5.24.2012
4.30.2012
shock value & solutions
{trigger warning: video contains mention/images of domestic violence, injury}
wow...um...ok.
i understand and appreciate the sentiment. and i sincerely agree that black folks--perhaps sistas in particular--will have to pool our resources in order to uplift and empower ourselves. {something we used to do in big ways, in case you didn't know}.
one of my personal dreams is to have a home large enough to help sistas and babies in just this way.
but i have some serious concerns about the presentation of the solution.
for one, "blackistan" is horrifically insensitive. "-stan" is a suffix meaning "land" in many languages (eastern euro/ slavic/ asian), and has positive connotations. many, many folks have died to be able to rename their ancestral lands on their terms--just as we have.
where does "-stan" have negative connotations? the western eurocentric/american media. which i'm sure the makers of this video do not mean to align themselves with.
the above sentence is the last time you'll see me use that word. i pray it doesn't catch on.
the second thing that smacked me was the deep tone of internalized oppression. who thinks anyone is living like that because they want to? but more on the economic justice angle later.
even within some of our worst communities, there have been places that were respected and protected: safe houses, homes of community elders, etc.--sometimes by the very "thugs" we demonize. having the Fruit of Islam provide security within housing projects and at community events worked well for decades.
as i move through baltimore, dc and other urban areas, i still see this kind of oasis around community centers, certain homes and offices. the key? seeing and serving the community from a base of respect and mutual cooperation. trust and believe: there have been mechanisms of protection and respect within the 'hood, and there can be again.*
we also have to be careful of tossing around the "ex-con" label. these men didn't do what they did because they'd been in jail. they did what they did because they were/are sociopaths. not all sociopaths are currently or have been imprisoned, and being imprisoned doesn't turn everyone into one.
which leads me to my next point: we all have healing to do. the mental health issues that form the backdrop of these individual cases and the state of our people as a whole will not magically disappear.
i rejoiced over the Kenyan women's village when it first came to light. but i also understood that their cultural and spiritual base allowed for that kind of cohesion and community in a way that ours might not--at least not without a lot of work. sistas who would be open to this kind of arrangement have probably already done a fair bit of reprogramming to get to that stage.
how do we overcome the pervasiveness of the idea that you can't trust another woman, or that two women can't live amicably in the same home?
how soon would these arrangements fall apart if or when someone accuses the sistas of being queer or lesbian?
remember i mentioned economic justice? how many sistas facing these living conditions receive benefits from the state? how does that restrict their income and general mobility?
i noticed one of the comments mentioned that women should start the process with family members, which many folks do--either by choice or circumstance. the catch: that still doesn't make it easier (financially) to get outta the 'hood.**
i'm not saying the folks who made this video are not prepared to face these questions--they may very well be.
but, as i always say: go deeper. don't stop with the soundbites and the quick, feel-good fixes.
* i'm aware that this has changed greatly with the emergence of a younger generation that often has no understanding or respect of the "rules"--that's a problem. you also don't see sistas being offered much protection unless they're the "right" kind of sista. another problem.
** remember: statistics lie, and you can't always judge a book by its cover. a woman who's single (on paper) doesn't necessarily lack a loving partner and/or co-parent. folks are workin it out. eff what ya heard. it's also important to note that marriage is a problem if you need assistance, and it's been that way for years.
4.26.2012
learning to forgive...myself
as i've lived this thing called life, i've learned that i can readily forgive others. there is very little--especially these days--i take personally. holding grudges has never been my thing.
but i am very rough on myself.
one of my gifts is that i'm able to see many, many angles at any given time. i enjoy weaving all sorts of tangents into meaningful tapestries.
the darker side? for every mistake i make, for every relationship that doesn't work, any time life goes "wrong", i see those angles, too.
my hindsight is merciless. it has often reduced me to a mess of tears and (internal) anguish.
