so now the evil little thoughts have started to seep in...
"oh god...what happens if he decides he doesn't like me??"
"i can't keep going with this...i might get hurt!"
"he might say 'no'..."
"this feels too nice..."
this is not me.
since my healing began 13 years ago, i have been blessed with the ability to be near fearless in love, lust, and everything in between.
however, spending most of my 20s in an almost incessant cycle of karma breaking and lesson learning gave me a pretty decent case of amnesia.
i'd almost forgotten that risks are good...and important.
besides, my heart could very well be approaching unbreakable status. one gift of my struggle has been a near seamless internalization of reason-season-lifetime.
i am secure in my love of spirit and love of self. that, by extension, makes me secure in all things.
i can love without labels, give without remorse, and spread honey and glitter with abandon. i can share this wonderment with whomever i choose.
and so what if i happen to shed a few tears along the way? being human, it's easy to forget what i (deeply) know.
what's key is that i come back to this place, every time. because i've done the work. because i know.
thus, i was able to soothe myself: "honey, if he doesn't want you, then he's not the one. for every 'no' he could possibly say to you, you'll hear 'yes' in a hundred different ways. and it feels good because it's supposed to."