this is bullshit.
and so is this.
where to begin...
first and foremost, who decided that men were mindlessly lustful, emotionally childish creatures who never get out from under their mamas and can't think beyond the next piece of ass? some of you brothas need to be just as insulted by this as many of us are.
the only thing i could agree with was around 1:30 when shantel mentioned knowing yourself before you try to get involved with someone else. apparently she knows that she's willing to tolerate that kind of thing--or at least excuse it's happening to others--and that's her right.
however, (to truncate my earlier twitter rant) in my world, commitments come down to character. plain and simple. if you don't want a commitment, don't make one. and if someone breaks a commitment they make to you? you have every right to be hurt, angry, and walk the hell on out. period.
and the random "we got monogamy from whitefolks" argument? no. i am all for poly relationships based on a spirit of mutual trust, understanding and respect. if you want to bring other folks in, and everybody's informed and consenting, more power.
but, please, let's stop making excuses for bad behavior.
and, tyrese. you're gonna tell your daughter not to "own the cheat" (agreed), but at the same time, dude can't help but to run out on her? mixed messages, darlin. really mixed. then he almost recovers by bringing up the madonna-whore double standard, but jacks it right back up by basically saying madonnas should get used to being shitted on.*
these excuses, mixed messages, and generalized poppycock is part of what continues to disempower sistas, keeping them depressed, abused, dying of broken hearts and all manner of other maladies. these are the scripts that make it that much easier to cave to a partner unwilling to use protection; to stay in situations where we are not loved as we love, nor cherished as we cherish. this is what happens when you "love your sons and raise your daughters".
we need to deal with our denial--around our general mental and spiritual health, and the ways dysfunctional standards, upbringings, and ways of being have been normalized.**
i implore you, yet again, to educate yourselves in the machinations of TKON.
want more. be more.
choose to love fully, with eyes, ears, hearts, and spirits open....with the highest and best parts of yourself.
we can let this shit go. more than that, we need to let it go.
in my humble opinion, it's beyond time for a new paradigm.
*also note that this clip is about the only time in life i've ever wanted to hug wendy williams. it's unlikely to happen again, so i wanted to mark this historic moment.
**for more eloquent statements on these issues, i highly recommend browsing the crunk feminist collective and/or quirky black girls.