALIZATION AND INSIGHT

The Energy of the universe is changing, and this change is taking place amongst the people of a darker hue. However, the strongest point of this Energy will emerge from the Female of the Darker-Skinned People. The Black man has been taken from his woman by design (system of white supremacy developed by caucasians). Only with the Black man and his healing love, can her channels be more receptive to the Creator's universal energy of vision, which encompasses progressive positive change and direction for the family, community, and herself. The Black woman and her man are consumed by discord produced by an entity that is not friendly towards our genetic survival (white supremacy). Hence, that is the reason why her channels are clogged. And because of a lack of understanding on the part of our men about the spirit and energy of their women, Black Men are involved in activities that promote promiscuity. Faced with our disapproval, they turn away from us, or they succumb to the advances of caucasian women whose evil agenda is their downfall.We must ask and stress to every Brother not to fall for the advances of caucasian women. Since the caucasian man is incapable of demanding that his woman leaves the black phallus alone, he resorts to incarcerating, killing and disenfranchising as many brothers as possible because of his fear of disappearing from the planetWe also need to realize that this caucasian's system of white supremacy is killing, incarcerating and disenfranchising Black Men who are in their prime years of procreation (able to produce offsprings). While this is happening, the system is permitting Black women to have progressive jobs, earn higher incomes to buy cars and homes, yet remain alone. This strategy is to divert our attention or awareness away from the serious issue of dysfunction of our society. By design, Black women are confused to accept a notion of independence warped in an adage such as "you don't need a man to be happy." However, the immediate compensation gained does not last long because the real need of their spirit is being deprived. Hence, we as frustrated Black women become workaholics, or binge on food, if not, we try to seek human comfort in the church, or become excessively prone to the "shop till you drop syndrome." Yet the main reason of our distress is that we are deprived of our men.Because she is denied the touch, presence, love, companionship, understanding and nourishment of her man, the Black woman lacks love for herself, her children, and has apathy for her kind, if not disdain, for our community which she displays in bitterness, anger, hurt, pain and discontentment. This state leads the Black woman to be shut-off from the vision that is sent forth by the Creator, and our ancestors to guide and nourish, through her, our Black men, children and communities.Although Black Women have tried to accept this state of an existence without their men, such life does not reconcile with our spirit. Many women are resigned to their fate for lack of understanding or awareness, and are unable to analyze the real situation. But we know something is wrong so we get angry at each other, or bash black men because there is not one for us to love, or one who can love us back. Sometimes, we are jealous and bitter when we observe another sister in a fruitful relationship, and the reason for such a feeling is that we feel hopeless about our situation. We feel hopeless because the natural order of nature has been interrupted for it is not normal for a woman to be alone and lack her male companion. This situation was put in place by caucasians and is contrary to the order of the Divine power.The caucasian race (white supremacists) understood how such dysfunction operates in the dynamics of society, and is also aware that many of us as a people of the darker hue can become, have the potential to become, and have the ability to become the powerful force behind universal changes. They (white supremacy), also, realized the proper order of this powerful energy is Man and Woman united, as designed by our Creator. Hence, with this understanding, the evil-minded people have put up certain mechanisms in place to produce this state of unhappiness and confusion while they procreate (and/or devise alternatives such as cloning) to replenish (at least, attempt to) the Earth with creatures like themselves to continue this unjust system. Meanwhile, the caucasians (white supremacy) are setting the stage for the destruction of our people. Behold, we have as recent evidence, the unhealthy music and movies, financially promoted by caucasians, are causing degeneration of our society. Meanwhile our attention is diverted via interracial dating and marriages giving a false impression of equality and acceptance.Remember, melanin-deficient albino mutants are only ten percent of the world population, and as such people of color, form 90 percent of humans on Earth. Let us understand the fear of caucasian men is that Black Men are genetically dominant (melanin) such that Black men can annihilate the whole caucasian race whenever they have sexual intercourse with a melanin deficient albino mutant with recessive genes (so-called white person). A child conceived from such a union is colored and the so-call white disappears.Because many caucasian women are pursing the black man..s phallus and threatening the survival of the caucasian race, caucasian men have initiated the destruction of our men since anyone that mates with a Black man will disappear.It is for this reason that the caucasians are intensively promoting policies where black men are heavily incarcerated, killed by the police forces and other destructive strategies. Notwithstanding, the system is creating the mis-education of our young men. Their system is purposely creating many disenfranchised and homeless men that further diminish the pool of eligible productive men who could be our husbands, and become fathers for our children.