rationally, i'm completely aware that although i can see down many roads, i cannot control the actions of another. no matter what i "see" or "know", i'm not always going to be able to protect myself from someone else's outwardly manifested dysfunction, pain, or heartache.
i also know that acting out of love, concern, friendship, or plain kindness is never wrong in and of itself. it's how we all should strive to be.
i understand that it's unfair to hurt myself because those actions were either used against me, taken for granted, or ignored.
on the whole, i make good choices. i weigh consequences. i learn well from my mistakes. i do not repeat myself if i can help it. i know how to move on and stay gone--and if i reopen the door, it's on my terms.
even with all that, i can still come to a place where i {unconsciously} think, "damn. i messed up. [doesn't matter what "they" did. i probably forgave them already anyway.] i have to punish myself by depriving myself of [some good thing] until i can do it perfectly and without injury."
after awhile, i'm hurting because i miss the good thing, but can't figure out how to reclaim it.
it's a painful, vicious cycle.
the silver lining? i also hold the gifts of self-awareness and a determination to heal. no way over but through has become a sort of motto.
since i've been able to name this, i've realized that this behavior is one of those ego-based patterns that keeps me the worst kind of "safe"--the kind that keeps you from living broadly and deeply.
so...there's work to do.
reminders:
*to be clear, there is a difference between accountability (i.e. being aware of what you bring to a situation/space, taking responsibility for actions that may hurt or offend others, etc.) and self-forgiveness. triflin is triflin--or, ratchet is ratchet as the kids say. some of the "forgive yourself!" rhetoric out here sounds more like excusing bad behavior than anything else.
but i am very rough on myself.
one of my gifts is that i'm able to see many, many angles at any given time. i enjoy weaving all sorts of tangents into meaningful tapestries.
the darker side? for every mistake i make, for every relationship that doesn't work, any time life goes "wrong", i see those angles, too.
my hindsight is merciless. it has often reduced me to a mess of tears and (internal) anguish.
rationally, i'm completely aware that although i can see down many roads, i cannot control the actions of another. no matter what i "see" or "know", i'm not always going to be able to protect myself from someone else's outwardly manifested dysfunction, pain, or heartache.
i also know that acting out of love, concern, friendship, or plain kindness is never wrong in and of itself. it's how we all should strive to be.
i understand that it's unfair to hurt myself because those actions were either used against me, taken for granted, or ignored.
on the whole, i make good choices. i weigh consequences. i learn well from my mistakes. i do not repeat myself if i can help it. i know how to move on and stay gone--and if i reopen the door, it's on my terms.
even with all that, i can still come to a place where i {unconsciously} think, "damn. i messed up. [doesn't matter what "they" did. i probably forgave them already anyway.] i have to punish myself by depriving myself of [some good thing] until i can do it perfectly and without injury."
after awhile, i'm hurting because i miss the good thing, but can't figure out how to reclaim it.
it's a painful, vicious cycle.
the silver lining? i also hold the gifts of self-awareness and a determination to heal. no way over but through has become a sort of motto.
since i've been able to name this, i've realized that this behavior is one of those ego-based patterns that keeps me the worst kind of "safe"--the kind that keeps you from living broadly and deeply.
so...there's work to do.
reminders:
- forgiving yourself is just as important as forgiving others, if not more so.*
- i refuse to carry what is not mine.
- i will not give myself problems i do not have.
- there are no coincidences. everything happens for a reason.
- i incarnated to learn lessons. i cannot always predict how they'll manifest. i am grateful that, with time, i almost always understand the reason and learn the lesson.
- God/dess controls whatever i cannot. let Divinity work.
*to be clear, there is a difference between accountability (i.e. being aware of what you bring to a situation/space, taking responsibility for actions that may hurt or offend others, etc.) and self-forgiveness. triflin is triflin--or, ratchet is ratchet as the kids say. some of the "forgive yourself!" rhetoric out here sounds more like excusing bad behavior than anything else.
