the trials and tribulations of a wild woman with a lingering case of the blues
i started working with my goddess cards a few days ago.
the first question i asked was about feeding my spiritual self.
first card i pulled? betrayal.
according to the guidebook, the card in this position represented the needs of my "wild woman".
of course, there were other cards. but having betrayal stare me in the face lets me know i won't get far until i work with the entities that are feeling lost, lonely, and abandoned by my life as it is in this moment.
i knew from reading dr. estes that i'd betrayed her (she uses wolves, i use tigers). i'd made the bad bargain several times...always burning my creativity and feral nature at someone's stake.
while i've forgiven myself for my choices, the card helped me realize that i've never really had a conversation with my my deeper, darker-but-by-no-means-negative self and explained where and how i went wrong.
even writing about it is a struggle. i've been trying to kick out this blog for two days.
i'm at a crossroads.
the sense of several selves competing for attention is all but gone. however, the integration has caused me to begin to sympathize with the parts of me that have been starving. i have to re-learn what they need, how to feed myself.
i'm becoming more and more aware that several of my current circumstances and situations do not speak to who i am.
maybe it's my empathic tendencies, but i need to be immersed in ideas, situations, people, and thoughts that speak to the highest and best parts of my self.
seems that many folks are just fine with the opposite, but i'm not.
(sidenote: i totally recommend the goddess oracle for any woman blessed with a healthy dose of intuition, but who may not have the time or inclination to learn how to read a full, traditional set of tarot cards. the accompanying book is short and easy to read--particularly if you already have a basic knowledge of goddesswork/belief. it's an excellent tool of self-discovery and reflection. check out hrana's site, too. i linked to amazon 'cause it was easy, but please look into purchasing them at your local goddess-owned or witchy-type book/candle store.)