OBJECTIVE

We, as Black women, want to bring our men back to our communities, our homes, and into our arms. We must expose the plan of the U.S. Government to destroy Black men, families and communities. The responsibility is ours (and ours only) to get back our men, families and communities. We will let this Government know by our actions that we want our Black men back. We deserve to have love and happiness just like the caucasian women do. They do not have to destroy our lives for their own genetic survival (though this is part of the WAR, they wage upon us). We must convey this information to every Black woman, and ask each one to get behind this movement and pray for our unity. We are starting a movement to challenge this oppressive system to release our men from prisons so that we can begin to heal ourselves, our men, our communities, and build our families. The movement will create and design training programs set-up by Black Men and Women, and their institutions to assist all of us into a new direction. We must focus on training and educating Black men, who seem to be taking advantage of the shortage of men and using this situation for their own selfish motives by showing no regard to Black Women..s feelings. We must instill into boys and young men, how by being involved with many women at one time, they are creating turmoil to each woman's spirit. We must educate Black men on how they still display the pathology of slavery, by using and abusing women and by taking from her spirit without giving back in the same manner as white barbarians. Without any doubt, due to the shortage of men, there is an ever-increasing crisis where many women approach married men, not because the single woman is bad, but because she is trying to fulfill herself with what the Creator put in her. So it behooves families to get involved in this movement as well. We must educate our people to bring back dignity and respect just like our great royal ancestors had. The Movement (U.S. wide) will need the support of all Black People, and use as leverage the spending dollars of Blacks. We will boycott malls, car dealerships, and non-Black businesses in our neighborhoods, and withhold votes from political figures that do not support our efforts. We will penalize unacceptable behavior from businesses operating among us should we find that they are not supporting our cause. We will support black businesses for our essential needs (this should include Black Farmers). No Black business should take unethical advantage of this situation for it will set a precedence of distrust whereby Black folks will stop supporting their own businesses and communities. Further, we must realize that since caucasians are concerned with their genetic survival and to our detriment, they cannot become honest contributors to activities geared toward the promotion of our existence. This is why Black people need to be very concerned when any liberal or conservative caucasian benefactor wants to help our organizations or join causes that are designed for the mental, spiritual enlightenment and freedom of our people. It should be understood that the underlining reasons why caucasians join Black organizations or activities is to steer Black people from progressive ideas and divert their energy into directions so as not to thwart white genetic survival. If Black churches do not assist in this movement (specially these faith-based organizations) then their donations and/or contributions will be terminated. Churches are full of Black women giving their money and time, as well as their prayers to find a man of their own. The Black clergy needs to stop fooling these women by telling them to wait on God to send them a man while taking their hard earned dollar for the support of the preacher, his church and life-style. Nevertheless, we will cooperate with religious or secular organizations willing to aid our missionWe must hit this County hard with our votes, dollars and donations. We must let those in authority know we are damn serious, we want our men back, "not tomorrow or not next week but right now", and Black people will endeavor to achieve that objective by "any means necessary."

