i need God.
my neglect of my spiritual self is catching up to me. i'm realizing that i need to allow my spirit space to grow, breathe, and live. this is a major part of getting where i need to be in the other areas of my life.
of course, there are some conditions.
i will not be reverting to my judeo-christian beginnings.
i do want to continue my reading/study of the bible. same thing with the koran. i enjoy reading both--the koran especially--but the faiths themselves aren't for me.
long ago, i rejected the idea of a solely male, patriarchial godhead. everything in the Universe is dualistic. my disdain at the Holy Spirit being denied Her place as Goddess disqualifies me for blind faith in the christian trinity. the Divine Feminine must be recognized, revered, and considered just as important as the Male. it is my firm belief that the removal of this dimension in the lives & faiths of so many has contributed to the chaotic state of the world today.
(i also place some stock in the idea that people are becoming more drawn to these issues/ideas because the Goddess is restless in Her neglect. everything moves in cycles...the spiritual consciousness of humanity is no different.)
some historical origins and african prophets notwithstanding, christianity/islam/judaism are not the faiths of my ancestors. more and more, i'm seeing how these traditions have been/are being used & abused in the repression, oppression, and murder of my people around the world.
my ancestors revered nature, life, earth and sky. they understood and embraced the concept of masculine and feminine energy combining to form the complexities and balance of the Universe. every being on the planet does this--even hermaphroditic species need 2 sets of parts/cells to multiply. so why has it become so difficult to accept this premise in our spiritual lives? simply because a few thousand years ago (people wanna act like the world started with jesus. God lived long before yeshua) some dudes sat down and wrote a book and asked themselves, "why should women have all the fun?"
nope. don't buy it.
i am drawn to the more shamanistic/mystic ways of worship and belief. ifa, buddhism, rastafari, sufism, hinduism, and other similar traditions are far more attractive than traditional churches and mosques.
i know that i need a faith that will carry me thru every day, not just a few days a week. i require a sacred space in my home, not just a book or two.
either way, God & i have been playing phone tag for way too long. i will not allow myself to fear this aspect of my life any longer.