4.22.2012
cake & Kola
Kola Boof is...complicated. to put it mildly. i followed her on twitter for awhile; she could drip honey or spit fire, and you never quite knew what words would invoke either. still, she was nothing if not true to herself, and i sincerely respect folks that unabashedly speak their minds. at least you know who you're rollin with.
that said, i felt the points she made here about the Swedish cake controversy, particularly when she says that the voices of infibulated women have often been silenced.
i do not support "savior complex" solutions that roll all over cultural realities to make their points or save the "poor, defenseless womenfolk" of a particular place. ideally, it's better to have women and girls come to those realizations, and implement their visions and plans with support from others, if necessary.
even then, we should not assume that any community is a monolith. there will be a range of opinions and stories, and not everyone will see a "problem" to be solved.
it is, and is always, complicated.
would i want this to ever happen to any girl, anywhere? no. however, i do understand that not undergoing such procedures can have drastic effects--consequences i as an individual am not, at this stage in my life, able to mitigate in any real way, and that many organizations do not plan for.
often, the reality is: no husband means no food and no shelter. period.
should it be that way? no.
be wary of issue silos that neglect a holistic picture. given the artist's lack of vision and the lack of sensitivity from the folks consuming it, i'd say they fell victim to exactly that mentality.*
*there is a video of the "performance", but i found it a bit too unnerving to link to. you can easily find it via google.
that said, i felt the points she made here about the Swedish cake controversy, particularly when she says that the voices of infibulated women have often been silenced.
i do not support "savior complex" solutions that roll all over cultural realities to make their points or save the "poor, defenseless womenfolk" of a particular place. ideally, it's better to have women and girls come to those realizations, and implement their visions and plans with support from others, if necessary.
even then, we should not assume that any community is a monolith. there will be a range of opinions and stories, and not everyone will see a "problem" to be solved.
it is, and is always, complicated.
would i want this to ever happen to any girl, anywhere? no. however, i do understand that not undergoing such procedures can have drastic effects--consequences i as an individual am not, at this stage in my life, able to mitigate in any real way, and that many organizations do not plan for.
often, the reality is: no husband means no food and no shelter. period.
should it be that way? no.
be wary of issue silos that neglect a holistic picture. given the artist's lack of vision and the lack of sensitivity from the folks consuming it, i'd say they fell victim to exactly that mentality.*
*there is a video of the "performance", but i found it a bit too unnerving to link to. you can easily find it via google.
4.16.2012
a note on clarity
an almost-brief statement about walking the road to clarity, with some assists from the mineral realm.
blessings!
blessings!
4.05.2012
MLK vigil - DC, 4.4.2012
last night, i attended a vigil at the Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. memorial, marking the 44th year since his assassination on April 4, 1968.
it was a beautiful evening for it: warm with a lovely sunset, soft breezes tossing around the last of the cherry blossom petals.
there was some old school baptist singing from a men's choir. A Phi A was out in force. Dick Gregory walked right by me on his way to the VIP area {he looks great!}. the grandchildren of Gandhiji and Cesar Chavez spoke. everyone focused on renewing calls for peace, holistic nonviolence, and justice.
i expected folks of all colors and variations to be there, and i wasn't disappointed. plenty of black folks, too--from bourgie buppies to loc'd elders. i was pleasantly surprised to see quite a few children. a troop of girl scouts handed out electric candles.
all in all, it was a lovely event.
the only thing missing was heart.
everything moved along in a nice, neatly packaged way. the choir sang with little input from the crowd. one speaker got the crowd's energy going, but the momentum didn't seem to last long.
there were jackbooted cops everywhere. the woman reverend that prayed as the wreath was laid didn't have a mic, so those who were not close to the foot of the statue couldn't hear her. there was no real closure at the conclusion of the vigil, but there was a lovely tone of softness and congeniality.
i'm not saying i expected full on ch'uch to break out--after all, it was a vigil. but even at crunchier events, i've gotten used to spontaneous chanting, singing...a more participatory vibe.
