this summer's venus retrograde sparked a few revelations...and thanks to a rare astrological event destined to hit pisceans especially hard, my saturn return has lasted well into my 30s.
about 3 or 3.5 years ago, someone pushed the reset button on my life. i left my spiritual family, my relationship finally, fully died...much of what i'd been working towards for the better part of a decade slipped away.
i don't regret any of it; it all had to happen. but it was still a lot to deal with. i spent the first year sleepwalking, getting by as best i could between the pain and the anger.
in the last 18 months or so, things finally started to bear fruit. i achieved my dream of becoming a Reiki master, and my spiritual life blossomed in wonderfully unexpected ways. i am grateful for my new spiritual family, and honored that i'm still welcomed by the one i left.
perhaps most improbable: i can speak to my ex again. that one snuck up on me.
so i should be ecstatic, right?
well, part of me is.
there's more, though.
i need to create space to breathe, live, love, laugh. i need to feel, deeply. revel in corporeal joy...eating well, spending time in nature...
and, often, i need it to happen in a way that is not driven only by me.
i know i needed to learn how to do it "alone", but i never thought it would go on this long. gradually, people i knew got busier, kids were born, marriages and relationships happened and un-happened...and i've just been plugging away at...me.
if i needed to talk something out, it was difficult to express "single people problems" in a way that didn't seem selfish, navel-gazing, or unimportant compared with the concerns of folk who are married and/or partnered, particularly with children.
soon i realized the comparison was the problem. why give myself problems i don't have? of course my challenges are different--i'm simply in a different situation.
i suppose some would see a kind of paradox in declaring i desire a partnership without making the pursuit of one my alpha and omega. frankly, i'd rather devote my energy to creating the life i long for.
you know that whole thing about shooting for the moon, so that even if you miss, you're still among the stars? well, if i take the best care of myself now, my love will be a welcome complement and support to a content, whole, confident and blissed-out woman.
and if "the one" doesn't show, that's still a damn good space to be in.