PROPOSED PLAN OF HOW TO DO IT

The movement will work essentially through Black Women (and Men) networking across North America with the affiliation of individuals everywhere else.We will withhold our votes from Black and White political officials who do not display openly proof of their support and execution toward the freeing of our men. We will freeze spending in shopping malls, car dealerships, entertainment (movies, clubs, vacation resorts, sports, etc) and on any other commodities substituted as comfort or escapism. In order to recapture that Black man's spirit and energy by his absence, many Black women seek a false compensation by binging on junk food, and by indulging in compulsive shopping or getting addicted to narcotics. We will stop donations to churches that are pimping Black women but not helping us to bring solutions likely to reclaim our men again.We will withdraw all monies (savings, retirement accounts, checking, CD or Term Share accounts) out of banks and credit unions, and place them in a Black-owned and operated banking or credit institutions. We will stop charging credit cards and asphyxiate (suffocate) their financial system. We will freeze entertainment spending (movies, sports, clubs, and happy hour) and women who are married must stop their husbands from going to these forms of entertainment. Black people must stop supporting those entertainers who have shifted their allegiance over to the other side by the neglect of the Black woman and marrying outside their group, the moment they became celebrities with fame and money.We must completely start using our own physicians and dentists and promote among our young boys, men, girls and ladies, a race-first philosophy. Our family physicians should look like us such that we know they will be less likely to make them sterile or infect our people with some sort of malady. (We have ample evidence of harm done to our people in the name of the white man..s sciences).We must also establish educational programs such as at-home schooling for teaching our children and after school classes, i.e. in the evenings or weekends to teach our historic culture. Through these efforts our children will grow with the attutitude to empower our people. Meanwhile, we must counter the alienation process of those children attending public schools and having their minds conditioned to oppose the support of their own survival. We should counter these strategies by home-training forums organized and created by groups of parents organized in sets of five (5) and taking alternative turns in teaching from a developed curriculum to the neighboring children about our beautiful heritage.

IMMEDIATE ACTION BY BLACK MEN AND WOMEN

We, as Black People, need to turn-off the loud music, stop the distasteful jokes and the patronizing of degrading movies. We must look at everything within this racist environment and understand the subliminal messages being absorbed by our children and us.We must be aware that the media (TV, movies, and commercials, etc) are a crucial vehicle used by caucasians to perpetuate, in our subconscious minds, the false idea of white superiority. On many News and TV programs, movies and commercials, caucasian women are portrayed as very feminine, slim in body and attractive females, but in contrast, black women are mostly portrayed as loud, boyish (non-feminine) and overweight. As much as caucasian females imitate black women, their media distort beautiful melanin features to give the appearance of being unattractive, and Black actors or actresses are paid top-dollar to perform in a way that is degrading to us as a people. If one should look around, it is easy to find plenty of caucasian women that are overweight as well plenty of slim black women. We must understand that caucasian people are faced with one major problem, which is being melanin deficient. Their scientists are trying to repair this deficiency artificially and have been trying many programs for years and they know it. Yet Black people do not realize it since caucasians are distracting us from their objectives. Many of us (Black people) in our miseducation and our unhealthy need to be accepted by the melanin deficient people think that interracial mating indicates our acceptance by caucasians. But let us be clear, it is caucasian people who need melanin. This is why we see a greater acceptance of the mulatto such as in better acting roles, commercials and other high profile activities. This strategy is multi-form. One is that it aids in keeping the confusion and discord within the Melanin People, divide and conquer, to prevent our unity, awareness and prevent the obvious observation of their (caucasians) true purpose. In doing this, they are sending a subliminal message to the mulattos that their allegiance should be geared toward the caucasian group to ensure their (mulattos) progression and elevation in life.If their experimental sciences of cloning, fertility drugs, artificial created melanin and other highly secretive programs fail they have the mulattos as the last resort to prevent their total disappearance from the planet. This is also a way to get a little melanin into their group. Hence, Black Men and Woman are encouraged to interracially mate, via media, to produce mulattos, so in 20 to 25 years they will be able to mate with caucasians enabling them to strengthen the caucasian race. Obviously, caucasians will change the "one-drop-rule" concerning Black blood.We must change how we interact with caucasian men and caucasian women. They are not superior to us and we are not inferior to them. We must consciously display the posture that denotes our progressive awareness of our culture and love for our people. Unity for positive growth is important to preserve our future through our families and children. Finally, we must act now, if the job of transformation and liberation of our people is to be done properly. Nevertheless, we must remain courteous and polite to everyone and we will do it in a professional but serious manner. The following is suggested as immediate action that we can start, NOW.