so what's my point?
we all know MLK's fire has been dampened by those who would prefer to forget that he called attention to the systems and powers that kept folks oppressed in this country; that he did not speak of simply turning the other cheek and meekly inheriting the world.
we also know that the civil rights movement began as a people's movement. national attention came slowly, and even at its height, the majority of america was interested in maintaining the status quo and/or plain ol' survival.
i got here too late to know the 60s and 70s firsthand; i was born nearly a decade after MLK's passing. i barely remember the 80s.
but i can remember a pre-9/11 world.
it seems that over-organization and police presence override the spirit of just about any gathering outside un-policed cultural events or the occasional drum circle. these days, anything official feels sanitized and thinned out in the interest of keeping us--or someone--"safe".
even the electric candles--although i understand the implications of using traditional ones in such a maintained space--seemed like cheating.
i don't have any hopes that that will end soon.
still, i'll have to start keeping an eye and ear out for "people's gatherings" outside the confines of bureaucratic propriety.
whether solemn or celebratory, that's where the true spirit lies.
update: text article from the washington post here.
it was a beautiful evening for it: warm with a lovely sunset, soft breezes tossing around the last of the cherry blossom petals.
there was some old school baptist singing from a men's choir. A Phi A was out in force. Dick Gregory walked right by me on his way to the VIP area {he looks great!}. the grandchildren of Gandhiji and Cesar Chavez spoke. everyone focused on renewing calls for peace, holistic nonviolence, and justice.
i expected folks of all colors and variations to be there, and i wasn't disappointed. plenty of black folks, too--from bourgie buppies to loc'd elders. i was pleasantly surprised to see quite a few children. a troop of girl scouts handed out electric candles.
all in all, it was a lovely event.
the only thing missing was heart.
everything moved along in a nice, neatly packaged way. the choir sang with little input from the crowd. one speaker got the crowd's energy going, but the momentum didn't seem to last long.
there were jackbooted cops everywhere. the woman reverend that prayed as the wreath was laid didn't have a mic, so those who were not close to the foot of the statue couldn't hear her. there was no real closure at the conclusion of the vigil, but there was a lovely tone of softness and congeniality.
i'm not saying i expected full on ch'uch to break out--after all, it was a vigil. but even at crunchier events, i've gotten used to spontaneous chanting, singing...a more participatory vibe.
so what's my point?
we all know MLK's fire has been dampened by those who would prefer to forget that he called attention to the systems and powers that kept folks oppressed in this country; that he did not speak of simply turning the other cheek and meekly inheriting the world.
we also know that the civil rights movement began as a people's movement. national attention came slowly, and even at its height, the majority of america was interested in maintaining the status quo and/or plain ol' survival.
i got here too late to know the 60s and 70s firsthand; i was born nearly a decade after MLK's passing. i barely remember the 80s.
but i can remember a pre-9/11 world.
it seems that over-organization and police presence override the spirit of just about any gathering outside un-policed cultural events or the occasional drum circle. these days, anything official feels sanitized and thinned out in the interest of keeping us--or someone--"safe".
even the electric candles--although i understand the implications of using traditional ones in such a maintained space--seemed like cheating.
i don't have any hopes that that will end soon.
still, i'll have to start keeping an eye and ear out for "people's gatherings" outside the confines of bureaucratic propriety.
whether solemn or celebratory, that's where the true spirit lies.
update: text article from the washington post here.
4.01.2012
where to find me (mostly)
i'm finding that i'm using the tumblr site far more these days, especially for spiritual musings.
i'll still keep posting videos here, and i'll take some time to "backtrack" and link to the tumblr posts. that way, folks who are used to visiting this site can see what's going on there.
one of these days i'll get all this stuff integrated into one place...that's the dream.
be well.
i'll still keep posting videos here, and i'll take some time to "backtrack" and link to the tumblr posts. that way, folks who are used to visiting this site can see what's going on there.
one of these days i'll get all this stuff integrated into one place...that's the dream.
be well.
