the price of sugar

just came across this.

the more things change, the more they remain the same...

for those who don't know the tattered history of sugar in the americas, please consider reading up.

this is more of a public service announcement than a guilt trip. if you feel that this is a battle for you to fight, have at it.

personally, i understand that just by virtue of LIVING in this country, i'm stepping on someone's neck, 24/7. case in point: i can't afford to have a closet full of non-sweatshop clothing--and what i could get i probably couldn't wear to most workplaces. how's that for ironic?

even so, i desperately fight apathy. at the very least, i can know where my (relative) affluence stems from and, at a minimum, say a prayer for anyone who may have been harmed in the preparation of my food/clothing/etc.

as such, i don't shy away from films & stories like this. we SHOULD see them.

and know.

peace & progress, y'all.

required reading

i've seen these stories before, but this one seems just a touch more serious & immediate than others over the years.

just skimming it has me a little edgy.

y'all watch yourselves out there...

reasonable silence...

i've been more concerned with experience than words. i'm ruled by my senses...the touch, feel, taste of things.

when i'm thrust into something new, i have to feel my way through. my capabilities for speech are diminished during the adjustment period. i have only been able to write enough to achieve understanding of the reasons that i am not writing.

if that makse sense.

my exposure to him* is probably a factor as well. our experience of each other is largely one of pure sensory overload. his presence is catalytic.

among other things.

anyway, y'all have a blissful weekend.

the moon is waxing. seeds are growing.
hope you've got a bountiful harvest to celebrate once she's full.


*note to self: he needs a blog-alias...some of y'all know the full story. any suggestions?

damn...

i'm still in this house.
addicted to sleep & dreams.
aimlessly roaming around cyberspace.
phone ain't rang...

there is no reason for this...
or maybe there is and i just can't see it.

oh well.

"lovers don't finally meet somewhere. they're in each other all along." ~rumi

for the past few days, i have been searching for the words to describe the experience of full and total devotion to the divine.

to encapsulate the "hallelujah...thank you, jesus!" moment in words, but to the tune of ancient african spirit calls and drums.

there is a difference when, instead of calling the name, you can chant the incantations, mix the herbs, light the candles, become the aspect of god that you desire to bring into your life or the aspect that lives in you.

it is the difference between believing in god and knowing the god within.

the interconnectedness of being.

but, beyond that, i just can't seem to get the words right.

sweet dreams

i was wandering around in a strange place--not totally forested, not totally urban--wearing a strange outfit. more a piece of fabric, really. it was plain when i first came to that part of the dream, but i turned it inside out, revealing a brilliant cobalt blue. i must not have wrapped it well because my right breast kept falling out.

i sat in this place, transfixed by the sight of butterflies mating and dying.

suddenly a deer showed up with her fawn, both with shining collars made of some kind of crystal or diamonds. the mother kind of wandered off, camouflaging herself here and there. the fawn seemed fearful of me at first, but soon he walked over and let me pet and play with him.

all of a sudden, a hunter appeared. i assumed they belonged to him, hence the collars. around that time, a third deer revealed herself--she seemed slower, heavy. pregnant.

the deer tried to run from the hunter, but he shot the mother and the fawn. the pregnant deer seemed less excited about running, so he kept her alive.

i cried for my little fawn. he didn't deserve that.

what were they trying to tell me?

i see deer as an embodiment of peace and sweetness. they also hold lessons in justified wariness, speed, and grace. lots of folks trying to hunt that down these days--if it was a totem dream.

i've been thinking about pregnancy again...maybe the deer were my fears coming back to me.

do i really feel that being a mother makes me a target? or that being pregnant saves me, but destines me to a life of some kind of captivity?

hm.

one day the clarity won't terrify me...

i'm in one of my stubborn moods.

i refuse to eat right.
or drink enough water.
i won't do any yoga.
or cook the right foods.

'cause i just don't wanna be that clear.

but...
next week when all is said and done
and i have time to rest
and renew
i'll also probably do some cleansing
and breathe
and reset myself.