a little something from last year

it's been twilight all day.
shades of gray and shadowy breezes
threaten what little sunlight
dares to show

i feel
liquid cement walls closing in
if i try to swim out
i’ll stick
suffocate slowly
become a permanent part
of the landscape

this isn’t
of my making

scribbling rushed poems
out of an overworked hand
slivers of pain
racing down my arm
warning against my attempt
to stifle sacred transmission

phone calls and bills
forced to wait
while i institutionalize myself
with linguistic nurses and
verbal doctors
lingering in the base of my spine
making knots for my lover
to untie
but he can’t get here often enough

i fall back into myself
my dreams the staircase
i tumble down

times are hard
creativity is harder

master who
won’t stay out of my quarters
mistress who
never spares the whip

nothing i do pleases
i never even get a smile
just more work
more messages
more words

(c) 2005 l.a.m.

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