3.28.2012
3.24.2012
3.21.2012
his name was trayvon martin.
just a few thoughts on the trayvon martin case...
if you haven't heard the news, google will get you all the information you need.
if you haven't heard the news, google will get you all the information you need.
2.14.2012
choosing battles: privileged neglect vs. hate
once, someone shared a wise sentiment with me: they're not always out to get you, sometimes they just don't care.
of course, the result might be similar or the same, but that perspective cuts through a lot of paranoia and fear. in a world full of ever-present boogeypeople, you can scare yourself right into apathy or inaction if you aren't careful.
however, if YOU care, that's power. 'cause you might get someone else on the bandwagon.
the folks who are supposed to hate us so much continue living life--their perceived evils and imbalances notwithstanding--while too many of us have stopped living to shoot at shadows.
if they were that obsessed with coming for us, they'd get little else done. but much still gets done. has been getting done.
to be certain, much of it is not in our favor, to our advantage, or for our health because they don't care.
but that's not the same as hate.
that's not the same as a genocidal master plan.
and it does not (always) equate to sitting down each day to decide how to specifically kill, maim or destroy [insert just about anyone not male / western-euro descended / hetero here].
am i saying no one is out to get "us"? no. quite the contrary. there are a few who've made it their life's work, for reasons that would take another blog or three to lay out.
but i don't think that's the majority.
i think the majority are riding a wave of conquest and privilege they don't understand the root of. they don't care because they don't have to; their circumstances allow them to reap the benefits, and that has the potential to make all but the most aware rather indolent.
i don't choose to lie awake thinking about folks who don't care about me, nor do i see the point in viewing my life as a never-ending battlefield.
i do choose to care more than they do. i need to see and relate to the people they don't. i am committed to learning, listening, doing my part in my little corner of the planet.
it might not be much, but it's what keeps me sane.
of course, the result might be similar or the same, but that perspective cuts through a lot of paranoia and fear. in a world full of ever-present boogeypeople, you can scare yourself right into apathy or inaction if you aren't careful.
however, if YOU care, that's power. 'cause you might get someone else on the bandwagon.
the folks who are supposed to hate us so much continue living life--their perceived evils and imbalances notwithstanding--while too many of us have stopped living to shoot at shadows.
if they were that obsessed with coming for us, they'd get little else done. but much still gets done. has been getting done.
to be certain, much of it is not in our favor, to our advantage, or for our health because they don't care.
but that's not the same as hate.
that's not the same as a genocidal master plan.
and it does not (always) equate to sitting down each day to decide how to specifically kill, maim or destroy [insert just about anyone not male / western-euro descended / hetero here].
am i saying no one is out to get "us"? no. quite the contrary. there are a few who've made it their life's work, for reasons that would take another blog or three to lay out.
but i don't think that's the majority.
i think the majority are riding a wave of conquest and privilege they don't understand the root of. they don't care because they don't have to; their circumstances allow them to reap the benefits, and that has the potential to make all but the most aware rather indolent.
i don't choose to lie awake thinking about folks who don't care about me, nor do i see the point in viewing my life as a never-ending battlefield.
i do choose to care more than they do. i need to see and relate to the people they don't. i am committed to learning, listening, doing my part in my little corner of the planet.
it might not be much, but it's what keeps me sane.
2.11.2012
the list {estab. 2008}
it's been four years since i wrote the list.
despite all the changes i've undergone--and there have been some major ones--it still works really well as a framework for my ideal mental, emotional, and spiritual state of being.
do you have a list, or something like it? how has it shaped your life, your perceptions? has it changed?
...not that you have to answer me out loud or anything. just a few thought questions.
the year's still relatively new, and spring's fast approaching.
get a little piece of that change.
despite all the changes i've undergone--and there have been some major ones--it still works really well as a framework for my ideal mental, emotional, and spiritual state of being.
do you have a list, or something like it? how has it shaped your life, your perceptions? has it changed?
