9.27.2005

had another rape dream last night

i was in a house....it looked like my mother's, but larger.

there was this man trying to get in, and i held the door long enough that he gave up...but as i went back upstairs to call the police, he started trying to knock it down again.

i knew he was going to get in if i wasn't at the door, but i had to call for help. so i'm screaming into the phone, begging someone to get there...

just as i hang up, he makes it in and up the stairs.

he knocked me down, but his face was kindly--sometimes when i have these dreams the man looks distorted or angry....sometimes a sort of kabuki-mask looking thing (see pic)



anyway, his face wasn't distorted or angry...i could sense that he was trying to get to me, but (as usual), i didn't feel anything...just that he was aroused and trying to get inside me.

i think i woke up soon after. and i had a couple of other dreams....

in women who run with wolves, dr. estes points out that these "predator" dreams can have a lot to do with a woman trying to break free of something or make a new way while a part of her attempts to still her progress or bind her to old, outdated ideas.

given how restless i've been feeling lately, that could be part of it.

the benevolence of the face got to me, though....perhaps it was symbolic of the possibility of this raise? i.e., getting more money = trap.

i'm focused, though. i refuse to deviate from my plan. a little more loot will just make it a little easier to get my goals met while i bide my time, that's all.

i pay a lot more attention to my dreams in my premenstrual cycle 'cause that's when they tend to inform my life and my decisions most.

i just wish i didn't feel like i'm walking thru mud and trying to think thru a fog all the time....

2 comments:

mindful said...

i don't think i've ever had a rape dream, if so... i honestly cannot remember it. have u read Rape Fantasies by Adrian Rich? good read, very good read.

saltwater taffy said...

i *think* i've heard of it, but i've never read it...

they come up every now and again. usually when i'm at some kind of crossroads.

just like i have the "getting lost" dream whenever i was about to start a new job/school year/endeavor.