i hear, i act, and i am rewarded

i popped up this morning after a somewhat nonsensical anxiety dream. feeling too lazy to go to the farmer's market, i started fooling around online. soon, i started to feel like i was being pulled away. a familiar feeling.

time to do some spiritual work...

there is still a part of me that attempts to ignore that pull. i suppose it's ego and conditioning--the drive to be "normal", the inculcated tendency to act like communing with the intangible is silly and childish. but spirit is insistent; to act in false ignorance is to betray my name.

so i tore myself away from myspace (i'm making that sound much more difficult than it actually was...) and got cleaned up: black soap and a yemonja rinse with sea salt and molasses.

then i settled in, opened up and listened.

spent the late morning and early afternoon tied up in shrine maintenance & meditation: cleaning vessels, pouring libations, dusting fabrics, reflection with ifa. the house still smells a bit like a temple.

despite my stubbornness, i always enjoy the work and feel enriched for having done it. there is something special about coming home from a long day and inhaling traces of candle wax, incense, and gin. i might walk in ready to curse out the world, but as i kick off my shoes, i am greeted by my warriors and my little black cat. they instantly transform my mood.

i am home.
i am loved.
i am protected.
i am connected to my source.

after today, i am certain that this past week took a more out of me than i thought.

i only left the house today to get some food.
the laundry remains in a bag, in the hallway.
i really have to get on that.

i suppose i'm still birthing...

but i've learned my lesson. the fount has been shut off. i will invest no more energy in this endeavor than is necessary. gotta keep that fire from flaring up.

and next weekend i'll be celebrating my new beginning...


PretaMulatta said...

as always... u inspire me.
perfect timing 4 the full moon.


oyadele said...

i must say, i'm lunchin' on that front. hard. but i can't very well do a documentary about us & not walk the path, now can i? lol.

thanks for being the quiet influence.

sugar rush said...

thanks, y'all, 'cause i'm rebelling against ALL of it...

like, i can't believe that part of me is glad i can smell winter in the air. normally i'm freaking out as soon as the temperature dips below 80 and the sun starts going down at 6 instead of 8:30.

i suddenly feel like an 80 yr old woman in a 30 yr old's body.

and there's a sense of nesting. god knows i ain't birthin no babies.

so...it's a process.

y'all be blessed. *grin*

TruEssence said...

Sis your posts continue to enlighten me! I am glad I found your space here! I look forward to reading about your new beginging!:)

sugar rush said...

thanks, tru!