the one i mentioned a couple of days ago...
there's a sort of formless mass bouncing around in my head. i suppose it's something of a zygote--recently fertilized, but still relatively shapeless. in the process of deciding what it's going to grow into. i know i can't rush the process, and i'm not trying to, but boredom's making me restless.
i've often said that my post-college years have been the most boring of my life. i'm not used to the extreme lack of mental stimulation the work world has provided. reading and music have been my salvation, but seeing as i haven't had much money in the last year and a half or so to support either habit, there are many times my brain's felt like it's just seeping outta my ears.
so now i'm faced with trying to balance the part of me that needs healthcare, food, and gas in the car with the (larger) soul-driven part that wants to skip through daisies, heal folks, write all day, or something else equally non-profitable--at least in this society.
i'm still trying to figure out how to clear the hurdle of being terrified of sharing my work...
i need to feed my artsy side, but don't have enough artsy friends. and i think the idea of making some is horrific 'cause that'll force me into thinking of myself as an artist...
sometimes i think i'm ready for a leap of faith...but on some levels i don't know which direction to leap in...
eh.
well, i know a way is being opened and prepared. i'll just have to keep my eyes open so i know when to veer off the rat race highway.
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