healing is possible.

in speaking of/dealing with this anger, i realize is that some of it really isn't anger at all.

it's pain. and sadness.

i get so tired of living in a space where so many seem to be unwilling / unable to see or are simply numb to the reality that there IS another way, that healing IS possible, and all the "craziness" doesn't have to be.  in a space where there are so few shared rituals and ways to facilitate healing, as Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes always says so well. 

it's not even about "one way" to do it.

i'm getting to a point where i don't even *care* how it's done...afro-centric, nobody-centric...  it just needs to BE DONE.

people are so busy acting out the hurt that they're perpetuating one horrid cycle after the next.  our elders and ancestors have written the words, drawn up the blueprints. but we're still on the same hamster wheels.

i cannot be the only one seeing this.

i also can't be the only one that understands that it CAN stop.

you don't have to do it my way, their way, or your mama's way.

you've just gotta begin somewhere.

do the work. seek whatever help you need.  heal. please.  so we can finally get back to the business of truly loving one another. 

(and make life just a little bit easier for us empathic folk)

the universe has got your back.

TKON (reprise)

...because i needed this today. 

in the spirit of beginning to constructively vent my anger, i have to cite this as one of the main reasons i'm pissed.

because it's destroying hearts and minds.
because it's destroying families.
because it's keeping us from the good love we could be having.

the kingdom must fall.

pissivity (4)

in all this (emotional) working out i've been doing, i have discovered that i'm angrier than i thought i was.

it was hiding in some cracks and crevices, mainly because it's not about individuals but circumstances, incidents; having to be who i am while living in a world ravaged by patriarchy, war, and abuse.  

my idea is to get a bright red or bile green journal and write letters to these things.  whenever i'm done with it, it will be burned.

aside from the obvious catharsis, i think openly ranting will also help me (re)define where i want to focus my energies and craft solutions.

counseling vs. ministry

i think there's a difference between "ministers" and "counselors."  most, if not all, ministers are counselors, but not all counselors are ministers.

depending on your point of view, yes, counseling IS a ministry, i.e., all uses of your gifts ultimately acting in service to God/dess.  but i feel more grounded in the concept of someone finding me when they're ready to begin a process, guiding them through, then letting them fly...wash, rinse, repeat.

i do not have a passion for "gathering a flock" and seeing them through the various stages of their lives.  my communal needs revolve more around friends, family and like-minded acquaintances.  it feeds my spirit to be able to draw those people from a variety of sources.

full throttle community-based work requires a different level and type of energy than one-on-one healing, conducting classes/workshops, and writing books.  as much as i respect those that do the former, i'm realizing that my strengths rest in the latter.  

this is not new...more like the reemergence of an old calling empowered by new information.

when i had to think about a "day job," counseling was the only non-creative field that interested me.  the bad news was i majored in psychology instead of social work; i didn't know that a MSW would have given me the foundation for the kind of work i really wanted to do.  my vision of a "social worker" was a paper pushing government employee infringing upon the lives of poor folks. not my cup of tea.

psychology didn't hit the spot, either.  i was not thrilled by statistics, research or the workings of the brain--although that stuff had its moments.  i've always had academic talent, but an academic career would have driven me insane.  i didn't want to write papers, think thoughts (exclusively), or have an alphabet behind my name--i wanted to help people.  

now that i've met several awesome MSWs doing great things, i'm more open to the possibilities.  considering my other training, i could even do my thing with a counseling certification.

this is the vision i want to hold on to.

one step closer to figuring out this thing called my life.

give thanks.

screaming to the sky

you can't tell me mary didn't have a powerful healing filming this.

that kind of release would feel really good right about now...