messy.

i've been cleaning/clearing my space only to find a huge mess underneath it all.

sigh.

i went out to get some lunch and had an experience/realization that shook me: i felt exposed.

being "attached" provides a sort of emotional insulation that i suddenly realized is no longer there. not to mention that the relationship itself removed some of my swagger--i got so used to him not being around, i sort of shut down, and i didn't wanna turn on the shine because i wasn't trying to attract anyone else.

i'm also realizing that i'm still not quite comfortable in this "new" body, even though i've had it for awhile. i have that feeling that i've lost my rhythm; like i wouldn't even be able to dance if asked. it's happened before, but i can't quite remember how i snatched it back...

i want to be the brazen hussy i used to be. i want to feel delicious, desired, and desireable. i want to regain the confidence i've always had in moving in my body. i want to hold my head up and SHINE.

and i know i will.
it'll just take some time.