hunger

lately i've been feeling like i need to eat, constantly. but i'm not really hungry.

it's a hunger...something deep and strong. it's not negative...it's not compulsive or obsessive. there's no greed in it.

but it's present.

i think it's a wanderlust. i wanna go somewhere, do something. i want to expand, live, breathe in a space bigger than the one i'm allowed right now.

it's all coming...i know it is. maybe that's what's causing the longing. i know it's all just around the corner. i can do everything but touch/taste it...it's not quite close enough for that...

but it will be.

i'm very rarely impatient, but right now i feel like a horse just behind the starting gate. i wanna go, NOW.

my senses are coming back to me. all of them. it's an adjustment, but also an answer to a prayer. i'm feeling more alive than i have in years, probably. so that means having to take a look around me and wonder, "is this really enough?" and in some very important ways, i'm saying, "no. it isn't."

so i'm hungry.
not starving.
not desperate.

but it's just enough to drive me to hunt.

last night i dreamt that my boss decided to drop all kinds of personal crap in my lap. like, endless letters full of her problems and issues, expecting me to solve them. i promptly let her know that that was not my burden to bear, and i refused to bear it...plus i was gonna keep the letters as proof just in case she tried to punish me for not being her therapist on top of everything else.

not to mention my officemate had a dream i quit...

i've done some reflection. the energy loosed by the cleaning/purging has settled quite a bit.

now it's time to start jumping into action.

adupe ori mi
ashe-o