For Black Women--Stop joking and kidding with caucasian men and caucasian women. Especially, do not allow them to convey jokes or degrading humor to you. Maintain a professional and serious posture when dealing with them. Do not allow caucasian men to touch any part of your body, not even your fingers. Black women have been raped, disrespected, and degraded by this group long enough. We need to take a serious stand to regain our respect. In business transactions, if you don't care to shake their hands then politely state this to them. No explanation is needed, just a polite refusal. Do not permit your womb to be used to bear the offsprings of the caucasian man. While he destroys your man and our men, he is using your body to produce his offsprings. He knows that you are feeling lonely and empty. Remember, he is creating this situation and, in essence, you know in your heart that what you really want and prefer is your black man, but you succumb because you feel it is hopeless. So let us change the situation. Do not share any of your personal affairs with any caucasian man or caucasian woman. Just convey that you do not discuss your personal affairs. If you have those who persist on inquiring about your personal affairs then you just start inquiring about their affairs without giving any information reference to you.Let us start greeting each other warmly and courteously. Always speak to your Black Brother or Black Sister, even if you do not know him or her. Try to always acknowledge him or her at the opportune time, by greetings such as ..Good Morning, Brother, how are you today? (or his surname or Sir, if you do not know his name or know him well), or Good Morning, Sister, how are you today... Even if you are amongst caucasian colleagues and that Brother or Sister is part of the maintenance/cleaning crew, go out your way to speak to him or her with sincere care and concern. And let us as Black Women be aware of how we carry ourselves and dress. Let us not use profanity or speak in a way not befitting a Black Queen (mother of humanity). Let us stop dressing in a way that exposes our breasts or other body parts in a disrespectful manner. Especially, on the job, this only permits disrespect from our enemy and it does not give our men the opportunity to protect us. hen our Black Men display courteous actions towards us, always say ..thank you.. with sincerity. If we do this, we will begin to see many of our brothers doing this on a larger scale. Sisters, to be in good condition to do what we need to do, we must also maintain ourselves in good health. Let us start exercising and be conscious of our diets as well as what we are feeding our children. Many of us are single household heads, and exercising in the evening or the morning is not always possible, so here are a few tips: (1) try to eat one meal per day; (2) walk during your lunch hour 5 days per week; try to eat vegetables during the week; (3) eat chicken and fish on the weekends, no pork or red meat; (4) drink not less then 8 to 9 glasses of water per day (more would be great). If you must drink sodas or juices, drink only during special occasions or once a month.

For Black Men--Stop being the group's clown when you are amongst caucasian colleagues. You are not their entertainer. You are a Warrior (and we are at WAR). If they convey a joke or want to deal with you in a non-serious manner then you do not respond to foolishness. Display respect and courtesy to Black Women. If presented with the opportunity to display courtesy such as holding the door, helping with a heavy bag, and permitting her to board first on the bus, etc, please do so.Don..t succumb to the advances of the caucasian woman when she directs her attention toward you. Do not permit your black body to be used any further. Just politely convey to her that you do not believe in race mixing. We as Black Women are willing to fight, be supportive and stand with each of you by going up against this white supremacist system that is trying to destroy you. But you will also help us to be successful by your very actions.Start dressing in a way that your cloths are neat, pressed and with a little starch, if possible. Even if you work in a mailroom, always have a nice crisp shirt with a tie or bowtie. For brothers that require a uniform, always have it sharp, pressed and clean and it will not hurt to place a matching bowtie with it.

Paragraph number 7 of ..For Black Women.. applies to the Brothers as well. We, as Black People have the essence of the Creator and our Ancestors.. energy within us and we as Black Women have the power to guide this energy or thought energy in a powerful direction to create what we need to assist our peace, our spirit, contentment and our positive progressive growth toward the transformation and liberation of our people. Let us begin by the development of one thought, one vision and one aim in the liberation of Black Men from an unjust prison system, revitalizing our homeless brothers, and by helping in the re-education of brothers amongst us. With this vision in mind, with strong faith, we will be moved to proper action by the energy of our Creator and Ancestors to get our MEN back.

