i'm finding that i'm really spooked lately. every little noise/creak/voice in the house has me jumping out of my skin.
often i'll be resting and feel a sort of tingle all over...something auric. it doesn't feel expansive--as often happens during a meditation. it's more like the feeling i get at a concert hearing a song i love. or the tingle you'd feel in church during a serious praise session. a building-up or edification of some sort.
i think i'm going through a "reawakening". things i've pushed to the back of my mind are making their way to the forefront. i'm sure it's to aid me in moving towards my destiny, allowing me to work towards my goals. i have felt rather disconnected from my intuition over the last several months...probably even longer. apparently enough is enough, and it's time for me to give in.
part of this is most likely the reclamation of energy that was tied up in a previous relationship. not to mention keeping my current one together. i've felt bad because i've felt so closed off and distant from my honey, but apparently this needed to happen. i had to get back into my own skin. i think both of them were making demands on me that i couldn't meet anymore. and it was taking a toll--not in the sense of visible stress or unhappiness, but i apparently needed rest.
i'm finding that a lot of the trouble i'm usually having with my cycle around this time has diminished considerably...and not just 'cause i'm remembering my womb tea and b vitamins. i have a lot more of my own energy for my own use.
all the books i'm reading lately are dealing with the magic of womanhood...i just finished alice walker's now is the time to open your heart. i started sassafrass, cypress, and indigo last night (a book that i was essentially and cluelessly almost re-creating in a story i started some time ago...but that's another story). i plan on getting back to when god was a woman after i finish that. and there's a book on menstruation a friend recommended some time ago that i'm determined to find...
so...the best things i can do now are to keep a level head, remain pure in thought and intention, and work my magic.
he says he's ok, but i still can't seem to shake the idea that i'm the world's worst lover/girlfriend/partner/whatever. the nagging voice in the back of my head is telling me i'm being neglectful, selfish, and irrational.
i wish she'd shut up. the rest of me seems to be enjoying the quiet.