the family (chapter 1)

one by one the scenes and people of my childhood are disappearing.

death.
gentrification.

the things and people i thought would always be there are leaving me.

the grandparents who weren't just biological, but loved.
the uncle who spoiled me rotten.
the wise elders.
the family friends.

the availability of thundercats and he-man on dvd is very necessary (when do we get voltron?? huh??)...but there's so much more missing now.

i'm used to death. my family is small, relatively close-knit, but realistic. as a jackson, funeral planning is something that comes with the territory.

we don't live long. we party hard, and we don't linger.
when life is more existing and less living, we know how to let go.

i don't have a lot of "blood" family, but there are plenty of people around who we treat as such. blood was never a pre-requisite for us. if you were fam, you were fam. you could be an ex husband/wife, a distant cousin, play-aunt or godparent. when you're in, you're in. and it doesn't matter if you come around a lot or a little...we're glad to see you when you're there. and we're all gonna have a good time.

it's a lesson i've taken with me throughout life.

maybe that's why i'm chomping at the bit right now. i think my mother's sobering attitude drenched a lot of the reckless party spirit in me, but...i do enjoy living. good times are important. so are good food. and good people. friends are golden.

i know this.
it's in my blood.
we must have been the keepers of the village celebrations or something...

there is more i could write about them...
the ones i know and the ones i don't.

the ones who i am blessed enough to be able to name and place on my altar, and the ones who only speak to me in dreams.

the ones who protected me when i came into the world just a little too early.

the ones who heard the prayers of my parents and still form a shield around me today.

but...i'm not ready.

one day.