...not that you have to answer me out loud or anything. just a few thought questions.
the year's still relatively new, and spring's fast approaching.
get a little piece of that change.
2.03.2012
a soul ajar
i am opening.
and being opened.
this terrifies me.
i realize that, outwardly, i am not what anyone would call "closed". i am quick to smile, laugh, connect with people.
this, however, is an opening to the whole of myself, to seeing and manifesting all that i have within to make my life what i need and want it to be, finally.
exciting as that sounds, the closures have been a lifetime in the making--catalyzed by fear of being misunderstood, the pain of ridicule and separation, the desire to be "like everyone else".
it's true that i no longer fear myself, but this next step almost feels more daunting than releasing that anxiety.
i realized that releasing the fear would make me more comfortable. i don't know what this opening is going to look like. i do know it's going to require a lot of trust and faith.
it's also one more thing i have to face "alone", which is enough to make me want to hide under the covers until it goes away.*
in the end, though, the process will be the same: eventually my ego takes over and refuses to let this--or any other bump in my emotional road--"beat" me, and i commit to making myself feel better.
so i suppose i should just get started.
*lately i've been almost hyperaware of what's lacking in my intimate life. whooooole other blog. which i probably won't write here.
and being opened.
this terrifies me.
i realize that, outwardly, i am not what anyone would call "closed". i am quick to smile, laugh, connect with people.
this, however, is an opening to the whole of myself, to seeing and manifesting all that i have within to make my life what i need and want it to be, finally.
exciting as that sounds, the closures have been a lifetime in the making--catalyzed by fear of being misunderstood, the pain of ridicule and separation, the desire to be "like everyone else".
it's true that i no longer fear myself, but this next step almost feels more daunting than releasing that anxiety.
i realized that releasing the fear would make me more comfortable. i don't know what this opening is going to look like. i do know it's going to require a lot of trust and faith.
it's also one more thing i have to face "alone", which is enough to make me want to hide under the covers until it goes away.*
in the end, though, the process will be the same: eventually my ego takes over and refuses to let this--or any other bump in my emotional road--"beat" me, and i commit to making myself feel better.
so i suppose i should just get started.
*lately i've been almost hyperaware of what's lacking in my intimate life. whooooole other blog. which i probably won't write here.
1.13.2012
the fabulous margaret cho
i cannot express how deeply i identify with this:
but...her message is much bigger than this quote. read on.
I fly my flag of self-esteem for all those who have been told they were ugly and fat and hurt and shamed and violated and abused for the way they look and told time and time again that they were "different" and therefore unlovable. Come to me and I will tell you and show you how beautiful and loved you are and you will see it and feel it and know it and then look in the mirror and truly believe it. If you are offended by my anger and my might at defending my borders and my people you do not deserve entry into my beloved and magnificent country.i've had relationships that were about this. my goddess...
but...her message is much bigger than this quote. read on.
1.11.2012
accepting your blessing
the universe conspires to give us what we want!*
*assuming: pure intention, a light heart, and alignment with our lifework and highest selves. warning: in the absence of those qualities, the lessons that pave the way to blessing will continue.
if your lessons tend to dishearten or discourage you, look deeper. consider what the frustrations and disappointments are teaching you. the Yoruba say that unless your ori--the part of your consciousness connecting you to the Divine within--is open and willing, God Itself cannot bless you.
again: unless you have prepared yourself to accept and internalize blessing, it can and will roll off you like water off a duck.
if you feel you're in or approaching this space, it's a good time to breathe and be still. write/pray it out. seek counsel, if necessary.
you deserve to have your dreams come true, and be blessed beyond measure. knowing that, the least you can do is put out a welcome mat for all the good things waiting to show up at your door.
more ways to welcome the energy of blessing:
may all that stands in the way of your success be removed. may you be filled with the knowing that Divine Love and Support exist for you. may you rush in the direction of that which will bless you. asé.
