10.28.2007

i hear, i act, and i am rewarded

i popped up this morning after a somewhat nonsensical anxiety dream. feeling too lazy to go to the farmer's market, i started fooling around online. soon, i started to feel like i was being pulled away. a familiar feeling.

time to do some spiritual work...

there is still a part of me that attempts to ignore that pull. i suppose it's ego and conditioning--the drive to be "normal", the inculcated tendency to act like communing with the intangible is silly and childish. but spirit is insistent; to act in false ignorance is to betray my name.

so i tore myself away from myspace (i'm making that sound much more difficult than it actually was...) and got cleaned up: black soap and a yemonja rinse with sea salt and molasses.

then i settled in, opened up and listened.

spent the late morning and early afternoon tied up in shrine maintenance & meditation: cleaning vessels, pouring libations, dusting fabrics, reflection with ifa. the house still smells a bit like a temple.

despite my stubbornness, i always enjoy the work and feel enriched for having done it. there is something special about coming home from a long day and inhaling traces of candle wax, incense, and gin. i might walk in ready to curse out the world, but as i kick off my shoes, i am greeted by my warriors and my little black cat. they instantly transform my mood.

i am home.
i am loved.
i am protected.
i am connected to my source.


after today, i am certain that this past week took a more out of me than i thought.

i only left the house today to get some food.
the laundry remains in a bag, in the hallway.
i really have to get on that.

i suppose i'm still birthing...

but i've learned my lesson. the fount has been shut off. i will invest no more energy in this endeavor than is necessary. gotta keep that fire from flaring up.

and next weekend i'll be celebrating my new beginning...

5 comments:

PretaMulatta said...

as always... u inspire me.
perfect timing 4 the full moon.

axe

oyadele said...

i must say, i'm lunchin' on that front. hard. but i can't very well do a documentary about us & not walk the path, now can i? lol.

thanks for being the quiet influence.

sugar rush said...

thanks, y'all, 'cause i'm rebelling against ALL of it...

like, i can't believe that part of me is glad i can smell winter in the air. normally i'm freaking out as soon as the temperature dips below 80 and the sun starts going down at 6 instead of 8:30.

i suddenly feel like an 80 yr old woman in a 30 yr old's body.

and there's a sense of nesting. god knows i ain't birthin no babies.

so...it's a process.

y'all be blessed. *grin*

TruEssence said...

Sis your posts continue to enlighten me! I am glad I found your space here! I look forward to reading about your new beginging!:)

sugar rush said...

thanks, tru!