sweet dreams

i was wandering around in a strange place--not totally forested, not totally urban--wearing a strange outfit. more a piece of fabric, really. it was plain when i first came to that part of the dream, but i turned it inside out, revealing a brilliant cobalt blue. i must not have wrapped it well because my right breast kept falling out.

i sat in this place, transfixed by the sight of butterflies mating and dying.

suddenly a deer showed up with her fawn, both with shining collars made of some kind of crystal or diamonds. the mother kind of wandered off, camouflaging herself here and there. the fawn seemed fearful of me at first, but soon he walked over and let me pet and play with him.

all of a sudden, a hunter appeared. i assumed they belonged to him, hence the collars. around that time, a third deer revealed herself--she seemed slower, heavy. pregnant.

the deer tried to run from the hunter, but he shot the mother and the fawn. the pregnant deer seemed less excited about running, so he kept her alive.

i cried for my little fawn. he didn't deserve that.

what were they trying to tell me?

i see deer as an embodiment of peace and sweetness. they also hold lessons in justified wariness, speed, and grace. lots of folks trying to hunt that down these days--if it was a totem dream.

i've been thinking about pregnancy again...maybe the deer were my fears coming back to me.

do i really feel that being a mother makes me a target? or that being pregnant saves me, but destines me to a life of some kind of captivity?


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