*assuming: pure intention, a light heart, and alignment with our lifework and highest selves. warning: in the absence of those qualities, the lessons that pave the way to blessing will continue.
if your lessons tend to dishearten or discourage you, look deeper. consider what the frustrations and disappointments are teaching you. the Yoruba say that unless your ori--the part of your consciousness connecting you to the Divine within--is open and willing, God Itself cannot bless you.
again: unless you have prepared yourself to accept and internalize blessing, it can and will roll off you like water off a duck.
if you feel you're in or approaching this space, it's a good time to breathe and be still. write/pray it out. seek counsel, if necessary.
you deserve to have your dreams come true, and be blessed beyond measure. knowing that, the least you can do is put out a welcome mat for all the good things waiting to show up at your door.
more ways to welcome the energy of blessing:
- stand in gratitude for what you have.
- observe. {this requires a certain stillness.}
- clear your space--mental, physical, emotional, spiritual--as needed and necessary.
- listen. listen. listen. make time for meditation, not just prayer.
- be aware, but don't worry.
- be prudent, but not fearful.
may all that stands in the way of your success be removed. may you be filled with the knowing that Divine Love and Support exist for you. may you rush in the direction of that which will bless you. asé.
1.06.2012
energetic self care
one of the things i've learned over the years is that once you're involved in spiritual community--any community, really--you wind up praying for folks quite a bit. there's always a situation or three brewing that require a little extra oomph to push them along.
in the midst of this, it can be easy to forget to pray for yourself--in the same ways that being overworked or over-committed in the wider world can cause you to forget to eat.
yes, moving energy for the benefit of others holds innumerable rewards. i firmly believe that all the blessings you send come right back to you. still, it's vitally important for all of us who carry the asé of healers, priests, spiritual vessels, etc, to maintain rituals of self care so we can continue to work effectively for others.
many of us can relate to stories of elders and mentors who have literally given until it hurt. there can be a fine line between selfless devotion and full-on burnout, and several of us walk it.
while i was in massage school, we were frequently told about bodyworkers who only worked for five years or so because poor body mechanics can lead to carpal tunnel, broken bones, or worse.
both bodywork and psychology taught me about the issues surrounding transference, outlining the need to balance deep compassion and healing with the realities of power dynamics and human emotion.
for me, the message was clear: if you're devoted to assisting others in some way, you must also become intimately familiar with your own level of and issues around self care.
the depletion can be very subtle at first, and is often missed. sometimes it's a twinge of fatigue, or a sense that things are slipping through your hands instead of gathering to you. you might become forgetful, unfocused, clumsy.
if you can't pin down a specific reason for these changes, find a moment to stop and be still. take a few deep breaths.
as you're breathing, what do you feel? is the fatigue or sense of being "dull" concentrated anywhere in your body? if you're an energy worker, scan your physical and energetic bodies. what energy centers need attention?
once you've identified the "holes", use your intuition to "plug" them. there are many ways to do this; choose the method(s) that speak to you:
may you be well and stay well...and may the care you give to others always be an extension of the love you offer yourself. asé.
in the midst of this, it can be easy to forget to pray for yourself--in the same ways that being overworked or over-committed in the wider world can cause you to forget to eat.
yes, moving energy for the benefit of others holds innumerable rewards. i firmly believe that all the blessings you send come right back to you. still, it's vitally important for all of us who carry the asé of healers, priests, spiritual vessels, etc, to maintain rituals of self care so we can continue to work effectively for others.
many of us can relate to stories of elders and mentors who have literally given until it hurt. there can be a fine line between selfless devotion and full-on burnout, and several of us walk it.
while i was in massage school, we were frequently told about bodyworkers who only worked for five years or so because poor body mechanics can lead to carpal tunnel, broken bones, or worse.
