to: brainmass-clot-thingie (bmct)
re: my honeybabysweetiecakes
i fucking hate you.
i don't know where you came from, but you're not only fucking with his life, you're fucking with mine.
i know we had a rocky start, but six years and a whole lot of tears later, we've finally learned how to love each other. hell, he's marriage material, and i ain't even into marriage all like that.
then your ass shows up.
before, i couldn't plan on shit because of him. now i can't plan on shit because of you.
now, i'll give you credit for helping him get his mind right. we all know that staring down death can be a major catalyst in getting one's shit together.
but come the fuck on.
he's got a daughter to raise. she loves him, too. and, to be honest, she needs him a hell of a lot more than i ever could.
it'd also be nice if we could start our own family. all this time i've never really been sure about babies. too many loves that didn't go anywhere, too many broken hearts and missed chances. now here i am, 30 and counting, looking at the one person i could truly see fathering my children and what happens? you come and fuck it all up.
AND you've got the nerve to be a damned liar. the fuck? first he only had a year. then three months. then six. then he wasn't going to make it to his birthday. not that i want him to go, but dicking folks around 'cause you wanna be non fatally fatal is some total and utter bullshit.
you are a piece of shit and i hate you.
...but you've taken up residence in someone i love deeply, and i can't stand the thought of losing him. so i have to tolerate the knowledge that your ass is sitting there, waiting for...i don't even know what.
you picked the wrong one, though. he's strong, and he's not giving up. he's got a lot of people from a lot of walks of life praying for him. you're not gonna take him out of here easily. he's a warrior. guess you didn't bet on that. bitchassed cowards never do.
still, i needed to let your ass know that it's time to pack your bags and get the fuck outta dodge. i don't like you, i'm tired of the pain you're causing, and i want you to disappear. forever.
...just so we're clear, that means bowing out with no backtalk. don't be leaving him all fucked up like the doctors are always saying you might. no paralysis, no memory loss, none of that. least you could do for all this damned trouble.
our lives don't deserve to be on hold because of you--or anything, for that matter.
go back where you came from, motherfucker.
*i didn't know this term had made it into the urban dictionary, but apparently it has. either way, this will be a series, as i have some anger to work out, and this is about as constructive as i can be about it.