CONCLUSION

Our movement is paced with the maturity of our people and can achieve its objectives within a short time as long as dedicated members with strong faith persevere and keep our belief in the guidance of our Divine Creator and Ancestors. Also, we need to establish training for the re-education of Black women and to assist them in the healing of emotional wounds so that they can be receptive and enabled to connect to the Black men spiritually (as well as physically) for total healing and growth of all. Positively, the ultimate aim will be the rebuilding of strong families, especially for our children and the regeneration of our communities.Without any doubt, we are at war for the ravages done to our people are quite clearly an indication that those in power with diabolical intentions have seized the reigns of every sector of our society. Tragically, the most painful realization is that Black women are dying in large numbers. Unquestionably, white supremacy is mostly the cause of such deaths because the spirit of the Black woman is suffocated by the enemy's strategies that create the absence of her man and his spirit. This state is manifested in the degradation of her nutritional base causing for example, heart attacks, depression, eating disorders, etc. Otherwise, her toxic environment is mirrored in the high prevalence of cancer tumors. In her despair with the savagery of an individualistic society marred by unbridle greed; she is brought to self-destruction either by suicide or as victim of a homicide. But from now on, we take responsibility to reclaim our destiny and to reverse the fate of our people. © 2003

SELECTED BIBLIOGRAPHY

Barnes, Carol, Melanin: The Chemical Key To Black Greatness, Chicago: Lushena Books, Inc., 1988King, Richard, M.D., Melanin: A Key to Freedom, August 2001

Muhammand Elijah, How to Eat to Live (1 & 2)

Welsing, Frances Cress, The Isis Paper, The Key to The Colors, Chicago: Third World Press, 1991

RA ACIRFAMovementâ??BRINGING BLACK WOMEN AND MEN BACK TOGETHER IN HARMONYâ?..Presentsâ??Every Black Woman Must HaveA Black Man of Her Ownâ?..

RA ACIRFA - Essay Series BRINGING BLACK WOMEN AND MEN BACK TOGETHER IN HARMONY..2nd Ed., Revised & Expanded â?? 10/01/03


RA ACIRFA Movement
Every Black Woman Must Have A Black Man of Her Own
RALLY & PRAYER VIGIL

PRAYER is the ability to visualize and create by thought(s), word(s), or action(s), the Item(s), Situation(s) or Life (Existence) that can manifest into a reality that will bring about our peace, happiness, and well-being, and ensure our continued connection to our Higher Source of Life and Power. The RA ACIRFA movement's only mission is to establish, promote, work on, and get involved with constructive plans, strategies and activities (clearly observed) that can promote and will bring about the vision and manifestation of every Black woman having a Black Man of her own and that every Black Child has a strong productive Father living within the household. In essence, to ensure the life of the Black Family unit (Man, Woman and Child; not single-mothers with children) for the ultimate purpose of our continued survival as Black People here on Planet Earth.So many Black Women are alone and spiritually empty because our Black Men are being systematically removed, purposely, from our arms, homes, families and communities (from his Black Woman). Too many and an extremely high number of Black Women are heading households as single-mothers. We are intensely tired of this situation and oftentimes feel hopeless to change this devastating fate. But have you ever thought about why this is happening?We function within the system of racism/white supremacy (the ultimate purpose of which is to ensure white genetic survival at the destructive expense of destroying the People of Color with the highest genetic potential to annihilate them. Black is genetically dominant as oppose to white being genetically recessive) which is determined to promote and maintain confusion and bitter conflict between Black Males and Black Females. The system of racism/white supremacy especially targets Black Males. Everywhere we go, to every corner of the World where we reside; there is a WAR AGAINST BLACK MALES, which has a devastating effect on Black Females as well. We as Black Women can no longer stand still for this systematic destruction of our Black Families, this demands our vigilant action.

I am calling for a PRAYER VIGIL, in which Black Men and Women come together with one Prayer (one collective powerful prayer), one thought (creation), one powerful thought that we will place out in the universe to request that the CREATOR and ANCESTORS guide our energy toward plans, strategies, and actions that will lead to this vision of preparing the road for every Black Woman to have a Black Man of her own and every Black Child to have a strong productive Father living within the household.Before we were taken from our homeland in captivity, during the enslavement phase of the system of racism/white supremacy, we learned and were aware of our connectedness to the Creator and our Ancestors as our source of power and guidance within the universe. We knew how to harness that power and we will do it again.RA ACIRFA means the essence of the CREATOR within our souls that was placed there by the Most-High, and in discovering that power, we will begin to reverse the fate of our people (people of Africa descent).

Everyone with this flyer, please copy at least 25 copies and pass to 25 individuals of our people.Copyright © 2004