both bodywork and psychology taught me about the issues surrounding transference, outlining the need to balance deep compassion and healing with the realities of power dynamics and human emotion.
for me, the message was clear: if you're devoted to assisting others in some way, you must also become intimately familiar with your own level of and issues around self care.
the depletion can be very subtle at first, and is often missed. sometimes it's a twinge of fatigue, or a sense that things are slipping through your hands instead of gathering to you. you might become forgetful, unfocused, clumsy.
if you can't pin down a specific reason for these changes, find a moment to stop and be still. take a few deep breaths.
as you're breathing, what do you feel? is the fatigue or sense of being "dull" concentrated anywhere in your body? if you're an energy worker, scan your physical and energetic bodies. what energy centers need attention?
once you've identified the "holes", use your intuition to "plug" them. there are many ways to do this; choose the method(s) that speak to you:
- anoint yourself with a protective or cleansing oil/perfume. a frankincense & myrrh blend is good for just about anything.
- carry protective gemstones - either as jewelry or loose stones (e.g., tiger's eye, hematite, tibetan quartz, rose quartz).
- cleanse, re-empower or bless consecrated jewelry/talismans and wear them.
- pray. many scriptures speak of protection and the Divine's role as a shield.
you could also say something like: i ask that any personal energy that is NOT being used to fulfill my highest destiny or serve my greatest good be purified and returned to me, so i may use it to... [state your goals/intent or the healing you need. close your prayer in your usual fashion.] - meditate. focus on the places that feel compromised. affirm and strengthen those centers with the appropriate sounds, colors, or mantras/chants.
may you be well and stay well...and may the care you give to others always be an extension of the love you offer yourself. asé.
12.27.2011
boundaries!
my first video blog: a little something on good boundaries and how they keep us on track.
12.16.2011
synergetic synthesis
a few years ago, i consciously began the process of synthesizing the parts of myself i'd either scattered far and wide, or pushed into obscurity.
many of us split ourselves this way, for various reasons. for me, there were times when this scattering happened in the name of protection, but more often it was simply to fit in, feel normal {whatever that is}.
in a general sense, some folks become aware of these splits, then try to gather in the disparate parts. others allow the soul-shards to wander--at best never fully actualizing their full potential; at worst, fearing and hating the manifestation of those aspects in others. sometimes people will even project that hatred outward.
in any case, if you've been reading along for awhile, you know how often i've used this space to speak on the process of re-integrating my self back to myself.
during my morning prayers, i cried--tears of frustration, longing, mourning. but those tears made way for an important realization: today, i'm probably more fully integrated than i've been since childhood. i still have moments when i wonder how i'll be received, but i no longer fear myself or my power.
i took a deep breath and stood securely in the knowing that people, places, and circumstances of my life always adjust to reflect my state of being. as long as i follow the patterns and heed the signs, things run smoothly. there is no reason for this phase to be any different.
gotta keep moving...
[again]
many of us split ourselves this way, for various reasons. for me, there were times when this scattering happened in the name of protection, but more often it was simply to fit in, feel normal {whatever that is}.
in a general sense, some folks become aware of these splits, then try to gather in the disparate parts. others allow the soul-shards to wander--at best never fully actualizing their full potential; at worst, fearing and hating the manifestation of those aspects in others. sometimes people will even project that hatred outward.
in any case, if you've been reading along for awhile, you know how often i've used this space to speak on the process of re-integrating my self back to myself.
during my morning prayers, i cried--tears of frustration, longing, mourning. but those tears made way for an important realization: today, i'm probably more fully integrated than i've been since childhood. i still have moments when i wonder how i'll be received, but i no longer fear myself or my power.
i took a deep breath and stood securely in the knowing that people, places, and circumstances of my life always adjust to reflect my state of being. as long as i follow the patterns and heed the signs, things run smoothly. there is no reason for this phase to be any different.
gotta keep moving...
[again]
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