bullshit & then some

i've done practically nothing all weekend. my most productive moment was going out this afternoon to get kitty litter and razors.

i did, in the interest of the cleanse, make myself a yummy blueberry/soy peach yogurt/banana smoothie. that kept the hungries at bay.

i also have chlorophyll now. yay!

i'm sipping a revive vitamin water to keep the post-period blues away (ugh...why did they have to sell to coca cola...now i need to try to find an alternative...guess it's back to the good ol b-complex pills...)

however. i haven't meditated (i'm avoiding my ancestors like i owe 'em money...), and i flaked out on going to yoga. i have no desire to do any postures at home.

i've just been sitting at my desk cruising myspace profiles and talking to honey.

i didn't even look for a job.

then there's the nagging urge to hack off my hair.

yesterday i ran into an old acquaintance who's practically shaved her head--looking quite lovely i might add. earlier today, i came across a sista's blog detailing how shedding her locs was a necessary and deeply spiritual event. an insightful blog comment about possibly being tethered to something that prevents my forward motion has been rolling around in my head.

i don't believe in coincidence. or accidents.
i still want to hold out until the big event...

on the other hand, i know how these urges work. if it persists, i might just walk outta the house one day with a short 'fro and that will be that.

lately, i fear stagnation more than anything, but i also have to be gentle with myself. i could be on the verge of some huge changes, insights, and/or realizations, so i may be feeding a semi-conscious need to ease into the transition. what feels like apathy may just be a form of peaceful preparation.

prayer/mantra: i deserve to be gentle with myself. i own ori. my actions are in alignment with my needs.